I'm awake again. Same place, same time, same message from my phone, the same one from my mother.
"I'll be out of town for the week."
I don't care, leave me alone. I don't want to get up. What's the point? I'm just going to get hurt again. I don't want to hear anything anymore. I don't want to feel anything. I just want rest. I just want to sleep. I won't get hurt here. I'll be okay. I'll just give up. I don't need to kill him, I just need to avoid him. There's no guarantee he knows my address. What if he does, though? What if he comes here? He could hypnotize my neighbors, my landlord, get a key, and have the door kicked down. Get them to hold me down and beat me to death. If that happens, what then? It won't matter. He won't remember. I already know he doesn't loop. That means I'm at an advantage. The moment I kill him, everything will be over. I'll be okay again! What if I fail again, though? He's stronger, he's faster, his power is more useful, he can outnumber me. What do I have that he doesn't? Knowledge? What bullshit is that? Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. He dares call me a freak, I just mind my own business! I don't do anything wrong! He's the freak! He's the monster. People like him don't deserve to live. Worthless murderers. He can't complain when I rip his life away, can he? He did it first. I'll make him beg for mercy, kill him, then kill myself and repeat. I'll kill him over and over and over again for what he's done. That worthless piece of shit. What if I can't, though? What if I die again? I don't want to die!
It doesn't matter. Over and over, I think about how I can win, but I come up with nothing. That shop from "yesterday", I could take the gun. What then? Guns are loud; even if I shoot and kill him, I'll likely be sent to prison for murder. What if I claim self-defense? He has a knife on him, but what about why he was there? They'll investigate me, and realize I stole the gun, that's another charge. What charge is that? Larceny, murder, unregistered firearm use? I don't know! I can't do it. What about my fire plan? I wouldn't be able to get away with that either; I'd get caught. I'm just a kid! Who cares about that? I want him dead. Who cares what happens after? I can just kill myself after, find a way to kill him without getting caught. I hope he knows my address. I can kill him here, cut him into pieces, stuff his parts into trash bags, and maybe drain his blood in the shower drain. No, that would clog it. I'll need mason jars. I'll drain them in there, toss the evidence in the river. How though? I'm not old enough to rent a boat. I can't get away with murder.
Over and over and over and over. I think. Time passes by, it's almost midnight. I haven't eaten, I haven't had a drink. I'm hungry, my head hurts, I'm thirsty, I'm lonely. I'm still alive, though. Wait... midnight? I still alive? He doesn't know. He doesn't know where I live! I'll live! I'm going to survive! I didn't need to kill him, I just needed to avoid him! He said he was stalking me, he's going to find me eventually... but I'm still alive—
I wake up in my bed. I don't remember falling asleep. I'm still tired. I get the same text.
"I'll be out of town for the week."
Haha. Of course, that would be too easy. Not doing anything won't achieve anything.
I'm going to turn you all into a bloody pulp.
Why would I bother getting ready today when I'm just going to die anyway? Why? AND LET HIM AFFECT ME EVEN MORE?! THAT FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT?! NO!
I'll win. I'll win. That's all that matters. WINNING! I'll win in such a way that he'll never dare look me in the eye again. I am his god. That fucking hairless money, that smile of his, those slit eyes, that suit, that black hair, I'll pave it all in blood. I'll make him watch as I burn his home to the ground. I'll find everything!
I died again. I didn't learn anything. It wasn't anything of note. I didn't learn anything.
I died again.
I died again.
I died again.
I'm going to win.
I died again.
I died again.
I haven't even counted this time.
Get ready, talk, act, smile, talk, act, smile, die.
Die, die, die, die, die.
I haven't won once.
This is so boring. Why can't I win? Was the game rigged from the start? Fuck this, I'm doing something else. Why should I bother fighting the final boss in the first arc anyway? He mentioned hating freaks, right? I'll find more freaks then, and with the freaks, I'll kill him. It was so easy. How did I miss it? I can sense him now, so I can sense other people like us. Isn't that convenient? I'll win. Then I'll be back to normal. I'll be okay again. I won't be in danger anymore. I won't be bored anymore. I won't die anymore.
I'll win.