Ralph was sleeping like a rock beside me, and I don't think I am going to get any sleep at the moment. Also, it was my last priority. Days were passing like a blink, and only three more days were left, and as he said, he would make sure to end things for good. Things were crystal clear at the moment; Ralph's thoughts were clearer, and there would be a permanent break for everything. I chose a perfect time to reflect on my thoughts, which was just great.
I slowly got up from the bed and walked out. As I ascended the steps, I could make out light coming from the hall, and that could only mean one thing. At the moment, I would rather have my own company than anyone else. Am I in a position to complain? I don't think so. I took a long breath before entering the hall, where Nathan was drinking alcohol, and the TV was on, but he was not watching. Typical. Without uttering anything, I sat beside him, and silently, Nathan passed the glass after pouring one for me.
"So, what's the story?" The guy could talk. "I never thought you were a curious type." Nathan chuckled in return. "You presumed me wrong." I took a sip from the glass, right away I didn't answer his question. "These all seem too good to be true." By taking a sip, he spoke. "Elaborate." "Well, things seem too easy nowadays. We were on the street, and all of a sudden, look where we ended up. Too good to be true, don't you think?" He nodded his head. "I guess you got lucky." I don't know why Ralph's face popped into my mind at the mention of luck. Still, I snorted at the statement. "I am not, trust me, but only once I had been the lucky one." "Well, I presume when you met or dated the guy who is sleeping in the room upstairs." His smirk grew more when he saw my expression. "Don't act so dramatic. I was young once, stupid, and now wise. If I am right, then you were lucky." I wonder why. "It couldn't be vice versa." Nathan laughed at that. "Come on, look at the guy. Obviously, Rich, you can't wipe out that scent from him, no matter what, and he looks genuine to me." Even stranger, pointing a finger toward me, and I don't know why. "You are judging without knowing anything, and you are calling yourself wise." There was a momentary silence between us, and Nathan was in his thoughts.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have. Why on the street?" I leaned back on the couch. "To find answers." He thoughtfully nodded his head. "And you found your answers." I chuckled at that. "I don't know what exactly my question is. I want to erase something in me. I want to hold someone without holding myself back. I want to give in, this time for good. And this would be my last chance." Nathan nodded his head, and I don't know how much he grasps things from the tips I have given. "Don't you think being your last chance is enough to give in?" My lip twitched a little. "I will be destroyed for good if things go south." Nathan sighed, and I mimicked his reaction.
"I don't know the whole story, and for some reason, it doesn't matter, if you are genuine. If you want this so badly, then you will find your answer. If not, that means you guys are not meant to be. Ignore the past; don't dwell on it. We can't change what has happened. We are humans and are bound to make mistakes; you can't keep on pointing fingers at each other, nor blame one another. No one knows what the future holds for you, and you want your future with someone. At the same time, you want to be prepared 100% before giving in. That's something to be proud of, and I sincerely hope you find your answers." I nodded my head solemnly. I don't know what the future holds for me, and I don't want one with someone else other than Ralph. My yearning for Ralph is more than enough for me to give in, but I feel like it's not enough, and the relationship would never be long-lasting. This time, I am going to make sure the base is solid.
"It's time; go and wake Ralph. We are going somewhere." My eyes were on the wall clock, and the time was 3 am. He was definitely drunk. "Go, I don't want to be late." I huffed in annoyance. "Late for what? Have you checked the time?" "I hired both of you, so do what I say. Go and wake him and come downstairs. As I said, we are going somewhere." "Are you not drunk?" "Hey, I know my limit; now go, don't waste time." The guy has gone crazy. Reluctantly, I walked upstairs.
Ralph was deep in his sleep; who wouldn't be? It's 3 am. Slowly, I approached sleeping beauty, whose snore was a little high and who covered his face with a pillow; his back was turned toward me. I sighed when, underneath, something started building. This is not the time I scolded myself, and I don't know why the Nathan guy gave us one room and cautioned us not to do any funny business. I combusted my lust, and slowly I stirred him. There was no reaction, so the next thing was that my hand was in his ass, and the slap echoed a little bit. Ralph was startled at first, and his gaze was on me with an 'I will kill you' look. I surrendered my hands upward and smiled broadly. I don't know why. "Nathan's mistake, not mine." He looked puzzled. "He told me to wake you up. It seems we are going somewhere."
We were in the hall, Ralph was still glaring at me, and I gestured to him to turn his glare toward Nathan when he joined us with a big grin on his face. Nathan clapped his hands with excitement, and I concluded that he had lost his mind by staying single and by cutting human connections. "Trust me, it will be fun." By saying that, he started walking, and we followed.
Ralph grumbled something underneath while he took the seat, and I couldn't care less. "You two are clearly drunk." Nathan shrugged, and I remained neutral. "Don't worry, I know my limit." "I definitely hope so." By saying that, Ralph turned toward the window, still cursing us. Nathan started driving.
It was 20-minute drive, and Nathan stopped the truck. With giddiness, he hopped out, and we followed suit. "So, here is the thing. We are going to deliver the package on each doorstep as soon as we can." Why the hell do we need to do this early in the morning? "Wow, you chose the best time to do charity work." There was a hard smack on my shoulder. "Don't say like that, it's not like they begged or something. We have a few struggling families, not that they are not getting any help, but I want to do something, and I don't want them to know it's me. They will be thankful till my last breath, and I don't want that, trust me. It's been years I have been doing this, and I have not got caught, and this time, you guys are joining. Thank you, let's finish this soon before they notice us." Nathan watched us with the same giddiness, and Ralph chuckled at that. I couldn't help but my lips twitch a little.
Ralph was excited, nothing new in that, and I always go with the flow, mostly because of the excited face of Ralph. "I will give the package, and you both make sure to drop the package on the doorstep quietly. Deal?" Nathan was showing thumbs up at us, and Ralph mimicked his action. Great.
Nathan gave directions toward the house before handling the packages. The package would be double, or triple based on either members in the family or the poverty of their living. We didn't question anything swiftly followed his instructions. We were in front of him when we were done with the final package, and there was a satisfying smile on his face. I couldn't read this guy, no matter what. On the first day, I thought he was taking advantage of us when he hired us without a care give us job. He made us do most of the work on that first day. He even asked about the details of our spending without even leaving a penny, but on the same day, he delivered loads of vegetables and fruits to the orphanage and now this. He amazes me every day.
We drove back to the ranch, and by the time we reached it was early morning. I didn't get a wink of sleep, but I didn't feel tired, and even Ralph, too, who was smiling heartily while conversing with Nathan. So, simple things felt so heartwarming. Nathan instructed us to freshen up and to join him for breakfast. We made our way to the room. Ralph went first to freshen up, meanwhile I lay on the bed. Briefly, I closed my eyes, and all the things that happened from Day 1 of our departure started overwhelming. Every moment, every minute, and it refresh my mood instantly. I was goofily smiling when Ralph came out of the bathroom, scrubbing his hair. "I am hungry. If you are done with your one-on-one joke, go and get freshen up." By rolling my eyes, I made my way to the bathroom.
Freshened up, we headed to the hall and joined Nathan, who was already enjoying a toast. As we took our seats, we greeted him with "good morning" and served ourselves.
After finishing breakfast, three of us started walking outside. We stood outside while Nathan was explaining today's chores, which were repetitive of yesterdays. As we were making our way to the truck, Nathan stopped us and handed some money to me, eyeing both of us. He spoke. "Your earnings. Usually, I would distribute the money at the end of every week, but you guys are an exception. Enjoy." By saying that, Nathan started walking. Ralph's face crooked a little. "Well, better hope there are a few hundred in that. Ralph started walking. I need to eat lots of junk food, God, I have been craving it for the past two days. Oh god, I need to get rid of these clothes. We need to visit the town and do some shopping. Ralph kept rambling as he walked.
I halted my steps. I recalled whatever he was rambling and I was stunned on the spot. The sudden realization of my feelings was overwhelming, and my knees could give out at any moment.
I can fall. I can fall for Ralph. I can fall from any floor for him. If it's for Ralph, I can fall irrespective of my background, and it will be nothing because it's Ralph. If it's Ralph, nothing matters.
At last, all the walls that I had built were destroyed. My heartbeat accelerated, and a long, satisfying sigh left my mouth. I inhaled a long, exhausted breath just to get a grip on the situation. I rubbed the part where my heart was, on the sudden overwhelming ache. I let my tears flow. I didn't wipe those. For the first time, I want to be as emotional as possible. I want to be a mess. I want to enjoy this feeling. I want this vulnerable feeling. The warm feeling that was spreading all over my body is unbearable. It was too much, and I want more, more, and more. This warmth is entirely different from what I had felt in the past; it's more appealing, relaxing, and exciting.
This guy always amazes me, whether I am a beggar, a poor boy, or a rich fellow. This guy always seizes the opportunity to amaze me, and I don't know how he does that.
He is Ralph, the billionaire and successful businessman. He is the guy who is stubborn and stuck in his past. He is the one with lots of flaws and baggage. He is the person who can show you heaven by being with you, by accepting shortcomings, and do everything to work a relationship. He is also the one who can show you hell if the same is not reciprocated. He is Ralph, who tried hard to prove his worthiness to the wrong persons. He is the one who didn't judge, tried his best to stick around, and poured out his soul just to work things out. He is Ralph, and he is who he is, trying to improve himself when he is better than anyone and perfect in his own way. He is Ralph, weak, stuck in the past, and vulnerable. He is a human who is desperately waiting for true companionship.
He is Ralph; he is who he is. If you want him, accept his baggage, take each step with him, guide him, treat him right, lend him a shoulder when he needs one, communicate with him, give him a gentle nudge, and be loyal. In return, he will surrender and fall wholeheartedly; not to forget, he will welcome everything about you with open arms and with a huge smile.
What I am feeling right now, it's, it's huge. It's something beyond words, and one could only feel it. This feeling is so precious; I am afraid that if I blink, I will lose it or miss it, like before. The gap that I had, the wholeness that I never felt, the happiness I couldn't earn or gain, irrespective of my success, the strange sensation that's spreading in my whole body, the warm feeling of finally belonging, the giddiness of our future, and the contentment of leading a life together.
At the same time, there is also fear of rejection.
Rejection: What to say about the word. How I loathe the word 'rejection,' especially in my personal matters. The word clung to my life like a second skin; no matter how much I scrubbed it, it just wouldn't vanish or leave me. The word 'rejection' is playing a vital role in my dear life. It is making me get used to it. I am done hearing the word in this life. I am done with this shit.
I mustered up my newfound courage, dedication like never before, and lots of love to seal the permanent deal, along with loyalty, 100% commitment, a promise to stick forever in every sin, a shoulder in time, and a non-breakable partnership bond with unlimited warranty and a guaranteed card for a lifetime.
Every nerve in my body felt so active, when a word left my mouth.
Ralph.