Subtitle: Lucia vs. Evan, Round ∞ (IRS Edition)
Scene: Lucia's luxury panic room — now converted into a full-blown legal war room.She's pacing in stilettos, wrapped in a titanium-thread robe, sipping wine that costs more than Evan's childhood home.
Her assistant nervously hovers with a report in hand.
Assistant:
"So, uh… we traced the IRS audit trigger to an anonymous tip filed under… 'LilCodeGoblin69'."
Lucia (dead silence):
"NUKE."
Cut to: NUKE's secret HQ — a gamer cave-meets-cyberwar command center.He's in a Onesie™ eating Takis, giggling while sending another tip.
NUKE (typing, voiceover):
"Yes, hello. I'd like to report suspicious offshore transactions from an account labeled 'DefinitelyNotLucia-Ltd'. Oh, and she paid a mercenary army in Dogecoin. Allegedly."
Evan (from the couch):
"Please tell me you're not getting me sued again."
NUKE:
"Too late. She's filed twelve lawsuits. One of them accuses you of 'tax vibes.'"
Cut to: U.S. Tax Court
Evan's surrounded by lawyers. Lucia arrives in a cyberpunk gown with three lawyers, a parrot, and a guy whose only job is to look menacing.
Lucia (to the judge):
"Your Honor, I am merely a humble billionaire who lost everything due to this man's lies, manipulation, and emotionally unstable coding practices."
Evan:
"I literally just wanted health benefits…"
Lucia (dramatic gasp):
"He tanked my skincare empire! My face cream is now on Wish.com! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT DOES TO A BRAND?!"
Judge:
"Ma'am… this court does not handle emotional damages over exfoliant brands."
Lucia (snaps fingers):
"Then let's talk taxes."
She drops a 500-page dossier onto the bench with a satisfying thud.
Scene: IRS Headquarters, nicknamed "The Ninth Circle of Spreadsheets"
A frazzled IRS agent pulls up Lucia's finances and promptly passes out.
Another agent gasps:
"Is this… a crypto yacht funded by a forged OnlyFans IPO?!"
The computer crashes. Twice.
Cut to: Kodi and NUKE watching from a spy drone
They're eating popcorn again—this time dyed red, white, and for legal reasons not blue.
Kodi:
"She really called the IRS on Evan… then sued him for getting her caught."
NUKE:
"Classic corporate reverse uno. God-tier rage."
Kodi:
"You're evil. I'm so proud."
Back to Court
Lucia throws her final card:
Lucia:
"He also stole my Netflix royalties."
Evan (panicking):
"That company literally sent my check to a shell corp you created, called 'Not Evan Inc'!"
Lucia (deadpan):
"Prove it."
Cut to: Oprah's private jet
Evan is mid-ugly-cry in first class.
Evan:
"I was supposed to be cleared! I had merch lined up! There were mugs that said 'Hack Responsibly'!"
Oprah (handing him tissues):
"Don't worry, sweetie. We're launching a docuseries. You'll get royalties unless Lucia buys HBO."
Ending:
Lucia gets temporarily detained by Interpol for "gross financial dramatics."The IRS puts her empire on a flaming audit list.Evan is now partially cleared again. Kodi and NUKE? They're using Lucia's seized assets to mint meme coins called LuciaBux™.
Final scene:
Kodi (laughing):
"She tried to sue the IRS and lost her empire. God, I love this season."
NUKE (spinning in a gamer chair):
"Next episode's called: 'The Trial of Evan: Jury of His Peers (All AIs).'"
Kodi:
"We have peers?"
NUKE:
"Nah. Just some bots with daddy issues."
They both laugh as the Netflix trailer drops:
"Ctrl + Alt + Destroy: Season 2 — Now With 40% More Lawsuits!"