Chapter 1
***
"Can you please kill me?"
"Y-yes?"
The man who was bowing down in front of me looked up with a shock face. However, when our eyes meet he lowered his head again.
'Ah, my father doesn't know that this butler abused the maids, but I guess I can worry about that later.'
"And can you kill me without hurting me?"
I meant everything that I said. I wasn't terrified of dying again, but I hoped I didn't have to go through any suffering like before.
"Why do you keep saying that as if I'm a killer? I'm your loyal servant."
'Really?'
I ignored his words. How could a loyal servant betray his master later? This maniac is unbelievable.
Perhaps anxious about the meaningless prolonged silence, the old man butler lifted his waist and sent a glance in my direction.
"If you betray me, you'll lose your fingers and tongue."
His face turned pale in an instant. And his expression become darker.
'Ah, I'm sick of that expression.'
***
It was a few days ago when I opened my eyes as a 17 years old again.
In this time.
It's been 3 years since my mom died. She died the day of my birthday when I turned 14.
My life was like a third-rate romance novel that I read with my besties, but unlike my friends, everything about the novel I read, including the style, flow, and narrative, was full of disaster.
What can I do? It's a kind of novels that comforts me that make me feel that I am not alone.
Before I woke up, my family used to be my whole world. Born as the only daughter of the Duke, I was loved by my family, but soon, on my 14th birthday, my mom died while saving my life. However, my father and brothers blamed me for my mother's death.
I too, blamed myself.
When they started to ignore and treating me coldly...
The maids and the butler in front of me now, used to beat and starved me for days on end without my father's knowing.
I accepted it all, because I know how they love my mother and the fact that they used to loved me before.
I attempted to find work for myself. But I realized, that wasn't something I had the time for.
I eventually abandoned my own life by not wearing fancy dresses and attend the social gathering for the nobles.
And instead, devoted myself to school and studies.
I used to despise my second and third older brothers. They foolishly considered me as a stranger that they ignored and treated me coldly at school, even though they know that I always getting bullied.
Nonetheless, they only know that I was verbally abused and not physically abused, so I couldn't detest them to my heart's content, which made it harder for me.
Because I can't- no
I'm afraid that if I told them they won't believe what I say and instead, they will just ignore me.
Our siblings relationship was odd, to say the least. We live in the same house and eat in the same table but we didn't talk each other. It was difficult to explain.
Everyone in the school and even the commoners never treated me well.
I was like a slave that they would just drag on the rooftop during lunch and beat me up.
My brothers who are twins didn't know. Because the bullies spreading rumors everytime they beat me that I was the one who beating them and they were just protecting their selves.
So, my brothers would just ignore my bruises because they think that I made it for catching their attentions.
Well, they were not wrong about that I want their attentions.
Because I did my best to maintain my position as the top 1 honored student in the academy so I can hear a compliment from them.
But, it's still the same.
I didn't receive even a simple smile from them.
The professor that I trusted the most assaulted me.
A guy and my 2 besties saved me too late, because the 29 years old professor already took my purity.
They even got hurt that they have to be hospitalized with me.
The next day...
I burst into tears when I found out that someone took a video of what happened that night and they edit it like I was the one seducing the professor!
I harden my self by forcing my self that there's still some hope, to fighting back of my trauma and bravely faced my father and brothers. I tried to explained myself, but they didn't believed me and only trust the evidence.
'They trusted the video and rumors they heard from the other people over me, his daughter!'
My life's purpose was quickly lost, and my own family kicked me out. They forced me to live on the streets.
I feel betrayed, I feel the world betrayed me!
Because my only evidence to prove my innocence are still coma in the hospital.
I keep walking on the streets like I lost my sanity. I got pregnant and nobody knows, even my family.
But I choose to keep it secret and lived for the baby, because it's not the child's fault. It is my fault for being unlucky.
I felt pain on my stomach so I sit down besides the street.
I felt relieved and scared at the same time when I saw my legs full of blood.
Relieved because my sufferings will finally end and Scared because I don't want the baby to die with me.
I lay down in pain and realized that it is my 18th birthday today, and this pain was nothing compared to my life in 4 years.
I never cried because of the pain, I cried for the life of the 3 weeks old innocent child in my stomach.
Before losing my consciousness I was looking at my hands that are full of bloods and saw the familiar figures from a far running towards me.
I didn't know who they are and all I know was that their voices sounds familiar.
Life was becoming increasingly vexing and annoying.
My mother's face came to my mind. She always had a pale complexion. Oh, that was the only face I could recall. If I was the one died instead of her... maybe I'll die without experiencing being bullied and raped by my professor.
'I wonder, is this what dying feels like? For some reason I feel relaxed.'
Suddenly, some faces came into my view. It was strange, and it was oddly bright for the afterworld, too.
'Is it supposed to be this bright? What's happening?'
When I fully opened my eyes, the people looking at me made a noticeable fuss. While I was puzzled about what was going on, someone shouted out loud,
"Lady Sabrina!"
At this rate, my eardrums would've ruptured. I couldn't bring myself to open my mouth, so I blinked instead. I wanted to talk, but my voice couldn't come through clearly.
It seemed like I fainted for a few days. My voice seemed to be hoarse. As a result of being unable to talk while lying still, I took the time to become more aware of my situation by eavesdropping and looking around.
O_O
I realized that I was in my room when I was still in the Dukes castle, my father's castle. The people who surrounded me with worried face were my brothers and my father. Was this a dream?
My head became dizzy as I organized my thoughts.
It took me half a day before I realized that I go back to the past where some of the maids poisoned me, but I choose to keep quiet about it and even beg the worried doctor not to tell my father before I completely lost my consciousness.
My family only knows that I fell down in the stairs and hurt my neck. Well, it's the truth but I only fell down on the stairs while going to the doctors office and ask for help because I can't breathe.
'Because of the poison. And I can't see any maids at that time to call the doctor into my room for me.'
I was sprawled on a bed. It was a really comfy bed. I lived like this for a few days while quietly eavesdropping on the people's conversations around me. Those maids talked a lot, you couldn't imagine that one of them poisoned me.
After a few days, I was finally able to open my mouth. The condition of my throat had significantly improved.
After lunch, dad came into the room to see my condition just like in the pastlife.
"How are you today, Sabrina?" Dad
"I'm fine."
When I spoke out for the first time, Sabrina's father's eyes were filled with excitement. But soon, it dimmed.
I didn't know what to call him after I got kicked out of the castle in my past life, so I spit out the ultimate line in every tragic soap opera I watched and novel that I read before.
"Can you tell me where we are...? And who are you, exactly?" I ask them lifelessly.
They were taken aback and started reminiscing about my whole life, down to the littlest things.
They told me about my name, childhood memories with my brothers, and so on...
'That was not what I meant, I only said that so they would leave me alone.'
I forgot what did I replied to him before, so I ask him a question instead so they leave to let me rest.
Since that day, dad and the people I knew had been visiting me in my room, hoping that I would recover my memories as soon as possible.
I think they misunderstand but I didn't bother to explain myself because my throat hurts.
Today, a handsome man in his 40s, who was said to be our loyal servant, was in front of me.
Our family 2nd Butler as well as one of my personal servant.
Despite the fact that this man claimed to be our loyal servant, I knew the truth. His words didn't contain a shred of sincerity in them. Even though I ignored it in the past. I remembered everything what he did before and who's his victims.
My explanation was certainly not completely accurate, but when I was young...
In the past, my mom picked up a beggar on the street, and she was kind enough to make him a servant in the mansion.
That very man become our 2nd butler, and who would later betray me and my family in the future.
And the fact that he was the one who started the fire on my 14th birthday that cause my mother's death.
After I brought up his betrayal, the man's face turned pale, and he shut his mouth firmly.
Though he didn't make a sound, I could see his eyes, which seemed to be asking, 'Did she know?'
"Get out of here. I'm going to sleep."
I said coldly.
He bowed down and left the room anxiously. I instructed all of my maids to leave the room as well, then went to lay in bed as I looked around the empty room. Oh, the bed felt really comfortable. I wanted to spend the rest of my life lying down in it and die.
My name is Sabrina Zoe Del Emerald, and I'm currently 17 years old. I'm the youngest and only daughter of the duke emerald family.
I picked my pillow and buried my face on it.
"Ugh! What did I do wrong that you have to bring me back to the past?"
"Are you doing this because you want to see me suffer again?!"
Well, there's still 10 months before that tragedy would happen...
And there's 1 week and 2 days left before my school vacation ends.
Should I use this time to find a warm and beautiful place to die peacefully?
In short, I don't want to suffer again and just wanted to die peacefully.
So, this is the time when I got poisoned for the second time.
Because 2 years ago, someone poisoned me that after I got cured...
I did a lot of bad things to my brothers and servants, they didn't know why I punished them without telling them the reason and that made them hate me so much.
I did it all just to know who wants to assassinate me. I did found out who did it but I choose to keep it to myself and the only know about it was our family doctor.
My wicked acts eventually involved the Princess, Cassandra, who my first older brother's fiance. That led to break off their engagement and separate the two of them.
That made the Emperor put me in the prison for 2 months and thanks to that, I found out a lot of secrets during my stay in the prison.
And also, thanks to my wicked acts and being in the prison, I gained the nickname of...
>The Bitch of the Empire<
Sigh.
I tossed and turned in bed to find a comfortable posture.
I took my phone and opened my social media account.
The phone was invented by the empires previous queen 200 years ago, she invented it during the war to communicate with the king who was in the battlefield.
Only royalties, nobles, royal knights and rich commoners can have a phone.
So, you have to starve yourself for 1 year to have a phone or communication device.
Because it was so expensive that it is worth a 1 year stock of food.
And because the batteries are made of the core of the electric beasts, which is so rare and hard to find. And it takes 5 years to run out the batteries power.
'Ah, I almost forgot that I still didn't change my password on this time.'
After I changed my password I scrolled on my phone.
The videos of me being humiliated welcome me on the group page that my brothers didn't participate.
Well, they made it just for me. The bullies.
"hahah, so this is how my bullies spread rumors about me, huh?"
I laughed like I saw a shameless person made a funny joke.
Yawn~
My daily routine never makes my day better.
***
[A/n: What she meant was seeing bad about her in the social media was already became part of her bad daily routine. Which is make her day even more bad.]
***
Well, I didn't have much desire to live to begin with. This situation already become part of my life and that was it. My senses were already far too numb to feel the thrill of pain.
I got on my feet. I don't know why God intended to let me live longer when I wanted to die. This was all pointless.
Yes. I still didn't enjoy living, and all I wanted to do was rest. As a result, I slept for the majority of my time here and dreamed. In my dream, I could see my moms face. The mother who saved my life and died because of me. On that dream, she was talking but I didn't heard anything.
The day she died, there's no day and nights I didn't cry. My only thought was that it's all my fault.
It was strange that I randomly started to reminisce about my past. I blankly looked at the passing scene in front of me and suddenly, an image of myself appeared.
I had a dark brown coffee straight hair paired with emerald green eyes under my big reading glasses. The corners of my eyebrows were slightly raised, but they did not appear fierce, perhaps due to my straight brown coffee hair color and eye color. Or maybe it was because of my pale complexion.
Just before I was kicked out, I was gasping alone in an empty, narrow room. I walked over and knocked on the rusty iron door.
Knock, knock, knock.
"Please... someone... help me... help me! No, please... someone save me. At least someone stay by my side... I'm scared."
I coughed out in cold as I desperately spoke my wishes. Then, I stopped for a while. Perhaps out of rage, or terror. But soon I started shouting again.
"No, no! No! I... I... no! It's my fault! No, I can't. Oh, no! I can't tell them!"
After shouting so loudly, I fell on the floor and stopped moving.
No, it was because I could never move again due to my high fever.
That's my first memories after they put me inside the cage in my past life, or maybe I already experienced it again for 2nd time of 2 years ago in this life.
I opened my eyes slowly...
"You're giving me a second chance, but how can I live happily in this life with this nightmares? It only make me worse."
My eyes burst into tears while saying those words.
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***
[A/n: Ugh! I feel sorry for the readers and to my nose for bleeding too much. lol 😂 I'm really sorry, I tried so hard to correct my grammars that I even download translation apps and ask my smart friends.]