Chapter 14 — An Excellent Teacher and His Idiot Student
In the dimly lit cave, Danzo slowly unwrapped the bandage on his forehead. His tightly shut right eye opened, revealing a red eyeball with three tomoe reflected clearly in the mirror.
He stared at the eye for a moment before turning toward the Root ninja kneeling below.
The rapid deterioration of his vision was far beyond expectations. If he didn't replace the eye soon, he would go completely blind.
A pity.
Despite the many Uchiha Jonin killed during the war, not a single corpse had fallen into his hands.
Danzo squinted at the group kneeling beneath him, his voice hoarse.
"Report on the Uchiha clan's movements."
"Yes!"
A Root ninja stepped forward, kneeling respectfully.
"Most Uchiha Jonin have remained inside the village, showing no signs of leaving.
"Three Chunin left for a B-rank mission, and seven Genin for a C-rank mission.
"Uchiha Asuka left this morning on a D-rank mission."
"Uchiha Asuka…" Danzo muttered, then asked,
"And those two useless idiots who caused trouble last time?"
"They're recovering at home."
"Take someone skilled in interrogation to visit them. Tell them to leave Asuka alone for now. Have them report back once they've fully recovered."
"Yes, sir!"
After the ninja left, Danzo tied the bandage back into place.
Jonin were ranked — and under equal conditions, an Uchiha Jonin surpassed most other clan ninjas.
Defeating one was easy enough if you sent enough people.
Killing one was a different matter entirely.
Especially one who could perform medical ninjutsu on himself.
Danzo shook his head and looked toward the Uchiha district.
Last time, he simply wanted to test that brat's strength. He gained nothing and ended up spending a fortune on medical fees.
It hurt more than treating Hiruzen to dinner.
---
Achoo!
Asuka rubbed his nose irritably. He eyed the kittens draped all over Uzuki Yugao, then glanced toward the dense forest ahead.
"I feel like someone is cursing me," he muttered.
"Tonight, I'll visit that Root ninja's home to 'discuss our common enemies.'
Tomorrow I have to explain the Will of Fire to the clan brats.
The day after, take them on missions.
The day after that, attend a temporary clan meeting.
"So busy."
Uzuki Yugao looked up from petting the kittens, confused.
"Teacher, what are you muttering about?"
"Nothing. Just realized why I don't have a girlfriend."
"Why?"
"My schedule is too full. Not enough vacation days. No time to date. And no suitable candidates."
"…Teacher, isn't there someone you like?"
Asuka paused, stared at her for a moment, then sighed.
"There is no one in this world I like."
"Huh?" Yugao blinked in disbelief. "Why?"
"Sigh…"
Asuka started counting on his fingers.
"I like Tsunade's figure, Uzumaki Kushina's hair, Uchiha Mikoto's gentle temperament, Inuzuka Tsume's wildness, Yuhi Kurenai's red eyes… white eyes are fine too.
Add the Nara clan's intelligence, Akimichi appetite, Yamanaka variety—"
"Wait!" Yugao cut him off, taking a step back with a strange expression.
"Teacher… why do you only like parts of everyone? Isn't that… weird?"
"You don't get it. I'm single because I haven't met a woman who combines all those traits."
He jabbed a thumb toward Konoha.
"You know Kakashi, right?"
"Of course!"
Her eyes brightened. Gossip about Konoha's genius could revive her spirit from the dead.
Asuka bent down, wiped the drool forming on her lips, and said ominously,
"A few days ago, I saw Kakashi tugging at Might Guy's pants, saying that a powerhouse like Guy shouldn't have a… 'tiny acorn.'
Kakashi's expression was full of regret when he saw it.
"I now suspect Kakashi might—"
"STOP!" Yugao shrieked, grabbing tufts of her own hair in anguish.
She had just been fantasizing about stroking Kakashi-senpai's hair.
Now that image had been contaminated beyond repair.
"You've ruined my impression of Kakashi-senpai!"
"So what?" Asuka shrugged, picking his nose leisurely.
"The old man you worship — that Third Elder — peeps on widows bathing every day.
"Jiraiya? A frog on the wall outside women's baths.
"And when he came back to the village the other day, he bragged about all the 'research material' he'd collected.
He said the new Icha Icha series is overflowing with inspiration."
He smirked.
"When it comes out, I'll steal a copy for you."
Bang!
Yugao threw a kitten at him like a shuriken.
Asuka dodged and shouted:
"Don't throw the cat! Too much missing fur will ruin the mission!"
"I don't care! I feel EMPTY inside!"
"That's a sign of lacking love and lacking the Will of Fire. Teacher will fill—"
"NO!"
Another kitten came flying.
If Yugao knew the word "Dao Heart," she would've realized her Dao Heart had collapsed.
---
When Iruka finally caught up, he stared at Asuka — who was covered in cat fur — and at the army of half-bald kittens following him.
"Teacher… are you always this violent when catching cats?"
"Sigh…"
Asuka rubbed his forehead, glancing at the still-fuming Yugao, then held out a hand.
"How's the info gathering?"
"It's all here!"
Asuka flipped through the notebook, nodded, then said to Hinata Hana:
"Hana, time to test your perception.
Treat this like a covert operation. Anyone who looks at us strangely, anyone following us — you report to me quietly."
"Understood."
She activated her Byakugan immediately.
She didn't understand what her teacher was planning, but she trusted him.
Also… he caught twenty cats in half a day.
Of course he was a D-rank mission monster.
---
When they reached a dyeing workshop, Hana's faith almost shattered.
Her teacher was giving the owner detailed instructions… on how to dye the cats.
Hana tugged at his sleeve, her expression deadpan.
"Teacher. This is fraud."
Asuka tilted his head, holding a kitten.
"Let me explain it like this, Iruka."
He cleared his throat dramatically.
"Suppose you get married someday.
Your wife disappears one day — you panic, issue missions, fear she's in danger.
Then you discover she just got bored and went wandering for fun.
"Then someone brings you a new wife.
This wife is affectionate, clingy, loyal.
She adores you as long as she's fed.
She won't run away.
She doesn't care that you're poor.
A single can of food lasts her three days.
"Would you choose that wife?"
Iruka blinked, genuinely considering it.
Hana slammed her fist onto his head.
Thump!
"Teacher, you're twisting the argument!
Cats and people are not the same!"
"Oh?"
Asuka put cat ears on Hana, picked a "green tea" cat, and whispered:
"Move her. Ten cans of food."
The cat's eyes lit up instantly.
It waved a paw at Hana, leading her aside to narrate a tragic sob story about its bedridden parents.
If it couldn't sway a fresh Academy graduate with pity, it didn't deserve to live.
---
As they returned the "modified" cats:
"Why is my cat so fat?"
"Oh, we fed it a few pounds of cat food while catching it. Very brave eater."
"Why is Blackie missing fur on his head?"
"Got in a heroic battle with strays."
"Why is Whitey suddenly so clingy?"
"It wandered outside, saw the hardships of life, and learned the warmth of home."
"Hmph…"
Hana snorted.
Her Byakugan saw everything — these weren't even the same cats.
Asuka's shamelessness was unmatched.
---
"Asuka-sensei!"
Iruka hugged his cat, running to catch up.
"Can we really learn anything from this?"
"Yes."
Asuka's playful smile vanished. His voice turned sincere.
"D-rank cat-catching missions test observation, intel gathering, practical skills, and teamwork.
"You and Hana did great on intel.
"And Yugao understood vigilance."
Yugao nodded proudly.
"To avoid being exposed, we must constantly observe villagers' expressions.
It's like being outside the village on a mission — any slip can lead to trouble.
Teacher increased the mission difficulty on purpose."
Iruka blinked.
"What about practical skills and teamwork?"
Asuka massaged his temples.
"It's a D-rank mission. What 'practical skills' do you expect?
Picking garbage next time — that takes practical skills.
"And teamwork?
Hyuga Hana monitored from afar.
You and Yugao watched passerby reactions.
Teacher returned the cats."
He spread his arms.
"Perfect teamwork!
Before this, I had to use clones just to manage everything."
The three students stared at him with exhausted, expressionless faces.
Asuka clicked his tongue.
"Other teachers do D-rank missions mechanically.
I'm the only one teaching you creatively.
Where in Konoha will you find a teacher as good as me?"
Indeed — teaching is troublesome.
…No.
Teaching inflexible idiots is troublesome.
"Is this what an excellent teacher and his idiot students looks like…?"
Suddenly—
Hiss!
Asuka shivered.
He felt someone staring at him with malice.
He turned slowly.
His eyes met Hinata Hana's red, flustered face.
"…You weren't secretly peeping at me with the Byakugan just now, were you?"
"NO!"
She shook her head violently.
She had seen… but she definitely didn't intend to look right now.