Chapter 35: Mapo Tofu and Geoduck is Stuck
[You have entered the Home Economics retake exam.]
[Since all the teachers are too busy, they sent a "culinary robot" Shinji-kun to supervise your test.]
[As long as you can make a dish that scores 60 mashed potato from Shinji-kun, you'll pass the exam.]
[You stare at the remodeled Shinji-kun. Looking into its bean-like eyes, an ominous premonition rises in your heart.]
[Roll a dice to check Luck.]
A dice rolled down.
[Result: EX — check great failure.]
[After the remodel, it has become extremely strict and irritable, even more than Gordon Ramsay.]
[The difficulty of this retake exam might have reached nightmare level.]
Shinji-kun's eyes suddenly gleamed with a sharp crimson light.
In that instant, it no longer looked like a garbage-collecting robot, but emitted the aura of a true Terminator.
"God, are we doomed right from the start…"
Eikou, who had been fairly confident moments ago, now began to sweat cold.
But there was no turning back — all they could do was grit their teeth and go all out.
Eikou placed the huge ingredient bag onto the kitchen sink — inside were beef, potatoes, onions, konjac noodles, carrots, and all sorts of different seasonings.
"Well then, let's make beef stew with potatoes today,"
he said,
"I bought a ton from the supermarket. If we're lucky, we'll even have leftovers, so our dinner's settled too."
"I see," Charlemagne laughed, "then how about we set up a shared table? Eating together would be more fun. We're making a seafood combo, and you guys are doing beef stew — that'll make for quite a feast."
"Even though I'm still a little traumatized by the geoduck… sure, eating together sounds fun."
Eikou shook his head as he said that,
"Anyway, we're getting off track. Let's focus on cooking first."
[You begin preparing the beef stew with potatoes.]
[Perform a Strength and Agility check.]
[Perform a Hero Creation check.]
Damn it, do I have to roll dice checks again?
If I fail, won't it just turn into another weird, meaningless dish like last time?
[Strength check failed.]
[Agility check great failure.]
[Your cooking has been utterly wrecked, veering dangerously into something bizarre. All the ingredients in the pot have been stewed into a thick sludge...]
[It's releasing a sharp, pungent odor that kills all appetite at the first sniff...]
[Hero Creation check succeeded!]
[Although most people would rather die than eat it, you've somehow bestowed upon it a unique heroic aura — a dish so peculiar it might just become the destined favorite of certain Servants...]
[After a long and careful cooking process, the final result is...]
[Special Ultra-Spicy Mapo Tofu!]
"Why the hell did it turn into this!?"
Eikou stared in horror at the pot of blood-red Ultra-Spicy Mapo Tofu and screamed.
The sauce was so vividly red it looked like actual blood; the tofu pieces were stained deep crimson, radiating a deathly aura straight from hell — just standing nearby and inhaling made breathing difficult!
"Forget humans, this dish might still be too dangerous even for Servants to eat..." said Oberon, who was helping beside him. "If we feed this to Shinji-kun, how many mashed potato will we get?"
"0.5 mashed potato," Tristan replied.
"Gawain's mashed potato might be disgusting, but at least it's not lethal. This thing... might actually kill someone."
Eikou slammed the table, speaking recklessly: "Whatever, it's already done, let's just feed it to the thing — who knows, maybe Shinji-kun actually likes insanely spicy stuff!"
He carefully scooped a full plate of the Ultra-Spicy Mapo Tofu.
At that exact moment, Charlemagne's team also finished their seafood sashimi platter.
A brilliant, colorful dish of beautifully plated, fresh fish — almost like a work of art.
"Yours looks pretty good; that's at least 85 mashed potato," Eikou said, impressed.
Charlemagne grinned proudly: "Ha ha, this time we actually learned our lesson — we didn't plate Roland or his geoduck again."
"Umu... progress is good,"
Eikou no longer had the energy to make snide remarks.
Charlemagne patted Roland's shoulder and said: "Now's your chance to redeem your honor. Bring this sashimi to the judge yourself — we'll score a perfect 100 this time!"
"Leave it to me, Charlemagne!"
Roland replied passionately:
"I, Knight Roland, will show the judge the heroic spirit of a true man — I'll conquer it with both myself and this dish!"
Right after saying that, swish! — he took off his apron, reverting to his primal, naked state.
No one understood why he had to strip again, but admittedly, the intensity was overwhelming.
Roland grabbed the sashimi plate, radiating fighting spirit as he charged straight toward the robot judge.
BANG!
Maybe because his blood was boiling, he ran too fast and slipped.
In that instant, his whole body and the sashimi plate crashed toward Shinji-kun.
THUD!
The ice and fish scattered everywhere.
Roland and Shinji-kun collided — the robot's head landed perfectly between Roland's legs.
Because of the bizarre position, its mouth accidentally bit into Roland's "geoduck."
"Ah!"
Roland let out a sound — not of pain, but pure shock.
Roland! What the hell are you doing!? What the actual hell are you feeding Shinji-kun!?
"So when you said you'd 'show the heroic spirit of a true man' to the judge, this is what you meant?!" Charlemagne shouted. "In the end, you're still trying to feed the judge your geoduck! Even if it's a robot, that's not okay!"
They all rushed over to Roland.
"You alright!? Is your geoduck okay!?"
Every man asked the exact same question at once — for some reason, a strange sense of male solidarity filled the air.
"Holy crap..." Roland said, still trembling, "I think it's just... stuck..."
"It's fine then..."
Eikou and the others all breathed a sigh of relief.
Roland moved his body, trying to pull out.
But after a long while, Shinji-kun still refused to let go — it was completely impossible to pull free.
"...But it seems I… can't pull it out anymore either."
He said in a dark tone.
"..."
Everyone looked at each other, their faces filled with confusion.
What should they do now?
Amid the tense and silent atmosphere, Oberon's expression suddenly turned serious as he cautiously spoke:
"Have you guys… ever heard the story of Arthur pulling the sword in the stone (Caliburn)?"
"I don't want to hear it!!"