Munich, April 1940
It's already been a few weeks since we've been staying in my house, and those weeks have been both stressful and… I don't know how to explain it, but I feel like I've become addicted to him. Whenever he's not in the same room, I feel so uneasy, so alone.
These weeks have allowed us to really get to know each other, because even though we already knew one another, we didn't actually know anything about each other's lives before all this. What's his favorite color? What nickname does he have? When's his birthday? And the more we talked, the more I started to see him as someone incredible. I'm afraid I might have fallen in love, but I don't want that — not now. Even though I told him he saved me, I'm still scared… scared that he's just pretending to be someone else.
—Ruth?—Uh, yes?—I think we're leaving today, he said seriously.—Wait, what? Why today? We said we'd leave next week.—I know, but the neighbor next door has already started asking questions. Just two days ago, at the store, she bombarded me with them, and I don't want any trouble.—Okay, I'll go grab my things.
I go upstairs to my room and try to take as much as I can because I don't think I'll be coming back here anytime soon. I quickly stop by the bathroom to grab some toiletries.
My hair has grown a bit, and that makes me feel a little less self-conscious walking down the street — I look less like a madwoman now. But it's still too short to leave uncovered without people staring, so I usually wear a scarf over my head, and sometimes a little hat instead.
Heinrich is waiting for me in the car. I get in, and he starts the engine right away. We'd spent a long time thinking about where our final destination should be — somewhere safe, somewhere we wouldn't have to keep hiding. We decided on Switzerland. I'm terrified, and I think Heinrich is too, though he doesn't show it.
—Are you still sure about this? We could stay here a little longer.—Ruth, we can't stay any longer. People are already suspicious. We have to disappear before it's too late.—Alright, I understand.
Silence suddenly fills the car.
—I… I'm sorry for snapping, I'm just panicking. But I keep forgetting that you are too, and that you're doing your best to help me. I'm sorry, he said, resting his hand on my cheek.
My whole body felt hot — really hot. Why did he touch me? I must be red as a tomato now. Ugh, why does this happen to me?
—You're blushing, are you alright?—Haha, yeah, don't worry, I'm just warm. So it's nothing else, don't get the wrong idea, I said nervously.—Hmm, sure, don't worry. Want me to open the window, maybe?—No, that's fine, thanks.
I was so embarrassed by the situation. I really hoped he hadn't noticed anything. I don't even know why I react this way, but when he touched my cheek, it felt like I was going to explode.
The rest of the drive was quiet. I even fell asleep for what must've been an hour or more — time slipped away without me realizing it. When I finally opened my eyes, I noticed we were getting close to Switzerland. The landscape had changed completely. The country looked so beautiful, so peaceful compared to ours. The people here seemed to live in blissful ignorance, as if trapped inside a bubble.
—You're awake, good. We need to get ready for their questions.—Wait, what questions?—Oh, right, I forgot to tell you. In Switzerland, they check everyone crossing the border. But I have hope they'll let us through.—Well, I hope so too. But what if they refuse? What if they report us? Have you thought about that?—If that happens, we'll find somewhere else to go. Stop worrying so much. Many Jewish families have found refuge here, and most were accepted.—Yeah, most.
Panic began to take over. What if they turned us away? What if they reported us? What would happen to us then? Heinrich had betrayed his army — that could mean death for him, and for me too.
As we neared the border, my anxiety grew. We stopped near a building, and two men stepped out.
—Just breathe, alright? Everything's going to be fine, I promise.
I looked at him with fear in my eyes, but he seemed calm — almost too calm, like a child afraid only of being caught stealing candy.
—Sir, where do you think you're going? one of the guards asked.—Good morning, my wife and I are looking for a safe place. We've suffered a lot, and we thought perhaps here we could find peace… if you'd allow it, of course.
My face turned slightly red. Hearing him call me his wife filled me with a strange, quiet joy — even though I knew it was just part of the act.
—Hmm, alright. Let me speak with my colleague, I'll be right back.
We watched him walk over to the other guard. They didn't look too pleased to see us. My heart pounded — what if they said no? Where would we go? Back to Germany? France? Belgium? Despite my doubts, something told me they might accept us.
He came back, his face unreadable.
—Alright, sir. We'll agree to let you in, but at the first sign of trouble, you'll have to leave immediately. Welcome to Switzerland. I suggest you go see Yvonne Bonvin — she runs a building with apartments. She'll help you settle in. The rest, you'll have to manage on your own.—Oh, thank you, thank you so much, sir. You're saving our lives.—Yes, I know. But remember — you must follow the rules here. If there's any problem, I'll report you myself, he said sternly.—Of course, sir. Don't worry, we'll respect your country as if it were our own.
The guard gave a faint smile and stepped back. Heinrich started the car again, and we headed toward Basel.
—See? told you, he said with a smug grin.I rolled my eyes so hard he burst out laughing. He was clearly teasing me — but truthfully, we'd only just escaped being sent back to Germany.
—Don't forget, one mistake and they'll report us.—I know, but we won't make mistakes. We'll stay quiet enough that they'll barely notice us.—If you say so.
Despite my careless tone, I was worried. Even outside that murderous country, danger still lingered. The fact that we'd made it this far without being caught was a miracle, but luck doesn't last forever — we needed a backup plan.
A few minutes later:
—I think this is the place the guards told us about.—I think so too, considering it says "Chez Yvonne Bonvin" in big letters. But go ahead, double-check, just in case, I said sarcastically.
Like an idiot, he laughed — and somehow, it warmed my heart to see him that way. It had been so long since I'd seen him smile like that.
—Hello there, welcome to Yvonne's. How can I help you?—Good afternoon, ma'am. We're refugees. The border guards told us to come here for help.—Ah, I thought you didn't look local. Alright, I'll give you an apartment. I'll let you stay three weeks rent-free, but after that, you'll have to do like everyone else here.—What do you mean? I asked.—Pay, dear. I can be compassionate, but I'm not rich. So you'll pay me every week in Swiss francs. I'm sure your husband will find a job, won't he?—Yes, ma'am, I'll find work. Thank you for your kindness.—You're welcome. Here you go.
I took the keys and nodded in thanks. We climbed the stairs and entered our new place, hoping we could stay for more than just a few nights.
The entrance opened onto a small table with four chairs, and a window overlooking the town square. A tiny kitchen stood to one side, and across from it, a bathroom. A short hallway led to two bedrooms.
It wasn't home, but it was something. And I had a feeling we'd be okay here. I lay down on the bed in one of the rooms and fell asleep almost instantly. The stress had worn me out. For the first time in a while, I felt safe enough to relax — though a part of me still wondered what Heinrich might do without me noticing. But the more time passed, the safer I felt around him. Maybe… maybe I was letting myself fall for his kindness.