"How could this be..."
As the truth of the past was uncovered, Ruan Mei felt as though this enormous guilt had crossed time itself and landed squarely on the head of the person it should have;
Herself.
Back then, she'd given her student no chance to explain and instead attributed the problem entirely to him, delivering punishment without hesitation.
She never imagined that the true culprit behind everything was herself.
She was entirely and utterly guilty of everything that had happened.
More than two years of inappropriate behavior while intoxicated had already planted a seed deep within the heart of the young Rrakavasha, full of vitality and natural passions.
That seed, over time, had sprouted and grown into something he couldn't control.
The same or similar words she spoke again and again became familiar to Rrakavasha through sheer repetition, conditioning him without either of them realizing it.
His plum blossom wine would cause drunkenness at four and five-year vintages, but not at three years.
At last, Ruan Mei could be certain of what she'd suspected;
The plum blossom wine brewed by her own student was without a doubt a consumable curio.
Curios didn't reason with people or follow natural laws.
They produced abnormal effects that defied common sense, and once triggered, the effect took hold regardless of intent.
If it weren't special, how could it be called a curio?
In the memory, when Rrakavasha heard Ruan Meis's voice turn cold as ice, he froze in place, though not with surprise.
He even forgot to let go of the ankle he was holding, still processing what was happening.
"Are you not letting go?"
Rrakavasha reacted instinctively and obeyed, still dazed, without saying a word in his defense.
It was only after being thrown into confinement that he began to grasp the truth of certain things, piecing together what had happened over the years.
"Five-year... four-year... three-year... so that's how it is..."
Hearing Rrakavasha's murmured realization and watching him be swallowed by this dark cell, Ruan Mei felt a sharp, unexpected pain in her heart.
Vash's voice sounded like that of a puppet that had lost its soul, hollow and broken.
No...
Even the puppet he left behind spoke with more warmth than those shattered, empty words.
For the next five days, Rrakavasha remained in an environment devoid of all light and sound, absolute sensory deprivation.
Only those who have endured prolonged darkness and silence can understand how unbearable such a punishment truly is.
Calling it a violation of mind and body would not be an exaggeration; if anything, it understated the horror.
At the time, Rrakavasha's illness had been cured, but she knew it had left behind aftereffects.
Without periodic intake of special medication, he would lose his bodily sensation entirely.
Touch, smell, pressure, taste, temperature, pain, all of it would fade to nothing.
Ruan Mei remembered this clearly. She'd been the one to develop the treatment, after all.
For five days, she didn't give Rrakavasha his medication.
Only on the sixth day did she end the confinement and resume the treatment, finally opening that door.
By then, the boy was curled up in a corner, his eyes dull and lifeless like broken glass.
Had it not been for the enhanced physique he'd gained during earlier treatment, Rrakavasha would never have survived five days without food or water.
Even so, his condition was little different from that of a person who had lost their soul and was left with nothing but an empty shell.
Even after the medication was resumed, it took two full days for his bodily sensations to begin returning, slowly, painfully.
Back then, she believed this punishment was merely meant to teach her student discipline and proper boundaries between teacher and student, nothing serious, just a necessary correction.
Now, looking back and witnessing it all again through his memories, Ruan Mei finally understood.
Just how excessive her actions had been. How cruel.
Rrakavasha had already been trapped in a darkness where his sense of "existence" was fragile at best, and on top of that, he'd lost all bodily sensation.
Just imagining that experience was enough to make her body tremble, floating in nothingness, unable to feel even your own heartbeat.
And what did she do afterward?
"Take a few days to rest and cool your head. If you do this again, I'll throw you into space."
She tossed out those words expressionlessly, then left the boy's room and buried herself once more in her research, dismissing it as done.
She neither knew nor asked what happened during Rrakavasha's recovery, or what he did during those days alone.
Three days later, Rrakavasha walked out of his room and treated her with the same respect as always, as if nothing had changed.
As if that transgression had never happened at all.
Her student had realized his mistake and corrected it.
...At least, that was what she believed back then.
But watching his memories now, she could see what she'd been blind to, the way his hands trembled when he thought she wasn't looking, the way he flinched at sudden movements, the hollowness behind his obedient smile.
She'd broken something in him that day, and he'd simply learned to hide the cracks.