People are pretty superficial, that much anyone could tell you. What they couldn't tell you is what it's like to feel that superficiality directly in your skull in every interaction of your life. I look into the mirror, bed head, tired eyes, and an unpleasant face. I'm glad nobody sees me right now; they'd probably mistake me for someone else. I look like some antisocial weirdo! I smile in the mirror and squint my eyes subtly. A lot of people forget the eyes; you have to squint the eyes to appear genuine. Off topic, but my eyes really annoy me. Not only are they grey, but they always give me trouble; people always think I look tired. Perfect, now I look a bit friendlier. I turn the shower on while I brush my teeth.
Hair? Brushed into a middle part. Contact lenses? On. Clothes? Ironed and ready. I look at myself in the mirror once more. Light brown hair, brown eyes, clean appearance, friendly expression, and not a pimple in sight. I have my skincare routine to thank for that; I can't have any glaring flaws, can I? Outfit, not noteworthy, but no flaws. Green T-shirt, Jeans, and the necessities, no layering or anything fancy. Breakfast is a simple egg sandwich, four scrambled eggs between toasted bread. It tastes like it always does. Yes, my morning routine is nice and normal, no family whose thoughts bother me, no friends texting me to check up on me, no loud neighbors to bother me. Nothing except me and my breakfast. I look at the clock, an hour until class starts. I'll need to leave in 20 minutes to make it to class on time.
I turn the TV on to pass the time, watching the news is an easy topic of discussion with older people. "Yesterday's arson case is still being investigated. This is believed to be a continuation of the serial arsons—" I heard this already. In my dream. "There have been no witnesses to come forward so far, but the Chief of Police—" It's all the same. Everything. It's just a coincidence. I turn the TV off, put my shoes on, and leave the house.
The moment I step into the hallway of the apartment complex, the thoughts come back.
*I don't want to work— okay, then don't.
Did I lock my door? I swear I locked it— I should go back— no, it's fine, it's fine— just check.Is the elevator broken again? If it is, I'm suing somebody— with what money?God, my feet hurt already, why did I buy these stupid shoes— to protect your feet, probablyUgh, I forgot my umbrella… whatever, it won't rain… right? It won't, don't worry.I should really stop sleeping at 3 a.m.— Good idea.Is that the kid from 4B? He looks different without the glasses— Those were decorative.Don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact— Fair enough.*
It's too loud for how early it is. I already want to go back inside.
I see Charlie when I exit the apartment building. He lives on the second floor, I think. How should I describe him? He looks like a sloth in human form. Short, scrawny, snubby nose, beady eyes, long, greasy, brown-black hair. *I want to go home... * Me too, buddy, me too. I walk up to him, making sure that he sees me coming. "Good morning, Charlie." He averts his eyes, mumbling an answer, "H-Hello..." *What was his name again? Go away...* Fair enough. "Don't remember me? That's alright, haha. I'm Felix, it's nice to meet you again!" I hold my hand out. I hope he doesn't shake it; he looks dirty. He stares at my hand like it's a foreign object, before returning to the floor. "O-oh... nice to meet you..." *Go away. * Friendly as usual. This is exactly why I didn't help you in my dream. Here I was, feeling bad about that. "Well, I won't bother you. I hope you have a good day." *Thank god... why was he so friendly?* Not everyone can afford to live the way you do, Charlie.
Besides my atypical conversation with Charlie, if it could even be called that, the rest of the walk was normal. It takes about 30 minutes to walk to school, 2.5 miles. I could realistically leave home later if I jogged there. I've thought about it, and I'd encounter fewer people. Trouble is, the people that I would encounter would think that I was late to class if I jogged. Jogging is more memorable. Anyway, I left a bit earlier today than I did in my dream, watching the news is overrated anyway. Now I get to blend into class a bit easier.
*I'm so tired already, why did I come early—Did we have homework? Please god say no—Forgot my lunch… again… I'm going to starve—
Why is it so cold? Why is it ALWAYS cold?—I need coffee, I need something—Did I bring my art project? I swear I put it— oh shit—That girl's staring at me, is she staring at me? Is she— *
Entering school is always so... fun. Let's just get to class.
I enter the class, and a few students are already here. Well, three of them are nerds and loners, I guess. Among them is my favorite distraction, Alex. I'm surprised he showed up in my dream, though. I didn't think he was that important. "Good morning, Alex." He shoots up, dropping his pencil. Again. I pick it up. "You're a bit of a klutz, haha." *So embarrassing...* "T-thanks Felix... how are... things?" *Good job, Alex... you can't even hold a conversation...* You're too self-conscious, bro. "Things are going great! Thanks for asking. What are you drawing today?" His eyes brighten; he's too innocent. "A Chestnut Heath! I saw one earlier today! it's—" loud, you're too loud, bro. You're making people look. "It isn't normally found in urban areas, so it was so surprising to me! Oh, you probably don't know what it is, a Chestnut Heath is—" some new classmates are entering class.
*Why is he talking so loud this early—God, does he ever shut up?—Why is he yelling about butterflies or whatever?—
Those two losers better shut their mouths, before I— yeah, okay buddy, you're so tough.*
"Isn't that so cool?! The scientific name is Coe—" I interrupt. "Can you quiet down? You're bothering people." Alex's face drops, then flushes when he realizes he's being stared at. He looks at his desk. *Oh god... I've done it now... way to embarrass yourself...* And now I have to play therapist. Nice. "No worries, man. It's amazing how passionate you are!" Alex looks a bit less glum after we talk about his drawings of butterflies or whatever.
The next class is my favorite one, Mrs. Splinter! Boring! Mind numbing! Quiet! It's perfect! Everyone is half asleep listening to her; her abilities are amazing... before I know it, class ends. The bell rings, and people shoot up.
* Finally. I swear that class bends time—forty minutes feels like four hours.
I cannot believe I stayed awake through that entire thing. Medal. I deserve a medal.
If I hear her say "as you can see on the slide" one more time, I'm walking out a window.
God, my brain is mush. I don't even remember what we learned. Did we learn anything? *
Mrs. Splinter calls out helplessly. "Make sure to study for our test next class!" Most students walk out without a second glance. I respond with a smile. "Thanks for the reminder. Have a good day." Seriously, I hope you do. She smiles at me. "Thank you, I hope you have a good day too." *What a nice boy*
Lunch goes well, just eating in the back stairwell again. No biggie, scrolling on my phone isn't very fun though. For some reason, I feel like this has happened before... just when I was about to reach enlightenment, another thought invades my head. *GOD DAMN IT!* Whoa, someone's mad... wait... what? I could've sworn... *This fucking loser is still bothering me; doesn't he have anything better to do?! * ...Okay, Deja Vu, it's a coincidence. No need to worry. I'll just ignore her and keep doing my thing. No need to worry. She swings the door to the stairs open, and we make eye contact.
She looks like... the same way as in my dream. Blonde hair, nice clothes, especially that white coat now that I'm looking, aaaaaand she's looking at me like I'm a bug. I smile at her. "Hello." She scoffs at me. *Great, it's Mister Sunshine himself* "You're eating lunch in here? How much of a freak are you?" What the fuck did you just say to me, you troglodyte? "Yeah, haha. I'm bad with crowds, so I try to avoid them... It's kind of lame—" The girl cuts me off. *I don't care* "I didn't ask, moron. Don't talk to me." This bitch. "You're blunt, haha." *This fucking loser won't leave me alone either* The girl screams. "SHUT UP!" Arrogant, annoying, loud, unpleasant. It's funny how confidently she tries to shut me down, considering how weak she looks. I guess most people don't speak back to her. I wouldn't be surprised if nobody speaks to her at all. Oh well, it doesn't matter to me, I'll remember to steer clear. As she's walking up the stairs, I decide to play a little prank. "There's gum in your hair." Her head shoots back towards me, shocked. "What? Where?" She pulls out her phone, and I leave. You're too obvious, girl. I knew you'd waste your time checking if I told you that, so predictable. I win, hehehe.
I spend the rest of my break in an empty classroom nearby. Maybe 10 minutes pass when the bell rings, while walking to class, another thought enters my head. *Shit... it hurts so bad... what if someone notices?* Charlie again, huh? Hope it hurts, bastard. ...Okay, that was mean, he doesn't deserve that... I guess I'll help him out. Well, he'll probably hate that I did this, but... I head to the security desk. "Excuse me..." The fat guard looks at me like I stole his food. *What does this brat want?* "What?" I answer in the most concerned voice I can. "I heard someone crying in the boy's bathroom over there... I wasn't sure what to do..." The guard huffs at me. "Alright, kid. Get to class, I'll deal with it." Welp, not my problem anymore.
The rest of the day was pretty normal. Loud and annoying. One standout, though, the blonde girl was apparently in my class because she was glaring at me. Kind of bad considering it looks like she's friends with some popular people. That's another standout: she has friends. I didn't expect that. Anyway, they are all gone, and I'm waiting after school again. I feel like... I feel like I should avoid the courtyard. Just a feeling I have... actually, maybe I'll go to the security desk.
"Great..." Nobody is here. Where's that guy when you need him? Oh well, I'll just head home, no need to risk meeting some weird knife guy, right? Not that he's real, of course, I was just dreaming, so. I hear footsteps behind me, I turn around to see who it is, and— it's him. It's him. It's him. What? He's here. He's smiling. His eyes are slightly squinted, and he looks genuine. He looks friendly, but I'm not sticking around to find out if he is. I run. I run. I CAN'T RUN! WHY?! WHY?! He's closing that gap. This fucking bastard! Think, think, think! How do I get out of this?! I can't speak! I can't move! "Hello again." Fuck you, asshole! He thrusts his knife into my side. It feels like a hard punch; it feels like I was just shocked! He stabs me in the stomach this time. Nobody is coming! I'm going to die again! Why? What did I do to deserve this?! Please don't kill me! He stabs me in the gut again, my stomach is cramping. Why is this happening? What did I do wrong?! It feels hotter than anything I've ever experienced; it's like a furnace. My legs can't support my weight; I collapse. "I expected more from one of you. How disappointing." He's mocking me. This was easy for him. I made it easy. I was weak. I am weak. I can't even defend myself. It hurts, I'm cold, I'm so cold. He lifts his foot over my head again; he's going to crush my skull! He steps on my wounds. "Does this hurt?" YES! FUCKING KILL ME "What about this?" Please... this sadistic fuck... "Do you want it to end?" YES, please, please. "Just say you want it to." I try to move my mouth, I try to tell him to end it. "Oh, right, you can't." Mommy... I don't want to die...
I wake up again. The pain is gone. I bled out. He stabbed me and let me bleed out. He stepped on me like I was an animal. He smiled at me. That fucking piece of shit. I'll kill him. I'm going to bash his head in.