I was sitting on my chair, just staring, staring at absolutely nothing. It was as if my brain was lost in a land that was far beyond this world.
I was thinking about how it used to be. Used to be when I was just a normal kid. Life went downhill fast. Faster than I had imagined it to be. And once it went downhill it took so long till things started to get better. And when I finally felt a little better, I died. Then I came here, figuring things from scratch. It hurts sometimes. Looking back there was so much I never got to tell others. Death wasn't a painful experience as everyone expects it to be. It was slow, calm somehow. At times I wish I could just go back once to tell everybody how much I cared about them. I wish I could see them grow up.
The night was silent. I gazed out of the window, it was a starless night. Even the moon was not properly visible, there were clouds, thick clouds. But even through them I could see the moonlight pouring out. It wasn't bright and strong like usual it was lighter and weaker somehow. The clouds would cover the moon and the night would grow dark but then they would move and the moonlight would pour out. It seemed to waver in a way.
As I gazed out of the window I felt this string of emotions like my heart would burst open anytime. But it wasn't painful. I didn't feel hurt I just felt overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the turns my life had taken.
I went on the roof. A cold breeze was flowing, exactly what you would expect from a cloudy night. The city was silent. Everyone was asleep, except the night owls who were probably doing something important. Everyone was busy in their own lives. And on this moment at the terrace I was truly alone. The term alone wasn't scary for me it was synonymous to peaceful at least that's what I told myself long ago.
I leaned by the railing, wind blowing on my face, my hair started swaying. In that moment there was so much in my heart. My regrets, my sorrows, my anxiety, my failures, my fears, my nightmares. So much that I had physically left in my past life but were still there deep in my heart. There was so much I had to do in this life.
As I looked down at the silent city, peacefully asleep. All I could do was sing the song I used to sing all the time back home. Back at my previous home. I sang and sang. I wasn't afraid of disturbing anyone. Alone was when I could just exist. When I could drop my mask. I sang and sang. It wasn't loud, it was quite just like my hurting heart. I was still not a big fan of crying. And this was my silent way of screaming and crying.
Slowly the sun started coming out. The moon was still their, faintly visible but visible. The sun started coming out painting the sky slight orange and light blue. Both the sun and moon seemed as if they were just trying to exist. Not shine exist.
As I saw the sun grow brighter and brighter and moon fade and fade even more my heart felt light again.
I got downstairs. I felt prepared. Prepared for whatever comes next. I took a long shower. Got dressed. Prepared breakfast. I had to go to school at eight. There was still a lot of time. It was like five I think. I was still humming and cooking when Mummy came out. Like usual she scolded me for getting up so early but I didn't mind. These small moments seemed to fill my heart sometimes.
I went in my room, started double checking that I was ready or not for the trip. Then I started reading all the instructions. Gladly I wasn't missing any item.
I took out my guitar and decided to play for a while. I started switching from song to song. I was excited for the trip.
I had always passed on school trips. Last time I went, it was in seventh grade I think. Everybody has forced me to go. That trip was okay. Not fun exactly. I also kinda felt bored because the girls I had been paired up with wouldn't stop talking about fashion, boys, crushes and random gossip. This time was gonna be different.
Through the door I could hear my elder brother whinning about going to college. Stuff like it not being fair and the weather being too hot to function like a human let alone learning. Mummy was saying that there were airconditioners in his classroom so the heat was no excuse. Then he was saying that he wasn't asking to take a leave he was just saying that how all of this sucks.
Finally at seven forty I left home with my stuff after hearing Mummy's long instructions. Which weren't that long exactly. I had told them that I had a group to stay with. I went off.
I entered 12- A the class where we had to report.
"Hey Chandni come here!" Called Janhavi
I sat down. Saw Aarush across the row sitting with his buddies. And there was Rudraksh and Manan and Siddhant and another boy who was probably Kartik. Siddhant was looking at a girl who matched the discription of Samriddhi. She obviously did not notice. The other three guys were making eye contacts and giggling.
The classroom was packed with excitement, exactly what you would expect from a room full of excited teenagers. I was excited too.
"Guys I have brought UNO to play in the bus."
"Yayy!"
"I have got cards."
"Wow!"
"I have prepared a playlist to listen to."
"Oh nice!"
We were soon boarded in the bus. Of course the busses were seperate for boys and girls except one which had both. Ours was only girls one. I was sitting on a two seater, window seat beside me was Kaveri. Janhavi and Shivangi were in front of us. The teachers head counted the students, took the attendence.
As we handed off I had this great feeling. I was excited and happy. My heart felt light. And I felt ready. Ready to see what life has to offer ready to see what this new chapter brings to my life. Every place I go, every friend I make, every descion I take, every path I take, every experience i gain is a moment important and carved deep in my heart. It is what makes me me.