Chapter 36: The Man's Sword in the Stone
The story of Arthur and the sword in the stone originated in the late Age of the Gods in Britain.
When King Uther passed away, Merlin thrust a holy sword into a stone to determine the next king. None of the pretenders or nobles could draw it, until a boy named Arthur pulled it free.
Oberon finished telling the story.
Everyone fell silent, staring at Roland — whose "mini holy sword" was still tightly clamped by the robot.
"Say whatever you want,"
Eikou shook his head,
"No matter what, I'm not going to pull 'the sword in the stone' out for him."
"Eikou, you can't just let me die like this!" Roland shouted. "Don't forget, back at the shopping mall, I even saved your life!"
"..."
Eikou thought to himself that if he'd known things would end up like this, he might as well have accepted the Shurafield back then.
At that moment, the score display on the upgraded Shinji-kun robot suddenly lit up.
5 mashed potato!
How the hell could it still calmly give a score!? That part of him isn't even edible! Even if someone could eat it, the only one qualified to do so would be his wife!
"...This looks kinda serious. I'll go call the head nurse and the teachers — let some mature and reliable adults handle this."
"Don't call anyone else!!"
Roland, whose lower body was still stuck, struggled violently, his face and ears bright red as he covered his face.
"Looking like this, I can't let anyone else see me — it's way too embarrassing!!"
"If you actually knew what embarrassment was, you wouldn't run around naked every day!"
Eikou rolled up his sleeves and turned to the others:
"Alright, looks like we'll have to deal with this ourselves. Before Shinji-kun bites off Roland's sword in the stone, we've got to pull him out — together!"
"Eikou, but there's one more issue,"
Oberon said seriously,
"If we pull too hard and his sword gets stuck too deep… what if the sword in the stone breaks? Have you ever read Andersen's fairy tale The Five Peas? When the pod cracks open, all the peas go flying everywhere…"
"Oberon, fairy tales aren't supposed to be used for examples like that! And besides, a man only has two peas — each one's precious, you know!?"
Why did Oberon always have to bring up weird fairy tale references at the worst times? Did he actually love fairy tales, or hate them?
"In any case, let's just do it."
"Wait! What if it really breaks!?" Roland panicked.
"It's fine. With your shitty luck in romance, your holy sword probably won't find its scabbard in this lifetime anyway."
"I can go without using it, but I can't lose it!!"
"Stop whining and just do it!"
All the boys rolled up their sleeves, ready to act — hesitation was no longer an option.
This upgraded Shinji-kun robot was already unstable. If they waited any longer and it did bite off Roland's mini sword, that would be the end!
The boys grabbed hold of Roland's body, preparing to pull with all their strength.
Roland's face immediately tensed up.
"Three, two, one..."
Eikou shouted:
"Pull!!"
[You all attempt to pull Roland's sword in the stone from the mouth of the robot Shinji-kun.]
[To extract the sword without any damage requires both refined dexterity and immense strength.]
[Perform a parallel check between Agility and Strength.]
Two dice rolled down.
[Agility check — catastrophic failure!]
[Strength check, great success!]
Eikou saw the two completely opposite check results, and cold sweat instantly broke out all over his body.
One was a great failure, the other a great success — what the hell would that even lead to!?
BANG!
The boys pulled with all their might, yanking Roland out from the robot's mouth.
"Whoa—whoa—whoa!!"
But maybe because they used too much force, Eikou, who was holding onto Roland, got pulled by inertia and stumbled backward, crashing hard into the table behind him.
He felt himself fly several meters and land sprawled across the tabletop.
Ignoring the sharp pain in his back, Eikou quickly stood up to check on him.
"How are you, Roland!" he shouted in panic. "Your holy sword's still there, right!?"
"Let me check…"
Roland, still dazed, looked down to inspect his body.
"It's… it's fine. My holy sword seems unharmed. Thank you guys for saving my life!"
"Is that so, that's great then…"
Eikou let out a long, relieved sigh.
"Phew…"
Maybe because a great success and a great failure occurred at the same time, they canceled each other out, so nothing happened?
No — Eikou's instincts told him this wouldn't end so simply…
He turned toward Charlemagne and Gawain.
The two of them were carefully pressed against the robot, frozen in strange, awkward positions — exactly like Roland's situation earlier.
"Charlemagne, Gawain, what's wrong with you two?"
"So Roland's holy sword is safe, huh…" Charlemagne spoke in a weary tone.
"Ha ha, that's good, but…"
Gawain turned his stiff face toward Eikou.
"My holy sword Galatine is underneath…"
"And my sword Joyeuse…" Charlemagne added.
"Both are stuck in the robot's mouth!!"
"???"
What the hell, why are there more victims now!?
"What's going on!? How can you get stuck yourselves while helping someone else out!?"
"It took so much effort to save one guy, and now two more are trapped!?"
So this was the result of a great success and a great failure happening together!? They saved Roland, but now Gawain's and Charlemagne's "little brothers" were stuck instead — this wasn't cancellation at all!!
Eikou anxiously wiped the sweat off his forehead — the situation was getting worse by the second.
"Hold on, I'll get you guys out——"
He said that, but then froze mid-motion.
"No, wait…"
Stay calm — now wasn't the time to act recklessly. What if this time they rolled two great failures in a row?
Charlemagne could still be managed somehow, but if Gawain's holy sword Galatine broke because of a great failure… how would he ever explain that to Morgan!?
Eikou immediately realized the gravity of the situation.
On one side was the king of the Franks — Charlemagne.On the other, the eldest son of the Fairy Queen — Gawain.
Roughly speaking, the royal bloodlines of two nations were now stuck in Shinji-kun's mouth!
No matter how you looked at it, this was truly a sight one could not bear to witness.
"..."
A drop of cold sweat trickled down Eikou's forehead.
"It's over… If anything goes wrong, won't I become the eternal sinner — the man who severed the bloodlines of two kingdoms?! No way! I don't want that!" He clutched his hair in despair. "I just came here to retake the home economics exam! Who the hell made me carry a burden like this!?"
"It's alright, Sir Eikou…"
Gawain's eyes suddenly turned firm, his voice solemn and full of conviction.
"Up until now, under your guidance, we've overcome countless crises. I can trust you unconditionally. If it's you… you'll surely protect my holy sword."
"What the hell do you mean 'protect your holy sword'!? I don't want to protect something like that! That's too damn perverted!!"
Eikou felt the pressure on his shoulders grow so heavy it was suffocating — he had no idea what to do next.
And just as he fell into despair, a deep, magnetic, and devilishly charming male voice came from behind:
"Shounen, it seems you boys are in quite the predicament."
Hearing that unforgettable, distinctive voice, Eikou immediately turned his head.
A middle-aged man with East Asian features, black hair, and black eyes, his expression calm and worldly, was leisurely sitting at the dining table, using a spoon to savor a freshly made, ultra-spicy Mapo Tofu.
No one knew when he had arrived, but judging by the plate that was already half-empty, he must have been there eating for quite some time.
The man wore sunglasses and a simple yet neatly pressed priest's cassock. His face resembled that of a saint with a heart free of worldly desires — yet he radiated an aura of "pleasure" so tainted it was almost pitch black.
"You… you're…"
Eikou's eyes widened in horror as he stared at the middle-aged priest, who was blissfully enjoying the spicy tofu dish.
Could it be… that the Mapo Tofu he made had lured out a being this terrifying?!
That was—Pseudo-Servant, the Heroic Spirit from Russia, possessing the body of a pleasure-seeking priest—
Kotomine Kirei!