Wander, wander, wander, wander, wander, wander.
Shake, shake. My legs are shaking.
The madman was absentmindedly and leisurely sinking into the creaking chair, surrendering himself to the sensations of the dragon carriage and chuckling.
It's not that anything funny is happening, but laughing strangely makes me feel at ease.
If I don't do this, terribly painful feelings will build up in my chest, and if they build up too much, my head will explode and I'll become a complete mess.
To avoid that, I giggle even when there's nothing funny going on. I look for something funny and giggle.
But then, when the laughter suddenly stops, a sense of loneliness takes over.
When that happens, I can no longer hold back the tears and they start spilling out. I try to stop them but they won't stop, and when I try to stop them I find it hard to breathe. So in order to avoid feeling uncomfortable, I let the tears flow freely, and my face and clothes get soaked with tears.
And so, as I laughed and cried so that my chest wouldn't ache and my heart wouldn't be filled with pain, Ao would always come from somewhere and stroke my head or wipe my wet cheeks with a cloth.
That's why I liked Ao. Whenever Ao was by my side, my heart felt warm and fuzzy. Whenever Ao left my side, I felt as if everything around me had suddenly become dark and I became anxious. My chest ached just like when I want to cry, and even if I tried to laugh, I couldn't, and the tears just kept falling.
I'm sure the sadness came when I wasn't with Ao. When Ao leaves me, I remember those sadness and cry. That's why I wanted Ao to stay by my side forever. Ao knows this, and stays with me as much as he can.
That's why I liked blue.
Green isn't so bad either.
Although he didn't stroke me gently like Ao did, or come to see me as often as Ao did, Midori was hard and soft at the same time. Hard and soft, I didn't dislike it.
It was Ao who came to see Midori, and I think he came because Ao was with him. Midori and Ao were talking about various things, but they were busy giggling and crying.
When we finished talking and I was leaving, Midori stared at me intently. Her eyes were so firm yet soft, I couldn't help but like it.
Brown and white is scary. I hate it. It's scary. It sheds.
Brown came to see me after Blue, but I don't like Brown because he feels sick when I touch him and tears start to fall. I'm scared of his angry eyes. He has a soft face, but I'm scared. Blue strokes Brown so he won't cry, but he starts to cry.
White is even scarier. I didn't touch it. I only saw it once. But it's still scary. Its eyes staring at me like it's not looking at anything, it's scary. I don't like it. I don't like it.
Dream, dream.
Wander, wander, wander, wander.
Rocking back and forth, swaying his legs, leaning his shoulders back, feeling the breeze, the madman dreams absentmindedly and leisurely.
In my dreams, I see a silver thing swaying back and forth.
I don't know about silver.
My chest feels hot and warm. My chest feels painful and tingly. My chest feels tight and constricting. My heart is pounding fast.
I don't know whether I'm happy, sad, joyful, or in pain.
Sometimes I like it like blue, sometimes I feel bitter like brown, sometimes I feel soft like green, and sometimes I feel scary like white.
I don't know what silver is, but I don't mind thinking about it.
Sway, sway, sway, sway.
Sway, sway, sway. Sway.
※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※
Subaru was rowing the boat, dozing off with his head on her shoulder, and Rem glanced over at him with a slight smile on her face.
I'm happy that she is entrusting her whole body to me like this, defenseless and unguarded.
Rem knew that the Subaru right now was not the usual Subaru, that this state wasn't what he wanted, but still, it was the greatest joy to have someone place their complete trust in her like this.
"Subaru-kun, come closer."
"...Hmm, uh."
Even though they were close enough to hear each other's breathing, Rem pulled even closer to Subaru, pressing her body against him. The chair in the driver's seat was for one person, so they had to strain themselves to sit on it together. Rem being the smaller one should have been the one to lean her weight onto Subaru, but doing so now would have put both of them in danger.
After getting on the dragon carriage, Rem let the obedient Subaru sit halfway across her lap, holding his waist with the hand opposite the one holding the reins, and pulled the reins as she sat up again.
She tried to maintain a position that would not strain Subaru as much as possible. Because of this, Rem's position, which took up most of the surface area of the driver's seat, was quite painful. She would spend nearly half a day in that position, so it would not be surprising if a normal person would run out of strength halfway through.
In that respect, Rem's physical strength far surpasses that of an ordinary person. Her mental endurance, when it comes to enduring patiently, is also top-notch. Above all, the fact that her efforts are benefiting Subaru is what motivates Rem the most.
Rem had not been told the details of what had happened between Subaru and Emilia, or what distortion had arisen.
On the day the Royal Selection was announced at the Royal Castle, Rem, who had missed Subaru's entrance to the castle at Roswaal's instruction, was shocked at how haggard Emilia looked when she returned.
Appearing to be completely exhausted, she gave Rem a rough explanation of the events at the castle, then told her to go pick up Subaru, who she had left behind at the castle, and go to Crusch's mansion.
There was no scolding for letting Subaru go.
It didn't seem likely that Emilia had forgotten that part, so Rem assumed she had been thinking about it and didn't bring up the topic herself.
He simply followed Emilia's orders and entered the Karsten household, taking Subaru with him. He had spoken briefly with Roswaal beforehand, but that part was kept a secret from both Emilia and Subaru. And it was something that no longer made sense at this point.
Anyway, Subaru's treatment began in earnest after entering the Karsten household.
Rem was welcomed as a guest in his mansion, and unlike Subaru, she was not receiving treatment, so she was given freedom to do most of her own doing. She spent most of her free time standing by Subaru's side.
Part of me wanted to unconditionally approve of his bravery in trying to act normal despite his haggard appearance, but the truth was that my reason was more personal.
At Roswaal's mansion, Rem doesn't get to spend much time with Subaru.
He was mainly responsible for the odd jobs around the mansion as Ram's assistant, while she was responsible for the majority of the maintenance functions of the mansion, so the amount and frequency of their responsibilities were different. This meant that she had less time to spend with him than she did with her sister, which caused her to feel dissatisfied and anxious.
When I realized this, I felt it was so indecent that I couldn't say anything about it.
"Subaru-kun, it's okay."
Subaru was squirming, perhaps because he was uncomfortable sleeping, so Rem picked him up to ease him, and while holding the reins she spoke to him gently.
Subaru, still asleep with his eyes closed, didn't respond to the voice. However, it felt as if the fierceness in the corners of his eyes had calmed just a little, and Rem regained her composure and looked ahead.
He had planned to head to the mansion through the night, but he thought it might be better to camp somewhere for a while. It was past noon when he left Crusch's mansion, and the moon was beginning to hang behind the clouds about halfway to the mansion.
The pace was much slower than planned. This was the result of Rem trying hard not to put too much strain on Subaru, and forcing the earth dragon to run much slower than its natural speed.
The planned half-day journey would be completed in two or three hours, but if they continued at this pace they would probably not reach the mansion until morning.
"If that happens, it will be difficult to communicate with my sister."
The conditions for using empathy are a certain distance and that both parties are in an awakened state.
In particular, if Rem were to send a message to Ram, the conditions in terms of both energy and distance would be extremely strict. At the very least, it would be impossible for her to report the current situation to Ram from the current distance, and by the time it would be possible to do so, it would be late at night.
--Let's camp out after all.
Having made that decision, Rem took the reins and gave the command to the earth dragon to stop.
The earth dragon, which had been moving at a rapid pace, obeyed the command, slowed down, and slowly came to a halt, breathing heavily as it looked up in my direction.
Leaving Subaru on the driver's seat, Rem swiftly jumped off, and landed on the road, looking around.
The sun had already set, and the only light filling the Leafous Highway was the moonlight and the lights made from ragmite ore that were installed on the dragon carriage that Rem was driving.
Fortunately, there were few clouds tonight, and the moonlight was bright enough. Deciding that the possibility of an attack by bandits was rather low, Rem quickly climbed into the carriage of the dragon carriage that was being pulled, and quickly piled up blankets to make a makeshift sleeping spot. Then,
"Subaru-kun, excuse me."
She picked up Subaru, who was sleeping in the driver's seat, in her arms like a princess and wrapped him in the futon in the bedroom.
Subaru was probably tired from sitting and driving for so long, so Rem laid him down, gave him a quick roll to check that he was OK, then she got out of the vehicle to keep watch over the camp.
They aren't too worried about thieves, but at night on the highway there are fewer dragon carriages and so it's not uncommon for monsters and wild dogs to attack.
Having encountered such cases many times in the past, Rem knows that these opponents are far more dangerous than humans.
"You'll be here tonight, so I don't think you need to worry too much."
Reaching out, Rem stroked the face of the earth dragon, which was lowering its nose towards her.
Although he had been tied up for half a day, he had spent a long time with her. She had grown quite fond of him, and he listened carefully to what Rem had to say even though it was their first meeting. He had been properly trained, and he was nothing but praiseworthy, as expected of a duke's earth dragon.
Although, the earth dragon's understanding was also not unrelated to the fact that Rem was a "demon", a biologically superior being.
Earth dragons are a species that stand out among all dragon species in that they have a particularly friendly relationship with humans. A large number of them are incorporated into daily life, and they are highly valued due to their gentle nature.
When it comes to flying dragons and water dragons, they require special training and need to be raised from young, so their numbers are limited compared to earth dragons.
In any case, although earth dragons are the closest to humans among dragon species, their quality as a species naturally sets them apart from other beasts. There are almost no wild creatures that would attack an earth dragon without knowing its true power, and earth dragons themselves have a keen sense of danger.
Only a large group of magical beasts or a group of bandits would attack the earth dragon, and the earth dragon would almost always detect such groups in advance.
Therefore, there is no need to worry too much about camping with an earth dragon.
"Please take it easy and get some rest."
Between the earth dragon and myself, we have more than enough personnel to keep watch at night.
Rem called out to the sleeping area as she glanced up, stroking the dragon that was nuzzling her, and made it sit on the ground. She then leaned her body against the dragon's hard skin, pulled the blanket she had brought out over her body, and went on guard duty with a tense mind.
If we leave in the morning, just as the sun begins to rise, we should be able to reach the mansion by tomorrow morning.
She had no choice but to accept the scolding for not achieving her goal and bringing Subaru back. After all, she was the only one who could protect Subaru now.
"But if I could return Subaru to normal..."
Emilia was probably the only one there, and that made Rem feel frustrated.
For Rem, Emilia was an extremely difficult person to deal with.
Roswaal had welcomed her in as a guest, and now he treated her as a superior being, a potential king. In fact, he had instructed Rem and Ram to treat her the same way.
Rem had no particular objection to her being treated more highly than her master, Roswaal. Ram, who believed in Roswaal supremacy, seemed dissatisfied, but Rem's feelings about this were not as strong as her sister's. Of course, her sister wasn't stupid enough to show it on her face or in her words, so it was simply Rem's perception of Ram's feelings.
This was because the dissatisfaction was so strong that it resonated strongly with our sense of empathy, something that we don't usually pay much attention to.
The reason why Rem has complicated feelings towards Emilia has nothing to do with Roswaal, but rather her origins.
--Emilia is half-elf. In other words, she is half-demon.
Intellectually, Rem knew that she had done nothing wrong, but emotionally, she couldn't fully accept it.
It's not that Emilia is bad, but the half-demon's existence had too great an impact on Rem's life to be ignored.
It is difficult to choose whether to treat them kindly or maliciously.
As a result, Rem had firmly decided that her treatment of Emilia would be simple and would not deviate from the relationship of "guest and servant."
Rem responded to Emilia's instructions like a machine, ignoring all emotion. Perhaps Emilia sensed Rem's attitude, as she didn't seem to mind.
Day after day passed with their relationship remaining like this, and he thought that no matter what the outcome of the royal selection would be, it would not change. Due to his role, it was unlikely that he would be able to witness the end of the royal selection. Considering the position he had imposed on himself, he had warned himself that it was unnecessary to harbor strong feelings towards Emilia, whether good or bad.
And yet now, Rem's feelings towards Emilia had completely changed.
This made Rem's heart ache terribly.
To Rem, who is not so immature as to be unable to acknowledge her own feelings, Emilia's stubbornness was intolerable in every sense of the word. And while she knew that it was understandable that Emilia had a history of becoming like that, she hated herself for thinking that way.
These feelings swirl and swirl, threatening to explode with a boy at the center of them all.
Rem sighed, disgusted by her own ugliness.
Being in such a soundless world, where even the source of light is unclear, one's thoughts naturally become incoherent.
Time seemed to pass slowly and vaguely, and no matter how many times I looked up at the moon, it seemed as if it hadn't moved from its previous position.
The nights are long. Nights alone are endlessly deep, cold and long.
Suddenly, Rem felt the urge to sneak into the vehicle behind her.
How nice it would be to slip in next to the boy, wrapped in a blanket in the car, his face looking so calm only as he slept so deeply he didn't dream, and share his warmth.
I am tempted to just drop everything and do this.
Even if he returns like this, the harsh reality that awaits him is far from ideal.
Now, no matter where he drove his dragon carriage, there was nothing to blame him for it other than his own conscience. If he continued to spend time with Subaru, he might eventually regain his humanity from his childlike state, and they might be able to share the same time, though differently than before.
The travel money given to Roswaal was also quite substantial. With this, he could disappear and live in seclusion with Subaru.
"Fufu, that's just a dream..."
Shaking her head and pressing her head into her knees, Rem chuckled at her own delusion.
There was no way he could make such a despised choice. Normally, it was a cruel thought that should be avoided even by thinking about it.
There was no way she could leave her sister and Ram behind and leave the mansion. Her sister was literally her other half, and if she were to leave her behind in that mansion, how much of a burden would it be on her? Her sister was kind and sweet to Rem, so she would surely forgive her even in such a situation. And that was why she couldn't bring herself to betray her sister.
Roswaal had entrusted a large sum of money and an important role to Rem, who was even willing to consider such a betrayal, but betraying that trust was also something that Rem, who was so fastidious about her character, could never have thought of.
And above all,
"Subaru-kun... we can't just leave him like this."
While she was busily taking care of Subaru, Rem was dominated by a feeling of euphoria.
Rem is aware that she has a strong possessive personality. If possible, she would like to keep everyone important to her. By devoting herself to others, she is able to realize the value of her own existence - one could even say that she was born with a maid-like temperament.
Therefore, the current situation of looking after Subaru is not a burden to Rem. Rather, she feels fulfilled by Subaru, who cannot do without her.
However, that was not the real Subaru.
To Rem, the person called Natsuki Subaru has always been――
※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※
Rem slowly raised her face, her bangs fluttering in the damp morning air.
Rem was half-awake, drifting between sleep and reality, and realized once again that it was almost time to leave.
During the night, nothing notable had happened, and not even a trace of any magical beasts or bandits had appeared before them. However, it seemed that Rem had also been tired. Unable to bear the hours of no apparent change, her consciousness began to give way to sleepiness, and she shifted into the aforementioned semi-awake state, spending time resting.
I stood up and stretched in the cool morning air.
It was a sloppy and unbecoming gesture. She would never do it in front of anyone, but right now, the only one who could see it was Subaru, breathing heavily beside her.
"Subaru-kun?!"
Surprised, Rem jumps back and realizes that there is a boy wrapped in a blanket right next to her.
The boy who had been leaning against us lost his support and slowly tumbled onto the grass, grimacing and stirring.
Panicking, Rem compared Subaru's figure with the dragon carriage behind her. He must have come down from the room in the middle of the night, when Rem's consciousness had faded away from consciousness, and rolled in next to her.
While she was horrified at the fact that she hadn't noticed this, on the other hand, her face turned red as she realized just how much she had trusted Subaru.
Despite her girlish reaction, Rem was thinking in her heart that Subaru's actions might be a good sign.
Subaru would usually remain expressionless while awake, or simply laugh or cry, but he had gotten off the dragon carriage of his own accord, and thus acted with purpose.
Rem hoped that his broken mind was gradually coming back together and reconstructing his personality.
"--Okay, let's go home, Subaru."
If there has been a change, it will surely be for the better.
It's a way of thinking that's unlike her own, but it's likely the result of being influenced by the boy in front of her. And there's something about this inner change that Rem finds endearing.
Rem once again picked up the still sleeping Subaru and climbed into the driver's seat, where she woke up the earth dragon. She called out to the awakened earth dragon, gave it some water, and set off again.
The wheels bite into the ground of the road and the train slowly picks up speed and begins to move.
The journey is roughly halfway, which would take about seven or eight hours.
Both her energy and stamina were more fulfilling than yesterday, when she set out with only a sense of despondency. Looking at Subaru's profile as he slept deeply, Rem conveyed her excitement to the reins and increased her speed.
I'm sure everything will turn out for the better.
--That's what Rem believed.
※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※
--The atmosphere is strange.
As the dragon carriage drove along, Rem noticed this when she rested the sleepy Subaru's head on her lap and slid her arm through his black hair, stroking it.
Maybe it's because I had time to think it over last night.
Having come to some degree of understanding for the complicated feelings within herself, Rem found herself feeling somewhat elated at the sight of Subaru snuggling up to her in the middle of the night.
If that was the reason why I was late in noticing such an obvious abnormality, then I was too stupid to help myself.
"It's too quiet..."
As we traveled along the Leafous Highway, we hadn't come across any other dragon carriages so far.
Although they were driving along the highway, Rem was slightly off the right path, aiming to take the shortest route to the mansion. Feeling the wheels nibbling at the grass on her buttocks, Rem should have been concerned about the fact that there were no other people around, with no obstructions.
Even when we were on guard against attacks by monsters and bandits last night, there were several strange things.
Not only was there no sign of any hostile presence, but it was also strange that I couldn't even hear the chirp of an insect.
A bad feeling ran through her mind.
This kind of silence, and the way living things hold their breath - such things are always a sign that something strange and extraordinary will occur beyond human understanding.
The sense of unease grows stronger as the distance between the Mathers territory and the mansion decreases.
Rem's inner anxiety was poured into her hands as she gripped the reins, urging the already franticly running earth dragon even faster.
He knew he was pushing them too hard, but he needed to find out the true nature of this anxiety as soon as possible. If it was just a groundless worry, that was fine. He could apologize to both Subaru and the Earth Dragon for making them go on such an unreasonable journey, and face the problem once again.
However, what if this unease smoldering in my chest is real?
"--Sister?"
Suddenly, Rem's mind was filled with a tangle of emotions that were not her own.
--That was an unbearable anxiety, but the fact that it disappeared so quickly made Rem feel anxious.
Her older sister, who usually appears calm on the surface, is in fact bold inside. Basically, the only times she is shaken are when it comes to her master or, presumptuously, her younger sister Rem.
She felt such anxiety towards Rem that it was easy to empathize with her. And the fact that it disappeared so quickly meant that she restrained herself from letting it be conveyed to Rem.
That anxiety would not have been conveyed if they had been farther apart, but it reached Rem, who was returning from the royal capital.
And Rem, who received it,
"We have to get back quickly――!"
He hurries, gripping the reins even tighter until his hands turn white.
As things stood, if things were going according to plan at the mansion, the only people there would be her sister and Emilia. What if, in that situation, a problem arose that was beyond their control? And if that problem was unrelated to this anxiety――
Rem is driven by a sense of impatience. On the surface, she keeps a blank expression, and deep down she tries to remain calm, but in reality, she has a flaw in that when she tries too hard, she loses sight of what's going on around her.
This time too, that flaw had bared its fangs at her.
--In front of her very eyes, in a world where time had stagnated, Rem saw the earth dragon's head being blown off