Before Theodore woke up
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I held his hands knelt beside his bed. I couldn't fathom why this man did such a thing. Didn't he have his life laid before him already? just why would he do this to himself?
"You wench!" My mother-in-law shrieked from behind.
Accompanied by her quickened footsteps, she complained about my presence in this room.
before I could even pick up my knees from the ground, she grabbed my hair and landed a slap on my cheeks.
"This is because of you!" Her face fuming red, as if all blood went there. I held my cheek, hissing from the sting. Using every little strength I could muster to stop the tears from flowing. 'Theo would be worried if my face looked like this', I thought.
"Mother, Please–let's talk outside. Your son needs to rest," I insisted. She deliberated on my suggestion for a moment and eventually sighed in agreement.
"Fine," She turned and glanced at the door, meaning for me to go with her.
As we stepped outside, I gazed upon the weakened man, laying helplessly on his bed. He looked so pitiful, just like back then.
It seemed like the image of the strongest figure in the empire was a hoax, all that shattered just because of one's mental state.
A passing thought resurfaced in my mind once again,
'Is it truly because of me? because I asked to divorce?'
I could never know the answer unless I talked to him directly.
---
"I received word that you were trying to divorce Theo."
My mother-in-law mentioned just when we entered the drawing room. She didn't even turn to look at me when she said those words.
"Yes, but..his condition now has become a variable."—more like he was intent on refusing to divorce until the end. "So what's taking you so long? His condition now may be even because of you," She stated, sparing no chance for me to speak.
I was in her shadow in this vast room, and It felt suffocating. "My son hasn't been himself lately. I found out it was because of your pride insisting to dump him."
I laughed inside. Pride? She thought I was displaying mere pride? I sneered at the thought. They must take me for a joke.
The room was loudly quiet. I could hear her heavy breathing from the door where I was standing. I could hear her just the same as the pounding in my chest.
"I will make sure you divorce Theo. By then, I expect that I never see your wretched face back here again. I will send you enough funds, but don't you dare ask for too much."
As she dictated these words, my mind fogged. Devoid of thoughts and emotions, I ended up nodding and dismissed myself.
I drifted through the halls. The grand duchess's words rattled through my skull, echoing in the emptiness I had been forced into. She says that I have time to decide, but what choice did I truly have?
Would leaving Theodore free him from this madness, or would it only solidify his downfall? The weight of what could be my decision pressed against my chest, suffocating.
'Damn it all' I mumbled under my breath. It was the way everyone looked at me, as if my presence alone had dismantled the empire's most formidable man. I was a convenient villain in their eyes, the source of Lancaster's destruction.
Then, a sharp sound cut through my wandering—muffled cries, strained and trembling.
I turned the corner and halted. Anna, my maid, stood hunched, her small frame curled inward as two maids sneered at her, their hands clenched around the hem of her apron.
"You think you can serve a woman who's already discarded? Pathetic," one spat, a brunette maid, tugging her forward roughly.
Anna's lips trembled as she clutched the fabric of her sleeves, refusing to meet their gazes.
A slow, simmering heat burned in my throat.
"That's enough," I announced. My voice loud enough to echo the halls.
The maids jolted in surprise, quickly pulling away from Anna and straightening their skirts. I didn't like that their eyes still held that same scorn.
I did not allow myself to react—I only turned to Anna and placed a steady hand on her shoulder. "You work under me, and I will not tolerate anyone treating you this way."
Anna stared at me with watery eyes, nodding feebly as the other maids scurried away quietly, with no apology.
That moment sealed my decision once more.
If this was what staying meant—powerless infront of scorn, that I couldn't even manage to have lowly maids apologize? then I rather go. I will leave before Theodore's suffering swallowed me whole.
But fate had one more twist to deliver.
That night, as I passed by the grand duchess's study, muffled voices slithered through the gap beneath the door.
"You'll replace her soon, Alice," the grand duchess murmured. "It's only a matter of time. Once she's gone, Theodore will see reason."
Alice Eugenia. The woman who had once stood as Theodore's betrothed.
My breath hitched, my hands tightening into fists.
They had already planned my removal.
And Theodore had never been meant to have a choice.
The discovery solidified something inside me. There was no escaping this—they had already cast me aside, arranging for Alice to slip into my place the moment I was gone. Even if Theodore refused, even if he still clung to me, they would strip me from his life regardless. How could I be so ambitious?
I returned to my chambers, my steps even more purposeful now, I was no longer hesitant.
Anna had retreated to the corner of the room, stiff and quiet. When I sat on the edge of my bed, she hesitated before speaking.
"Are you leaving, My Lady?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.
I exhaled sharply, running my fingers through my hair. "I don't have a choice."
She stood still for a moment, then slowly stepped closer. "But...he still needs you."
Her words scraped against my resolve.
Did he? Or had I simply become the last thread keeping him trapped in his own agony?
I had thought this marriage could offer more than survival. That Theodore would be someone different—that perhaps, the devotion he clung to was more than mere possession.
Our marriage started because of love, but that same love shackled me for 3 whole years during this marriage. All I saw were chains. Not just binding him, but binding me too.
"He will recover, Anna," I murmured. "Whether I am here or not." She swallowed, her fingers tightening into her sleeves, but she did not argue.
That night, I sent word to the grand duchess.
I would accept her offer.
And by morning, arrangements had already begun.
My departure was not quiet. Servants whispered, the halls buzzed with murmurs, and at every turn, I caught glimpses of sneering eyes. No one was surprised. As if they had all been waiting for this moment.
When I passed the grand duchess again, she barely spared me a glance. "Good," was all she said.
Alice was already waiting, a poised smile on her lips, as if she had been rehearsing her entrance into Theodore's life.
I did not look at her.
I had already made my decision. And now, I would disappear.