EXT. MCPOYLE COMPOUND (NORTH PHILLY) — NIGHT
The building is a crumbling, four-story brownstone that seems to be held together by spite and ancient, dried milk-film. The windows are boarded up with plywood that has "KEEP OUT" written in what is hopefully brown paint. The air surrounding the perimeter is a thick, humid fog of dairy-funk and wet wool.
DEE'S SUBCOMPACT screeches to a halt at the end of the alley, its engine rattling like a jar of loose bolts. DEE, CHARLIE, FUJIKO, and GOEMON pile out. Goemon immediately places a hand over his nose, his brow furrowed in a look of existential agony.
GOEMON
The stench... it is not merely physical. It is a spiritual rot. It is as if the very atoms of this place have surrendered to the curdling.
DEE (adjusting her medical tape straps)
Oh, get over it, Zorro! It's just North Philly. You're acting like we're walking into a volcano. Charlie, where's the basement entrance?
CHARLIE(pointing to a rusted, slime-coated cellar door) Down there. But you gotta watch out for the 'Click-Click' sounds. Margaret likes to lurk in the damp spots. She's like a moss-person.
FUJIKO (sliding closer to Charlie, her hand grazing his shoulder with practiced, lethal grace)
Charlie... I feel a strange, trembling energy from that cellar. Perhaps the 'Sewer King' and I should take the lead? We wouldn't want the... influencer... to get her tape dirty.
DEE
Hey! I'm the tactical lead!
FUJIKO (ignoring her, whispering into Charlie's ear)
Come, Charlie. Show me the secret path. Just you and me. I want to see the world through your... unique eyes.
CHARLIE (his eyes dilating until they are purely black)
Yeah. Yeah, okay. Just us. I'll show you where the good rats live. We'll go the 'dominance' route.
Charlie grabs a crowbar and pries open the cellar door with a screech of rusted metal. He and Fujiko vanish into the darkness before Dee can protest.
INT. MCPOYLE BASEMENT — CONTINUOUS
The basement is a labyrinth of rusted pipes and hanging plastic sheets. The floor is covered in a two-inch layer of lukewarm, yellowish liquid.
FUJIKO (carefully navigating the sludge, her nose twitching)
So, Charlie... where is this safe? This 'umbilical cord of security'?
CHARLIE
It's right behind that boiler. But wait, Fujiko. Before we do the heist stuff... I wanted to give you something. To show you my... my magnetism.
Charlie reaches into the pocket of his grimy long-johns and pulls out a wrinkled, gray FRANKFURTER. He produces a small, butane lighter and begins to char the end of the meat right there in the damp dark.
CHARLIE
It's a grilled frank. I've been aging it in my pocket for the right moment. It's got a real 'street-char' to it. You want a bite? We can share it. Like a lady and a tramp.
Fujiko stares at the charred, pocket-warmed meat. She has stared down the barrels of tanks. She has been held captive by international drug lords. But looking at the raw, unwashed squalor of Charlie's genuine romantic gesture, a flicker of true, unadulterated terror crosses her face.
FUJIKO (voice trembling slightly)
I... I've never seen anything quite like you, Charlie. You are... you are the first target that has truly intimidated me.
CHARLIE (beaming)
That's the Philly charm, baby! It's the grit!
INT. UPPER STAIRWELL — CONTINUOUS
DEE and GOEMON are moving through the narrow hallway. The walls are sweating a white, viscous substance. Suddenly, the shadows at the end of the hall shift.
LIAM and RYAN McPOYLE step out of a doorway. They are wearing matching, floor-length bathrobes made of what looks like industrial carpet. Their eyes don't blink. They are holding crossbows made of PVC pipe and heavy-duty rubber bands.
LIAM McPOYLE (whispering)
The bird... has returned to the nest.
RYAN McPOYLE (licking his lips)
And she brought... a toothpick.
GOEMON (drawing Zantetsuken in a blur of silver light)
Step aside, bathrobe-warriors. I have no quarrel with those who smell of spoiled cream.
DEE (screaming into her phone)
GUYS, IT'S HAPPENING! THE BREACH IS HAPPENING! DON'T FORGET TO LIKE AND—
INT. BASEMENT — MOMENTS LATER
CHARLIE is busy trying to jam his TOE-KNIFE into the safe's hinge.
CHARLIE
Almost... got it... Frank said the hinge is the weak spot!
FUJIKO (suddenly cold, her seductive mask replaced by a professional chill)
Actually, Charlie, I'll take it from here.
Fujiko pulls a small, high-tech device from her thigh holster and slaps it onto the safe's keypad. The safe clicks open with a electronic chirp. Inside is the loot from Paddy's: the Safe, a mountain of cash, and every bottle of high-end whiskey the McPoyles stole.
Also inside is a pile of TRASH: a collection of used napkins, a broken pool cue, and a bag of "bridge-coins."
FUJIKO (quickly shoveling the cash and alcohol into a duffel bag)
I'll take the currency and the spirits. You can keep the 'valuables,' Charlie.
CHARLIE
Wait, what? You're leaving the bridge-coins? Those are collector's items!
FUJIKO (already moving toward the back exit)
Goodbye, Charlie. You are a fascinating specimen. Tell the 'Golden God' he was right about one thing... the double-cross is a symphony.
Fujiko vanishes into the shadows just as a MILK-GAS VENT triggers, filling the room with a thick, white, dairy-scented cloud.
CHARLIE (coughing)
FUJIKO! WAIT! YOU FORGOT THE GRILLED FRANK!
CUT TO BLACK.
CUT TO: INT. PADDY'S PUB - NIGHT
FRANK is still at the bar, shouting into his headset.
FRANK
Charlie! I see the gas! The sensors are going off! Did you use the knife?! Did Lupin use it?! You gotta scrape the hinge, Lupin! Scrape it like a toe-fungus!
CHARLIE (V.O. via laptop)(the sound of a motorcycle engine roaring) Frank... she took it all! Fujiko took the money!
FRANK (screaming)
BUT DID YOU GET THE BRIDGE-COINS, CHARLIE?! TELL ME YOU GOT THE COINS!
CUT TO BLACK.