On the run, March 1940.
I opened my eyes slowly; my head hurt from all the turns. We left with Heinrich last night. The sun had already been up for a while, and I still couldn't really grasp what we were actually doing — we were on the run, yet it didn't feel real. Heinrich stayed focused on the road, not once turning his eyes toward me, while I couldn't stop looking at him. He had managed to get me out of there — to get us out of all that chaos.
– If you keep staring at me like that, I might end up kissing you, he said with a sly smile.– Keep dreaming, I'm just in deep denial about our situation.– I get it — I can't quite grasp what's happening either.– Where are you planning to go?– I have no idea, but first we need to change clothes, or we'll draw attention.
He was right — a soldier's uniform wasn't exactly subtle, especially next to a scrawny, wrecked girl like me. I decided to lie back down on the back seat, taking advantage of those few moments of peace without orders being shouted at me.
– Ruth, wake up!– Hmm, what, what is it?– I found some clothes, and also a place for us to stay tonight. But we'll have to keep a low profile, all right?
I nodded and got dressed. The car started again, heading toward our shelter for the night. After putting on the dress, a faint smile returned to my face. It had been so long since I'd worn anything other than a filthy old shirt that reeked of sweat and dirt. I already felt cleaner, more human. Of course, a real bath was still missing, but if a simple dress could make me feel like this, I wasn't going to question it.
A few minutes later
– Here we are. We'll be able to sleep on a mattress this time.– We?– Well, yes, we. Where do you expect me to sleep?– I don't know, I thought you'd take another room.– Ruth, do you seriously think I have the money for two rooms? If you're not happy, the door's right there.– No, it's fine. I'll stay.
I dropped my shirt on the edge of the bed and went to the bathroom. I let the hot water run until the tub was full. The dress slipped from my shoulders, and I stepped into the water. I could almost feel the stench of misery leaving me. Resting my head on the edge, I closed my eyes for a few seconds, hoping I truly was here — in this quiet bathroom, far from all those killers.
A few minutes later
– Ruth?– Mhmm, what?– Ah, you're still here. Good, I was worried.– Yes, I'm fine. I'll get out now if you need the bathroom.
After getting dressed again, a single glance in the mirror pulled me back to reality. My face was still pale and lifeless — I think I've lost my spark. I'm sure of it. When I came out, Heinrich was sitting on the edge of the bed, lost in thought, as if he were trying to solve something serious.
– What are you thinking about?– I'm thinking about what we'll do tomorrow. For now, we don't know where to go after tonight, or where we'll be safe.– I have to admit, I don't know either. What if we went back to our old town?– I'm not sure we'd be safe there.– Maybe we could go to my place — there's a back entrance.– All right, then we'll head to Munich tomorrow. I'll take a shower now; if you want, there's some bread on the dresser.– Hmm okay, thank you.
I settled into the bed, leaving a piece of bread for Heinrich. Sleep came quickly. After a few minutes, I felt the right side of the mattress dip — Heinrich lay down. There was enough space, but I could still feel his presence beside me.
The next morning
A loud voice from the next room caught my attention. From the way he spoke, it had to be a soldier — but why would one be here?– Heinrich? I said, nudging him a bit.– Heinrich, wake up.– Uhm, what? What's wrong? he muttered, eyes still closed.– I think there's a soldier in the next room.
His eyes shot open. He jumped up and dressed in seconds, while I was still trying to process what was happening.– Get dressed, we have to leave now.
I barely had time to put my clothes on before we were already at the door. Panic started to rise in me — I was terrified that everything would go back to the way it was, maybe even worse. Heinrich grabbed my hand. I could feel it trembling, but the warmth of his touch reassured me a little.
– We'll go out the back door. Stay as close to me as you can, he whispered in my ear.
Each step was silent, heavy with dread. We could hear soldiers' voices passing through the rooms — they sounded just behind us. We slipped through an emergency exit. I pressed my back against the wall and sat down, exhaling sharply.
– Ruth, what's wrong?– I... I'm really scared, and I just need a minute to calm down, okay?
He said nothing and sat next to me. Our breathing slowly fell into rhythm. For a few seconds, time seemed to stop, the earth stopped spinning, and my heart finally began to steady. I stood up and took Heinrich's hand so we could head toward the car — to run away once again.
A few minutes later
– What did you have to do as a soldier?– What? Why do you want to know that?– Just curious.– You'd think badly of me if I told you. I want you to remember the Heinrich you met — that one.– Is it really that bad?– I just don't want to talk about something that haunts me every night. So please, don't ask me.– All right. Sorry.
What he must have gone through intrigued me deeply. Knowing that it keeps him awake at night made me wonder about the reasons for his nightmares. I couldn't help but ask myself — had he killed anyone? I didn't know what I'd think if he had, but I feared I might hate him for touching my people. The rest of the drive passed in dead silence. Neither of us dared speak; I simply didn't know what to say.
From afar, I recognized Munich — my city, my home.– Where should I stop?– Take the road on the left; it'll lead us behind my house.
The seconds felt like minutes. Excitement grew inside me — I was about to return home, to something familiar, a trace of comfort.– You can stop here. The house is just a few meters away.
The engine went quiet, and within seconds I was already at the back door.– Well, can you hurry up? I'd really like to get inside.– Yeah, I'm hurrying, but how do you plan to get in? Is it open?– Oh right, um, I was kind of counting on you for that.– You know it'll make noise — we might draw attention.– Why? Are there still people here?– Yeah, there are still people living here — at least the Catholics, like my family. They're still around.– Ah, I see...
I don't know why, but I had always imagined everyone would have left, knowing what was happening to us. In a way, it disgusts me — to know they're still here, warm and safe in their homes, while we were barely fed and beaten for the simplest human reaction.
– Ruth?– Uh, yes?– Are you listening to me?– No, sorry, I was lost in thought.– I was saying we'll have to go through a window — that one looks open. Think you can fit through?– I think so, yes.
I grabbed the windowsill. Heinrich held my feet and pushed gently; despite the narrow space, I managed to slip inside. I opened the door and let him in. It warmed my heart — and hurt me at the same time — to see him here for the first time, knowing he'd never get to see this place as it once was. His lips moved, but I didn't hear him. My eyes wandered around the house, imagining my mother in the kitchen, my father reading the newspaper while teasing her by sneaking tastes of every dish, and my brother, somewhere on the stairs, experimenting with something that made no sense.
Then I reached my room. A chill lingered in the air. I sat on the bed and shut my eyes tight. So tight that it hurt — but I didn't want to open them again unless it was to see my old life, my old self.
– Ruth, we should go to sleep, it's late.– Uh, yes, I'm coming. I just need a minute, I said as I opened my eyes.