It was just another day at school.
Boring teacher. Ugly walls. Flickering lights. Everyone pretending not to die inside.
But in the back of the classroom, four agents of chaos were chattering like the rest of the world didn't exist.
One had curly black hair and brown eyes. He looked like he had sarcasm for blood and sleep in his bones.
The second had flashy white hair and icy blue eyes, dressed like he got kicked out of a J-pop band for being too dramatic.
The third had long black hair, green eyes, and the general energy of someone who would debate tier lists during a robbery.
The last one had blue hair and red eyes, staring at his pen like it owed him rent money.
"Hahaha, you really looking like Gojo Satoru from Temu, James," said the curly-haired teen, Clark, absolutely violating his friend like it was his full-time job.
The white-haired one, James, just rolled his eyes like he heard that roast for the 46th time this week.
"Shut up, Clark."
"You can't be speaking. You literally dyed your hair white, James," said the long-haired one, Michael, laughing like he didn't also look like a side character with trauma.
"Tch. The femboy ahh guy is speaking the truth," said the blue-haired demon himself, Thomas, without even looking up from his pen.
"Shut up, Michael and Thomas. You are just probably jealous of my MARVELOUS beauty," James said, striking a pose like he was in an anime ending credit scene.
Michael's eyes twitched.
"I am gonna fricking kill you if you say that I am a femboy," he growled, glaring straight into Thomas's brain like he was about to summon a curse.
"Hahaha, it's IMPOSSIBLE to beat me, you know?" Thomas said, grinning like a villain from a show that got canceled after one season. His eyes shifted to Clark, and you could feel something stupid building in the air.
Clark noticed the look and immediately interrupted like he had the «shut this down» button installed.
"Let's just stop fighting," he said while standing up, hands doing a secret gang sign only the group understood. His eyes locked on James like he was planning something even dumber.
"Ya, let that guy be," James added, tilting his head toward Michael. It was half sympathy, half superiority complex.
Michael sighed like he'd just finished a full mental breakdown.
"Okay."
The school bell rang at that exact moment like it had perfect comedic timing. The classroom emptied.
---
After School
The streets were packed with students. Talking. Shoving. Pretending life was fine.
Clark, Michael, James, and Thomas walked together like a walking Discord call — loud, unfiltered, and probably banned in 12 countries.
Everything was normal.
Until something teleported right in front of them.
A giant... thing. Easily 15 meters tall. Standing in the middle of the road like it paid rent there. Its head looked like an octopus that got rejected from a horror movie. Tentacles flopping like they couldn't decide what direction gravity was.
More creatures just like it popped up nearby. Big, slimy, glitched-out messes — like sea monsters rendered in 144p.
Then the first one opened its mouth and spoke like it was reading terms and conditions no one asked for.
"Earth's protection has been ended. All the living humans from the age of 16 to 60 will be teleported to an different dimension. You all would be granted 60 seconds to prepare."
Its voice was weirdly calm. No echo. No reverb. Just straight-up alien Google Translate energy.
And then? It vanished.
No smoke. No flash. Just gone. Like it said ‹peace out› and dipped.
Michael's mouth dropped open.
"Was that fricking CTHULU!?!"
A blue transparent screen popped up in front of everyone like it was sponsored by some intergalactic phone company.
---
[Announcement]
The Planetary System 4951 safe protocol has been ended.
All the remaining living humans from age 16 to 60 will be participating in the death games.
Be prepared.
[End of Announcement]
---
Clark, instead of freaking out like a normal person, threw his hands up to the sky like he just won the lottery.
"YEESS. I always wanted them systems to be real!"
People were screaming, panicking, losing their minds. Clark? Dude was thriving.
Exactly 60 seconds later, every person between 16 and 60 just vanished from Earth.
Clark, Michael, James, and Thomas reappeared somewhere else. A giant void. A massive space with no end. Just floating. Like someone took space, removed all the stars, and replaced it with anxiety.
Michael looked around and squinted.
"Ayo, why are there like less than 9000 people here?"
Clark replied like he was trying to solve a math problem while chewing gum.
"Meh? Are all the other 8 or 9 billion people more than 60 or are kids?"
James laughed.
Then he threw his arm around Clark's shoulder like they were in an RPG cutscene.
"That's probably because the people are divided."
Clark and Michael both nodded at the same time.
"Okay."
Suddenly, a whole new entity appeared. This one looked different. It had a demonic face. Glowing red eyes. Horns. Its mouth was permanently stuck in a smirk like it just pulled a prank on a god.
"Hello, fine ladies and monstrous males. I am Barbarararaba. A demon that will explain to you about the things happening."
It paused like it was trying to sound important.
"You see. You are in Sector #6-69. And there are more than 9000 people of you here."
"You all will be teleported into an area with a group of 12. I hope that you may survive."
It started laughing.
"Hel Hel Hel Hel Hel Hel."
Then it disappeared like a troll logging off after ruining your Minecraft server.
"What tha—" Michael started to say, but he didn't even get to finish. He and the others were teleported instantly, like the universe hit Ctrl+X on their lives.
---
A/N:
This is gonna be a comedic dark novel. I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm committed to the bit.
[Fun Fact:] Some turtles can breathe through their butts during hibernation.
[Random Fact:] You started as an egg your mom made… while she was inside your grandma.