He hugged me tight not saying a word as he strokes my back.
I don't know what i wanted but I was so glad he wasn't saying anything. I'm glad he listened to me and that he is holding me close. I dont know how long had passed with me bawling my eyes out before I was able to calm down.
****** earlier that morning ******
"Your grace, the report from the farmers on the crop output just got sent in. We should have more than enough for winter, also the artifact controlling the temperature of the glass-farm is working properly. The mages will do another assessment after harvesting" thats good, so we will not have anything to worry about this winter too.
"Good work lady Taylor, please continue to monitor the progress of the crops. Don't forget that we will be opening the duchy for the winter festival, so accommodate for that properly."
"Yes your grace"
"Sir Austin we need to draw up a revised plan for the guards during the winter festival as we are expecting more outsiders this year"
"Yes your grace, their training will be done 1 month before the festival so we will have a better assessment of their skills before then"
"Good job also what punishment was sir cavill given?"
"Her grace ordered for him to be jailed for a week and his pay will be cut for 3 months during which he would act as her personal knight."
"Did the duchess really give such a light punishment to him?"
"Yes your grace, she said his words weren't that bad, so there was no need for him to lose allot over it."
"If that is what sh..." there was a loud crash outside as someone was running down. The door swung open
"Your grace... you have to come now... her grace is ..... her grace... something is wrong with her grace."
***********
Thank goodness she finally calmed down enough to fall asleep. Steven said he delivered a letter from lord clark dumont before everything started.
I would have never guessed she had such a sad upbringing, she was always smiling and everyone in the castle loves her for how attentive she is.
She always carries herself with poise and so much grace. She went through so much but she is still able to stand strong.
"Clarisa, i hate seeing you in pain, if only i could i would take your pain away and give them to myself." I kiss her forehead before exiting the room.
"Your grace how is the duchess doing" closing the door silently.
"She finally managed to go to sleep. Maria, Steven restrict all access to the second floor to only yourselves and her personal maid." Its best not to let allot ot people know what happened today.
"Yes your grace"
"Steven send a message to the ministers, i'll be taking the day off so they should continue with our schedule without me" I don't think I will be able to concentrate on anything till i know she is fine. I don't know what will happen, but one thing I know is i never want to see her in so much pain, even if it means eliminating all source of her pain.
"Yes your grace"
"Thank you all, I'll take the towel and water from you. If I need anything else I'll let you know"
"Yes your grace. Please take good care of our duchess."
Cough cough
"Clarisa, take it slow. Here have some water" I felt the glass against my lips.
"There you go nice and slow just like that." Theo did he stay with me all day
"What is the time? How long was i out?"
"It's just few minutes past noon, my dear" his hands feel cold against my head.
"Dont force your eyes open dear, your eyes are a bit swollen." I felt a wet towel on my eyes.
"Thank you, what time is it?" How long was I passed out? He must think I'm a burden, will he start treating me differently now? With cold eyes and impatient voice?
"My dear" I felt his hand on my lips parting them. I must have been biting down on them unconsciously.
"Its already past lunch time, you skipped breakfast right? Do you want anything to eat my dear?"
"Thats sounds good, thank you."
"Say ahhh dear" does he plan to feed me.
"Hahahahah, i never knew i would see the day you feed me, my love"
"Just say the word dear and I would do it everyday." I'm so glad I married him. This is one of the times I am grateful I didn't run off.
"Thank you lunch was good. I'm sorry I was a burden and messed up your day."
"You have nothing to be sorry for, I decide how to spend my day so you messed nothing up and you can never be a burden to me so please lean on me as much as you want." He isn't asking me any questions, he isn't even waiting for me to tell him. He is just sitting beside me as support.
"Come here my love, lay beside me" without asking why, he lays down beside me and wraps me in his arms.
"Do you think it's my fault?"
"Its never the fault of a child for the sins of the parents" he was stroking my back again, had anyone else said this i wouldn't believe them but coming from theo, I truly believe it's not my fault.
"Do you ever have regrets? What should I have done differently?"
"You did your best dear, you were in a bad situation and you came out of it healthy that's all that matters. It's the duty of the parents to care for the child but you had to take care of yourself and you did a great job."
"But I let myself get manipulated"
"You didn't let yourself get manipulated. You trusted the adults in your life which everyone does, its their fault for abusing your trust."
"So I didn't let myselfbe manipulated?"
"No you didn't, the adults who you trusted tried to break you but you survived."
"I survived..." thats right, why is it my fault? Why should I have so much regrets? I did nothing wrong?
"Thank you for being born clarisa, for saving yourself and for escaping. You did a great job surviving, now its time to start living."
"If you want i could take a warp gate and go give count dumont a good punch for you"
"Hahahahaha that would be one expensive beating."
"Well not to brag but I am quite rich" he had a proud look on his face. I couldn't help but laugh.
"Thank you, i felt lost for a moment but now i know what i have to do. I'm the duchess of Runan. I have an obligation to the people of this duchy and I will do my part."
"You don't need to pressure yourself about that my dear. Although I'm glad that you consider my people your people too. You can take as long as you need."
He was smiling, it was the first time i have seen him smiling. I have so many regrets but I would have regretted not coming to the north.
"I want to help runan"
"Of course my dear and ill support you with anything you need"
That's what I wanted you to say.
"Then.... let me go on monster hunts with you" he went silent so I lifted myself up to meet his eyes.
"It's dangerous.... I don't want you to be in danger"
"I know it's dangerous but I'm tired of hiding myself and my magic. I'm not asking to join right away, ill go through the right training and learn all I need to please my love" i wrapped my hand around his neck as I inched closer. He closed his eyes as if struggling then let out a sigh.
"If it's what you want, but I would like you to get accessed by carion, he is a 4th circle mage that works for me." I squeeze him into a hug.
"Thank you my love"
"Your grace, how are you feeling?" I heard theo restricted access to the second floor yesterday.
"I'm fine now Sarah, I'm sorry I made you worry."
"Everyone was so worried for you, I was so happy that they loved you so much here. It made my mind at ease." She was smiling, it was a warmth I was familiar with.
After lunch with theo he led me to an open arena used by mages for magic practice. It was covered in magic circle to absorb all damage.
"Greetings your grace, i am carion scylles a 4th circle mage in service of the duke. It's a pleasure to finally meet you."
"Its a pleasure to meet you, i'm clarisa Leandros."
"Stop fraternizing with my wife carion."
"Who are you and what have you done with the duke? Give him back..." carion gasped
"You must be close to my husband "
"Of course, I promised to marry him if he doesn't find a duchess. If you ever get tired of him let me know ill happilytake over." he winked at theodore as he smiled
"Are you done fooling around? Let's begin the evaluation, I wouldn't want your stupidity to spread" they must be really close. I didn't notice this before but theo and his men are really comfortable with each other. I'm glad I just learnt something about him.
"To be honest, I still can't believe her grace can use magic. Even right now I cannot detect a drop of mana from her"
"Thats exactly what Clark said. Maybe it's because i didn't learn magic the conventional way."
I created a huge ice wall, and blasted it all away with multiple fire javelin.
Carion's mouth was hanging open as if he just saw a ghost.
"You just used 4th circle magic without casting and it was instant with no delay."
Theo looked amazed, i had never shown magic to anyone else I never knew i was this impressive.
"Those were the first spells I learnt, I can also use explosion magic and if i wanted i could freeze this whole room without breaking a sweat."
"Incredible your grace... I'm in awe.... what else can you do? Can you fly? Can you use any spacial magic?" He looked like a child that just discovered candy for the first time.
"I learnt it but I haven't tried flight magic yet, I can use spatial magic like antigravity and teleportation. I can also use barrier magic"
"Your grace can I see the book you learnt from....please" i handed the books over to him. I looked over to theo as he had been quiet for a while and he smiled back at me. I guess he is just shocked.
The book tumbles to the ground as carion looked as pale as a ghost.
"Did you find something?"
"Your grace... did you really learn magic from that book?" He stumbled a few steps back, clasping his mouth with his hands.
"Yes I did, I started at the age of 6, why?" There was an uncomfortable silence as he glanced from me to theo in disbelief.
"Carion..... why?" Theo finally spoke after a while.
"That book is forbidden..... it's method of mana use ... it.... all the people who have tried it... they all died" he stammered trying to choose his words.
"Died? That makes no sense" I'm still well and alive.
"The way of mana conversion in that text is to forcefully open up the mana heart, force open a mana pathway in the body and then spread the mana from the mana heart into the pathway."
"How is that a problem?"
"Mana heart is basically the soul of a person..... a person cannot survive without a mana heart... that process rips a person's soul to shreds.... so except a person has 2 souls..... death is the only ending.... that means you died your grace..... I know it makes no sense but even i cannot explain it."