"Good heavens, I thought that idiot who dumped a lunchbox on my face was just an anomaly. Turns out, the rot started at the top and spread downwards; they're all villains!"
Bugs Bunny, having acquired a copy of 'Mondstadt Chronicle: Rise and Fall of the Nobles' from who knows where—a book thicker than Paimon—sat cross-legged on a wooden barrel outside the Angels Share tavern. He munched on a freshly bought, juicy Mondstadt carrot, flipping through the pages with exclamations of wonder.
His furry brows rose higher and higher as he delved deeper into the reading.
As the saying goes, 'know yourself and your enemy, and you will never be defeated.' Bugs Bunny had no intention of letting the 'utter humiliation' of being kicked into a trash can by that Lawrence noble slide.
He decided to first thoroughly investigate what the Lawrence Clan was all about.
He didn't know until he checked, and when he checked, he was shocked. This thick history book recorded hundreds of years of Mondstadt City's trials and tribulations, and the 'glorious deeds' of the Lawrence Clan accounted for almost half of its pages!
Exorbitant taxes, enslavement of the people, bloody suppression, even attempting to control other clans' Knights with poisoned wine... the list of their crimes was endless!
"Tsk tsk, forcing commoners to crawl on the ground like dogs just for amusement? Hanging opponents on the city walls to dry? Inventing 'laughter torture' until people laughed themselves to death?"
Bugs Bunny shook his head, forgetting to even nibble his carrot.
"Buddy, your ways, even the crooked wolf and the Short-Tempered Hunter from our place wouldn't dare to imagine them."
He closed the book, deciding to first listen to what the Mondstadters had to say.
The results were even more eye-opening.
From Old Man Marvin who sold fruit to the patrolling Knights of Favonius, whenever the name "Lawrence" was mentioned, everyone showed disdain, even a hint of lingering hatred.
What he found even more absurd was that despite their fallen state, the remaining Lawrence clansmen still put on aristocratic airs, looking down on everyone and everything, constantly dreaming of restoring their former 'glory.'
"Unbelievable, truly unbelievable."
Bugs Bunny lay on the grass, gazing at the clear blue sky, his ears twitching in confusion.
"They're hated to the bone, yet they still don't know how to behave? Were these guys kicked by donkeys or hit by mallets in the head? Mondstadters are really too good-tempered, aren't they? By our rules, such characters would have been chased all over the map, or I would have shoved a carrot into a rocket and launched them into outer space."
In his opinion, the sins committed by the Lawrence Clan throughout history meant that even if the entire clan were tied up and sent to the Guillotine one by one, it would still be letting them off easy.
"Originally, I wanted to put in some effort to make these guys experience what it truly means to be 'universally reviled.'"
Bugs Bunny stroked his smooth chin, his eyes darting around, glinting with cunning.
"But it turns out they're already public enemies, they just don't realize it. It seems I need a more 'creative' idea to teach them a good lesson about 'how times have changed, old man.'"
He needed a plan, one that would severely punish these so-called 'nobles' who couldn't see straight, make them unable to voice their grievances or vent their anger, and ultimately turn them into a complete laughingstock in front of all Mondstadt.
physical DMG is too low-level; mental humiliation is the way to go!
"Got it!"
Bugs Bunny suddenly sat up, his ears straight up like antennae, a mischievous, signature grin spreading across his face.
A brilliant (and devious) plan quickly formed in his whimsical mind.
——————
Mondstadt's morning was, as always, awakened by pigeon whistles and the aroma of bread.
But on the slightly dilapidated yet still facade-maintaining street where the remnants of the Lawrence Clan resided, a strange atmosphere was spreading.
"Hey! Listen up, folks! Let's talk about Lawrence, those old fogies~"
An 'old scholar' wearing an exaggerated colorful wig, a monocle, and a star-studded robe began his 'historical rap' in the plaza next to the Knights of Favonius headquarters, tapping a small drum to a clumsy yet strangely catchy rhythm.
"Thought they were superior, but their brains were quite empty~
Forced people to crawl like dogs, and thought they were so cool~
But then Barbatos, the Anemo God, kicked them off the stage~ YO!"
The crowd gradually gathered, erupting in laughter. This 'old scholar' was, of course, Bugs Bunny in disguise.
He used various comical guises in every corner of Mondstadt City, turning the Lawrence Clan's dirty laundry into jokes, singing them until women and children knew them by heart.
At first, some Lawrence family members, their faces livid with anger, tried to argue with him, but Bugs Bunny was faster than the wind. He always vanished as a grey shadow before those 'lords' could catch him, leaving behind only laughter and a few 'Noble Temperament Experience Tickets' printed with cross-eyed hawk emblems.
These experience tickets quickly became popular among children.
"Look! I got a 'being stared at through nostrils for one minute' ticket!"
"Mine is 'listening to noble-style complaints'!"
The children giggled, holding their tickets, and ran to the Lawrence clansmen who still maintained their airs to 'redeem services,' making the old fuddy-duddies puff their beards and glare, yet unable to act out. They could only flee in embarrassment under the onlookers' gazes, as if watching a monkey show.
The public opinion warm-up had a significant effect.
The word "Lawrence," in the mouths of Mondstadt citizens, gradually transformed from historical, heavy disgust into a playful jest.
Feeling the time was right, Bugs Bunny changed his disguise. Dressed as a noble, he swaggered into the 'high-class' cafe, a place the Lawrence Clan members loved to frequent, a cafe they kept open to maintain appearances, despite having very few customers. He had a plump, juicy carrot dangling from his mouth.
"Good afternoon, gentlemen... uh, 'gentlemen'?"
Bugs Bunny pulled out an ornate chair and sat down, placing his carrot on the snow-white tablecloth with an elegance as if it were a rare delicacy.
The few Mr. Lawrences, who were quietly complaining about the 'inferior quality of commoner coffee beans,' froze, frowning at the uninvited rabbit.
"Allow me to introduce myself."
Bugs Bunny picked up the carrot with his paw, examining it against the light as if appreciating fine wine.
"I hail from a distant, ancient... Carrot Kingdom, with a history far longer than yours. I suppose I can be considered a noble, of sorts."
He spoke nonsense off the cuff, yet his tone carried an undeniable certainty.
"In my opinion,"
He looked around, his gaze sweeping over the stiff faces of the Mr. Lawrences one by one.
"A true noble's taste is reflected in the finest details. For instance, being able to discern the subtle, terroir- and soul-related difference between this 'Sunlight Golden Crown' carrot from the eastern slope of Dawn Winery and this 'Sweet Emerald' carrot from the fertile soil by the Springvale creek."
He introduced them with great solemnity, pushing two seemingly similar carrots towards them.
The Lawrences exchanged glances. What was this rabbit babbling about?
"What's wrong?"
Bugs Bunny raised an eyebrow, his tone carrying just the right amount of disdain.
"Could it be that you... lack even this most basic sense of taste? Oh, heavens, it seems some so-called 'noble heritage' has decayed to the point where it can't even appreciate the elegance of a carrot. How... pathetic."
These words pricked the Lawrences' most sensitive nerves like needles.
To prove their 'taste still existed,' they stiffened their necks and began to feign 'appreciation' of the carrots.
"Hmm... this one, indeed... tastes more of sunshine."
"Nonsense! This one clearly has the crisp sweetness of Springwater!"
An absurd debate about carrot taste unfolded in the cafe.
Bugs Bunny, meanwhile, 'kindly' acted as a judge, using various exaggerated terms to deepen their self-hypnosis and 'generously' gifted a large quantity of 'premium carrots' as 'gifts between nobles.'
Over the next few days, the Lawrence Clan's dining tables were almost constantly filled with the scent of carrots... Meanwhile, Bugs Bunny began the next step of his plan.
He sought out the young Lawrence members who were most concerned with appearances and most easily provoked.
"Look at Mondstadt now."
Bugs Bunny said with feigned heartache.
"Disorganized, without order! Although you all have temporarily... well, encountered some minor setbacks, where is your noble sense of responsibility? Where is your 'concern' for this city? Are you just going to watch it fall into Decay?"
He skillfully guided them: "Look at those streets! Fallen leaves! Dust! This is an insult to aesthetics! A true noble, even in adversity, should lead by example, demonstrate noble character through action, and guide those... hmm, lost lambs."
Thus, under Bugs Bunny's 'encouragement,' several young Lawrences, whose heads were muddled by 'noble responsibility,' actually took magnifying glasses and small tweezers to the streets, beginning their 'Urban Aesthetic Patrol' mission.
They carefully avoided crowds (mainly for fear of being recognized), meticulously picking up dust particles almost invisible to the naked eye. Their serious demeanor made it seem as if they were engaged in a sacred mission, drawing glances and chuckles from passersby.
Others were conned by Bugs Bunny into becoming 'public art performance artists,' wearing ancestral, somewhat outdated but still opulent formal wear, striking rigid poses à la 'Liberty Leading the People' in the center of the plaza, standing for half a day. They called it 'enhancing public artistic cultivation,' but in reality, they became the most popular photo backdrop before the Windblume Festival.
Under Bugs Bunny's 'meticulous planning' and 'unremitting efforts,' a unique 'Lawrence Clan Talent Show Special Presentation' event kicked off in the city's largest plaza.
The news had already spread throughout the city, and the plaza was now packed with people, even more lively than when watching the idol Barbara perform.
Grand Master Jean and Kaeya stood by the window of the Knights of Favonius office, watching below with complex expressions.
Kaeya had an uncontrollable smile playing on his lips, while Grand Master Jean could only hold her forehead, praying that no major disaster would occur.
On stage, a group of Lawrence members, dressed in uniform (but clearly ill-fitting, as if hastily made) formal wear, had pale faces and vacant eyes.
They had been coaxed and tricked by Bugs Bunny, plus the 'if you don't participate, you're admitting the family has no artistic talent' provocation, into coming up.
Music started (a march of extremely comical style, which Bugs Bunny found from who knows where).
"Ahem!"
Bugs Bunny, serving as host, wore a Tuxedo adorned with carrot patterns and held a carrot-shaped megaphone.
"Ladies and gentlemen! On this day filled with freedom and love, let us, with 'immense excitement,' enjoy the grand chorus brought to us by the ancient and profound Lawrence Clan—'Ode to the Carrot'! Oh, pardon me, it's 'Lawrence... uh, and New Mondstadt'!"
The Lawrence members opened their mouths, singing the lyrics Bugs Bunny had written:
"We were once lost in the abyss of power~ (voices trembling)
Oppression and slavery blinded our eyes~ (some began to cover their faces)
Thanks to the Anemo God for the wind of freedom~ (tune drifted off-key)
And praise the endless deliciousness of carrots~ (voice cracking)"
A deafening roar of laughter erupted from the audience, many slapping their thighs.
The Lawrences' faces went from white to red, then to purple, wishing they could crawl into a crack in the ground.
Next was the group dance 'Noble Tumble,' mimicking their ancestors' pathetic fall from power.
The movements were clumsy, the formation scattered; rather than a dance, it was more like a compilation of falls performed by Marionettes in lavish costumes.
Finally, the poetry recitation, 'Ah, How Sweet the Air of Freedom!'
The lead reciter was an older Lawrence, who cried (mainly from shame), almost screaming with his life, as if he wasn't praising freedom but rather denouncing Bugs Bunny's devilish acts.
The performance concluded 'successfully' amidst roof-raising laughter and applause.
The Lawrence members collapsed on stage, their eyes vacant, their souls seemingly having left their bodies.
"Now!"
Bugs Bunny announced in the most solemn tone.
"It's the most glorious moment! To commend the Lawrence Clan for their 'outstanding contributions' to Mondstadt's... uh, entertainment industry, as well as their 'profound' repentance and 'vigorous promotion' of carrot culture, I, on behalf of... hmm, the Carrot Kingdom and all of Mondstadt's stomach-aching citizens, bestow upon them the title of—'Carrot Honorary Nobles'!"
He took out the already prepared 'crown' and 'scepter,' carved from the largest and juiciest carrots, and placed them one by one on (or rather, stuck them into) the heads of the distraught Lawrence members, and into their hands.
"May the wisdom and sweetness of carrots forever guide your way!"
Bugs Bunny winked at the audience.
The audience burst into thunderous applause, cheers rising and falling: "Carrot Nobles! Carrot Nobles!"
From that day on, the Lawrence Clan was completely 'socially dead' in Mondstadt.
Not dead from hatred, but from endless ridicule.
Some of them finally faced reality and slunk away from Mondstadt; some completely gave up, genuinely starting to research a hundred ways to prepare carrots; and a very few, such as the young noble who once kicked Bugs Bunny into a trash can, reportedly locked himself in his room for a long time. When he emerged, his eyes had changed, and he would tell anyone he met: "I used to be such an idiot."
Bugs Bunny, his achievements hidden, continued his leisurely vacation life in another world, but the legend of a mysterious rabbit who brought down an ancient noble family lingered in Mondstadt City.
And Grand Master Jean found that over the next few months, Mondstadt City's carrot consumption significantly increased, and the Lawrence surname truly could no longer stir up any trouble.
She looked at a carrot tied with a bow, placed on her desk by an unknown person, and sighed helplessly, yet couldn't help but smile faintly.
"Perhaps... this could also be considered a kind of... peaceful evolution?"
She murmured to herself, then carefully put the carrot into her drawer.