"If there are angels, then there's God. I can't be in the wrong about that. I just have to find a way to...to...kill more. If I kill more, I regain control. I regain the control I've lost. I've stopped caring about all of them, I want Raven safe and happy, but the rest can die. Why is it so bad to kill? Who does this pain benefit? I'll have to kill if I want to survive in this world, that's undeniable. I'm already sick and tired of who I've become as a person. I want my wife to tell me how to get through this. Why do I want Raven to be alive, then? She slit her throat in front of me and blinded me on my right eye. I can only see through the eyes of a creature now. I'm done. I'm so done and over all this mess. Why can't I, be happy for once? I've lived less than thirty years and I already want to kill myself. I want this darkness to stop engufing me constantly. Having to rely on somebody else to even know where I'm walking. I hate this. Depending on others? Me? No. That's not it. Right now, I am not armed. Remember. The feng shui, the lack of control and the sins. My eyes still hurt, probably infected and most defenitely extremely painful. I hate this so much. I want Gloria to be my wife again. I miss her touch and the way she looks at me. So what if I'm vulnerable? I'm dead. I transcended death. I can do whatever I want. So maybe I'll be the worst thing on the planet before I even start to control my emotions."
"Waiting on your orders, sir."
"Engage in civilized discussion first. Hey! I noticed you have an angel too. Let's talk!"
"Are you dead in hatred too?" The woman asked from afar.
"I did, yes! Let's meet up."
Ismael waited nicely, without any sign of impatience. She climbs on the rock and on the grass they talk.
"My name is Nero. Nice to see someone is in the same shithole as I am. Not that I want this to happen to anybody."
"I understand. My name is Nicole. I'm twenty-one years old. I lived In C.Y. Lens my whole life and had a panic attack because of something that happened to me when I was a kid. I punch the air, damn near dislocate a shoulder, I can barely breathe to begin with...but all this actually ceased since I died. I feel so much better. Free."
"Free? I have so many enemies, I don't even know where to start."
"When you went down on the grass I briefly saw a symbol on your back. A cross with..."
"A black swastika that represents well-being, hard work and discipline. Concepts I'm still working on. So what's your story?"
"My parents were involved in the Killing of Nara. Murdered in cold blood."
Ismael has a flashback of many years ago, of him seeing two adults, of him staring into their eyes before throwing a greande into the small canal they were hiding in. The woman grabbed it in a desperate attempt to save her husband, and seeing this act of love and care, acted upon it and took it back from her hands as it blew them both apart into pieces. Ismael cries using his own memories to trigger tears.
"I was involved into that terrible incident as well, I tried to save as many people as possible but I don't think I've truly saved anyone. I was sent there with my friends and they all died there. I had to come up with a way to cope, and in my anger I've come to take action against the most horrible people you will ever find. And in my hatred I've both died nad ressurected. The two fours on my back is to remind me of my four friends who tragically lost their lives trying to survive. I'm sorry I was hurtful earlier, saying it felt nice to see someone in the same shithole as I am now. Not what I meant to say."
"It's fine, it's fine", she says as she hugs him, crying.
The angel looks at him in pure disgust. Making sure only his owner can hear him.
"You are vile, Ismael."
Nothing, he just smiles at him. Mocking him, mocking her. In contrast, the girl's emotions were very real, and by lying to her face, he had what he wanted. The possibility to become worse. For the sake of it. No affinity with compassion anymore, his humanity, gone down the drain. None. He then sees a light at the end of the tunnel. "I bet this is how Genova felt", he thought. "Let's see how far I can take this."
"I know what will make you feel better. A walk to the park. Come on. I'm sure you just want to get it all out. The frustration, the emptiness, the void, the terror, the anger. You have to release some of it."
"You're right."
"Nero, how are you so well-versed while being so low in life? You sound so educated."
"I've had my fair share of life-changing events. And while dead, I had the time to think. About my actions and my philosophy."
"Right. Even then, after I was rendered alone forever, I went on multiple trips to find out what I was supposed to do as a young girl made orphan by war."
"You sound brave. We cling on to life yet we hate it, we despise its' content actively and ferociously. The same way I've accepted the death of my friends, you will have to accept the death of your parents. They fought courageously so you could have a life after they're gone. That was their sacrifice."
"I don't think I'll ever accept it. It's too much. They didn't deserve this."
"None of them did. Now that they are on the same side in heaven, they are at peace."
"I guess so. I like to think so too. Thank you, Nero."
"Anytime."
She brought Ismael home, trusting him, as he sat on the couch, looking up.
"Do you believe in heaven, actually?"
"I could show you something. Take me to your local cemetary, I'll show you heaven."