Rule #1 of life: Don't do wishes!
Well, not really.
The actual first rule in the [Book of Life] was something else entirely.
If I remember correctly, it was responsible advice like: don't touch alcohol, because eventually you'll lose to it. Or keep up with your peers diligently, since catching up to constantly evolving individuals is impossible.
Good advice in there…
Completely irrelevant to what I'm talking about here.
You see, what I'm actually talking about here is my personal vendetta—my very own experience.
Just... don't wish for things, okay?
Commit to hard work instead.
Why?
Because wishes can ruin your life faster than any vice ever could.
Faster than her*in, even...
How?
Simple; if you're like me—a 33-year-old nobody, regretting his social status mid-death—the Monkey's Paw won't just twist your wish.
It'll spin it!
Like a damned beyb**de!
My pure-hearted desire was simple:
"I wish I had a girlfriend that cared."
The result?
I became that girlfriend...
And now I'm somehow still alive, (stuck in, what I assume is, another world) with a reincarnator's starting kit.
༺𓆩⏱𓆪༻
The first thing I saw upon waking up was a [♦ STATUS WINDOW ♦], and luckily I figured how to use it right away.
This task was quite easy, mainly because it came with instructions installed into my instincts.
The ability would simply pop open whenever I willed it.
Yes, will — as in 'willpower'.
The beginner's boon seemed pretty basic, but since I was a level 1-er you could practically call it overpowered!
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♦ STATUS WINDOW ♦
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Name: No Name
Surname: No Name
Race: H?um??aN?
Sex: Female
Age: 00y : 00d : 00h : 03m
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Level: 1
XP: 0 / 1
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System Points: 0 ⚛︎
Dice: 0 🂠
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♥ VITALS ♥
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Health: Don't Die ☻
Mana: 10 / 10
Mana Regen: 1 / Min
SPD: 6m / s
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♣ TITLES & SKILLS ♣
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❖ Reincarnatorㅤ▾≡
├ Status Window
├ Dice Throw (D4)
├ Appraisal
├ Converse
└ Morph
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♠ KNOWLEDGE ♠
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▣ Arcanaㅤ▾≡
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▣ MORPHㅤ▾≡
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...
Wait!
Sex: Female???
…
"I wIsHeD i HaD A gIrLfRiEnD tHaT CaReD," I mocked under my breath.
Guess the universe heard me loud and clear, no...?
༺𓆩⏱𓆪༻
My heart was throbbing like an engine, so I gave myself a timeout — a brief moment to process the new information and the existential crisis that came with it.
══════════════════
Age: 00y : 00d : 00h : 27m
══════════════════
Once my pulse resumed its natural flow, I decided to look down at my feet, to confirm the data, y'know? I even squinted my eyes, but it was...
"Too dark..."
Which meant I had to touch the ground to validate the information. So I squatted and did just that, allowing the soft blades of grass to brush against my palm.
The entire motion took less than half a second.
Which meant only one thing...
I was not tall!
I sniffed to myself.
There goes one of my only two attractive traits.
In my previous life, I was 192 cm of premium vertical advantage. Blessed with a good chance at social life. Even when I fell behind, it still proved to be a great asset in catching back to my peers!
For some reason everyone likes tall people.
But now?
If I hit 165cm, I'll file it under "miracle."
The second quality was my physique. I worked hard for that body! Years of discipline. Sweat! Tears! Blood! Chocolate-flavored protein shakes that tasted like chocolate-colored wall-paint which led to even more tears!
I sincerely hoped at least half of that effort transferred over; which I think it did, because my SPD stat was decent for a... teenage... girl.
These thoughts were depressing me, so I quickly jumped into another test: hands to the arms!
Smooth skin.
Soft.
Delicate.
Nothing like a boy's.
Definitely nothing like a man's rough, calloused, "I swear I'll treat you right!" texture.
It was the premium complexion I wished to be touched by in my previous life - NOT TO BECOME!
Yeah...
Finally, after some off-camera self... inspection, I could no longer deny it anymore.
I'd been fully girlfriend-ified.
I gave myself another moment, to come to peace with my lost manhood.
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Age: 00y : 00d : 00h : 44m
══════════════════
After I calmed down, I made the mistake of looking back at the screen, which I instantly regretted.
[Race: H?um??aN?]
"…Haaa?"
What the hell is that!?
Why is my race glitched?
Is the system itself unsure?
Am I human?
Was I not human?
Did I fail at being human? - Don't answer that please…
Haaah...
My very species looked like it got corrupted mid-download.
Just my luck...
What else is on the—
"Haaaa?"
"WHAT!? THE FUCK DOES [Health: Don't Die ☻] mean!?"
Hello, system, that's supposed to be a number, no? Or a status of some sorts, I'd even take a percentage at the very least!
Is this a… warning?
Perhaps a threat?
It definitely feels like a threat!
"Alright. Nope. Moving on," I muttered, raising my left hand, gesturing uncontrollable swipes against the window, as if I could physically brush the trauma away.
"As the great philosophers once said — Ignorance is bliss."
Next!
[Title: Reincarnator]
A special title granted to souls that cross worlds.
Grants access to several unique systems & skills, befitting the user's soul:
Status Window
Dice Throw (Pyramid Form)
Morph
Appraisal
Converse
To reveal and unlock more skills, please level up.
"Okay," I admitted reluctantly. "That explains the interface."
Let's continue.
[ Status Window ]
Converts the world's information, abilities, and the unknown into an easy-to-read stat window.
"So… is this my own interpretation of the world?"
I can get behind this.
[ Skill: Dice Throw ]
[ Pyramid Form ]
[ Lv. 1 ]
A unique skill embedded within the stat window itself.
Upon leveling up, the user may throw one ever-evolving die, starting as a four-faced pyramid.
Each throw grants random, unique rewards.
Dice throws may be stored/hoarded for future mass usage.
That's actually amazing...
A scaling RNG mechanic, with stockpiling?
That's not starter-kit material, that's a late-game upcoming calamity!
"Nice, nice! Very nice, System-chan!"
[ Skill: Appraisal ]
Displays detailed information about observed targets.
Reveals active conditions and debuffs, such as: Burn, Poison, Curse, Wither, Bleed, Bloodlust, etc…
"…I really don't want to appraise a bleed, nor a burn on myself."
Still, if I'm stuck in a foreign world with no HP and a glitched race, I'll take any and all possible advantages!
Next.
[ Skill: Converse ]
Automatically understand any and all languages.
Applies to: Writing, reading & speaking.
Effective on: Entities possessing intelligence.
"Okay. That's perfect!"
Although I won't be able to talk my way out of a chimera attack, this is still, the best possible starter skill one can ask for!
Blinded by the temporary peace brought by the [Converse] skill, I foolishly continued reading with my guard down — allowing the last entry to bring dread into my heart and soul.
I began sniffling, one tear sliding down my face.
Not the new girly body... but the manly man's soul.
I mean, who wouldn't?
Just look at it!
[ Unique Ability ]
[ Morph ]
Progress Through Consumption
Absorb creatures to steal their unique physical traits.
Possible traits include: Claws, Wings, Tails, Organs, and more.
Drawbacks: Traits cannot override each other.
(Eg: You cannot possess multiple tail types simultaneously.)
While control is near-guaranteed, some changes may be permanent.
(Eg: Eyes evolution, water-breathing lungs, additional hearts, and more.)
I stared at the word "Consumption".
That's a polite way of saying it, innit?
Not "appraise from a safe distance."
Not "a firm handshake."
And definitely not a "peaceful conversation over tea!"
Steal their traits...
༺𓆩⏱𓆪༻
What the hell, man!?
This world already expected combat from me?
"Haaah."
I sighed once.
There I was...
Isekai'd.
Female.
With a glitched species...
And a devourer on top of all'dat.
I almost cried...
Actually, I think I did cry.
End of chapter...
Oh, and that Arcana thingamajig?
Yeah, Arcana is just magic, but this world prefers to use fancier words over simpler ones...