686Chapter 30: Eagerness
Author's Note – This chapter has some situational sensuality. There will not be anything in this story that crosses into M levels of detail for romance material.
Eagerness
Toothless spent much of the day lost in his thoughts even while playing with Hiccup and Breath-Of-Sky. It was very hard to think about anything at all other than the kind attention that Jumps-At-Fire had shown him early in the morning.
"Hey, are you listening?"
She had told him that she had no mate, showed him some affection of a kind he had never felt before, and displayed no fear toward or disliking of Hiccup. Neither did she seem very bothered by his being grounded. That was all very good and meant that there was hope for him and her.
He wanted that goodness in his life. He wanted to chase her, get to know her better, and maybe they could...
Hiccup twisted one of his ears, which made him bark and leap back in surprise.
"Hiccup! Why did you do that?"
"Because you were not listening to anything I was saying..."
"Sorry, I was thinking..."
Hiccup crossed his arms on his chest while grinning.
"You were thinking? Who are you and what have you done with Toothless? He wouldn't do that..."
"Hiccup..."
"Let me guess. Is this about Jumps-At-Fire?"
"Yes," he purred.
Hiccup rolled his eyes.
"Well, I'll admit that she's definitely friendlier than Moonbeam."
"I know. I want to get to know Jumps better."
"Just how much better?" Hiccup asked.
Toothless favored Hiccup with a withering glare.
"You try never before seeing a friendly female of your kind..."
Oddly, Hiccup then smiled back at him with a cheeky grin.
"Yeah, about that, I kinda know what that's like. I never got a date back on Berk."
"A date? What is that?"
"It means... a ceremony to get to know if she could be a... good mate..."
Toothless hummed in thought, eventually deciding he liked that ceremony.
"Hmm, I would like to date Jumps-At-Fire. But about you... I think Astrid liked you."
Hiccup clutched his sides and roared with laughter until he recovered himself.
"Astrid liked me? Well, she liked looking down on me like I was something nasty to be scraped off the bottom of a boot. Punching me and dropping her ax on me were some of her favorite things to do. Really felt the affection there... definitely a healthy relationship from the start."
Hiccup sighed and cast his eyes down to the ground in sadness or resignation. That made Toothless feel a chill for Hiccup also. He also knew that his human brother was different from most human males, mostly that he was smaller in body, far sharper in thinking, and kinder. It was also true that a possible mate who would be so dismissive and hurting was not a good possible mate. Some biting and teasing could be soul-fire warming as mate-bonding play, but that was not what he had seen between Hiccup and Astrid.
I wonder if there is a female who can respect him for who he is and does not care that he is not a big fighter. I hope so for his life to be warmer.
"We will find someone good for you, brother."
Hiccup shrugged.
"Yeah, maybe. That won't happen any time soon. I don't think there are many available non-dragon ladies anywhere around here though."
Toothless knew that was definitely true and reminded him of their true reason for flying up here. The rest of Middle-earth was not a topic that they had spoken about in a long time now, there being more important things to do, such as get to know the pack and bond closer to his own blood-kin family. Doing that was necessary to help the pack come to truly trust him and Hiccup.
There is time to think and talk about bringing the pack into the rest of the world later.
Then Toothless turned back to stare at the woods, wondering where Jumps-At-Fire had flown off to go rest.
She said that she would fly back to me some time after she rested. I hope that is not too long.
Hiccup and Toothless rested with Far-Flight and Sky-Dancer over by the warm pools late in the afternoon. It was, for obvious practical reasons, a place where most of the pack liked to rest during the day and even sometimes at night. It was also the same place where they had met Toothless's parents for the first time, and that meant that it would forever be a special place to all of them.
Breath-Of-Sky was away on a practice hunt with the other fledglings and a few adults.
Both of Toothless's parents were eager to hear even more about Berk, human life, and Toothless's adventures, both with Hiccup and on his own before Hiccup.
"Why does your past pack have such twisted naming-ceremonies?" Sky-Dancer warbled to Hiccup.
He had just gotten through explaining what his name meant.
"I doubt that anyone thinks about that. They don't do much thinking anyway, preferring action. Anyway, it's a custom that everyone follows because life has always been that way for them."
Far-Flight grunted in confusion.
"But why the twisted names? Names should talk about what a dragon, or a human, has done in life. They should be something that one can hold their head and wings high with warmth for."
Hiccup sighed.
"I understand. Some human names are like that. Humans sometimes add more to the end of their name: something like the Fierce, the Busty, the Bold... the Vast... to help make themselves sound more impressive."
"What is yours?" Sky-Dancer asked.
"Don't have one. I'm just plain Hiccup."
"You should add more to your name and make your name stronger," she said.
"I guess I could eventually. Any suggestions?"
"Helpful?" Sky-Dancer proposed.
"Hapless?" Toothless grinned.
"Really, bro?" Hiccup groaned.
They all shared a laugh.
"Brave," Far-Flight declared.
"Hiccup the Brave. Yeah, right. No one back on Berk would have ever believed that one," Hiccup sighed.
"What they think does not have lift to you now," Far-Flight growled very faintly.
"Yes, why do you care about what they think?" Sky-Dancer huffed.
"True, I... I'm not one of them anymore."
Toothless gently nudged his shoulder.
"Were you ever one of them?"
Hiccup stared off at the distant clouds and didn't say anything for a long time.
"Probably not. I wanted to be like one of them for a long time, but I'm not one of them. You're right, I never was."
"No, you are not," Toothless huffed.
Hiccup glanced back at them, a thought suddenly on his mind. So much of Viking culture, back on Berk at least, was defined by conflict with dragons. That was simply not the case with the humans of Middle-earth.
"But, now that I think about it, neither are all the other humans here in this world. They do not know you dark wings as being monsters."
"True, peace is possible here," Toothless agreed.
"Peace? What are you talking about?" Far-Flight wondered.
"We think it is possible for humans and dragons to live in peace if people just try," Hiccup explained.
Far-Flight and Sky-Dancer definitely looked worried about that.
"We do not know any good humans other than you," Sky-Dancer said.
"Do you know any humans other than him?" Toothless asked.
"No," they both admitted.
"Maybe that will change eventually," Hiccup mused.
"You have changed my mind very much about humans," Sky-Dancer offered.
"And mine also," Far-Flight agreed.
Hiccup laughed to himself.
"Alright! Two down, just the rest of the pack to go."
"Burning-Star, you said that you flew some flights far from the Monster's nest but not in fighting or hunting," Far-Flight asked.
"Yes, I was not totally controlled by the Monster like the other dragons were. I ranged far from that nest because I wanted to find other dark wings like me."
"And you never did," Hiccup sighed, already knowing the answer.
"No, I did not."
Far-Flight and Sky-Dancer stared down at their paws while whining softly.
"Sire, dam, I told you that it was not your fault."
"We still hurt inside that we were not there to raise you," Sky-Dancer whispered.
Toothless stepped over to her side and nuzzled her nose to reassure her.
"Do not hurt, dam. You are here now."
She purred very softly at that.
"Bud, maybe you should keep going with the story," Hiccup proposed after the two Furies had their moment.
"Yes, I should. While I never found any other dark wings, I did find some warming places. I saw where the other dragons go to drop and sit their eggs. It is an island with pools of warm water like these here."
Hiccup was amazed to hear that there was one place in particular where dragons went to lay eggs. But that was also one more reminder of something amazing and confusing that he had only learned after reaching the pack.
"Do any of you know why you dark wings have cubs instead of eggs like the other dragons?"
Far-Flight and Sky-Dancer both ruffled their wings in a shrug, clearly not knowing the answer.
"I guess you wouldn't know since having cubs is normal to you. Silly question, sorry. Burning-Star, what were some of the other places you flew to?" Hiccup asked.
Toothless's ears swept back for a moment as he sat back on his rear.
"I found a nest of lightning-wings. They did not like me for some reason. I also had to fight a spinning-teeth-rock-digger."
Far-Flight and Sky-Dancer hissed softly at that.
"The other strange place I found was a nest of ice."
"An ice nest? What?" Hiccup wondered.
Toothless nodded.
"Yes, it was a nest made of ice. I did not fly into the nest because I could hear and feel something like a Monster dragon in it. Sire, dam, do you know of it?"
"Maybe," Far-Flight grumbled.
"What do you know?"
"There are very big Alpha dragons with tusks and ice-breath. They are like great Alphas who guard and protect large packs. They can use their ice-breath to build nests where dragons can be safe from humans. They can also control dragons by using their eyes, like the Monster you know of but stronger than it."
Hiccup nudged Toothless's shoulder.
"Good thing you didn't fly in there, huh, bud?"
"Yes, it is. I do not want to think what would have happened if I had. I might have been lost to it and... never met you," Toothless answered and ruffled his hair.
While it was terrible to think about Toothless being enthralled or controlled by another dragon, the thought did make Hiccup wonder about the story.
He said that he was not controlled, but he stayed in that dragon island place.
"Why did you always fly back to the Monster's nest? You didn't have to since you weren't controlled by it, right?"
Toothless sighed and looked away from them.
"The dragons in that nest were my pack. We were all on the same side: fighting against the humans and fearing the Monster. I had to go back to protect the dragons as much as I could."
Far-Flight and Sky-Dancer lifted their heads and purred in approval.
"That is brave of you, Burning-Star," Far-Flight growled.
"Yes, we are very proud of you," Sky-Dancer hummed.
Hiccup fully appreciated Toothless's reasons for doing what he had done, even given what that had meant for Berk.
"There he is!" a new voice cried out.
They all glanced toward the trees as a grey and silver-eyed Fury bounded toward them. It was Jumps-At-Fire.
"Jumps! How was your rest?" Toothless purred to her as she settled down before him.
"It was good to rest in this range nearer my kin instead of on my own. Sky-Dancer, Far-Flight, it is good to see you... both again."
They stared at her and eventually purred in welcome.
"How was your ranging, Jumps?" Sky-Dancer asked.
"I did not find any others, but there was some good hunting far toward the new suns."
"That is good. Those waters have much prey," Sky-Dancer agreed.
"Have you met Hiccup?" Far-Flight asked.
"I have. He is a good human," Jumps-At-Fire answered.
Then she hummed softly at Toothless.
"Burning-Star, are you busy right now?" Jumps-At-Fire asked.
"We were talking about many things. Do you want to join us?" he answered.
She blinked and stepped back a couple paces.
"I wanted to... talk to you."
"Come talk then."
"On our own, you and me. I can show you more of this range," she added.
He would have to leave his sire, dam, and Hiccup to go speak with her alone. It was not exactly what he wanted to do, but it would probably be respectful to go along with what she asked. Plus, he was curious what she wanted to talk about, spending time with her would let them bond more, and he had already had a full day with his closest kin.
"Okay, we can talk," he hopped to his paws.
"And," Hiccup coughed, "I'll stay here with your parents. Good to see you again, Jumps!"
"You also, Hiccup," she purred to him.
She then nudged Toothless's shoulder with her nose, and then she started off into the forest with Toothless at her side.
Hiccup watched as Toothless wandered off with Jumps-At-Fire through the pines. The two Furies were already speaking together as they walked off.
Then they were gone from view.
On the one hand, he was happy that Toothless wanted to spend some time with a female who might become something more than a friend. On the other hand, that attention meant that Toothless was spending time with someone else.
What would happen if Toothless got together with a female as a mate? He wasn't sure he wanted to think about that until it became more likely to happen. It would be a big change in their relationship, that much was for sure. Hopefully it wouldn't mean anything would change for the worse.
Sky-Dancer and Far-Flight snorted and grumbled.
"What's wrong?"
They turned to him with slightly narrowed eyes. It was a look that was not normal for them.
"We do not want to say anything twisted about... a packmate," Far-Flight answered.
"But she has problems," Sky-Dancer added while rubbing against Far-Flight's neck.
Who doesn't?
"What kind of problems?"
"Trust problems. Those problems are why she flies away from the pack much," Sky-Dancer explained.
That doesn't sound like her at all. She doesn't dislike me or Toothless.
"She might have changed some since last time that there was an incident, but I doubt it," Far-Flight then said.
"What kind of incident?"
Far-Flight grumbled without answering, and it was obvious that neither he nor Sky-Dancer were going to speak about this.
"I wonder if I should... no... he is an adult and can make his own choices..." Far-Flight grumbled.
Sky-Dancer looked away and shuffled on her paws.
They were both being far too dramatic about something.
Oh well, every community has someone who causes some drama, and not everyone will like everyone else. That's just how people are. Toothless knows what he is doing.
Hiccup went over to lean against Sky-Dancer's side since he didn't plan on going anywhere else for now. She gladly covered him with a wing to help block the little wind.
"Any idea when Breath-Of-Sky will get back from his hunt?"
He remembered that Breath-Of-Sky, Mystery, and Windripper had gone on a practice hunt with Flame-In-The-Night and several other adults.
"Probably after sunfall," Sky-Dancer answered.
"Until then, can you tell us more stories about you and Burning-Star?" Far-Flight eagerly asked as he sat down next to him.
Their eagerness to learn as much as possible about him and Toothless was very heartwarming. It was obvious to him that they were very devoted and loving parents, which was already evident from how well Breath-Of-Sky had turned out so far.
"More stories? Absolutely! There was one time we had to sneak into my old human nest; I had gotten stuck to the saddle after an accident."
"An accident?" Sky-Dancer gasped.
"Neither of us were hurt. We tumbled because of the wind when I was trying to learn to use the tailfin. So there we were, stuck together and sneaking through my nest in the dark..."
Jumps-At-Fire asked him many questions, mostly about his kin and about Hiccup. She wanted to know why Hiccup was a friendly human who did not hate dragons. That interest of hers was very good and showed that she definitely cared to learn more about one of the most important parts of his life.
It was such a contrast to the cold hostility that he had received from another whom he had been hopeful he might come to know better.
She is much warmer than Moonbeam.
His suspicion was only confirmed when Jumps-At-Fire stepped before him after they had walked well down the range away from where all the other Furies were resting. She freely let her tail brush his forelegs as she walked. It was good that she was not afraid to show some affection and interest.
He liked that interest.
"Where are we going?"
"Do you truly care?" she purred.
"Not truly. I like talking to you."
"Talking is good, yes. Is it only talking you want to do?"
"No. I like playing also. It is fun to play with my brothers, but they are both much smaller than me."
She looked up, deep in thought.
"Playing? That would be fun. None of the dark wings in the pack want to play with me."
"Why not?" he grumbled.
"They do not understand me or want to let me live as I wish. They... almost push me out of the pack without openly saying that. I feel so alone very much," she whined softly, head hung and tail stilled.
He was moved to pity for her. He also felt some frustration with the pack's apparent rejection of her.
So he stepped up to her side and nuzzled her neck while purring deeply to her. She smelled so alone, so inviting, so warm. She also definitely wanted that attention because she leaned into his nuzzling.
"Catch me!" she then barked and bounded away from him.
He stood frozen in place as she leaped away. Her lithe shape bounded between the trees and around boulders. Then he started after her, running in pursuit as she teasingly waved her tail at him. Through the pines and around rocks covered in moss they ran. Jumping over small streams and downed trees. The chase filled his blood and soul-fire with warmth.
He chased after her until they ran out into a clearing by the base of the mountains. They were so far away from the rest of the pack that he was sure he could not see the place where the pack lived; that place was hidden around a corner in the mountains. The afternoon sun was falling overhead, and warm on his back, but it was not as warm as his soul-fire; he had never chased after a female in play before.
Then she scrambled to a stop, spun around, and leaped at him. They tumbled on the ground, rolled onto their sides, and collapsed in place.
They were very breathless from the running and rough play.
"That was fun!" he barked.
"Yes, very. I hope you are not too tired," she chuckled.
"No, why would I be too tired?"
She hopped to her paws and faced him, glaring slightly in a challenge as her tail swished behind her.
"Because I do not know how strong you are."
That sounded like a challenge, so he snorted and preened, flaring his wings wide.
"I flew attack flights with a flock of other dragons, and I have flamed many enemies! I am strong and dangerous!"
"Yes, you are strong. You are a little bigger than the other males in the pack," she agreed.
He knew it was true. He was definitely better-fed than almost everyone else in the pack, and he was barely larger than most of the other males. His being grounded had made him stronger on the ground than the other dragons who were not so limited.
"You never knew dark wings before now?" she asked.
"No. I had no kin back then."
Understanding flashed in her eyes.
"I understand that. You have never been with a female before?"
Her eyes were narrowed, and she smelled so like fire. He knew that he wanted her. She was definitely very interested in him.
But there was the problem that he could not fly the sky chase that was the normal ceremony. On the other paw, she probably did not approve of that ceremony anyway. She was very like him, being alone and not liking certain ceremonies that were assumed normal.
"No, I cannot fly on my own..."
She snorted and strode toward him, gently brushing her wingtips against his side. He could not help but growl with warmth at her touch. Her scent was an overpowering fire and also very much alone. No other pack female he had scented had smelled like this or had such strength to wiggle into his thinking and burn away everything else.
She strode entirely around him, stood at his shoulder, stroked his tail with her own, and whispered.
"I do not care about that."
"No?" he breathlessly gasped.
"There is no need."
Her grey and silver eyes narrowed on him in challenge as she stared, teasingly tilted her head, and gave a beckoning purr.
The trees, the sun, the sky, and the wind were not anymore. He knew nothing except for her invitation, her teasing challenge such as he had never seen or felt before.
No female had ever offered herself to him. He did not know the joy of being in a true embrace and being one as mates. He had only met her this morning, knew very little of who she truly was, and now she was inviting him. She might be the only female who would ever offer this to him.
There was a whispering voice deep inside his soul-fire. Could he make her happy and satisfy her as a mate must be able? He had to prove himself to her or to himself; it was unclear which and did not matter anyway. She wanted this, he wanted this, and that was all they needed. Was it?
He had to give in to the natural, good want.
She could be part of his treasure also.
He should claim her as his mate.
He did not want to be alone.
Action was all that remained.
He rested beside her, feeling the eagerness and burning fire fade until only a warm ember remained of what had been. She had accepted him, which was something he had long thought could never happen.
But now that the eagerness had faded and as he fondly stared over at her, he felt a very faint confusion. While being one with her had been very warming, affirming, and good in a way he had never known before, he did not know what was going to happen next. This had been his first time, and these were strange skies he was flying into.
Is this what all the pairs, or at least the males, felt when they were together? Was there only confusion after the first time? What about her? What did she feel in her soul-fire?
"Jumps..." he hummed.
She lifted her head slightly and glanced over at him.
"Burning-Star, I knew that you were strong," she hummed.
"Yes, I am. You are also."
She chuffed and softly snorted.
"You are heavy."
"I am a big, strong male," he huffed.
"I know you are. Great skies, I needed that," she sighed.
"So did I. You are my first," he purred at her approval.
"You did well for a first time."
She got to her paws. She then stepped forward and stretched everything, flicking her tail and pawing at the ground. He purred with warmth as he watched her stretch.
Then he hopped up next to her, lifted a wing, and gestured to his side in invitation to rest and bonding. It felt like what he should do for her now.
"You can rest with me," he hummed.
"Thank you, Burning-Star, but I will go drink and then go to sleep. I am very tired after the playing and being with you."
"Good, I want to rest with you," he huffed.
"If you want to," she eventually answered.
"I do. I will walk with you."
He followed her on paw through the trees and along the mountains. All along the way he walked at her side, humming to her and staying close. Everything about her was beautiful and tempting.
"That was very warming, Jumps."
"Yes, Burning-Star, it was. We both needed to do that," she sighed and flicked her tail against his legs.
"I agree."
They finally arrived at a small stream with clear water, and she bent down to lap at the stream. He did the same and then lay a wing over her back.
"What is this?" she asked in obvious surprise.
"Do you not want bonding now?" he chuckled.
"Bonding, I suppose so," she warbled after a brief pause.
She finished drinking, followed him away onto the sand, and lay down at his side as he covered her with a wing and lay his tail over hers. She lay her head on her paws and closed her eyes.
He stared long at her while wondering about the future and about why he felt a little twisted about this. Her reaction was not entirely what he thought a female would have to her new mate wanting to be there with her. But he also had no prior experience in this part of life.
Did I do something wrong? I hope not.
He lay down at her side and closed his eyes. He could hear nothing except the beautiful sound of her purring.
Motion woke him up sometime later. Everything was covered in an orange glow from the evening sun.
He opened his eyes as Jumps-At-Fire stepped away from his side to stretch. She saw him staring at her as she was fanning her wings.
"Jumps, what is happening?"
"That was good rest, but I want to fly now."
That was frustrating since he could not join her flight in the sky. It also felt strange again that she did not want to stay at his side now.
"Is it not good for a new pair to bond after they mate?"
"Yes, I suppose it would be. But there is no need for us."
He softly warbled in confusion as he hopped to his paws.
"Jumps, I do not understand. What is twisted? Is there something about this ceremony that I do not know?"
She also looked confused from how her tail twitched. Then she rolled her eyes and chuckled to herself.
"I understand now. Burning-Star, we are not a mated pair."
He blinked and froze, certain that he had misheard or not understood. What she said had no lift at all after what they had just done.
"What?"
"We were together, and you did everything very well."
"I... do not understand. You... what is happening?"
She gave a huff of frustration and lashed the ground with her tail.
"Do you know how long it had been since I had a male be with me? Winters! After so long alone, I almost thought I would never have a male again and never be wanted. You had never mated before, and I gave you that. We both gave the other what we wanted. That is all."
He stepped back in shock. Her words echoed in his thoughts and poured a cold wind into his soul-fire. Something was very, very twisted and wrong about this.
"But... no! It is not only mating that I want! I want a life-mate and cubs!"
She shivered and hissed at that.
"A life-mate? Those are false-lies. Each pretends that they want their mate to be happy, but the truth is that they only use each other. Being in a pair makes each less free. All should be free to join with whoever they want. And cubs are a way of males trapping females in a pair."
He stepped back from her in total disbelief that she could think so wrong and twisted about so much.
"How can you think that? That is very twisted."
"Is it?" she hissed, "Having a cub forces the female to stay with it, tend to it, and rely on the male to provide. That is a trap that makes her weak! I will always be free of that trap."
He turned aside from her and started pacing. Everything had gone wrong so fast.
How did he not see this earlier? How had he missed that she had twisted thinking? At the very least, he had to understand why she thought as she did.
"Jumps, what happened to you to make you think that? Yes, the female needs the male to provide when she cannot, but that is not bad. If anything, that is a trap for the male also because he must work for her and the cub. Both need each other and trust each other."
"What happened to me? My... sire," she unsheathed her claws and tore at the ground, "left my dam to raise me alone! He left her for a younger mate! That taught me that males are false and cannot be trusted in bonding or mating."
He almost felt a flash of pity for her, except that there was falseness and twistedness in her words.
"But you did that with me!"
She sighed and sounded very weary.
"No, Burning-Star. I used you just as you used me. We both had needs. There is nothing more between us."
While terrible to hear, her words had a spark of truth in them. He could remember clearly the overwhelming neediness and the urge to act and claim her. The wanting had been so strong that he could not think of objections or realize that he was too eager and did not truly know her. All that had mattered was assuring himself that he could be wanted. He had let nature take over and lead him to action.
He gulped in fear at something new he had just thought of.
"What if there is a cub?"
She answered without hesitation.
"Do not fear that. I will not get a cub from this because I cannot make a cub right now. I know my cub-making times."
He looked away from her, feeling a twisted relief that there would not be a cub with her. Having one with such a thought-twisted female would have been bad. He also winced at the reminder, now clear since his head and thinking were his own again, that he had not been thinking about cubs before joining with her.
The eagerness had only been about his own wanting reassurance that a female could want and accept him. There had also been a hint of a need to claim her as part of his hoard, as a thing that would be his. There could not be more, no true care for her, because he had not truly known her before they started.
His own motivations were not very different from hers.
What have I done?
"It is... good that there is no... cub from this..." he grumbled without looking back at her.
"Yes," she grunted in agreement, "do we understand each other now?"
He turned to face her.
"Yes, I understand now. Were you always pretending?"
"Pretending what?"
"Your being friendly to Hiccup. Was that only a trick to make me trust you?" he wearily asked.
She blinked and hummed softly.
"Not truly. A good human is interesting also, but I did want you to trust me and give me this. It was good for both of us."
He growled at that, and then she stepped up closer to him while purring softly.
"Burning-Star, you are too angry. You sound like you wanted something that I cannot give you."
It was true, and he knew it. If only he had known that beforepaw.
"And it is my fault for not knowing what you wanted first," he grumbled.
"Maybe, but I could have been more honest also. I was not trying to trick you into thinking that I wanted what I did not want."
At least she is honest about that. She never said anything about wanting a life-mate...
Then she stepped away from him while flaring her wings, preparing to leave. She did not take flight though. Instead, she hesitated, folded her wings away, and stared at him again as if she was deep in thought.
A long silence followed between them until she finally spoke.
"The rest of the pack has very few females you could be with. The only other one who is grown and not... paired... is Moonbeam," she said.
"I know," he grumbled.
"I do not think that she or any other female there would want a male who is grounded on his own."
He could not be frustrated with her saying that. He suspected her words were true. Then he reluctantly looked back at her, wondering why she brought this up.
"Why are you saying this?"
She flicked her tailfins and stepped up before him again while softly crooning.
"I will not tell any others about today or about us," she said.
"I agree. We should not tell anyone else."
She chuffed.
"Now that we understand each other, I think we should start doing this more. Joining for fun only. No bonding to be life-mates. No cub-making. It would be good for us to do this more and stay free. We have needs."
As confusing as his thoughts were toward her, he knew that it was no small offer she had just made. It was very unlikely that there was any other in the pack who would satisfy his or her needs and wants. And there would be no misunderstanding between them if there was a next time.
Did he want there to be a next time?
"I will... think about it..." he grumbled.
"Please do," she purred.
With that, she jumped for the sky and vanished over the distant trees, leaving him alone by the stream. He waited, frozen in place until he was sure that she was long gone.
Then, once he was certain that he was completely alone, he spun around, looked for the nearest boulder, and flamed it with a glowing shot that shattered the rock into countless pieces. Once the rock was gone and the smoke finally stopped curling from his maw, he hung his head and whined his loss and confusion.
Regretful at how blind he had been to his own motivations and to hers.
Pained that he had not understood what was truly happening.
Shamed that he had been so fast to act without thinking.
He closed his eyes and lay there alone until the sky was completely dark except for the bright moonlight and the stars.
How had he been so stupid as to think that he and she could so quickly come together in that so intimate way and that doing so would somehow make her trust him or truly want him? Finding a life-mate was not as simple as finding the first available, willing, and interested female and jumping on her.
It was a part of life that he never had a chance to live before, so he naturally was inexperienced and perhaps... definitely far too eager.
Her parting words and offer eventually came back to mind and roused him from the darkness as he got to his paws. Confusion replaced the shame and pain in his soul-fire as he stared off in the direction she had flown.
The act itself was very enjoyable. It was naturally good and definitely made both of them feel warmth and acceptance that they had not felt in a very long time, or ever before in his case.
He still winced at the reminder that she was probably correct in what she said about her being the only female he could be with. There might have been some twisted kindness in her parting offer of them being together more since neither of them could have anyone else in that way.
He knocked away a small stone and then turned back for the range where the rest of the pack lived. It would be a long walk to get back there, but that was fine. There was plenty of time to think about this mistake he had made and to think about what to do in the future.
Was it truly a mistake if it made him and her feel great warmth for a while? They had both agreed to it.
Was life better to have none of that goodness or some of it, even if not all that he wanted? Surely he deserved some of that warmth in his life.
Maybe he should talk about this to someone he trusted. He could tell Hiccup that... no. Hiccup probably would not understand; Hiccup did not make mistakes this bad.
I am not talking to Hiccup about this. He does not need to know this ever happened.
His ears still fell as he felt a slight cold inside from realizing that he had to hide some of the truth from Hiccup. That felt wrong to deceive his friend, but it was necessary.
He continued on through the trees and along the same path that he and she had run in play earlier. Her scent was still here from before. Another reminder that...
He paused as he realized the obvious that he carried her scent with him for now. That would be more than enough for any other member of the pack to realize that something had happened between him and her.
Fortunately, there were many warm ponds that he could bathe in to completely wash off her scent before he got back to the pack. That would keep the secret of what had happened. She certainly was not going to tell anyone about what they had done, so neither would he.
He arrived at the first deep enough pool of hot water he could find and then jumped right in, completely vanishing under the water.
The warmth of the water around him and the rocks and the ground underpaw reminded him of another warmth that he had only felt for the first time today. A different warmth in his blood and soul-fire from his and her time together.
Maybe she could change with time if he showed her some trust and affection. She did tell the truth by the end, and they both understood each other better now.
It was entirely possible that she had trust problems not only because of the bad example set by her own sire but also because no male wanted to trust her, give her a chance to change, or give her the attention she wanted.
I want to give her a chance. She might be my only chance.
He hauled himself from the water and shook himself dry. Satisfied that he could smell none of her on himself now, he continued on toward the pack through the cold of night. Then he huffed at himself as he appreciated another truth. While he hoped that he could use her offer to get her to change and truly want him, being with her more would also be pleasing on its own. But he still needed to think about whether that was enough of a reason to start seeing her. Probably not alone, but combined with trying to turn her soul-fire to him...
He eventually arrived back with the resting pack, but he paused in the trees when he saw them all. Pairs, fledglings, and cubs were resting together in peace, warmth, and trust. So good.
And what he could not have, at least not any time soon.
At the very least he could have... something from her.
Then he strode through the pack and found his family where they normally rested. His sire had his chin on dam's neck as they slept. Hiccup, wrapped up in his furs as always, was deeply asleep under one of her wings. Breath-Of-Sky was asleep behind their sire.
Far-Flight's light-green eyes opened and fixed on him.
Great skies...
He stiffened and barely restrained himself from bellowing in surprise as his sire lifted his head.
"Burning-Star?" he whispered.
"Sire," he whispered back after sitting down before him.
"We missed you earlier with making the sleeping-pile. I was staying awake to wait for you."
"Sorry, I was busy."
"How was your talk and walk with her?"
How much to reveal?
He yawned widely, truly exhausted but also hoping that this would limit the conversation.
"Good. I talked much with her about Hiccup and why he is a good human."
"That is good. Is there anything else you want to talk about?"
Did his sire know what had happened? Walking away with a female alone could look suspicious. Could he speak of this to his sire? Confide in him? Or was it better to keep to himself what he had done and was thinking about doing?
He did not truly know his sire deeply in his soul-fire yet, and if he did not want Hiccup to know about this, then how could he let Far-Flight know?
"No, sire, I just want sleep now."
"Okay, my cub. Rest with us."
Far-Flight purred softly, lay his chin back on Sky-Dancer's neck, and closed his eyes.
Toothless lay down on the cold ground next to them and then pulled a wing over himself. Sleep did not come to him for a long time.
He had lied to his sire for the first time.