Faced with the familiar question, Emiya smiled and asked in return, "What do you think? Do you believe you're a character in an anime?"
Haruhi Suzumiya didn't answer right away. She crossed her arms and thought it over.
Emiya didn't rush her.
After a moment, Haruhi relaxed and smiled calmly. "Of course I don't think I'm a character in an anime. If you want to know why, there's only one answer."
She jumped up from the sofa and stood in front of Emiya, chin raised.
"Because I'm standing right here."
Emiya couldn't help but clap. "As expected of the self-centered and arrogant Haruhi Suzumiya. That's a solid answer."
It was almost identical to what Takashi Natsume had said before.
I think, therefore I am.
"So?" Haruhi leaned forward, staring straight at him. "What do you think of me?"
"I'm observing," Emiya replied.
She clicked her tongue, clearly dissatisfied. "That answer sucks."
Still, she didn't push him.
She sat back down and continued watching the anime, muttering, "So Yuki Nagato is an alien, Mikuru Asahina's from the future, and Itsuki Koizumi's a psychic, huh?"
Then she added irritably, "Those guys really have nerve, hiding it from me."
Emiya shot back, "Why do you think they hid it? You seriously don't know?"
"I'm not listening, not listening," Haruhi shook her head hard, acting like she was alone. "Anyone who hides things from me gets the death penalty. Death penalty!"
Emiya felt a chill. "Wait, wait. Don't forget who you are. You're the one whose wishes can change the world. Even joking about that is dangerous. What if it actually happens? Wouldn't that be completely unjust?"
Haruhi waved it off. "Impossible."
"A wish needs strong intent. Don't you even understand that?"
Emiya: "..."
He felt vaguely talked down to.
Suddenly, he didn't feel like continuing the conversation.
A little later, Haruhi clapped her hands. "Alright, it's decided. When I go back, I'll find all of them."
"Find all of them?" Emiya froze, then realized something. "Wait. You don't even know them yet. You haven't formed the SOS Brigade?"
"I just told you," Haruhi said flatly. "I'm a new student at North High. I've only been there less than a week."
Emiya: "...So the story hasn't started yet?"
"That's right." She nodded. "I was checking out clubs, but now that I know the world's this interesting, those annoying clubs can wait. I'll form the SOS Brigade first."
She pointed at herself. "I'm the Brigade Chief."
Then at him. "You're the Vice Brigade Chief."
Emiya sighed. "You really don't consult people at all, do you?"
"So? You don't want to?" Haruhi grabbed his collar.
"That's not it," Emiya said after a moment. "I travel between worlds constantly. I can't stay in your world, and I won't be around for Brigade activities much."
"That's fine." She loosened her grip. "Just show up sometimes. And if anything interesting happens in other worlds, you'd better invite me."
Emiya thought it over.
"...Alright."
Then he asked, "Are you still planning to recruit the same members?"
"Of course. Yuki Nagato's an alien, Mikuru Asahina's from the future, Itsuki Koizumi's a psychic. Letting them go would be a waste. I'm even considering Ryoko Asakura. Her attributes overlap with Nagato's, but she's still an alien."
"Hold on," Emiya interrupted. "You forgot someone."
"Who?"
"Kyon. You seriously forgot him?"
Haruhi frowned. "Why would I bring some ordinary guy into my SOS Brigade?"
Only then did Emiya remember.
In Haruhi Suzumiya's eyes, someone who had been in high school for less than a week, Kyon was nothing more than a stranger.
They hadn't built any relationship yet.
This is bad.
Did I completely mess up the main characters' connection?
"He's the male protagonist," Emiya said, making one last attempt.
Haruhi stared at him coldly. "So what? Just because the story says I end up with him, I'm supposed to treat him specially? Drag him into the Brigade? Fall in love with him?"
Emiya was speechless.
Haruhi continued, "In the end, this is your fault, isn't it? If you hadn't shown up, I might've followed the plot. Met him. Formed the SOS Brigade. Developed a special relationship."
She pointed at him.
"But because of you, the plot's completely ruined."
"You destroyed my fixed future."
"My future partner flew away because of you, so take responsibility."
She leaned in close.
"From now on, you're my boyfriend."
Emiya's expression changed instantly. "I refuse. One thing I, Emiya, love doing the most is saying no to people who think they're hot stuff."
Haruhi Suzumiya: "..."
Honestly, if it had been Yuki Nagato or Mikuru Asahina, Emiya might've agreed.
But Haruhi Suzumiya was different.
Overwhelming desire to win. Extreme self-centeredness. Completely unpredictable. Violent mood swings.
She ignored anything she disliked and acted immediately.
He didn't need a girlfriend like that.
"You bastard..." Haruhi hissed through clenched teeth.
"Don't you dare trample on my maiden heart again and again!"
"Death penalty."
"Immediate execution!"