In my entire life, this is the first time I have felt so good hearing the sound of my name from someone, and that someone was Reece. I was awestruck. I never thought it would feel so good, especially when it's full of so many emotions.
What was that? His voice was on edge, pleading, desperate, urgent, and fearful. This is not him; it's totally out of the box with these combinations. When I heard my name, I froze in my spot. I almost felt something after so long, and it terrified me at the same time.
Not again. I vowed not to walk on the same road and not to cross paths with both of them. I was done, just counting days.
This entire situation took me off guard.
When I woke up beside Asher, I was baffled and shocked. I couldn't comprehend what had happened or how I ended up with Asher. Most importantly, I couldn't face Reece, who was blankly staring at me. I wanted to explain things to him. I wanted to clear things then and there, but I didn't know where to start or how to explain things.
Life was simple with Reece. It was going nowhere, but it was ok for the situation. No expectations, no commitment, and no heartbreaks. I wanted nothing at that time except peace. I wasn't eager to jump into anything. I just wanted to get rid of everything that I cling to like my lifeline. Foremost, I wanted a permanent break from Asher and his attachment, and I almost reached my goal.
My past and present lives are messed up, solely because of me. I almost got hold of my emotions and was desperate to move on, but I was held back in place. I was thrown into reality. Asher's grasp on me was strong with the same firmness, and he proved to me he was the boss and always will be in my life.
I just wanted an escape for the night. I tried to enjoy myself after what I had gone through, but just one night destroyed whatever confidence I had gained and awakened the reality that I had almost burnt.
I shuddered when I saw Reece in the same room. I wanted to clear my name so badly, but the words went jumbled and muffled. I couldn't form a correct sentence to prove my innocence, no matter how many times I tried. When Reece handed me my clothes, something broke in me, and reality hit me so badly when I saw marks all over my body. There were too many, and for a second, I thought I was not that innocent.
No words were spoken between us. It felt like, at last, there was going to be a permanent break for everything, but not before clearing myself. So, once again, I tried to open my mouth in the elevator, but it still came out jumbled. I poured every ounce of energy that I had left to form a sentence, but his silence was enough to break my motive and pull me back to reality.
I wanted to hold on to something. I didn't want to go through a trauma for the second time. I wanted someone to pull me out, a hug, or some soothing words. I was hoping to get something, anything, at that moment, and once again, his muteness won, and I lost everything permanently for good. Still, it took me a whole night to make a decision, even after reality hit me like a slap. When the scenarios of the night unfolded, it just made my decision even firmer.
Asher would never let me go, and Reece would never come out of his muteness.
I was done for good, and the next thing I knew, I was in the bloody street. Everything after that is so beyond my thinking. I thought it was Reece, another stunt, and he plotted the whole thing, but the way things went, it was not like him. This whole journey was random without a script, and he is not a guy who does things randomly.
I don't know what he was trying to prove. I don't know what his motive was. I don't know why he took such a huge step; anything could have happened but thank God nothing happened. Why did I even agree in the first place? I could have stood on the ground and strongly opposed him. I was so messed up in my thoughts; I wanted a break as soon as possible, so I gave in just to get out at the earliest from his leash.
It was the best decision of my life to give in. This journey was incredible. It felt like I was in a different dimension or something, and it's exactly what I wanted. This journey kept me in check; my mind was preoccupied with what's next. There was excitement, anticipation, and fear. Finally, without my knowledge, I was pulled out of everything that I was going through. The misery, the suffocation, and the constant betrayal of trust were overlapped by different scenes that were taking place in the ranch and town. I didn't find time to go through anything; something or another would always open up, and I welcomed it. The exact touch at the right situation because of Reece. That doesn't mean I have forgotten everything that he had done. He would never be off the hook. I was done with both of them.
What was this? His pleading voice was filled with so much fear. My name sounds like a lost resort for him. His voice is wrecked; the hurt that poured out when he called my name almost feels surreal. This shouldn't warm me a little, but my heart is betraying me, and my ears are alert like never before.
I could hear him clearing his throat a few times, and I was tempted to snap at him to say whatever he wanted and to shut his mouth forever. I didn't. I didn't know why I was curious all of a sudden, like whatever he was going to say mattered or would change anything. It doesn't, right? Why the hell was I glued to the ground, thinking so much to move even an inch?
Once again, he cleared his throat, and this time, it was like he was ready.
"When I saw you for the first time, I was mesmerized, captured, and stunned on the spot. You can call it whatever you want, but trust me, it's beyond vocabulary. You haunted me the whole night, and the next day I tried my best to get a grip on whatever I was feeling, reasoning to myself our path would never cross again. I thought I was done with the love-at-first-sight thing, but you entered my class, and that changed everything. You being my classmate fueled my desire, and the urges got stronger. The next thing I knew, I turned into a stalker.
He was silent, and I was absorbing the details. Nothing new so far, but my ears were very alert not to miss out on anything this time. So far, most of the time I have met only mute Reece; now I don't want to miss any second of this side of him. This side of him is rare. I want to witness it all. I want to take in every bit of it, as I won't be this lucky the next time.
I don't know what got into me when I started stalking you. Over the period, it turned into an obsession; by hook or crook, I wanted to claim you. I knew what Asher was doing behind your back; I had witnessed it so many times. I even thought of exposing him for my benefit, but I knew the way he was going, he would be exposed sooner, and it did happen. Lucky me, I just grabbed the opportunity.
Once again, there was a pause; he was comprehending his thoughts, and I was rewinding the past. Strangely, nothing had the same effect, just my past, that's it, no more meaning to that.
I never dared to dream of dating you, yet before I knew it, we were in a relationship. It took time, but you were mine.
Another pause.
That should be a good thing, right? I mean, we were finally together.
He took a long sigh.
Our love story is like a fantasy story. I should be happy, but I couldn't. You were a billionaire, and I was the struggling guy, somehow surviving day-to-day life. You are rich, and I am poor; that started to eat away at me. I was not fit for you from any angle. Asher's threat was the right blow at the right time. I couldn't give myself 100% to the relationship. I compared myself to your ex. I compared myself to your status. The reality hit me soon. I am not proud to say this, but I never gave in completely when we were dating for the first time. I couldn't; one thing or another always held me back from indulging too much. I held back from falling more from finding reasons. I wanted to be in a relationship with you so badly, but at the same time, I didn't want to risk anything. I opted to be mute because I didn't know how to deal with the threats that were coming from Asher. I wanted to run from everything, but I didn't know how because of my future. I didn't discuss anything with you for fear of losing you, but that doesn't mean I didn't blame you for everything.
Reece was breathing heavily. I didn't know things would still hurt.
When Asher's threat clearly targeted my future, the fear in me grew stronger. I wanted my life to be changed. I wanted to come out of the poverty life that I was leading. I wanted to give my mom the best life she deserves. I had planned everything, and I would never want to give up on those.
His voice croaked.
Being poor is disastrous, and trust me, in addition to that, seeing your father on the deathbed is not a good thing for a 10-year-old kid. We were struggling for day-to-day meals, and a stroke hit my dad. Inevitably, my mom started working 3 to 4 jobs; still, nothing was manageable. I couldn't see that anymore, so I started working. His medical bills were rising, but his condition was the same. I was covering my expenses and paying my mom too, but it barely covered our day-to-day expenses. I was frustrated with everything, cursing everyone, including my dad. I know it wasn't his mistake, but I just couldn't help myself. I couldn't compromise my future goal with anything. I know I should have discussed it with you; things might have changed, but I gave more prominence to what if. When we were in the relationship, at some point, I had given up on us in fear. I couldn't afford to destroy anything that I had planned. I had already pictured you going back to Asher, so risking everything doesn't matter. I found reasons; I poured water so it rooted deeply, so it could grow, so I could move on by blaming you.
Eventually, you did, and I happily blamed you for breaking my heart.
Our breakup was the one strong push I needed. I buried everything and focused on my career. It doesn't mean I never thought about our past, what we had. Our relationship was of a short period, but it had a great impact on me. I couldn't get over you, no matter what, no matter how hard I tried to. I had tried hookups and dating a few, but none had any effect on me the way you had. When nothing worked out with any, I would always curse the day I laid eyes on you and blame you for breaking what we had.
Once again, you barged into my life, this time offering something else. I was so desperate that I didn't waste a second to give in. That time, I was cautious not to cross the border and took so many precautionary measures to safeguard my heart. So many times, I ran to my mother for advice, but she would always accuse me and also warn me about my cowardly behavior. In return, I blamed her for blatantly pointing a finger at me. I wanted the pain of the breakup, and also, I want to be a victim. So, I blindly ignored her advice.
I had fallen as usual, and again, I don't think I ever stopped loving you. I blamed you, cursed you, and loathed your existence, but I never stopped loving you. Somewhere, part of me was always yearning for you, and it will always be the case. I couldn't stop myself when it's you. Asher's entry brought back the past memories and the reality. I wanted to cheer you up. The smile that seemed faded on Asher's entry—I wanted the old smile back on your lip. I wanted to secure you. I wanted to do everything, but I couldn't come out of the insecurity. I couldn't come out of the shell and risk everything, just I couldn't. Once again, Asher won over my insecure feelings.
Whenever you guys break up, in the back of my mind, I would already push you toward Asher, like you rightfully belong there. I would always feel berated when it comes to Asher and your feelings toward him. Everything about you guys was just perfect. The years of your togetherness always made me insecure. Your feelings toward Asher were like a drug without any antidote. I wanted to be with you, end up with you. I wanted a future along with you, but what-ifs would always win over me. I couldn't help but run. I couldn't help but avoid everything about you. I couldn't help but be cowardly rather than stake my heart. I wasn't assured of anything.
When we met again, you had given up on everything. I was at some level. I didn't know what to do or how to take you back to the shape. I did everything in my power to help you and also prepared for the consequences that would eventually hit in the name of Asher. I don't know what you felt after everything about Asher, but I was worried, considering your history and the attachment you had with him. I was worried you would crawl back to him. Once again, I was holding back in fear.
Eventually, the storm hit us, but I never thought it aimed at completely destroying you. Trust me when I say this: the storm destroyed you along with me. For the first time, I didn't know how to act.
When I received the call from Asher, throughout the ride I was in rage. I was almost proved right; I only needed to confirm the same. I felt betrayed, not being in the relationship. There was something between us, and once again, I thought Asher won as usual. Everything snapped shut when I was in the room, and just from a glimpse, I knew what might have happened without your explanation. Throughout the way, I was thinking about the after-effect of Asher's stunt and how to get hold of everything. Some way, I blamed myself for failing you.
I always knew you were the one for me. I never once thought of the future without picturing you in it, and I knew I could never move on in my life. I would always bounce back to you. I would somehow find my way to you. Irrespective of everything, I held back from giving in. There was something that was holding me back. I was a coward. I couldn't jeopardize anything in fear of losing whatever I had built till now. There was always a roller coaster running in me when it connected to you, and I wanted to stop that once and for all.
I knew in the back of my mind, the night would be the last, and you would vanish from my life forever. This time, things would be different, and things would never bounce back like they used to. I couldn't snoop around you; there won't be any more chances. Anything between us would be sealed and never reopened, no matter what I did. And that scared a hell lot of me.
You were still there, under my roof. I wanted a solution for everything, and I don't know how I was going to get that. I wanted to hold you without any hesitation. I wanted to give in without thinking of what ifs. I don't want to compare myself to anyone. I want to overcome my cowardice and not to threatened by whatever you had with Asher. Most importantly, I wanted to fall completely, without second thought. I just want to give in and hold you for good forever.
I found my answers, Ralph. You can't erase your feelings with a click, but this time I am confident I will win over you. I will hold your hand with each step. I will help you and in return I want the same thing from you. I can win over anything if you are with me. I can fall from anywhere if you are with me. I will start over without a penny if I have you in my life. I can overcome anything if we are together.
Please give me one last chance and date me.
I held my breath. I knew somewhere rejection was lurking, but I tried to be positive.
Once again, I dug into my memory in case I had forgotten anything or missed any point. After a few seconds, I was satisfied when I felt that everything I had covered didn't leave anything out. So, it should suffice for my super sincerity for the first time, and the verdict will be on my side. But I couldn't just pluck off the rejection that was lurking. In my gut, I knew he wouldn't give in that easily, no matter how sincere I am. I sighed, thinking of every alternative that would help me to turn the coin.
Till now, Ralph hadn't uttered a word, but I knew he had listened to every word that I said. His back was facing me, so I couldn't read his emotions. The silence started to kill me, and if I am not wrong, my heart thumping could be heard. It's beating rapidly with anticipation, and somewhere I could picture myself running toward my mom with a broken heart.
If the answer is no, what should be my next step? I was trying to come up with a different kind of approach and debating and finalizing a few. This is too much of torture. A long, exhausted breath left me.
A smile crept out after hearing everything. If he comes out of his muteness, he is good at communicating. This is what I wanted, sharing things, communication, I knew it would make a drastic change in any relationship.
I am not a saint, and Reece knows that well. I used him to overcome my emotions and to taunt Asher. I don't know whether I was equally responsible, but I was responsible for messing things up.
I absorbed his every word, felt his emotions and I accepted his apology. I really accepted everything without dwelling so much. Who couldn't when I could feel his sincerity coming from his bones. There is still hope that patched up so many things in me. I could dream without holding myself back. I could fall once again without questioning anything. I could think of being in a relationship. I can overcome my past with the right person by my side. I can trust once again. That was enough, that's all I wanted. I almost gave up on everything, and this pull, what I was hoping for. Thank God, there is still hope for humanity and sincerity.
My heart was on a rollercoaster. I wanted to jump, sing, and shout for no reason. I want to scream and vent the energy that was building in me. These emotions were erupting like a volcano and turning into heavy waves. This feels so surreal, and yet, at last, I witnessed it.
I turned toward Reece, who had pleading eyes, and his overall body was burning with anticipation. It feels so good to be the last resort for anyone, and when you witness that you are the one in their life. You can toy with them, break them and even destroy them just by flicking a finger. Now, it feels so strange to even think that I was in the same position once upon a time. I was on the verge of destroying myself. It is so foolish to surrender completely to someone, and at the same time, it feels so good.
Should I want to experience the same thing, once again? Am I ready for another relationship without being cautious? It's Reece, what worst that could happen? He could run, that's it, right? I chuckled at that. Words can't replace the memories that we have gone through. It's too hard to replace something when you've experienced. Once again, I reminded myself that I am not a saint either.
"No." The word left freely without any hesitation. Reece was taken aback completely, and I knew somewhere he expected the answer, and I am also aware there would be a backup plan. He has come up with a few things.
"Ok, I will wait." I chuckled at that. "I am done with everything." "As I said, I will wait, Ralph." I coughed at that. "It will take years, move on, Re." I couldn't help but poke more. This time, he coughed at the statement. "I don't mind; take all the time you want. We are in our 30s, I don't mind if you give me a chance when we turn 40, and I don't mind in our 50s too, but mind you, stamina will be decreased. Don't expect too much on the bed." I rolled my eyes at that. "What if I couldn't get over my feelings?" "It doesn't matter as I took care of things." "What do you mean?" "As I said, it doesn't matter, and I promise I will be with you in every step. I will hold you, hug you, soothe you and do everything that I am capable of so that I rip that bastard off from your mind completely." "That's too much coming from you." "Hey, I had turned stalker for you, please don't expect less from me." I chuckled at that.
I couldn't help but avert my eyes from him. Yes, I really couldn't expect less from him. Warmth was overloaded, but I was not feeling sweaty. I wanted to bite my lips so badly just to confirm everything. His eyes were so intense that I wanted to hide somewhere.
"Took you so long though." "I am a late bloomer." "I had given up." "I am a late bloomer, but that doesn't mean I will never bloom. Don't do that. Don't give up anything related to me. I need a strong smack at the right time." "So, now you are confident." "More than anything. I am confident, Ralph. I was never this confident. To summarize, this time I am going to be with you in every step, and you can lean on me in every situation. Please trust me." I hummed at the thought and a wicked smile crept on my lips.
"I hope you are also ready to purchase a few more dogs that we were about to finalize." He was in shock, I don't know why. "Dogs? When it turned into plural, it was another dog, a German Shepherd." "I was thinking of purchasing another two." "You've got to be kidding me? In your parents' home, you have 3, in my apartment, you have 2, now you are thinking of adding another 3. Sorry to say this, there is no damn place." He was agitated. "Ok, for now I can go for one, but after a few months we are purchasing another 2. If you are thinking of a place, we can shift to my place." Reece exhaled a long breath. "Let's not skip the steps, please. One step at a time. We can always plan your mini zoo in the near future. Or never."I heard that." I spat at him angrily. "Fine, one step at a time. We are so discussing about the horses in the near future, mark my words." By saying that, I started walking, and he was right behind me in a heartbeat.
"Wait here; I will be back." By saying that, Reece ran toward the house. After a few minutes, he joined me with a grin on his face. "So, are we together?" "I don't know; you tell me, Sherlock." "At last, I never thought this day would come." I smirk at that. "You got lucky." "Well, I guess that only works with you. Luck will always be on my side when you are with me and also cooperate when I want to be with you. Strange, right?" For a second, I thought he had lost his mind or something, so I masked it with a chuckle. "I don't know what you are talking or taking me now. You are taking me in a different direction." He faced me with a broad smile, and he spoke. "Home, baby; finally, we are going to our house." I just had to match his smile; it was contagious. I nodded my head at that.
We walked for a few kilometers in silence. We spoke too much and needed to think and digest too much, so it wasn't exhausting to walk so much. So, we walked for I don't know how long. On the way, we grabbed a sandwich and continued. Once again, we were lucky when a truck stopped after begging. We were dropped off near a bus stop. After changing three buses, we were finally home by evening.
As we entered the gate, Ralph started running toward the apartment, and I was behind him in no second. As we approached the door, he was fumbling to enter the passcode, and I was behind him, kissing everywhere. "Stop that, I stink." "Like that would stop me." At last, he entered with great effort, and I immediately pinned him to the wall.