"Please wait, your data is progressing, I'll be with you shortly." The receptionist politely told him to wait before she went ahead to proceed with his paperwork and register him as an adventurer in the adventurer town of Axel, courtesy of Kazuma, who after befriending him, understood the pain of the poverty of new adventurers and decided to loan a bit of money to Orion.
'Have to say, no matter what you say about Kazuma Sato, he is a good man.' Orion grinned.
"Wait a minute, you said you were going to hunt giant toads when we first met, how come you don't have a guild card if you were already taking quests."
Suddenly, Kazuma, who was in a good mood helping out a junior, thought about it and asked with a suspicious look on his face.
"Oh that, I just thought let me do the quest and hand the proof over. Even if I can't get the money, I can use it to get my entrance fee over, you know. Once the quest is done, the guild wouldn't just turn you down, right..." Orion shrugged, that was his main plan before Kazuma decided to help him out. If that didn't work, then he had to think of other ways, perhaps sell a few pointless items he had in his inventory.
"Wait, that's actually a good idea, how come we didn't think of that earlier." Kazuma fell into contemplation, pondering whether living with Aqua was affecting his IQ.
"All done, Mr. Star Storm... please come here and place your hand on this magic orb, we'll determine your stats and choose an accurate class for you." The busty blond receptionist whose name was Luna called.
"Yes."
Orion excitedly placed his hand on the magical orb and soon text completely unknown to him appeared on top of the orb.
The receptionist gasped when she saw the stats, like seeing something amazing. "Oh my, your stats, all are very good. With this level of stats you can take almost any class you wish. I suggest you choose either swordsman, Knight, High Priest, or Archmage since you have higher dexterity and magic." Luna said, sounding much more enthusiastic than she was a minute before.
Almost to the point that Orion felt something was wrong. He turned to Kazuma for guidance but found the slightly more experienced boy was gawking at the newly made adventurer's card Luna handed him over with shock.
"H-how come your stats too are like this. This doesn't make any sense. Am I the only one with shitty stats." He gritted his teeth, glaring at Orion like he stole his favorite underwear.
"Ptsss... what can you expect from a HikiNeet anyways." A sneaking remark from a certain useless goddess was the last breaking point for Kazuma to go full ballistic.
They started quarrelling.
[Not very goddess-like, is she...]
Marika, who was quiet until now, angry at Orion, finally said something to remind him she was still there.
"You have no idea." Orion chuckled, recalling what kind of nut job series this was. One of the best, honestly. He liked comedy like this. It was awesome.
[Hmph...]
'And there she goes acting all tsundere again...' Sigh.
"Sixteen...!"
"Huh..."
Orion heard the receptionist say out of the blue, she had his paper.
"Nothing, just making sure everything is up to the mark." Luna shook her head, though he definitely heard her saying something about 'If only he was a bit older... he was handsome too. Tsk, too young...'
He decided for his mental peace he'll ignore it.
---<>---
Orion found himself wondering, not for the first time, how his life had come to this—standing in an open field under a bright blue sky, side by side with a shut-in NEET and a self-proclaimed goddess, (just not golden this time, but blue) preparing to hunt something called a "giant toad."
Orion had seen many monsters in his one week of Dungeon life he had lived, but there was just something about a giant toad which tickled his Naruto fanboy self hard.
Of course, that wasn't the only reason he was here. It was basically because Kazuma had covered his guild entrance fee, and Orion, cursed with an inconvenient sense of fairness, had decided to pay him back by tagging along.
Though the toad played a role too.
Kazuma, meanwhile, stared at the creature ahead with something close to religious awe. Or that was a scowl... you could never say in Sato Kazuma's case considering his particular experience with the divine.
"That thing is huge," he whispered, eyes wide as the toad shifted, its slick body glistening in the sunlight. "Are you sure this is normal beginner stuff?"
His eyes lingered on Aqua, who was more interested in counting the drifting clouds which looked more like cotton candy.
Aqua liked cotton candy.
'Never mind...' Kazuma gave a sting eye and turned to Orion.
Orion glanced at it once, then shrugged. "It's big, sure. But trust me, I've seen worse. Much worse. Though this might be the biggest I would fight so far."
That did nothing to comfort Kazuma.
Kazuma again turned to Aqua. "Okay, earth to goddess..., come on Aqua, do your thing. Blast it. Smite it. Drown it. Anything as long as that toad is gone..." Kazuma hitched midway, sneaking a glance at Orion and then changed his words...
"Arch-priest... show why you're an arch priest..."
Aqua puffed out her chest confidently. "Leave it to me!"
She raised her staff. Nothing happened.
Kazuma waited.
Nothing still happened.
"Does it normally take this long." Orion glanced over at the toad, then Kazuma, then Aqua, and then the toad again before asking.
"Oh gods, you're embarrassing us here…WHY ISN'T ANYTHING HAPPENING?" he demanded.
"Well," Aqua said, suddenly sheepish, "all my magic is healing and water-based. And… I can't really attack with those?"
Kazuma's eye twitched. "So you're useless."
"I am not useless!"
"Can you beat that thing?"
"Hmm, no..."
"Then you're useless."
"I AM NOT!" She pouted, eyes glistening with tears.
"Then do something useful!" Kazuma was completely unfazed.
Marika acted like she didn't care, however she was paying attention, especially to Aqua's power. Orion saw her glance by the side eye.
Before Aqua could escalate into a sermon about divine dignity, Orion stepped in. "Well, I got a plan if you two are done..."
They both turned to him.
Orion gestured toward the toad. "Kazuma distracts it. Run around, yell, be annoying. I'll circle around and attack when it's focused on you."
Kazuma blinked. "Why am I the bait?"
"Can you kill it if I'm the bait?" Orion said calmly.
"Hmmm...."
"Thought so..."
After a brief, painful moment of contemplation, Kazuma agreed.
The plan lasted exactly five seconds.
Kazuma ran out, waving his arms and shouting insults that were far less clever than he thought they were. The toad turned, eyes locking onto him. So far, so good.
Then Aqua opened her mouth.
"HEY! KAZUMA! RUN FASTER, IT'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU. MAKE SURE YOU DON'T BRING IT HERE!"
[I perhaps was too quick to think deities in Orario were silly. Every day I seem to learn a new definition of how low a divine creature could go...]
Marika had two thoughts about getting out of her spirit form and slapping the blue-haired moron a real good one.
As expected, the toad's attention snapped instantly to the said moron.
"Here we go..." Orion shook his head.
In one horrifying, slimy motion, the toad's tongue lashed out and swallowed Aqua whole.
Kazuma screamed. "AQUAAAA!"
He drew his sword, panicking, ready to charge in like a man about to make several very poor life decisions.
"Wait," Orion said, raising a hand.
Instead of attacking, he stepped forward and focused. "Hey."
The toad froze.
"Yes, you," Orion continued, voice calm but sharp. "Spit her out. Now."
The giant toad blinked, clearly confused. "The human… speaks?"
Kazuma nearly fainted, eyes narrowing like he had 20 negative power on both eyes.
"If you don't let the girl go," Orion said evenly, resting his hand on his blade, "I'll cut you open from mouth to stomach. Slowly."
'Oh gods, what kind of morons have I surrounded myself with, one gets eaten by a toad and another is speaking to it...' Kazuma felt like giving up. However, then things changed.
The toad seemed to tremble. After a moment, it retched, coughing Aqua back out onto the grass in a pile of slime.
Kazuma's mouth hit the ground like he saw Tractor-Kun again. (For those who didn't know, he died by a tractor, more like a heart attack, but that's spoiler territory...)
Aqua just lay there, soaked, reeking, and furious.
"Agreement stands," the toad croaked. "We leave."
It hopped away at surprising speed, disappearing into the distance.
Kazuma stared. "You… just talked to it."
Orion sighed. "Yeah. It's a skill, I can talk with animals."
Aqua slowly stood, dripping slime from her hair. Her face twisted in rage. "THAT WAS DISGUSTING!"
"T-thank you, K-Kazuma… I thought.. I-I," Aqua cried.
"Don't thank me, it was Orion who saved you." Kazuma pointed at the white silver-haired boy with a grumble.
"Oh… th-then thank you, I am so happy. Say, Orion-Kun… how about you join my Axis Church. I'll make you my official high-ranking follower." Aqua said somehow between crying.
[Hmph.. another poaching harlot]
"No thanks, I already have a goddess I follow."
"Whaa… is that Eris, right! That hussy… do you know she pads her chest. Believe me, there is nothing you to gain over there…" Aqua chimed.
"No.. I'm not an Eris follower either, and don't worry, my goddess doesn't need any more improvement in that area, it's already perfect…" Orion smirked and even saw Marika puff up her chest as if agreeing.
Hearing this, Aqua just cried more. And then her anger went back to the toad for whom she was in this condition.
One second she was tearing up, and the next she stormed toward another nearby toad in anger. "Take this! GOD PUNCH!"
She punched it.
Nothing happened.
"THAT IDIOT!"
The second toad opened its mouth and swallowed her whole.
There was a long pause.
"AQUAAAAAA!"
xXx
A/N : Ah... Konosuba is one of my favorite anime. The comedy in it just hits right. Love it. The only anime I have seem more than Konosuba on repeat would be the first season of One Punch Man. That was another monster when it came out.
Man, they really ruin it in recent season...
Anyways, do tell where I can improve more. Anything will help.
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