In the year 2026, while the human world teetered on the verge of yet another apocalyptic catastrophe, the gods that humanity had long dismissed as myth were very much alive and kicking — just extraordinarily, insufferably bored.
"Yeah I know, yeah, these Muslim bastards are heading your way too? Not just you bro. Yeah I know, maybe I'll give Ra a smack later. Good night bro."
A tall man with a majestic white beard and golden gleaming eyes set his phone down and sighed.
"Father, was that Odin complaining again?"
The voice came from a young looking man nearby, a jar of wine in one hand, a rotating arrangement of beautiful women draped around him like he'd ordered them from a catalogue.
"Yeah, Dionysus." Zeus was on the verge of a tantrum. Watching his white people get replaced and invaded by illegal browns was making his blood boil. Back in the old days he would have rained lightning down already and sorted the whole mess out personally.
"At least we don't get many of them on our side, but I feel bad for uncle Odin," Aphrodite, a tall woman stretched out lazily nearby, chimed in with a yawn. "Though to be fair, Ra hasn't been in control of that region for a long time. The guy in charge over there now is some dude who apparently shagged a goat at some point."
"You mean Big G's impersonator?" Zeus scoffed. "That guy just got lucky. If it were up to me he'd already be dead."
Zeus knew the truth, as all gods did. There was only one true God — Big G himself, who created everything. Every pantheon, every divine being, every speck of existence. Zeus included.
But after Big G's son completed his project on Earth, a new divine law came down from above. This world would no longer be under any god's direct control.
For the first time in existence, Earth belonged entirely to humanity itself.
"I'm so bored!" Zeus sighed, long and dramatic, as the clouds around him darkened in sympathy.
"Why did GOD forbid us from interfering? I want to interfere. At the very least, intercourse!"
The outburst amused both of his children nearby.
A voice rang out from the front gate.
"What are you going to do about it anyway? Have you seen what humans can do these days?"
A tall goddess walked in, eyes covered by her characteristic blindfold.
Themis, goddess of law. Zeus's ex.
Zeus was so thoroughly bored that he had already cycled back through most of his exes multiple times, running out of ways to fill eternity. It was a sorry state for the king of gods.
"Your little lightning bolts are nothing compared to them anymore," Themis said.
She wasn't wrong. Humans had nuclear weapons now. Most gods couldn't compete with that anymore. Another sign of human progression surpassing divine will, exactly as Big G had always intended.
"Come to complain too?" Zeus asked. Humans no longer abiding by their own laws must have been eating her alive.
"No, I came because I found something." Themis unrolled a divine scroll and raised her scales to point at the final few lines — the passage forbidding any god from intervening in human affairs.
She paused.
"I found a loophole."
Every ear in Olympus twitched. Zeus's golden eyes lit up.
Meanwhile, on Earth.
Born too early for a war in the Middle East. Born too late for a war in the Middle East. But born just in time for a war in the Middle East.
A marine aboard an aircraft carrier, somewhere in the Pacific and heading straight toward one, was singing cheerfully in his quarters.
"We are Char--"
A bolt of lightning struck him dead before he could finish.
On the ground beside him lay his dog tag, half melted from the lightning strike. His surname was gone. Only one word remained.
John.
John's eyes snapped open.
Above him stretched a starry sky unlike anything on Earth.
On one side stood a court of figures that looked like they had stepped straight off the sculptures he half-remembered from a trip through Europe. On the other side stood beings that looked pulled directly from an anime or light novel.
Some of them were enormous. John looked up and found himself staring directly into a mountain range of cleavage hanging over his face.
"Is this the right guy?" A small goddess from the anime side asked, an unsure look plastered across her face. Lightning residue crackled at her fingertips, making it very clear she was the one who had struck him.
Zeus, seeing a human up close for the first time in centuries, grinned.
'Just as planned.'
"Yeah, this is him!" Zeus and the Olympians erupted into cheers.
They finally had their champion.
"You're saying this one man alone can conquer our world?" The giant goddess towering over everyone looked personally insulted. Zeus struck a confident pose and nodded without hesitation.
"Him alone is more than enough to make your world submit."
"Oh really? This little man with no mana?" The giant goddess leaned down and poked him with one finger. It was remarkably soft and warm.
"No mana doesn't mean no potential. Our world produces far stronger humanity than you think," Zeus said.
"Hmph. Bold claim from an isolated world." The goddess remained firmly in the disbelief stage.
"Wait wait wait, stop!" John finally broke his silence. "Can someone explain what the hell is going on?!"
He stood in the middle ground between two courts of gods, head swiveling back and forth like a man watching the world's most confusing tennis match.
"But of course, human! My name is Zeus! And we are the Olympians!" Thunder cracked across the sky on cue.
"This otherworldly goddess has deemed your kind weaklings! So, we shall send you to prove them wrong!" Ares shouted nearby, chest puffed with pride.
As god of war, nobody cheered for humanity harder than him.
"You guys did that?" John turned to face the foreign gods.
One of them scoffed.
"Your kind has no mana, can't use magic, gods forbidden from performing miracles. What kind of boring, backwater world is that?" The young goddess smiled with pure condescension.
That landed wrong.
"Have you heard of nukes?! Have you heard of AI?! Do you even know our lord and savior Jessen?!"
"Who? What is a nuke?" The foreign gods exchanged confused looks, assuming he was making names up.
The Olympians were struggling visibly to keep straight faces.
"You dare look down on us!!" John still had no idea what was fully going on, but he was American, and the god-chosen nation of America would not stand here and be disrespected.
"I accept your challenge! I'm going to show you gods exactly what we're made of!"
Athena leaned over to Artemis. The two of them had handled John's profiling personally.
"We definitely picked the right guy," Athena whispered.
"Yeah," Artemis agreed.
Neither felt the need to add anything else.
Military trained, some working knowledge of fantasy worlds from games and movies, and an ego — a very big one.
Entertaining enough to make every god on Olympus forget their boredom.
Because not all of them supported this. Some feared the consequences if it went wrong.
But every single one of them agreed on one thing.
It was getting way too boring up here.
"Then it's settled!"
Zeus's voice shook the entire divine plane.
"One champion from your world against mine. Whoever wins dictates the loser's terms!"
The giant goddess thrust her hand forward.
"My human wins, we get to interfere with your world!"
"And if your human loses," the goddess paused with a slow smile, "all of you get cancer. Whatever that is."
The term made a few gods waver. But they knew what their human was capable of.
An off-limits human, raised in a world completely isolated from magic and mana.
No other world could possibly be prepared for what was coming.
"That includes you, human." The goddess turned her gaze down to John. "Especially you. Ball cancer."
"Hmph. Say what you like." John met her eyes without blinking. "I'm going to shoot everything in these balls straight into you. That's a vow!"
The giant goddess's face turned red. Fury. Possibly something else entirely.
"YOU INSOLENT MORTAL!!"
The foreign gods erupted in outrage.
The Olympians?
"OHHHHHHH!!!!!"
As streams of light swirled around him, Zeus smirked and shot a single spark of lightning straight into John's chest.
[You have acquired: Conquering System]
The voice rang in his ears.
"Their followers may come after you, but we know you won't lose." Ares trusted his capability and gave his blessing.
[You received: Blessing of War (SSS rank) You can perfectly master any fighting style and technique through observation alone. Your body can regenerate missing limbs, your stamina is near unlimited, and you will adapt to any and all danger.]
"Communication between us will be limited, but I'll do everything I can from this side." Aphrodite trusted his ambition and gave her blessing.
[You received: Blessing of Love (SSS rank) You possess explicit charm effective against all beings below divine status. Your bodily fluids carry an aphrodisiac effect, and you can copy the abilities of those you are intimate with.]
"Have fun in my place, John." Zeus believed in him and gave him power.
[You received: Demi-God Status (EX rank) You are now a demi-god. Negative effects and spells have reduced effectiveness against you. Your physical ability and talent are significantly enhanced.]
[The King of Olympus promises to seek further aid from other pantheons in the future.]
John looked at Zeus and the Olympians. Not as a mortal looks at a god.
Man to man.
"You bet."
The portal swallowed him in a stream of light, and John disappeared into another world.