The ride home dragged.
The city lights blurred past in long, smeared streaks across the windshield, but I barely registered them. My mind kept circling the same name. Merrick.
What could he possibly want with me now?
He never moved without reason. Never spoke without intention. Every smile, every comment, every well-timed appearance—it all meant something. And if he was making moves again, then there was already a board laid out somewhere.
I just hadn't seen it yet.
That was the part that unsettled me.
I tightened my grip on the steering wheel, jaw set. Whatever he had planned, I needed to be three steps ahead.
Traffic thinned as I left the city behind. The noise faded. The buildings gave way to quiet streets and darker stretches of road, where the only sound was the low hum of the engine and my own thoughts refusing to shut up.
By the time I pulled up to the house, it was late.
The property sat at the edge of town, tucked away in a pocket of stillness that felt almost separate from everything else.
I stepped out, the night air cooler than I expected, brushing against my skin. Gravel crunched beneath my heels as I reached back in for my purse, slinging it over my shoulder before heading toward the house.
I made a beeline for the kitchen, poured wine into a glass, and just stood there, staring at it. The deep red liquid looked so much like the colour of his hair. The thought brought a smile to my lips. A small involuntary act.
Not all the memories of him were tainted by that night.
Sometimes, they still managed to make me smile.
I released a sigh as I tried to relax, letting the weight of the day row off my shoulders as I stood there in the dimly light room sipping on a glass of wine.
I was well into my second glass of the night, when the soft steps against marble floor alerted me of another presence in the house.
Then suddenly he was behind me.
His arms wrapped around my waist as he breathed against my neck, pressing lingering kisses to my skin. The touch was so gentle, so familiar, that I involuntarily relaxed into him.
"Hey baby. I've missed you."
I hummed in response, turning slightly to face him. I had missed him too. A lot.
He was dressed in only night pants, his face was clean-shaven, his wet brown hair falling over his forehead, making him look younger than he was. His equally brown eyes held my gaze as he stepped closer.
He must had just gotten out of the shower.
"When did you get back?" I asked, gripping my glass tighter as he pressed his weight against me, effectively pinning me to the counter.
"This morning. I've been trying to reach you all day. Long day?"
"Hmm."
"I've missed you," he murmured again, pressing a kiss to my cheek.
I took him in for a long moment before offering a quiet, "I missed you too."
Drelan tilted my chin up, his fingers wrapping around my throat, just enough to hold me still as he stole my breath with a kiss. His lips were warm, his other hand firm on my waist.
I struggled to stay afloat, not wanting to get swept away in his kiss.
A shiver ran down my spine as his hand slid lower, gripping hard onto my ass.
I gasped, breaking away from the kiss, placing a hand on his chest to push him back. His response was immediate, his fingers twitched reaching for me again, but he paused when he caught the warning in my gaze.
"Drelan," I whispered.
His reply was a quiet hum as he leaned in once more, but I shook my head, stopping him.
"How was work?" he asked.
"The usual" I managed to answer as he eyed the drink that I'd placed on the counter before meeting mine again.
"One of those days yeah?"
"Yes." I sigh, running my hand through my hair.
"Just two more days and you would be free from all that stress baby," he murmured, kissing my check.
I groan, unable to wait now that he mentioned it, while it was a means to celebrate our engagement, we had turn it into a mini vacation where all our close friends spend a few days in this romantic tropical island.
"We just have that breakfast tomorrow with our parents and the Valentieri gala to attend before I have you all to myself."
I hummed, turning away from him to take a sip of my drink, mainly because of the mention of that family.
After the incident all those years ago, I tend not to mingle with said family. Drelan has no idea how I dreaded going to this gala from the moment he mentioned it. But both his parents and mine were trying hard to suck up to that family.
For reasons unknown to me.
I stared mindlessly at nothing while Drelan when on about all we had to do before leaving for the day after tomorrow, but all I could see were those cold grey eyes and then the look on his mother's face the moment I told her I had no idea where her son was.
"Uh, about the gala," the words left my mouth before I could even process them.
"What about it?" Drelan asked, as he locked eyes with me; there was no going back now, might as well be done with it, because I can't see myself standing or even attempting to engaged in small conversation with said family.
"Don't you think that maybe I should seat this one out?"
Drelan smiled fell immediately, his arms falling off my waist as his eyes remain lock with mine. "Why?"
I blinked, breaking his gaze to walk across the counter and run my hands under cold water, but the silence was too loud, and I could feel his gaze burning into my back.
"I wanted to take the evening to rest before we leave, you know?" I lied.
"You will have plenty of time to rest at –"
"I know, but am I really needed at this gala?" I breathed out, finally turning to meet his gaze and there was that look on his face. One I couldn't begin to decipher; it had me pause, rethinking my words. "I mean, I'm not even into the busin–"
"Dario did ask specifically for you, it would be rude not to show up even for a few minutes."
I stilled at his words, shivers running down my spine and I think I might throw up, because why would his father be extending an invitation to me after all these years.
The horror his words brought to me must have showed on my face, cause Drelan called out, closing the little space between us.
"Remi?"
And when I remained silent, he just had to ask, "Do you still think about it?"
The question caught me so off guard that I broke his gaze.
"Think about what?" I feigned ignorance, but the guilt that washed over me was overwhelming. I took a step back, ensuring there was enough space between us.
"Remi..." His voice was quiet, almost accusatory.
I almost broke.
Flashes of his ginger hair, that arrogant boyish grin and the beautiful freckles that scattered across pale skin.
My heart ached.
"It was a long time ago," I muttered, shaking my head as if that would rid me of the memories.
Drelan signed, long and hard. "Don't tell me–" he stopped midsentence, then shake his head as he looked at me. "He is dead Remi."
"And whose fault is that." I whispered, the words left my lips before I even had time to process it. Just how the hell did this conversation took a three-sixty, how hard can it be to understand that I want no part in their political games, and I don't want to attend this stupid gala filled with people I don't know and then be forced to make conversation with his parents.
A heavy silence fell between us.
Drelan's gaze held mine, unwavering and I refused to back down, matching his stare with equal intensity.
For a split second, I thought I saw something flicker across his face—sadness, maybe.
But then he opened his mouth.
"It's been years Remi. If not more than ten. When are you going to get over it?"
It's been thirteen years, nine months and twenty-six days.
How does someone just get over that?
As I held Drelan's gaze, I refused to believe I was the only one still affected by what we did, that he did not feel guilty for the crime we committed.
He let out a bitter laugh, rubbing a hand down his face.
"Don't tell me..." His lips curled in distaste. "You actually loved him?"
My breath caught in my throat, and I couldn't even defend myself.
And that disgust on his face?
It made me want to crawl into a hole and die.
Drelan let his gaze sweep around the open kitchen before returning to me.
The silent was so loud it was deafening.
"Do you still love him?" he asked.
"Drel—"
"Answer the question Remi. Are you still in love with Amario?"
"I'm with you now, aren't I?" I muttered, tears threating to spill down my face, but I wouldn't let them, no matter how hard they burn behind my eyes, that would only make me look more guilty than I already am.
"That doesn't answer the question." Drelan fired as he matched toward me, pinning me back so there was no place to run to.
I shook my head slowly. How could I answer that? How could I say I loved him when I killed him? I stole his future. I watched him suffer. What kind of love was that?
"No… Don't say his name," I said, my voice trembling. "Drelan, what even is this? Why are you bringing him up?"
"You can't even say his name after all this time Remi."
"What does that have to do with this? With us?" I cried out. This was too much for me, hearing his name brought so many painful memories that I worked so hard to bury. And he was digging it up, one casket at a time.
"Everything!" he shouted.
"Even in death, it feels like he still has a hold on you."
I couldn't meet his gaze. Shame wrapped itself around me, squeezing tight. I told myself it didn't matter anymore. That my feelings for Amario were gone. But that wasn't true. They never went away, no matter how hard I tried.
It wasn't cheating… right? He was dead.
But I couldn't forget him, I didn't want to.
It was my fault.
I was the reason he died.
So maybe I deserved this guilt. This never-ending shame, suffocating me every day.
Drelan suddenly grabbed my chin, forcing my face up to meet his.
"You know what the worst part is?" he whispered.
I shook my head; it was the only think I could do.
"You can't even deny it. It's written all over your fucking face." His grip tightened. "You fucking disgust me, Remi," he spat, releasing me roughly.
The tears burned so much at the corners of my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. Not here. Not in front of him.
He was blowing this way out of proportion. It was just a stupid gala event.
One I didn't want to attend.
"He is dead Remi." He just had to point out, like I wasn't reminded of the fact every waking hour of the day, "DEAD. And he's never coming back."
"His dead because you killed him." I whispered, finally finding the courage to reply. "What did he ever do to you?"
The shame cracked and blinding rage suddenly came flooding in to fill its place.
He was the one who killed him. He never cared then. He sure as hell doesn't care now.
Drelan never even told us what caused the fight that night, everything that happen that night remained a mystery.
"Looking at you now, I sure as hell don't regret what I did."
My hand flew before I could stop it, slapping him hard across the face. The sound echoed between us, leaving a red imprint on his cheek.
Silence.
Thick and suffocating silence filled the air as we stared at each other, our heavy breath fanning over each other faces.
That is until Drelan broke the silence.
"Maybe we shouldn't be getting married." He muttered softly.
"Drelan—"
"No. I'm serious." He cut me short, staring so deep into my eyes. "I don't think I want this anymore."
And with that, he walked out.
Leaving me a mess in my own kitchen.