I almost didn't write today.
Honestly I almost didn't do anything today.
The stupid Aptitude exam ... God, I had to drag myself out of bed like I
was pulling a mountain with my teeth. Every part of me was resisting.
My brain was like, "skip it, who cares, you'll fail anyway," and my chest
felt heavy in that old familiar way.
But i went.
Somehow.
Maybe because I'm tired of disappointing myself. Maybe because I'm
trying to be a version of me you'd be proud to meet someday.
And the wild part?
It went ... good. Like actually good.
I kept waiting for that moment when everything crashes, but it didn't. I
sat there solving questions while my brain whispered all kinds of
nonsense, and I still did fine. Better than I thought. Better than I've done
in a while.
It made me realize something I hate admitting:
I always think less of myself.
Always.
I act like everyone else is put-together and smart and confident and I'm
the only glitch in the system.
But today? Sitting in that room? Watching everyone fidget and stare at
the ceiling and pretend they understood everything?
They were pretending.
Just like me.
No one actually knows what they're doing. Not fully. They just hide it
better.
That weirdly makes me feel less alone.
Like maybe I'm not as hopeless as I thought.
Like maybe I'm not the only one carrying invisible stuff.
I wish you were here to see it, though.
The way I pushed myself.
The way I didn't run away this time.
Anyway.
This is me, showing up for Day 2.
Even when it took way too much energy