"Dylan," I called out to my aide. My migraines have been getting worse lately, and it didn't help that my wife was insisting on divorce at every chance she gets.
"Arrange these files according to urgency, I wish to rest." As I put down my pen, I threw my head back to ease the neck pain. Ever since I became the duke, I couldn't spend much time with my wife as I did back then. And particularly today, for once in my life—I felt alone.
"My lord, Viscount Wellesley has come to visit you. Should we send him back?" Dylan asked, searching for approval with an anxious look on his face. Dylan has always been my unconditional ally ever since I stood in this position. If something had happened, he'd be the first to know–and I worry, as he might age faster than me for worrying every day.
"No, I'll just go for a short while." I mustered the will to look fine. "We don't want to keep a friend waiting for too long," I pushed back my seat and made my way.
Viscount Wellesley and I have been acquainted back in the academy days. Actually, he stood more as a confidante rather than an acquaintance. The man was wise and loyal—not in my family's surname, but as 'Theo'. He had temperament like calm waters, a level-headed man in this age and society.
"I hope I didn't make you wait too long," I greeted, maintaining a warm smile. Upon seeing me enter, he stood and received me just the same.
"Ah, Theo. How have you been?" With hands reached out, he said, 'You look thinner than last time I saw you!'
"That was a long time ago," jesting, we both shared a moment of laughter.
"That's right, it's truly been a while..." June mused, with a nostalgic expression written all over his face.
"Ah, I'm getting married to my betrothed. Her name is Guinevère,"
He uttered, smiling ever so gentlemanly at the thought of finally calling his beloved "wife." This was a bittersweet moment—my friend was going to be having the best time of his life, while mine was going the opposite. Still, he was no different than 'my people', and I should treat him accordingly. Suddenly, my migraines peaked upon hearing him ramble on about his marriage.
"I've come to you to simply ask for your blessings. You've married the love of your life after all," June spoke with hopeful eyes. I knew he meant well, but all this talk about love and marriage was making my head spin. Perhaps it was a trigger.
I kept shut the entire time he spoke, I didn't understand why I felt something stir inside me.
What was I feeling? Envy? Why?
"I didn't know you were such a romantic person, June." I snickered, to which he responded immediately. "I could say the same for you! Your marriage was a spectacle—I was even moved by your love story," he laughed and continued, "I found it unbelievable at first, especially from a Lancaster." I felt a sting. My marriage was a spectacle? In today's society, I knew that everyone thought of it as entertaining—something to gossip about.
"That's enough," I assert. My tone unbelievably somber.
"Unfortunately, I won't be able to attend, but I shall send out gifts." I'm too tired to deal with this anymore, I should send him back.
"That's unfortunate, but I understand. Then, I.." June looked sad. However, despite what he felt, he had to understand because of my position.
"Theo? Are you alright?" The look of concern on his face was prominent. I paid it no mind and tried to stay focused on my spinning surroundings instead. I felt nauseous at every sound that reached my ears; It was stimulating.
"You may leave." I managed to say out loud. June was hesitant to go right away as I commanded, and if it wasn't for him, I would've closed my eyes, not knowing what would happen next.
My vision blacked out as the voices became diluted into nothingness. My skull felt like it was about to burst, and there was no other urge than to bash it into a wall or something. I felt that this insanity was inherited, as I have never felt this way in my life ever before.
***
I was in a trance. Clearly, it was a dream. My surroundings were unfamiliar yet comforting at the same time, like I was being embraced by motherly warmth. In the dream, I saw my wife weeping quietly.
My chest tightened upon the sight. This time, she wouldn't let me see her face—or it was my subconscious that didn't allow.
I called out her name, "Selene," yet I couldn't hear my own voice. She didn't stop. The more I tried to close in the distance between us, the farther her figure was.
I was chasing something—someone who may not even be my wife.
"Siena," I cried out. This time, she paused and turned to look in my direction.
I couldn't even tell what her expression was.
There was something that kept me separated from her, and I was growing impatient. "Siena, stop it," I yelled, hoping my volume would be enough to get through her. "I..love you so, I won't let you go–" Fumbling the words out my mouth, I felt the urge to hold her in my arms, embrace her, never to let go.
The Siena in my dream didn't say a word.
"Why...why, are you leaving me?" I felt desperate. I demanded an answer.
"Why are you so eager?" I muttered, holding myself back from raising my voice and fury. The Siena in that dream ran to me and said, 'I'm sorry'. I knew instantly that this was not my wife.
I still received her in my arms, holding her frame as gentle as I could. I feared that if I held her too tight, she would eventually break. However, I also feared that if I didn't cling to her, she would slip away.
"I do love you," I whispered.
"You are the only one.."
And just like that, the dream came to an abrupt end.
"..My lord, you are like this because of the mistress... She is no good," a familiar voice–someone I know very well.
"She is flawed...and— < > ...why are you hurting like this?" I wouldn't believe that my own aide was putting words in my mouth. Is this how they saw Selene? Insulting my wife is as grave as insulting me. How dare he?
"Do you want to die?" I snapped, words came out faster than I could open my eyes. My head felt like it was about to burst. "My liege!" Dylan exclaimed with a face full of concern.
"Do not insult the duchess. Otherwise, I will have you executed no matter your loyalty and service." I asserted, keeping my head from falling while I hissed from the sharp, seething pain.
"Get out. I don't want anyone coming to my room—" I paused and thought of that dream. I resorted that I needed it to be my reality. "...no one but my wife." I continued.
A thought passed through my mind,
I debated to test the waters.
If my wife truly felt nothing, then she wouldn't bother to come. The Siena I know would never ignore someone pitiful, but what if it was her husband? Would it be different? I'll know it when I try.
Dylan left in a hurry, and then I heard muffled voices outside the door, eventually fading out into nothing.
Without a second thought, I meticulously followed my plan without fail. However, I collapsed in the area that I wasn't supposed to. Maybe the heavens weren't on my side as I may have genuinely injured myself in the process.
little did I know that when I gained consciousness, I'd be thanking the almighty.