"Sarah, please help me get dressed"
"My lady you need to rest some more, please"
I stroke her hair gently. I love Sarah's hair, it is black, silky, straight and waist lengthand. Her hair sparkles like it was sprinkled with fairy dust, it looks magical.
"I want to have breakfast with everyone today" I was so scared of being around my family, that I always had my meals 2 hours after them.
But not anymore, the first step in my plan would be to get rid of my fear of them, then I would act cutely and make them fall for me.
Walking down the hallway to the dining area, my heart thumps so loudly I can hear it in my ears. 'No need to be so nervous, it's just breakfast' Sarah opens the dinning room door and I step in.
The aroma fills my nose, making my stomach growl. I thought heads would turn to acknowledge me, but no one turned their head or said a word.
" good morning father, mother and brother, hope you all slept well" my heart was thumping as I walked slowly in silence, smiling as sweetly as i could as i walk to my seat. I wasnt expecting them to warm up to me instantly, but getting no reply from all three of them hurts.
Breakfast was eaten in complete silence, not a single word uttered. It made my insides churn and I felt like i was going to throw up.
"Clarisa" his voice was a low, almost like a growl. it sounded rough, like he was holding a cough in.
I looked up to father, his blond hair was mixed with grey, his face was in a scowl like talking to me was painful. His fist clench around the knife and fork like they were the only things keeping him sane. He looked down as he continued his meal.
"A carriage will be coming for you later today...."
My heart started to beat loudly.
' a carriage?'
is he finally getting rid of me?
Am I being sold?
Why?
i did nothing wrong....I missed everything he said after that, as my head was spinning.
"The engagement will be held when you turn 12, for now you will act as his playmate. You will do everything possible to make him love you. Its a shame..."
"Father..... I'm sorry... please don't do this..... I love you, i don't want to get engaged. I want to stay with everyone here... with you, mother and brother... i still have so....." my voice came out hurriedly as I could feel my eyes sting with tears, I frantically look around the room, hoping.... praying that someone would save me.
"Clarisa" i hear fathers angry voice as he slams his hand on the table.
'Stay quiet like you are dead, only say yes to my commands. Your opinions dont exist.' Father made sure I was reminded of this daily.
"You had better shut your mouth, before i shut you up permanently. The mere thought of something like you loving me disgusts me. You had better not disappoint me again" the door creaks open and slams shut, as silence envelops the room. Only my ragged breath and mother's faint chewing could be heard.
It was silent, but it was so loud at the I felt like i couldn't breathe. I felt like I was going to throw up.
Engagement to whom?
I'm just 6 years old, I was waiting for mother or even brother to speak but they said nothing.
I looked up and mother's face looked like she couldnt be bothered, as she continued to eat her meal and brother just looked away uncomfortably continuing to avoid my eyes.
Now I see, it doesn't matter. Nothing i do here would ever matter.
I will never be able to get these monsters to love me.
It would be impossible as these people are incapable of loving anyone else but themselves.
I give up..... I felt my eyes well up as I sat there hoping I would wake up from this nightmare.
What's the point of having these memories of the past ?
This is my reality..... I've been abandoned.....I've truly been disposed and abandoned in hell.
I don't remember how I got back to my room, but when I opened my eyes next, I was in my room getting dressed and ready for my play date.
I feel sick, I wish I'd just wake up and realize this was a nightmare. I knew the count hated me but how could he sell his only daughter?
"My lady" i was suddenly brought back to reality but Sarah's cold hands to my shoulder.
"You look so pale my lady" she wiped my face gently with a cloth.
"Maybe we should ask his lordship to move the play date with his highness to another day."
"Play date with his highness?"
Kneeling so she could be eye level with me Sarah holds my hands gently with a bittersweet smile.
"My lady, i am sorry if this is disrespectful, but to me, you are like a sister, and I want the best for you. This is the first time his lordship is letting you leave the manor. I know it may be futile, but I hope you can be happy, though it may be for a short time while you are outside."
So it's a prince? Maybe...just maybe he could save me from this nightmare.
If he is my betrothed, then definitely he would be someone willing to listen to my foolish pleas.
I could open up to him about the count's continued abuse, i dont know what he could do for me, but it would be a start.
I will not spend my second life in pain, I refuse to do that.
I know this is but a pitiful plight but right now....right now i need to hold on to whatever delusions I can or else I'll lose my sanity.
There is no love or care for me in this family, so i need to find my own love and affection.
Maybe i could end up adopted by a nice noble family, where i end up living happily ever after surrounded by love. A novel where i, the female lead gets saved by a family that will love me to the end.
I sigh, take a deep breath and try to calm my nerves, I still have hope, it's not over yet. I just need to meet the prince and I will be saved.
The carriage wobbled and shook all the way to the palace, i could barely enjoy the scenery outside the window as I had to stop myself from throwing up all the way there.
Sarah worried and fused over me all the way to the palace but I could barely pay any attention to her as I had to focus on not letting the motion sickness win.
Led down a very long hallway, we stopped by a large door that led to an outside garden.
Sarah was asked to stand outside as i was led in by the prince's attendant.
A boy stood there with blond hair and blue eyes. He looked to be about 8 years old. He was wearing a white official royal robe as he stared me down with a frown.
"Greeting your highness, lady clarisa dumont from count dumont family greets the small sun of the empire" with a bow that had been ingrained in my soul by my etiquette teacher baroness Sally, I pray silently that my honesty reaches him.
The prince took small strides towards me, as his legs came into view, i couldn't say anything or lift my head till he acknowledged me, so I just stood there, head down waiting on him.
"I hate you" I lifted up my head in shock, as his words rang out getting drowned out by the birds chirping in the garden.
I came face to face with a mix of hate and resentment. His icy blue eyes filled with hate, annoyance, resentment, anger and despair stared into my shocked eyes.
"Your highness, you cannot say that, apologies my lady, his highness must be in a bad mood" his attendant tried to remedy the situation, but I could tell. Those icy eyes were filled with so much hate that i could feel it, every fiber of my body was telling me to run as his eyes ripped me apart.
" i hate you..... i hate you so much, I'll never marry you.... I'll never marru a dumont." He screamed, before running into the garden as I watched frozen in my place, his attendant apologized and took off after him. In mere minutes I was left standing alone in this beautiful garden filled with color, but all I could see was grey.
His highness never returned, i was told that I should take some time exploring the prince's palace and somehow, I ended up in the library.
Art, history, literature, politics, economics, fairytale.....
The library was astonishing, it had tall shelves filled with books stretching way beyond imagination. It had a giant window with an amazing veiw of the garden. A table and chair was placed by the window, looking out into the garden.
I traced my hand along the table as the view gave me a sense of relief and tranquility.
I was walking through the library trying to get my mind of the failed first meeting when a book caught my eyes
' magic transcendent 1'
It looked old and forgotten like it was never meant to be seen by anyone. It was placed on the lowest shelf, as if to hide it from the eyes of those who wander in .
'An abomination just like me'
"You must have been abandoned, left to collect dust in this book heaven." i stroke the book, wiping the dust off it.
Settling down on the chair by the window, i decide to read the book, so that one of us knows what it means to be seen and remembered