"Get out! All of you!"
Iruka's voice boomed through the classroom door, followed by the sound of chalk shattering against a skull.
The sliding door slammed shut.
Four boys stood in the hallway, holding buckets of water. It was the classic punishment for disrupting class.
Kenji Sato. Naruto Uzumaki. Shikamaru Nara. Choji Akimichi.
"Man," Naruto grumbled, struggling to balance the heavy buckets. "I didn't even do anything! I just asked why we have to learn math if we're gonna be ninjas!"
"Troublesome," Shikamaru sighed, leaning against the wall and letting his buckets rest on the floor when Iruka wasn't looking. "I was just sleeping. Why am I here?"
"I was eating..." Choji crunched on a chip he had smuggled out in his pocket.
Kenji stood perfectly straight, holding his buckets with an eerie grace. He looked like a statue of a martyr.
Over the past week, Kenji had successfully infiltrated the "Dead Last" clique. It wasn't hard. He just had to stop trying in class. He intentionally failed shuriken practice (throwing them backwards), slept during history, and asked Iruka questions that made the man's vein pop.
"Don't worry, gentlemen," Kenji said, his voice echoing in the empty hall. "This hallway is not a prison. It is a VIP lounge."
"VIP?" Naruto blinked.
"Think about it," Kenji whispered. "In there, they are learning about algebra. Out here? We have a direct line of sight to the girls' bathroom entrance down the hall."
Shikamaru opened one eye. "You're sick."
"I am observant," Kenji corrected.
[DING!]
[Shameless Point Earned: +5]
He needed 1000 SP for his first Gacha spin.
I'm close, Kenji thought, looking at the number 805. I need 195 more points. I need to do something big.
Just then, the bell rang. The door slid open, and the students poured out for the break.
Sakura and Ino walked out, chatting about Sasuke. As they passed the "Bucket Brigade," Sakura scowled at Naruto, but her gaze lingered on Kenji with pure disgust.
Why?
Because two days ago, during "flower arrangement" class (a mandatory cultural class for kunoichi that Kenji insisted on joining), Kenji had arranged his flowers to look suspiciously like a tentacle monster trapping a rose.
"Ew," Ino wrinkled her nose as she passed him. "It's the weirdo."
"Don't look at him, Ino-pig," Sakura whispered loud enough for him to hear.
[DING!] [Reputation Update: Local Creep] [Shameless Points: +10]
Kenji smiled at them. A warm, terrifyingly polite smile.
"Ladies," he nodded. "Your disgust fuels me. It is the wind beneath my wings."
"Gross!" They ran away.
[Shameless Points: +5]
"Kenji," Shikamaru murmured, watching the girls flee. "Why do you do that? You're actually smart. I saw you solving the math problems on the back of your desk. Why act like a freak?"
Kenji lowered his buckets. He looked at Shikamaru, the genius of the Nara clan.
"Shikamaru," Kenji said softly. "Expectations are a burden. If you are a genius, people expect you to lead. They expect you to work. But if you are a freak..."
Kenji spread his hands.
"No one asks you to do anything. You are free."
Shikamaru's eyes widened. The gears in his head turned. He looked at Kenji with a sudden, profound respect.
"That's..." Shikamaru whispered. "That's the smartest thing I've ever heard."
"Exactly."
[System Notification] [Relationship Update: Shikamaru Nara] [Status: Kindred Spirit (Lazy/Cynical)] [Reward: +20 SP]
840 Points.
"Hey, Kenji!" Naruto nudged him. "Let's go play ninja! I'll be the Hokage, and you can be the villain!"
"Villain?" Kenji smirked. "Naruto, I'm not the villain. I'm the... independent contractor."
"Actually," Kenji dropped his buckets. "I have a better idea. Who wants to see a magic trick involving Iruka-sensei's lunch?"
Choji perk up. "Lunch?"
"We're going to swap his salt shaker," Kenji pulled a small vial from his pocket. "With laxative powder I made from crushing those weird berries behind the gym."
Shikamaru paled. "That's not a prank. That's an assassination attempt."
"It's a digestive aid," Kenji corrected. "I'm helping him lose weight."
Naruto grinned, his whiskers twitching. "I'm in!"
****
[ Staff Room - Lunch Break]
Operation "Digestive Aid" was a go.
The plan was simple, elegant, and ethically bankrupt. Just the way Kenji liked it.
Shikamaru was the lookout, leaning against the doorframe and pretending to read a cloud formation chart. Choji was the "blockade," sitting in the middle of the hallway eating chips to physically obstruct anyone trying to return early. Naruto was the distraction.
"Hey, Iruka-sensei!" Naruto shouted, bursting into the staff room where Iruka was quietly trying to enjoy his bento. "I have a question about the... uh... the expansion of chakra!"
Iruka choked on his rice. "The what? Naruto, since when do you know words that big?"
"Uh... Kenji taught me!" Naruto stammered, waving his arms to block Iruka's line of sight to his desk.
While Iruka was distracted trying to figure out if Naruto had hit his head, Kenji slid out from under the desk like a phantom.
He spotted Iruka's beloved bottle of "Fire Country Chili Powder." Iruka put that stuff on everything.
Kenji swapped it.
The new bottle looked identical. But inside wasn't chili. It was a concentrated powder made from "Thunder Berries"—a local fruit known for moving through the digestive tract faster than the Fourth Hokage's Flying Raijin.
Kenji slid back into the shadows.
"Anyway, never mind!" Naruto shouted, seeing Kenji's thumbs-up signal. "I forgot the question! Bye!"
Naruto bolted.
Iruka sighed, rubbing his temples. "That kid... he has so much energy."
He looked down at his rice balls. "Well, at least I have my lunch."
He grabbed the "chili powder" and shook it generously over his food. A mountain of red dust coated the rice.
"Itadakimasu," Iruka smiled and took a massive bite.
Hidden in the ventilation shaft above (thanks to the Tree Climbing skill he hadn't unlocked yet but desperately tried to emulate by jamming his feet into the grate), Kenji watched.
Iruka chewed. He swallowed. He smiled. "Hmm, a bit tangy today. Nice."
Five seconds passed.
Iruka's face twitched. A bead of sweat rolled down his forehead. Then, a rumble. It sounded like an Earth Style jutsu was being cast inside his intestines.
Iruka's eyes widened. He gripped the edge of his desk.
"Oh... oh no."
He stood up. His legs were trembling. The "Thunder Berries" were living up to their name.
"I... I need to..." Iruka didn't finish the sentence. He Body Flickered out of the room. He didn't walk; he vanished. The only evidence he had been there was a gust of wind and the desperate sound of a door slamming down the hall.
[DING!]
[Mission Complete: The Digestive Aid] [Target: Iruka Umino] [Status: Evacuated.] [Shameless Points: +200]
Kenji grinned in the darkness of the vent.
"Class is definitely cancelled for the afternoon."