Ek ladki thi…
Jise duniya se zyada matlab nahi tha.
Wo apni hi duniya me rehti thi — shaant, thodi alag… jaise use kisi ki zarurat hi na ho.
Log kehte the usme koi khaas baat nahi hai.
Na wo zyada sundar thi, na hi kisi ko impress karne ki koshish karti thi.
Lekin ek cheez thi usme…
Wo bahut strong thi.
Wo akeli hi apni family aur society ka saamna karti thi.
Zyada bolti nahi thi… bas sab sunti rehti thi.
Bachpan me hi uski maa use chhod kar chali gayi thi.
Tab se log use taras ki nazar se dekhte the.
"Bechari…"
"Iski maa ise chhod kar chali gayi…"
"Aisi ladkiyon ki zindagi kabhi theek nahi hoti…"
Aise lafz usne bachpan se sune the.
Ghar wale bhi use zyada samajhne ki koshish nahi karte the.
Unke liye wo bas zimmedari thi… beti kam.
Lekin ek baat alag thi usme.
Wo kisi ki baaton ko apne dil par lagati nahi thi.
Jaise dard uske andar jagah hi na bana pata ho.
Wo na roti thi.
Na shikayat karti thi.
Na kisi se sawal poochti thi.
Jaise usne apne emotions ko kahin gehra daba diya ho.
Lekin…
Sach me aisa tha?
Ya phir uske andar kuch aisa toot chuka tha…
jiska awaaz kabhi bahar hi nahi aaya?Us din bhi wo school ke kone wali bench par akeli baithi thi.
Classroom me sab log groups me baat kar rahe the, hass rahe the, lekin uske aas-paas hamesha ki tarah khamoshi thi.
Log use "silent girl" kehte the.
Kisi ne kabhi yeh jaanne ki koshish nahi ki uski khamoshi choice thi… ya majboori.
Lunch break me jab sab apne doston ke saath khana share karte, wo apna tiffin dheere se band kar deti. Bhook se zyada use aadat thi akelapan ki.
Kabhi kabhi wo classroom ki khidki se bahar dekhte hue sochti —
"Kya kisi ko kabhi meri kami mehsoos hogi?"
Ghar par bhi zyada farq nahi tha.
Papa kaam me busy rehte, aur ghar ke logon ke paas uske sawaalon ke liye waqt nahi hota.
Wo bimar ho ya udaas — sab kehte,
"Tum to strong ho, tumhe kya problem ho sakti hai?"
Usne dheere dheere apne emotions ko likhna shuru kiya…
Ek purani diary me.
Jisme na koi judge karta tha, na koi use bekaar samajhta tha.
Wahi diary uski best friend thi.
Wahi uski awaaz thi.
Wahi uska sach tha.
Lekin use nahi pata tha…
Ki ek din wahi diary uski zindagi badal degi.Usne bachpan se hi seekh liya tha ki zyada bolne se log door chale jaate hain.
Isliye usne chup rehna hi theek samjha.
School me uski attendance hamesha hoti thi, lekin uski presence koi mehsoos nahi karta tha. Teachers use "quiet but decent" kehkar ignore kar dete, aur classmates use "attitude wali" samajh kar door rehte.
Sach to yeh tha ki uske paas attitude nahi, bas thakan thi — samajhaye jaane ki thakan.
Har din ghar lautkar wo apne kamre ke kone me baith jaati. Bag ek side, shoes dusri side… aur wo seedha chhat ko dekhte hue sochti rehti.
"Kya main waqai itni bekaar hoon… ya bas kisi ne mujhe samjha hi nahi?"
Uske paas ek purani si diary thi. Cover thoda phata hua, pages pe purane daag… lekin wahi uski sabse safe jagah thi.
Wo diary me wo sab likhti jo wo duniya se kabhi nahi keh paayi.
Apni maa ke baare me sawal.
Apne papa se shikayat.
Aur khud se ek hi promise —
"Main tootungi nahi."
Har raat likhte likhte uski aankhen bhar aati, lekin aansu girne se pehle hi wo unhe poch leti. Use lagta tha ro dene se wo sach me kamzor ho jayegi.
Lekin use nahi pata tha…
Ki emotions chupane se wo kamzor nahi, andar se dheere dheere patthar ban rahi thi.
Aur patthar jab tootta hai…
To awaaz bahut der tak goonjti hai.
."Usse nahi pata tha…
Ki uski zindagi ka wo tootna…
ab shuru hone wala tha.