She was here. The painting of Leonel with her signature was proof of that. But where could she have gone to now? I sat beside Leonel's grave and let out a sigh as I stared at it.
Back then, before I left Harriett, she refused over and over again to visit Leonel. She said she didn't want to see his gravestone. Said that she only wanted to think that Leonel was only away, never gone.
She had so many regrets and the biggest of it all was her not telling him how she really feels about him. And I watched her go through the process of taking Leonel's death in while my heart was tearing into pieces.
I had been in love with Harriett all along, ever since we were kids and yet it took me one single moment to realize all of it. Her smiling sadly thinking about the possibility of never loving again after Leonel opened my eyes.
Everything I did for her since we were young, I didn't do it out of sheer pity or responsibility for her. It was all because I love her. I was a coward for hiding in my playboy image and using it as a mechanism to smother whatever I was feeling for Harriett.
In the end it bit me back and I am left with a broken heart.
And my heart right now is breaking as I continue to fear for Harriett's life. Because I'd rather lose her to some men than see her life go out completely. I can't live in this world knowing that Harriett isn't alive anymore.
"Arf"
Akira's bark brought me back to my senses. I did bring her along with me since I don't want to leave her all alone in my apartment anymore. She ran towards the painting and barked again.
I picked it up and looked at Akira again. She must have recognized Harriett's painting.
My eyes widened at the realization. Why didn't I think of it before? I took Akira in my arms, into the car and rushed back to the apartment.
Harriett's door key clicked and her apartment door swung open easily. Akira barked as I opened the lights and immediately she jumped out of my arms and ran towards another room.
I opened that door and immediately saw what looked like Harriett's bedroom. I searched the whole place, even the bathroom just to check if she wasn't really there. But there was no sign of her.
"Arf arf arf"
Akira's continuous bark made me turn on my heels and walked towards another space. It was divided by a thick curtain and when I went inside, I saw countless paintings in it. Cans of paint, brushes, and paintings that were out of this world.
From portraits to animals to mythological creatures to places. She painted every last one of what's in her mind. There was a stack of paintings in the corner where Akira was sitting patiently looking at me.
I walked towards it and scanned through the stack only to stop when I saw a painting of Harriett's mom laughing with her brother and father.
I've never really seen Harriett's mom laugh even before so seeing it must have been joyful for Harriett for her to engrave it in canvas.
Maybe when I find her I can talk to her about reconnecting with her mom. Seeing as how she loves her enough to paint her with such details.
I scanned more and more until I saw a familiar place. One that I've been in over these past few years. It's an island off the coast of the Metro, a good 50 km from here and a three-hour drive. I've been there because of my previous company.
I looked around and saw that most places were from other countries or mythological places or vague ones like a forest or a flower farm. But this one is a real local place.
"Let's try our luck here Akira"
I told her as I placed the stack back taking the painting of that local area. I thought we were done when Akira suddenly ran to the far corner of the room. The one where there's a covered up painting, the only one that's covered up to be exact.
I walked towards it and gently removed the cloth covering it.
And instantly I felt a lump on my throat as my own chest tightened. As I felt that part beat again as if it never stopped beating for Harriett. I was looking at my own reflection.
A painting of me laughing made by Harriett. I knelt before it and stared at it. The little details like the birthmark on the neck or the gums showing when I smile too widely visible as if she had looked at it directly when she had painted it.
I looked below it and saw the date right below her signature. Five years ago. She had painted this five years ago.
Why? What for? What was she thinking when she made this? And why? Why does she keep on stirring my heart up like this? LIke she hadn't broken it in the first place.
"You need to be alive"
I mutter under my breath as I scoop up Akira and rush out of her bedroom and apartment.
I need my answers and she needs to be alive because I am not letting her go anymore. It's time we have a proper talk.
Because I might sound crazy, desperate or stupid even but I want to think that Harriett felt something for me other than being her best friend.
I want to know everything she's thinking and everything that has happened to her before.
And I will never let her go again.