Since Cohen had agreed to bring so many "guests," his workload instantly doubled. After all, he only had two flesh puppets to spare—one of which was still on loan to Voldemort—and now he needed three new human bodies to host animal souls.
That meant he had to create two more from scratch.
Over the next few days, Cohen spent every free moment holed up in Nicolas Flamel's alchemy workshop.
"I thought you used up your Elixir of Life already?" the Earl asked, eyeing the big, slimy hunk of flesh Cohen was working on. "Didn't you pour it down that cursed toilet?"
"Yep."
Cohen added a few drops of solution to the lump, which began to twitch.
But this body was meant to be disposable—used once and tossed away—so it didn't require the same level of detail or the need to raid Hogwarts for a kid's lollipop like last time.
"Then how are you making a new human body?" the Earl asked again. "I thought you told Voldemort last time that—"
"I was clearly lying to him," Cohen raised an eyebrow. "I thought you noticed. Why would I need the Elixir to make a fake body?"
"You never explained that!" the Earl whined.
"Well, now you know." Cohen nodded. "Now quit bothering me—I'm nurturing embryos here. One wrong drop and this whole batch is toast."
Alchemy truly was miraculous—able to create nearly anything except gold with ease. To make a body that resembled a human, all Cohen needed was some mithril, unicorn hair, two mandrake roots, a handful of liquid creeper grass, and a lump of mammalian flesh.
"Don't forget to add Polyjuice Potion," Nicolas Flamel reminded him from his perch on a stand, watching Cohen's every move.
"I can't just copy some girl from school, that'd be too obvious." Cohen frowned.
"No need to use hair or anything like that," Flamel said. "By mixing Polyjuice into the embryo itself, you'll be able to morph the body's appearance using Transfiguration—just like you did with your last puppet."
"Other than remote control, it really is the same." Cohen poured in a spoonful of goopy Polyjuice. "Still, it's a shame these bodies only last a week."
"Embryos without souls can't live long, Cohen. The soul is the essence of life. But if you just need them for one night at a ball, then this is perfect."
"Let's hope Xisoco and the others are happy with it," Cohen said, admiring his work.
"Don't bet on it," the Earl muttered. "I couldn't understand his snake-speak, but I'm pretty sure he wasn't happy about it yesterday…"
[I don't want to become a woman just to dance with a wizard.] Xisoco turned away, sulking. [He's not even my kid.]
"But you could watch me and the unicorn dance," Cohen reasoned. "Besides…"
[Besides what?] Xisoco stole a glance at Cohen.
"It's my first dance ever," Cohen said, voice low. "I was kinda hoping someone close to me would be there to see it. But hey, if you don't want to, I'll just ask Goat instead—he'd probably—"
[Fine!] Xisoco caved immediately. [I'll go… and I'll keep an eye on Sophia too, in case she causes any trouble. But you better know I'm not—]
"Got it, got it." Cohen's fake gloom vanished instantly. "I already promised someone else, and Goat has to stay behind to watch your real bodies anyway."
[You couldn't ask one of the water snakes or unicorns instead? Why me?] Xisoco dragged his tail irritably. [Why your dad of all people…]
"I'd rather not see my best friend dancing with one of my genetic moms," Cohen said firmly. "But you're different—you hating it just makes me more convinced it's the right choice. Especially since Ron's still stuck being hopelessly straight."
[If only you were this enthusiastic about finding me a snake-wife.] Xisoco sighed.
"I am enthusiastic," Cohen said seriously. "Once I finish all this, you'll have yourself a nice grown-up basilisk waifu."
By Christmas Eve, Cohen had finished crafting two fresh new bodies. With his original puppet added in, he now had three brand-new 'girls' in a box.
To avoid any unfortunate resemblances to Hogwarts students, Cohen based the appearances on random girls from old newspapers. The two snakes, Xisoco and the little basilisk, got brown-haired forms, while the unicorn got a carefully crafted body: white hair, red eyes, and exactly a head shorter than Cohen.
To the animals, human looks made no difference. None of them thought they looked bad.
But a much bigger issue came right after.
[Why don't humans have tails?!] The little basilisk hissed in horror. [I can't move!]
And that's when Cohen realized a serious flaw—none of them could speak English.
[Humans walk with legs,] Xisoco said, starting a demonstration. He lifted one foot… and fell flat on his face.
[Wait, this kind of crawling works too—look!] He began wriggling forward across the floor like a snake, face down. [Twist your middle part—Sophia, watch me!]
[Yes, Mom!] The little basilisk gleefully imitated him.
"I can't send you out there like this," Cohen groaned, covering his face. Then he turned to the unicorn. "At least you should be normal, right—?"
But before he could finish, she flopped to the ground, hands and knees on all fours.
[My front legs won't lift…] She turned her head toward Cohen, confused. [They're shorter than the back ones…]
"Because those are arms," Cohen said, slumping into a chair. He stared at the bizarre sight of three malformed "humans" crawling and wriggling on the ground.
He'd planned for all sorts of complications—soul misalignment, body failure—but he hadn't planned on them having zero human experience.
These three couldn't just attend a ball—they'd cause a mass panic.
"Fine, I'll teach you…" Cohen sighed. "If you weren't all so big, I'd honestly just take your real bodies to the ball."