Keika's Public Breakdown
The landscape was still smoldering from the "training."Gregorius had accidentally leveled a mountain.Lilia had short-circuited and was rebooting midair like a flickering hologram.Aurieth, the so-called Goddess of Restoration, was humming cheerfully while planting flaming flowers in volcanic ash.
And in the middle of all that stood Keika, staring up at the burning sky, hands trembling with pure existential despair.
"I'M NOT EVEN THE HERO!" Keika screamed to the heavens."WHY AM I SAVING THIS WORLD?!"
Thunder rumbled dramatically in response.The goddess clapped politely.
"Excellent projection, Keika! You've reached Stage Three of Divine Acceptance — melodramatic denial!"
"I'M DENYING EVERYTHING BECAUSE IT'S STUPID!"
Gregorius tilted his skull.
"But my liege, destiny chose you—""DESTINY CAN FILE A COMPLAINT FORM AND SHOVE IT INTO THE SUN!"
The sky blinked ominously again.
"Oh no," whispered Lilia. "He angered the Sun God.""Good!" Keika snapped. "Maybe he'll vaporize me and end my suffering!"
The Gender Problem
After a long moment of silence, Keika slumped down on a rock and rubbed his temples.
"You know what, fine. I'll save your stupid world. But—" he jabbed a finger toward the goddess, "—if I'm stuck here, give me at least one woman!"
Aurieth blinked innocently.
"You already have one though."
The world froze.Gregorius froze.Lilia froze.Even the burning clouds seemed to pause for dramatic timing.
"…What," Keika said slowly."You already have one companion of the opposite gender," Aurieth continued sweetly, gesturing toward—
Gregorius.
The skeleton.
The seven-foot-tall undead calcium knight.
"…"
Keika stared at the goddess, then at the skeleton, then back.
"No. No no no no. NO. NOOOO!"
Gregorius tilted his skull bashfully, somehow.
"W-well, my liege… I do have a feminine soul fragment from my previous life…"
"SHUT UP!" Keika shrieked. "I DID NOT NEED THAT INFORMATION!"
Lilia's voice quivered with laughter.
"Technically, she's right, you know~"
"I WILL BANISH YOU ALL!" Keika roared, hurling a rock that bounced harmlessly off Gregorius's shinbone.
Aurieth clasped her hands.
"Wonderful! You're bonding already."
"THIS IS NOT BONDING, THIS IS TRAUMA!"
Divine Mission Briefing (That Makes No Sense)
The goddess waved her hand, and a glowing map appeared in the air — half the continents were cracked, the oceans glowed red, and the words "TOTAL APOCALYPSE (BETA)" blinked in the corner.
"This world is collapsing due to divine instability," Aurieth explained cheerfully."Your mission, dear Keika, is to restore the balance between creation and entropy."
Keika squinted at the map.
"Translation?""Fix everything!""How?""With friendship and miracles!"
"…And you call me insane," Keika muttered.
Gregorius raised his halberd proudly.
"Then let us march, my liege! Together we shall restore hope!"
"You can't even walk without tripping over your own femur," Keika said flatly."I resent that!""You dropped it twice this morning!""They reattach easily!"
Lilia sighed dreamily.
"I can already tell this world is doomed again."
Bar of Beginnings
By some miracle (read: divine fast travel), the group arrived at a small ruined town.A crooked sign read: "THE LAST BAR BEFORE THE END — DRINKS & DESPAIR"
Keika walked in, slumped, ordered something black and bitter, and stared at his reflection in the glass.
"I used to work at a host club," he muttered."Now I'm a cosmic janitor with a skeleton boyfriend and a pyromaniac goddess."
Gregorius adjusted his armor awkwardly.
"Technically, I'm still exploring my identity."
"Shut up."
Lilia floated beside him.
"Hey, at least you're not alone~""That's the problem!" Keika snapped. "Why do gods keep surrounding me with chaos?! Give me a quiet life, a small café, and maybe—MAYBE—a sane woman!"
Aurieth leaned over with a bright smile.
"Oh! Then you'll be happy to know our next destination is the Sanctuary of Eternal Maidens!"
Keika's drink froze midair.
"…That sounds promising.""They're all nuns devoted to celibacy."
"…Of course they are."
He downed the entire glass in one go.
"I hate my afterlife."
System Update
Right as he said that, the world shimmered.A ding sounded.
[SYSTEM NOTICE: Realm Calibration Complete.]
[HERO STATUS: DENIED.]
[TITLE UNLOCKED: "Reluctant Savior of Divine Idiots."]
[NEW QUEST: Travel to the Sanctuary of Eternal Maidens. Try not to make it worse.]
Keika buried his face in his hands.
"Too late."
Aurieth clapped.
"Adventure begins anew!"
Gregorius raised his halberd with zeal.Lilia giggled as she floated toward the door.
Keika, however, didn't move.
"If I close my eyes right now," he muttered, "maybe I'll wake up back in Tokyo with a hangover."
The goddess smiled.
"If you do, I'll just bring you back."
"Of course you will," Keika whispered. "Because I'm cursed. Eternally."