You ever have that feeling when you know something's about to go horribly wrong but you just can't tell if it's because of one the sketchy person you're forced to trust, or two the other two idiots you voluntarily associate with? Yeah, that was me.
I was sprinting through the forest like a man on a mission. A very sweaty, increasingly paranoid mission.
"Please Archons, PLEASE let me get there in time. If I don't, either that sentient thundercloud of sarcasm named Scaramouche is gonna go full villain mode, or Lumine and Paimon are gonna start a diplomatic incident over who gets the last piece of grilled fish. There is no in between."
I hopped over a rock. Slipped. Recovered like a ninja. Okay, maybe like a slightly drunk ninja.
The ruins were up ahead—ominous, gloomy, and radiating 'Welcome to the shady shit club' energy. And what do I see guarding the entrance?
Fatui.
Because of course.
"Well," I muttered, stretching my arms and cracking my neck, "Time to do what any normal, emotionally stable person would do—beat up some morally ambiguous foot soldiers."
I stormed the front like an uninvited party guest kicking down the door, metaphorically and literally.
"Hello there! Did you miss me? No? Too bad."
First guard lunged. I sidestepped and smacked him with the pommel of my blade. Second guard tried to stab me—rude—but I parried and kicked him in the knee.
"You guys ever think of switching jobs? You could be backup dancers with all this choreography."
Three more down. Five more came. At this point, I was speedrunning an ass-kicking.
Eventually, the entryway was full of groaning, defeated Fatui, and I—Shigeru, Defender of Questionable Decisions—barged inside the Delusion Factory.
"Man, the Fatui really said 'Let's build our most evil contraption in the most anxiety-inducing place possible.' Like, was a haunted mansion not available or what?"
Inside, I saw what could only be described as an aesthetic disaster: creepy purple fog, mechanical spikes, glowing tubes, and the faint sound of opera playing somewhere deep in the building. Probably from someone's cursed playlist.
But that wasn't what caught my attention. It was the bodies.
Fatui Skirmishers. Everywhere. Laid out like broken action figures.
"Damn… Lumine definitely passed through here. This has her 'I'm done with your bullshit' energy all over it."
I searched the place like a madman trying to find his car keys, except my keys were a blonde girl and her flying appetite.
Nothing.
"No Lumine, no Paimon. Great. I finally get here and they're already gone. Guess I'm the responsible one now? Ew."
I sighed and turned around, ready to head back.
That's when I noticed the purple mist.
Right. This was the corrupted negative emotion juice. The Grade A villain fuel. The emotional energy slurpee.
"Huh… Should I be worried that I don't feel anything? Like, it's just giving me a minor craving for spicy tofu."
I waved a hand through the mist. Nothing. Guess being chronically unbothered has its perks.
"Welp. Guess I'll go pick up the golden cutie and her floating menu now."
I took a step forward.
And the Fatui stepped in.
Again.
"Seriously? Y'all respawn faster than mushrooms in Sumeru!"
They surrounded me, weapons drawn, faces looking like they've had a very bad day. Or maybe they just always look like that.
"Look, I'm tired, sweaty, and emotionally constipated. I don't have time for this. So, here's the deal: you leave, I leave, and we pretend this never happened."
They charged me.
"Fatui Hospital's about to get new patients again, huh?" I muttered, cracking my knuckles. "Alright. Fuck it. Round two, electric boogaloo."
One guy tried to surprise me with a frost blade. I countered with a flaming kick to the face. Another went for a lunge—I ducked and uppercut him into the next chapter.
"I swear, you guys are like breakable collectibles! Stop rushing me unless you wanna be limited edition."
The mist swirled around, reacting to my chaotic energy. I think it got confused.
"What is this guy?" it probably thought. "Why is he laughing while fighting a dozen armed men?"
Because, dear mist, I am Shigeru. This is what I do.
One guy screamed, "You'll never escape!"
I responded, "Buddy, I barely escaped math class. This is nothing."
And then I used him as a stepping stool to backflip over three more dudes.
Eventually, silence.
The floor was littered with unconscious Fatui. Again.
I stood in the middle, panting, hands on my hips.
"Another day, another batch of traumatized government workers."
I looked up at the blinking factory lights.
"Seriously though, how do you people not have an HR department?"
I dusted myself off and started heading back out.
Time to find Lumine.
Time to drag Scaramouche by his emo hair.
Time to make sure Paimon hasn't sold me out to the nearest merchant for a snack.
"Let's hope I make it back before dinner. I earned a plate of something greasy, and I swear to Celestia if someone eats it before me, I'm turning this whole continent upside down."
***
So apparently, I was late for the party.
Again.
Which, by the way, is not entirely my fault. Time moves differently when you're dodging ronin, evading wanted posters with your face on them, and punting innocent hilichurls off cliffs because they looked at you funny.
Lumine and Paimon? Yeah. Probably already abducted. Or worse… listening to that smug fox lady talk for more than twenty minutes. Honestly, that might be the greater tragedy.
"Ugh, great. I'm late, the main characters are probably in a cult now, and I still haven't had breakfast," I grumbled, stretching my legs as I made my grand (and totally stealthy) march to the Grand Narukami Shrine. No big deal. Just casually walking up a mountain like I wasn't still wanted by the Shogunate Army.
Although, come to think of it, they've been quiet lately. Suspiciously quiet.
Maybe it's because of the little "misunderstanding" I had with a few of them last time. You know… that small scuffle involving an electrified frying pan, a bag of expired lavender melon chips, and someone yelling, "DOWN WITH THE DECREE!"
Totally hypothetical, of course.
Anyway, I made it to the top of Mt. Yougou. Finally. I was sweating, my boots were ruined, and I may have accidentally kicked a ruin sentinel on the way up.
"Note to self: never kick metal things again."
I stood before the shrine, staring at the door like it owed me money. Then I sighed and knocked.
Knock. Knock.
Pause.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
I was just about to start dramatically monologuing to myself when the door creaked open… and there she was.
Pink-haired menace. Furry-eared danger. Smug incarnate.
Yae Miko.
She tilted her head, smirking like she was about to roast me alive using only her words. "You're finally here."
"Yeah, sorry," I said, scratching the back of my head, pretending I didn't just mentally rehearse that exact knock sequence. "So, can I, like, pick up my partners now? We've got serious business. Very partner-y. Definitely no fur-related shenanigans."
She didn't flinch. Didn't blink. Just smiled wider.
"I already told Lumine and Paimon everything."
My eyes narrowed. "Define 'everything.'"
"Everything about Ei. The puppet Shogun. The Plane of Euthymia. The Vision Hunt Decree. The psychological trauma. The emotional manipulation. All of them."
She leaned in.
"But it seems… they already had a general idea of what's happening. Perhaps… you already told them everything, hm?"
I gave her my best innocent face.
Which, for the record, is exactly the same as my guilty one, just with raised eyebrows.
"Eh… it was a hassle, okay? So I figured I'd just speedrun the whole explanation before they get brainwashed by some philosophical mumbo-jumbo."
Yae narrowed her eyes at me like she was judging my entire bloodline.
"Follow me."
Great. Here we go.
She brought me to this practice area where—lo and behold—Lumine was going full battle mode, training against these glowing cube-thingies that look like someone's geometry homework came to life.
She was on fire. Not literally (thank the Archons), but metaphorically. She was dodging, slicing, parrying—basically cosplaying as the main character.
I just stood there, arms crossed, watching her like a proud but emotionally stunted uncle.
She eventually cleared the training and looked like she was ready to duel Celestia next.
Yae turned to me, smirking again. That's like her default setting.
"How about you? Think you can do it with ease just like her?"
I deadpanned.
Internally:
"Lady… I've solo'd Raiden Shogun with a level 80 Amber in the game. This is baby mode."
Externally:
"I guess I'll give it a shot."
So I did. Stepped onto the platform. Readied my stance. Cracked my knuckles.
Mentally shouted, BATTLE MUSIC ON!
The cubes came at me like they had something to prove.
But me? I was already in the zone.
I dodged. Parried. Countered. Used a move I saw Kaeya do once when he thought no one was looking.
I cleared it.
With style.
Turned to Yae, smug mode fully activated.
"Passed with flying colors, don't you think?"
she smirked. Again. She only has one expression and it's 90% smug.
"You're confident. Hope you can keep that up."
"I always do," I said. "It's part of my charm."
She didn't deny it. That's a win.
"So," I clapped my hands. "What's next? We storm the palace? Fight the lightning lady herself? Or are we stopping by a tea party first?"
Yae chuckled.
"Now we prepare," she said. "You and Lumine must face her together. The Puppet Shogun won't be easy."
"Aww, no 1v1? I wanted to flex my dodging skills again."
"You'll have your chance," she said with a knowing look. "But this time, it's not just about power. It's about conviction."
Conviction? Girl, my conviction is that I want to go back to Mondstadt and eat apple pie with Lisa while not getting arrested for once.
But sure. Let's go with that.
As we prepped, I looked at Lumine. She nodded at me.
"You're late," she said.
"Time is a social construct," I replied.
She rolled her eyes. "Ready to fight a god again?"
I grinned. "Only if she's ready to lose to a guy who still owes Katheryne 13 commissions."
And thus, we began our prep for storming the storm queen herself.
Another day. Another existential threat. Another chance for me to make it all worse before it gets better.
Just how I like it.
_________________________
End of Chapter 62
Quests Completed:
*Navigate through the Delusion Factory's corrupted mist safely (???)
*Search for signs of Lumine and Paimon's whereabouts inside the factory.
*Speak with Yae Miko about the Puppet Shogun and Vision Hunt Decree.
*Complete a joint training session with Lumine, mastering new combat combos.
*Prepare mentally and physically for the final confrontation with the Puppet Shogun.
Rewards:
*+3000 Adventurer XP
*Fatui Skirmisher's Crest (crafting material)
*Unlock Reflexive Counter combat skill (With much more style)
*Yae's Favor (a charm boosting elemental resistance)