I ended up going to the kitchen too, but when she had already locked herself on her room. I was planning on making dinner as a surprise. Not that I know much dishes, only 3, and thanks to my grandma. I tried to do some curry, as a way to redeem myself for last time... Not talking about that. I did it quite sooner than I should've, I finished at 7 PM.
I was very worried about everything, and I was constantly going over the recipe to see if I had done something wrong.
The curry didn't turn out very well, but I'm grateful the rice didn't burn. I don't even know how I manage to make it.
My dad usually arrives at 8 PM, and since we had to wait for him for dinner, I had plenty of time to do other things, like take a shower or read a little.
I should have made dinner later...
I'm sure it'll be cold when we have dinner. I tried to prevent that from happening by keeping the rice and curry covered, to retain as much heat as possible, but it probably won't do any good.
My father arrived half an hour late. I was on my phone, waiting for him in the living room.
"Hello."
"Oh, hello, Riku."
We aren't very close, but we don't hate each other either, or at least I don't hate him.
He does his best, and even after everything he's had to put up with, he hasn't exploded at me or my sister.
When I was younger, he used to get very angry and had a hard time controlling himself.
He's improved a lot now. Or maybe he's just holding back.
Whatever he's doing, I think he's a lot more mature than before.
I don't have the right to say what being mature means if I'm not mature in the first place. I just think he's a good father, even though he works too hard. He should stay at home; it would be good for sis.
I hope what happened to my mom didn't affect him much, too.
"How were you at work?"
"Fine, but I got carried away more than I should have. It's my fault you're going to have a late dinner. Sorry."
"No, don't worry, I made dinner."
"Really?" You shouldn't sound so surprised either...
"Yeah, I hope you don't mind. And I hope I did it right, hehe…" I let out a nervous chuckle as I placed my hand on the back of my neck.
My dad came over to put his hand on my shoulder.
"Heh. No, you did me a big favor, thank you."
I couldn't tell if he was laughing because I'd gotten the wrong idea or because he thought I was worrying too much.
We started setting the table. Dinner, as I expected, was cold, so we had to use the microwave.
Our house is practically a Western house. The doors to the living room and the yard are still sliding, but the floor is a wooden platform.
"Riku, tell Ayama to come down for dinner."
"'Kay."
After I finished setting the table, I went upstairs to get my sister.
Yelling her name to get her to come down wasn't going to work, since her room is too far from the stairs. Adding to the fact that she's quite deaf, I always have to call her.
As I went up, I stood in front of his door.
Knock Knock
There was a brief silence before someone answered.
" What?"
"Dinner's ready."
"I'll be right there, just give me a moment."
"I don't want to wait, because I want you to try the food I've made with my sweat and tears!"
As I finished that sentence, I opened the door to find Amaya sitting on the bed, looking at her computer.
An anime was playing on the screen. There were two shirtless men hugging each other.
Very manly, if you ask me.
Although my opinion didn't make my sister feel sorry for me.
"I told you to wait!!"
She screamed, angry and blushing.
From that moment on, my life began to be in danger. Instinctively, I closed the door, just as the beast began to get out of bed.
"Yes, yes, take all the time you need!"
That was the last thing I said before she opened the door and, grabbing me by the collar of my shirt, forced her way into her room to do unspeakable things to me.
" Someone beat me up." That was the first thing I said, in a pained and exhausted voice, before sitting down at the table.
She only hit me lightly, although the only thing that bothered me was that she dug his nails into me until a little blood came out.
It was from that point on that I stopped taking it as a joke, and I noticed she was genuinely angry. I don't know why, but it put me in a bad mood.
The attacker stared at her plate, still embarrassed, although I'm not sure if it's because of one thing or another.
"What did you do to her?" My father, for his part, wasn't angry at anyone. He had a calm tone, which, consequently, calmed us both a little.
That's it, Dad. Defend your youngest son, who has been brutally abused.
And as soon as I came out of my delirium, I realized my father was asking me.
"Me?"
"Yes, you."
"I didn't do anyth-"
"He came into my room without permission," my sister said, interrupting me and incriminating me.
"Isn't that what I always do?"
"Well, yes, but this time I said not to come in."
My father sighed as he understood what had happened.
"And why did you have to hit him?"
"Because… I wanted to. He deserved it, at least a little. And I didn't hit him very hard either."
"You went too far with the nail thing. I don't mind if you hit me hard, but I don't want you to dig your nails into me like you always do."
"…" Amaya didn't answer.
It was Dad who answered for her.
"One of us didn't listen, and the other let herself get carried away. I'm not going to do anything to you, because it's something you both have to work out."
With that, my father didn't even look at either of us. We already knew what we had to do, but we didn't want to say it out of sheer embarrassment.
Not that we have any other choice.
"...Sorry I hit you."
"Sorry, I barged in."
"...Oh, I thought you were going to say something weird."
"What else am I going to say? I'm not going to suck up to you for something like that."
"No, forget it, it's better if you just ignore it…"
With that, I stared at her.
"What are you looking at me now?"
"It was yaoi, wasn't it?" A grin appeared on my face.
"I really want to hit you again!"
"Calm down, both of you. I know you guys get along, but start eating. It'll get cold again if you keep going like this."
"...Yeah," we both said simultaneously.
The rest of dinner was more normal. No one said much during dinner, and they didn't say anything about the food.
I don't know if that's a bad thing or a good thing. Maybe they'll keep quiet so as not to hurt me. I should ask.
"Is it good?"
"Yes," my father replied.
" Well, yeah, it is fine, fine. Why do you ask?"
"Riku made dinner today."
"Really?!" I'd appreciate it if you weren't so surprised.
"Y-yeah…"
I had no choice but to admit it. I didn't know making dinner was something I could be embarrassed about. Every day is a new experience.
"…That doesn't mean the dinner is now bad," Amaya said, more timidly.
I know she doesn't mean anything by it, but saying it that way, especially after saying it's good, makes it seem like everything I cook tastes bad.
It's not like I've had the opportunity to prove otherwise...
A dinner where no one talks would be abnormal, but it's not good to talk too much either. That doesn't mean I still prefer to eat alone.
After dinner, I started doing my homework. After a while, I stopped doing them and took a break, and thanks to my impeccable memory, while watching TV and reading, I ended up forgetting they existed.
I always imagine myself forgetting existence itself. What would it feel like to have a blank mind? I think that day would be the most boring, yet the happiest, day I'd ever have.
Not having to listen to myself has to be the most rewarding experience I could ever have. There's a reason I love sleep so much.
It's not like I hate myself, though. Whenever I've messed up, I've fixed it as best I could. That doesn't mean I consider myself a good person either.
At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what I think of myself, because other people will see me in a completely different light. Usually a good one. My grandma was the one who saw me best as a kid, not because she said I was a bad boy, but I feel as if she was right with what she said.
Unfortunately, no one will ever be able to know me. Ever.
I was reading in bed. I'd managed to get hooked on a light novel, and when I feel like doing something, I usually end up reading it.
It doesn't hurt to distract myself. It makes the wait until Saturday more enjoyable.
If I continued like this, I'd end up disappointed. Having very high expectations is bad, as they're usually unreasonable or exaggerated. That's why I prefer to calm down.
In the background, a voice sounded behind my door.
"C-can I come in?"
She's my sister. She'll be here for me to sleep with again.
I like doing it, not because she's a woman or because she's my sister, but because it keeps me from getting depressed at night. I don't have the chance to do it if my head's busy.
" Yeah, go ahead. I'm not looking at anything on my computer," I replied in a mocking tone.
She opened the door and walked in before answering me.
"You make me regret ever saying sorry…" she said, looking to the side, a slight blush on her cheeks. Even if she was really ashamed of herself, she sat next to me while I was tucked in and lying down.
I put the book aside, as if I was going to continue reading. I'll probably go to sleep after this.
" So, do you want to talk about something else?"
"Well… erm… I wanted to ask you, what could I watch…
"…And I'm not going to watch Re:Zero again." I think my exaggerated smile and enthusiasm gave away that I was going to say this.
"Ugh…"
"I wanted something to watch now before I go to sleep."
"Do you mind if it's a movie?" I knew what she was going to say.
"Nah, go ahead."
"It's called 'I Want To Eat Your Pancreas', it's my favorite movie."
"Is it an anime? I've never heard of it."
"Yeah, it is."
She looked satisfied after answering her.
"Okay, I'm going to watch it right now."
Before leaving, Amaya approached me to give me a hug. I'm as embarrassed to ask for it as I am to give it, but simply receiving it makes me feel alive.
And not in a dirty way. Sometimes, for some reason, I feel like I'm becoming distant from her, so this is a way of reminding myself that's not the case. Just this once, I'm going to take the embarrassment out of it.
"Amaya."
"Yes?"
"I love you."
She smiled slightly, but didn't blush at all.
"I love you too."
In the end, we both ended up smiling at each other. I honestly don't know why I want to have a girlfriend if I appreciate a relationship like this 100 times more.
It's probably because I'm a slave to lust. I wish I didn't think about things like that so often.
I didn't do anything else that night; I went to sleep as usual, although it was quite difficult for me. If I had to guess, it took me two hours to fall asleep; I had a bad time.