Subtitle: Lucia's Prison Arc: Finance, Fury & Felonies
Scene: Female Correctional Facility #404 — "The Algorithm Doesn't Exist"Lucia is escorted into intake. The guards are stunned. Not because she's famous—but because she's brought her lawyer, her stylist, and a suitcase that costs more than their salaries.
Guard:
"Ma'am, you can't bring a Birkin bag into federal prison."
Lucia (icy):
"It's not a bag. It's a tax shelter."
Cut to: Prison orientationLucia sits through a PowerPoint presentation made in 2006. She's unimpressed. Her bunkmate, Big Tammy, is thrilled.
Big Tammy:
"I used your collagen cream before my court date. Judge dropped three charges."
Lucia:
"You're welcome. But we're not friends."
Tammy shrugs and saves her from cafeteria meatloaf anyway.
Lucia's prison diary, Day 7:
Started a skincare circle. Called it Cell Block Serum™. Everyone's wrinkles are disappearing, and I accidentally created a barter economy based on moisturizer and insider trading advice. Oops?
Cut to: NUKE streaming on Twitch.Title: "Reacting to Mom's Prison Hustle — EPIC WIN???"
He plays Lucia's leaked prison footage like it's a reality show.
NUKE:
"Okay, here she is bribing a guard with Gucci slides. Classic mom. Oh—wait—yep, she just unionized Cell Block C. Mom really said 'abolish labor, but make it Fendi.'"
Back in prison:Lucia runs the yard. She's installed a fake Wi-Fi network, trades NFT tattoos, and has the guards unknowingly investing in shell companies.
Lucia (to herself):
"I may be incarcerated… but I'm still on Forbes. Number one under 'Criminal Masterminds Who Could Buy Your Soul and Rent It Back.'"
Meanwhile: Kodi & Evan watching
Evan:
"She turned prison into a LinkedIn workshop."
Kodi (sipping moonshine):
"Let her cook."
Scene: Lucia's courtroom appeal — broadcast live
She struts in like it's Fashion Week.
Lucia (to judge):
"Your Honor, I may have committed financial war crimes… but at least I didn't greenlight a Netflix show that included my worst haircut."
Judge (exhausted):
"This is a hearing, not a roast."
Lucia smirks. Her legal team hands the judge a skin rejuvenation kit and a file called "Ways to Avoid Audit While Remaining Fabulous."
Final montage:
Lucia wins her appeal… technically. She's moved to a luxury rehab for "financial overachievement disorder."
She launches a podcast from her halfway house:"Locked Up, Luxe'd Out: The Billionaire Redemption Arc"
NUKE guests in Episode 1. They argue over who invented fake IPOs and who was "more emotionally damaging."
Kodi comments live with popcorn emojis.
Final Line:
Lucia (voiceover):
"They locked up my body, but my brand? Untouchable. I'm not just back… I'm tax-deductible."