Back at the Watatsumi training grounds. Ah, nostalgia. Nothing quite like the scent of fresh sea breeze, the quiet buzz of training dummies being obliterated by rookie soldiers, and the faint background music of someone yelling "I didn't sign up for this!" in the distance. Ahh…
It's good to be back.
But something was weird. Teppei—my newly certified favorite war buddy and sunshine boy—was acting all... cautious. Like looking over his shoulder every few seconds kind of cautious. Man was moving like a squirrel in enemy territory. If he had a tail, it'd be puffed up like a Paimon on caffeine.
I tilted my head and raised a brow. "Bro, you good? You moving like you owe someone Mora."
He flinched. Not joking. Full-on jumped like I was the IRS.
"Yo!" I yelled from behind him, dramatic as usual. I even added a hand wave for flair. "Teppei, my guy! You doing sneaky ninja cosplay or are we in trouble again?"
He whipped around faster than I could blink and jogged over to me like a duck waddling to breadcrumbs.
"Sir Shigeru! You were right! Someone has been distributing something weird—like a Vision, but not quite."
I squinted. "Like a bootleg Vision? Is it glowing? If it glows, it's cursed. That's the rule."
Teppei nodded way too enthusiastically. "It glows. Definitely cursed. And also—it kinda hums?"
"Oh great, it's musical. Maybe it's trying to drop an album too."
I grinned. "Aight. Caught red handed. So… have you seen who's passing around these shady glow sticks?"
"Yes. I've seen him. He wears a mask and disappears like a discount magician."
"Perfect. Then let's beat him to a pulp."
Look, I'm not one for complicated strategies. If you hand out cursed objects in my territory, you get hands. That's the rule. No refunds. No exceptions. Especially not for weirdos with disappearing tricks. What is this? Mondstadt's Got Talent?
I cracked my knuckles. Teppei looked like he wanted to say something, but before he could—
Rustle.
Creeeeak.
Boom.
And suddenly—Fatui Agents. Everywhere. Like flies on leftover egg rolls. Or like relatives appearing when they hear you just got paid.
We were surrounded.
Teppei blinked. "Uhh… how did they get here so fast?"
"Bro, I ask myself that every single time. They got teleporting group coupons or something. Or maybe they just hide underground like mole rats. Who knows."
One of the agents smirked, which was annoying because I was about to do my smirking.
I rolled my neck again. This time, it cracked. Cinematic.
"You know," I said, pulling out my Amenoma Kageuchi like I was unsheathing destiny itself, "this might be a weird time to say it, but—you're now my right-hand man. Congrats. You've been promoted. Hope you enjoy the job benefits. There are none."
Teppei blinked. "Huh?! I—I am?! Right-hand man?! For real?!"
"Yep," I smirked. "You can call me Vice Commander now. That's Mr. Vice Commander to our enemies."
"Wait, wait, shouldn't we run or—"
"Nope. First rule of leadership: always look cool in front of the enemy. Second rule: if looking cool fails, just beat the crap out of them."
Geo spears? Summoned. Lightning? Crackling. Wind? Dramatically swirling my coat like I was in a 90s anime intro. Somewhere in the distance, thunder cracked. Or maybe it was just my back.
"First mission as the new duo?" I pointed my sword at the Fatui. "Beat the hell out of these idiots."
Teppei exhaled. "I'm scared. But also weirdly excited. Is this what adrenaline feels like? Or impending death?"
I chuckled. "Same difference, buddy. Let's make a mess."
***
Okay.
So, uh.
Slight problem.
There are a lot of them.
Like, a lot a lot. You ever open a bag of chips and it's mostly air but then BAM—suddenly there are 47 Fatui agents pouring out instead of sour cream and onion crisps? That's what this feels like.
I'm not even kidding, man. It was like every Fatui in the entire region got the same text: "yo we found those two idiots, bring everyone". And now here we are—me and Teppei—smack dab in the middle of a battlefield, back-to-back, breathing heavy, clothes half-torn, and surrounded.
I was hurling Geo spears left and right like I was some half-mad kebab vendor at war. With every throw, I infused them with Anemo and Electro, just for that extra spicy elemental combo. You know, like those fancy limited-edition elemental pizzas but deadlier.
Some dude tried to jump me from the side—bam, speared. Another came from above—yeeted mid-air. I was on a roll. A sweaty, chaotic, adrenaline-powered roll.
"THEIR FUCKING NUMBERS DON'T END!" I screamed while stabbing the ground and launching a mini geyser of electro-charged rock into some poor bastard's chin. "Are they cockroaches or some shit?!"
Teppei didn't even flinch. He spun his polearm around like a martial arts movie extra who suddenly got upgraded to supporting role. "More like barnacles refusing to die!"
I blinked.
"Yo, did you just—"
He smirked while slashing through two more agents. "Got a few one-liners of my own now."
Oh.
Oh, he's growing.
My boy.
My sunshine war buddy.
He's evolving like a Pokémon with character development. I wiped away an invisible tear in my heart. I knew my dumbass influence would bear fruit eventually.
We were holding them off decently. I mean, yeah, it was two versus fifty, and yeah, they were getting pushy, but I'd give us a solid B+ in teamwork. Teppei covered my back, I handled crowd control, and together we made one hell of a dramatic power duo.
But even dramatic duos run out of juice eventually.
I was starting to feel it—the fatigue creeping in, the burning in my arms, the way my legs started to feel like jelly. But quitting? Hah. Not my style.
Then the ground trembled.
I froze.
Nope.
No no no no—
Because of course the Shogunate Army decided now was the perfect time to sandwich us like we were the last slice of meat in an overly aggressive war burrito.
We were getting pincered.
Fatui in the front. Shogunate in the back.
It was the world's worst dance circle.
I looked at the new batch of soldiers who clearly thought this was going to be an easy sweep, and I grinned. Genuinely. Menacingly. That "I'm about to do something incredibly stupid and make it look cool" kind of grin.
"These fuckers are really something," I muttered, cracking my knuckles.
Then I laughed.
Loudly.
"Teppei, my guy," I called out. "I hope you're not thinking about dying just yet. I still owe you a drink!"
"Not planning on dying today," he replied, wiping blood off his cheek with the back of his hand. "But I might take you up on that drink if we survive."
"If?"
"I like to keep my expectations grounded."
Smart man.
Teppei didn't say anything at first after that. He just tightened the grip on his polearm, back still touching mine. The storm around us grew heavier—wind howling, energy crackling, the battlefield buzzing like it was holding its breath.
Then he spoke.
"You know what?" Teppei said, voice clear despite the chaos. "It hasn't been long since we met, but fighting with you is truly an honor I'll carry for the rest of my life."
Huh?
Wait—
Bro what.
"It is not a Vision that we need in order to fight," he continued, eyes blazing with that dramatic anime speech energy. "It's the heart of a warrior."
My lips parted to respond—probably with some smartass quip—but something glowed.
Right in front of Teppei.
A tiny flicker of gold. Floating. Pulsing.
My jaw dropped.
Hey... Isn't that a Vision?
And not just any Vision—it was glowing like an overachiever in a light show. Earthy and firm. GEO.
The universe deadass said, "Bet."
Teppei stared at it like he couldn't believe it either. Then slowly, reverently, he reached out and grasped it with both hands.
A blast of golden light exploded around him. Dust swirled. Rocks rumbled. I think a few Fatui actually screamed.
And there he was.
Teppei. Holding a brand new Geo Vision in his hand.
He looked like a different person. Stronger. Braver. Like fate finally gave him the recognition he deserved.
My throat got weirdly tight. I brushed the corner of my eyes because I refuse to cry in the middle of battle, thank you very much.
"Man… would you look at that," I said softly, a proud smile tugging at my lips. "This can really make a grown man cry."
And then—
Crack. Crack.
I rolled my neck and shoulders. Resetting my internal chaos settings from 'mildly unhinged' to 'war demon with a sense of humor.'
"Aight," I said with a smirk. "Payback time."
Teppei, now looking ten times cooler with his new glowing Geo aura, stepped beside me like it was the most natural thing in the world.
He gave me a grin.
"As you command, Vice Commander."
"Damn right," I said, brandishing my weapon. "Let's make 'em regret showing up today."
He nodded. Then with newfound strength, slammed his foot into the earth—spires of Geo erupting beneath the enemy lines, sending them flying like broken toys.
And I? I launched into the air, Geo spear swirling with Anemo and Electro, cackling like a lunatic on a sugar rush.
The counterattack had begun.
And oh boy, was it beautiful.
So now. Okay.
A while ago we were being pincered like a sad slice of ham between a Fatui croissant and a Shogunate sandwich, right?
Yeah. Scratch that.
Because now? We're the goddamn meat grinder.
Ever since Teppei got his shiny new Geo Vision, the tides flipped harder than my last attempt at making pancakes. And believe me, that was a catastrophe of explosive proportions. I think a bird exploded. I don't know how, don't ask.
Anyway—Teppei's suddenly throwing Geo constructs like he's been doing this his whole life, slamming spears and barriers into enemies like he was born in Liyue or something. I'm still yeeting my own Geo-Anemo-Electro combo spears around, but now I've got a golden partner-in-chaos with me.
We're pushing them back. Fatui? Running. Shogunate Army? Retreating. One even shouted, "OH GODS THEY'RE MULTIPLYING!" as Teppei summoned a massive wall and I launched a dozen infused spears over it like I was auditioning for some terrifying circus.
"YOU SEE THAT?!" I howled mid-air as I leapt and smacked a dude with a glowing rock. "THAT'S TEAMWORK, BABY!"
Teppei was grinning ear to ear, doing Geo jutsu hand signs like he was a stonebender.
And then—
BOOM.
From behind the cliffs, a horn blew.
I turned. Blinked. Squinted.
Was that...?
Oh. Oh shit.
GOROU!
And the rest of the Resistance. Charging down the slope like heroic DLC characters entering mid-game.
I raised a hand and pointed at them dramatically. "WELL WELL WELL! Look who decided to show up after the goddamn sequel!"
They joined us fast. A full-blown clash erupted near the seaside—sand flying, swords clanging, elements exploding everywhere. I swear, it was like five anime finales happening at once.
Teppei and I led the frontline. We were sweating, panting, still half-laughing.
"TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH!" I shouted over the chaos to Gorou, slicing through a Shogunate spearman. "MY RIGHT-HAND MAN ALMOST DIED, DAMMIT!"
"I WAS SCOUTING STRATEGICALLY!" Gorou barked back while drop-kicking a Fatui agent.
"BRO YOU WERE MISSING FOR TWO CHAPTERS!"
It didn't matter anymore. With Gorou and the others backing us up, the momentum shifted completely. After several minutes of glorious, chaotic clashing, the remaining enemies finally broke ranks and retreated, dragging their wounded and tripping over their dignity.
I collapsed onto a rock, laughing between gulps of air. "Holy shit, we actually survived."
Gorou stood nearby, panting slightly but clearly amused. "Seems like you can win even without our help."
I tilted my head and gave him a thumbs-up with the most dead-eyed stare imaginable. "Man, we're just lucky our organs are still intact. Teppei actually pulled a clutch. MVP. 10/10. Would battlefield with again."
Teppei, who was drinking water from a busted canteen, looked at me and chuckled. "Vice Commander?"
"Yeah?"
"Where's the blonde Traveler and your flying pet fairy?"
.
.
.
I blinked.
Paused.
Then violently jolted upright like someone had plugged my spine into a power socket.
"FUCK."
I turned to Gorou and the boys. "I—I GOTTA GO. THERE'S—A SCENE—THEY'RE—SHIT. I FORGOT!"
Teppei looked confused. "Wait, what scene?"
"MY CUTIE BLOND COMPANION AND THE FLOATING GREMLIN—THERE'S A PUPPET INVOLVED—I GOTTA GO—NO TIME—PROTECT THE DOG!"
"WHAT DOG—?!"
I was already sprinting.
Running like my life—and my romance subplot—depended on it.
Please. Please, for the love of Mora. Let them not have fallen for that Idiotic Puppet's trap. Let them be safe. Let Paimon not be mid-rant.
This is no longer a battle.
This is a race.
A race against narrative timing.
And by the gods, I swear—
If that puppet laid even one finger on my favorite blond,
I'm sending them to the seventh layer of Celestia's trash compactor.
Here we go.
_____________________________
End of Chapter 61
Quests Completed:
*Snag the suspicious "Vision-like" glow sticks from the sneaky bootlegger.
*Turn the tables on the Fatui and Shogunate sandwich.
*Lead the charge and look cool doing it.
*Deliver cheesy motivational speeches in the heat of battle and survive a surprise Shogunate pincer attack.
*Witness Teppei's glow-up and hold your own on the battlefield.
Rewards:
*+500 Cool Points (mostly from dramatic coat swirling)
*Teppei's eternal gratitude (and some sick one-liners)
*A near-death experience (great for stories)
*+100,000 Mora (Looted in one of the Fatui Agents. Bro is loaded)
*100% chance of sore muscles tomorrow
*A shiny new Geo Vision for your squad
*Teppei's newfound confidence (and a little swagger)
*The satisfaction of being part of the coolest duo in the region