686Chapter 33: Regrets
Regrets
Toothless was sure he had made progress with Jumps-At-Fire in the three weeks since they started meeting in secret.
This time after they were finished up on her ledge where she made her den, she left her tail woven around his and let them slowly sway together. She let him rest a wing over her back and freely lick and nuzzle her neck. Most warming was that she even returned some of that attention to him.
However, he felt more twisted inside than he ever had with her. This time he had not forgotten himself or lost himself in the act. Being with her had not felt very warming either. Rather, it felt like something he had to do just to be finished with it. It was a duty, not a shared gift.
He could not help but wonder if she felt differently about what they were doing. Where once before he had thought he saw shared joy at the possibility of life together, now he could only see her own pleasure and needy feeling of being wanted. That was the same he had felt in the past, but he did not even feel that anymore. The only true comfort he could take from it was that she enjoyed it, but that was not enough for him. There was something important... missing.
They remained resting together a long time until the inside-fire was completely gone. He never stopped purring to her as he imagined them as the true pair that they should be and were now pretending to be to each other.
"You did very well... as usual," she hummed.
"I am glad you like it. The pretend bonding is also warming," he licked her cheek.
"Yes, it is."
"We both needed this," she purred.
He did not grumble, but he thought there was more than only having a need to satisfy. There should be more. He wanted more.
"Yes, we did. You are amazing, Jumps."
"You are also, Burning-Star."
"Of course I am. I am very impressive."
She laughed.
"We both know that!"
"Very true. Now what?" he asked while grinning.
Her ears slightly fell as she gave a sympathetic warble.
"As fun and warming as this is, we need to stop for a while after this night."
That was surprising, and there had to be a reason why. She definitely was not unhappy with him. After a little thought, he suspected he knew why she wanted to stop for a while.
"Why?"
"Because I might get a cub from it if we do not stop."
He grunted in understanding. Her scent had started becoming more powerful in the last few days. Avoiding making a cub was a fair concern which he shared with her. He did not want to make a cub with her right now. Their lives were still too different to allow such a responsibility. Making a new life together would only be good if she could promise to share life with him and could reassure him about what she wanted from life.
If she could want to truly join life-flights with him, then that would change everything.
"I agree with you," he said.
He remained there holding her tail and purring peace to her for a long time under the stars.
However, her mention of avoiding making a cub reminded him of what he had thought about after every time they finished being together and also frequently whenever he was on his own and lost to his thoughts.
No cubs would come from what they had been doing. She had explained that she knew when her body was able to make a cub, and she avoided any activity during those times, as inconvenient as it was to her to not have total control. That lack of perfect control was something she did not like but could not do anything about. On the other paw, it was only a small inconvenience when compared to the freedom and reassurance a little self-control allowed.
A question started growing in his soul-fire as he stared at the sky. He needed to know this eventually but had not yet openly asked in their time together, and it felt like a good time to ask after all the progress they had made.
"Have you thought more about... us?"
"What about us?" she warbled.
He gently squeezed her tail.
"About if you can want to... be a true mate with me? I understand if not yet, but... it could be good for both of us."
She grumbled and looked away, staring off into the distance toward the horizon. Then she sighed.
"You are not as twisted as other males. You understand and respect me more than they did. You do not judge me."
This was true; he did try to respect her wishes and understand why she wanted what she did. He also was fine with letting her fly and range as much as she wanted. He did not need her constantly at his side to reassure him. However, there were certain minimums he did need from her.
He chuffed and nudged her shoulder.
"You know what it would mean if you became my true mate? You would be with me and no others, just as I would be with you and no others."
She shuffled in place before answering. She still looked away from him as she spoke.
"I could be with you only from now on... because I must. It would be twisted to me, but I could try... to want that trap. There are no others who would have us, or that would have me, so that want of mine for freedom would never fly."
He closed his eyes while hiding his frustration. What she said did not sound to him like true commitment. Instead, it sounded like resignation.
"I would not have another, and I do not see it as a trap. Why do you see it that way?"
"My sire."
He snorted.
"What about him? He is not all sires or all males. Am I anything like him?"
"No, you are not truly like him. But there was... another..."
She had avoided talking about this before. Clearly there was another male who had done something bad in her life.
"What happened?" he whispered.
She leaned against his shoulder and spoke softly without looking at him.
"A male my age found me when I was almost ready to fly the den and search for a mate."
"Did he... force you?" he growled.
"No. I was grown and had wanting for a mate. My dam warned me that to trust him would be a mistake, but I did not want to listen to her. He and I... we flew a sky dance and mated in the sky."
That surprised him. She had always been so against the very idea of such a flight or the bonding and trust it implied.
"And then he flew away from you?"
She whined.
"He died."
He gasped and nudged her shoulder as she continued.
"He died to humans because he was too young and stupid and tried to take prey he should not have. Right after he died is when I learned that we had made a cub. My dam was angry with me for making a mistake, and I was afraid of being alone. She brought me plants that would... kill the cub inside... and make the mistake... go away. I had no choice."
He stared into the distance, fully understanding what had happened and feeling mostly pity for her but also shock that she had done that to her own cub.
"After that... she taught me how to know and use my body well so I stay free. I learned the truth that I must keep control and that love hurts too much to risk."
"No, you should not think that way," he weakly objected.
She sighed and glanced at him.
"Think however you want. I would prefer that we keep doing this as have been: joining and some pretend bonding, but not as life-mates who truly need each other or care. You are enough for me as you are, and to be more would be dangerous. There is no confusion if we both stay like this. We cannot be hurt."
There was one more detail he had to know about, though he thought he knew what her answer would be.
"What about cubs? Would you ever want to..."
"No. I will not make a cub with you. That would be too much," she curtly answered as she looked away from him.
"Why is that too much? New life is good."
She waved a forepaw toward the horizon.
"Because I want to always be able to fly free, when I want and where I want. That is who I am, and it... will not change. I know that you would let me be free to do that. A cub would not."
He nodded and then looked away from her, similarly staring off into the distance as he thought about her words. She was not wrong about any of that.
"I see how that would be a problem for you," he sighed.
Was that what his life was meant for?
To join always only when no cub would come from it?
To have no little one to hold under his wing and teach to fly the winds of life?
Could he be happy with her alone in that way?
Playing with cubs was so fun and warming to his soul-fire. Being a warm sire to cubs of his own would be a way to shape the future into something better through them, as well as the warmth of giving them good lives to live. He also saw the true warmth with which other mated pairs, such as his own sire and dam, looked at each other. There was certainly more for them than only the act of joining. Without that more, that trust and true sharing of life that he wanted, the act felt lesser and left him feeling confused and unsatisfied.
More of this with her would never be enough.
He stared up at the moonlight as clarity and understanding came to him.
She thought that what they were doing was good, he had also at first, but now it felt like a trap because they wanted different things out of life. Trying to change her wants by giving her mating as he had been doing was not a good plan.
He also could not respect her willingness to be with him only out of lack of any other willing males. That was not true commitment by her. Her refusal to want a cub with him or at all was another problem between them that nothing would change.
She could not now give him what he wanted from life. More of what they had been doing was not going to change who she was or give him what he wanted... deep in his soul-fire.
It was not his duty to try to change her.
But it was hard to let go of her tail and leave her; he knew that to do so would mean he probably would not feel her warmth or the embrace of any other female ever again. He also did not want to unnecessarily hurt her; she had been hurt enough by life already.
What should I do?
If she was being honest, then she did not truly feel anything for him even now after everything they had done. Could she truly feel nothing for him now?
"Are you well?" she hummed.
She apparently noticed something of his worry even if she could not understand what it was.
"Yes, I understand better."
"What do you understand better?"
"What we are, you and me."
She squeezed his tail again and gave a beckoning purr along with a lick of his cheek.
"We could go again now if you want. I am not too tired, and one more time would be good before we must stop."
One more time? Probably the last time ever in his life? Part of him wanted the reassurance while the other part wanted him to leave her now and be free of her.
Delay for later or do what he knew he must do for his own good.
He turned away from her and yawned widely. Then he unwound their tails and got to his paws.
"I need sleep. It was a long day," he sighed.
"Yes, I understand. I also want sleep now."
"Where do you want to rest?" he asked.
She waved her tail at the ledge they were on and had been on all evening.
"Here is good."
"What about with the pack?"
"We do not want the rest of the pack to think we are mates," she calmly pointed out.
He did not growl at the confirmation. Instead, he only felt disappointed, though her thoughts were not a surprise.
"You can rest here, Jumps. I should go rest with my kin. Will you take my advice on something?"
"What is it?"
"You should be around the pack more. Rest around them, hunt with them, and play with their cubs. It would help you be warmer."
"I do not know. It is different from what I have done for many winters," she warily answered.
"Think about it this way: being around the pack is more warming if you are not trying to get anything from them. Just be around them and see how they live and trust inside the pack. Try my advice while you are not... with me."
She gave a reluctant grumble.
"I will think about it, and I will let you know when we can start again," she said.
Unlike after the first time she offered more in the future, he felt nothing for this offer. She could not... would not give him what he wanted. But neither did he want to directly say anything that might break all her trust in him.
He turned tail on her and departed without looking back. He walked alone down the mountain's slope and through the woods, his head hung while faintly whining to himself.
Regret was all he could feel inside. Regret that he had met her and been tempted by a needy want that he had never felt before and not known how to control. Regret that he had not been strong enough to resist at first. Regret that she did not seem able to trust and change for the better even after all they had done and spoken about.
If she had truthfully said that she would commit to him only for the rest of their lives, that she wanted his life-flight to be warmer, and that she would be willing to have a cub with him, that would have been all he truly needed from her at a minimum; they could have figured out the rest of life with time lived together. He was certain that he would never give himself to her again. She did not deserve him as she was now.
But at the same time, he could not hate her. He knew her too well and truly cared for her after feeling her pain and learning what had happened in the past. She was very hurt and thought-twisted inside because of things that were initially beyond her control. But there was too much ice around her soul-fire right now, and she had to be the one to melt the ice and fly herself out of the past so that she could be free.
Maybe if she could truly change, then something more and better might happen between them, far off in the future.
A pawful of days had passed since he had last been with her. Fortunately, Jumps-At-Fire had not come to him since then or brought any important news, such as the news that she might have gotten a cub from him. She was truly leaving him alone, but she was also showing her nose more around the pack by doing simple things like sleeping on the edge of the warm ponds, gliding on the winds over the pack, and even talking to those who were available and willing to talk to her. That was good of her.
He lay on his own by the warm pools while lost to his thoughts and searching his soul-fire. While he wished that he had not started joining with her, he had learned an important lesson about his own motivations and the need to be in better control of his wants.
I learned that lesson with gold, but I forgot it with her. Some good did come from this...
There was nothing bad about the act of joining, but it needed to be done for good reasons. His reasons and her reasons were not good, and they did not even have all the same reasons behind why they had done what they did.
He sighed and rearranged his tailfin on his head. Everything was peaceful and calm since Hiccup and Breath-Of-Sky were off together, playing and bonding. He did not particularly feel like going to them for playing and bonding.
It was probably twisted of him, but he felt... fouled somehow, as though there was dirt or waste that would never come off no matter how much he washed. Was that feeling all his regrets reminding him how weak he was to temptation? Or maybe the truth was that fouled soul-fires could not truly be not-fouled.
He briefly saw Moonbeam and Mystery off in the distance, and he looked away from them,
preferring to keep to himself, just as he had been since leaving Jumps-At-Fire. Sleeping was very good and something he had not been doing enough of. Plus, being alone meant he felt less shame, not seeing how warm others were and how they had not made his mistakes.
Then he heard the crashing of an approaching Fury.
Great... who is...
"Burning-Star, there you are!" Far-Flight barked.
"Sire, were you looking for me?"
Far-Flight bounded over to him and stood before him. There was a worry in his sire's eyes that he had not seen there before.
"Yes, I was looking for you, my cub."
He ignored being called his sire's cub, not wanting to protest that teasing.
"Well, you found me. Why were you looking for me?"
"They asked me to find you, and I was thinking about you. You feel tail-twisted."
"Maybe I am. I just want to sleep now."
Far-Flight sat down on his rear and warbled at him.
"You just want to sleep now? That is not like my first cub. You did not want to sleep even when you were newborn."
"No?"
"No. You stayed awake even after we licked you clean and gave you a fish. You kept me and your dam awake much."
"Sorry about that."
His sire stepped closer and nudged his nose with a purr.
"Do not be. You always had a hot soul-fire that burned brightly like a star. That is why we named you as we did."
Despite his chill inside, he purred softly at that learning where his name came from.
"You were not this quiet when you and Hiccup first found us. What is the problem? Do you want to talk now?"
He did not want to talk to his sire about this mistake he had made. It felt very twisted to explain to his own sire what had been happening with Jumps-At-Fire. But on the other paw, there was no possibility he would ever talk with his dam about this. His sire might also be more understanding or better able to relate to him since they were both males.
They were also alone now and could speak without being overheard.
"We can talk. It might help me feel better."
He looked away from his sire and lay his head on his paws. His tail, stilled and forgotten, lay under his chin.
"I made a mistake, no, several mistakes."
"Everyone does."
"This was a big mistake."
His sire hummed in wary thought.
"Did you hurt anyone else?"
"Mostly myself. No, the other was not hurt at all."
"You hurt yourself because of something you did?"
"And someone else hurt me also, but most of the hurt is from me alone."
Far-Flight's tail twitched at his side.
"Was it Jumps-At-Fire who hurt you?"
He blinked, remembering that his sire and dam had seen him walk off to talk with her at least once. If only it had truly been talking only.
"Yes."
His sire faintly growled and continued speaking.
"Let me guess, you talked much with her and you thought that she might be a good mate? You talked to her about that and she did not want you?"
Oh sire, if only it was that...
"That is all almost true, but there is more. She was so warm to Hiccup that I trusted her. She showed what I thought was wanting for me as a mate, but it was not. I... was not thinking well... and I... had never been around a female of my kind before, or any other good kind..."
He closed his eyes and sighed.
"I joined with her. We mated much."
Far-Flight did not say anything for many wingbeats after that. The wind and their heavy breaths were the only sounds he could hear.
"You mated with her, thinking that she wanted you as a life-mate?" Far-Flight asked.
"Yes, but she did not want that. She did not lie to me; I was not thinking well. After I learned the truth, I thought she might change and want me truly if I stayed around her and... was with her more, but she does not."
"Will there be a cub?"
"She said no. I do not think she was able to make a cub in any of those times, and she would probably know about that. We are not doing it now because... she said she might get a cub from it... and because I do not want her anymore."
Far-Flight growled, though at what he could not tell. He was also afraid to look at his sire and see the disapproval or shame that must be there.
Was this anything like what Hiccup must have felt from his own sire, even if for very different reasons?
Then his sire lay his chin on his shoulder and purred deeply without saying anything for a very long time. Surprised, he was content to let his sire give him that wordless comfort that touched his cold soul-fire.
Far-Flight then stepped back and huffed at him.
"Look at me, my cub."
Far-Flight's eyes were wide and filled with understanding, completely without shame or disapproval at his actions.
"I am not surprised by her. She has problems."
"I know. She told me about her past and what her sire did," he explained.
"Yes, many of her problems come from that. She does not trust any male to be truly close to her soul-fire, but she has the same wanting to have a mate that all probably have. She also thinks that she must have control over us because of what her sire did to her dam. That is why she uses mating to make herself feel powerful."
That certainly flew with everything he had figured out himself.
Far-Flight continued speaking.
"I know that she has asked four of us males to be with her even when we already have life-mates of our own. One of us was with her before he took a true life-mate."
He could not help but think about who that could have been.
"Was it Hunts-In-Deep-Waters?"
"I will not say. She asked me to join with her last winter. I refused her."
The wrongness of that, that she would be willing to mate a sire and that sire's grown cub, was so great that he almost felt sadness for her. Almost.
Can she truly change? She might be always trapped in her own thinking. And about traps...
"She also said that females are trapped in mate pairs," he grumbled.
Far-Flight snorted and clawed at the dirt.
"None of the other females in the pack agree or think like that. She has a very twisted idea of freedom."
"How do you mean, sire?"
Far-Flight's ears lifted slightly as he leaned closer.
"Freedom is like a choice you have not made yet. You could fly into one range or into another, but you cannot fly into both at once. Being free means that you have possibility, but it also means that you have not made a choice yet. She wants to be free always and never commit to one male. I wonder if, when she is old and her scales are grey and she is alone, she will regret that she made having freedom only the most important part of her life."
Toothless huffed and looked back down at his paws.
"I wish I had that choice again so that I could not make it as I did. I wish that I had not been with her at all. She... tricked me, but I let myself be tricked. It was my mistake as much as it was hers."
"Was she your... first time?"
"Yes."
"Did you do well?"
"Sire!"
Far-Flight nudged his shoulder with a paw while chuckling.
"I had to foul your flight, my dear cub."
He huffed at his sire.
"Flight fouled. If you must know... she was satisfied with me... for what she wanted..."
His sire's eyes flashed with amusement.
He just sighed and continued.
"She said that I should be thankful that she... gave me that... and that no other female in the pack would want me... because I am grounded..."
Far-Flight's gaze fell and his eyes were filled with sympathy when he finally looked back up at him.
"I do not know what to say about that. Maybe you and Hiccup can talk about him helping you fly... if you, Hiccup, and the female do not object," Far-Flight proposed.
Toothless chuckled with a resigned humor. He suspected that Hiccup would probably help him with that flight, but it felt wrong to make Hiccup have to be on his back for that. There was also another problem with that plan.
"The only other female is Moonbeam, and she does not like humans anyway. She would never let Hiccup help me fly with her, and I do not think she would want a grounded mate."
Then he let out a snarl.
"Jumps-At-Fire said that she wants to be with me more in secret, but I will not do that. Not anymore."
Far-Flight growled openly in approval.
"Good. You made a mistake because you did not know better and because you were feeling wants you had never felt before. You learned and will not make that mistake again."
"Yes, I will be more careful in the future, not that it will matter. I do wish that I could have a true life-mate and cubs of my own."
Far-Flight gently nudged his nose.
"All that I can say to you, my dear cub, is that you should try to get to know Moonbeam eventually. She is much warmer in her soul-fire than you think she is. She is kind to cubs, and I believe she can warm to Hiccup eventually. Her problems are very different from the problems Jumps-At-Fire has."
There was something he wanted to know about Moonbeam, or more precisely about Light Furies. It was possible that Far-Flight wouldn't know the answer to this, but he probably did since he had just suggested Moonbeam as a possible mate for him.
"Sire, can a dark wing and a light wing be good mates? Could I have a cub with her?"
"Yes, that is a pair that can be and make cubs. It does not happen many times, but I have heard stories of it being."
Far-Flight then looked away from him at the sky.
"If I had known what you were thinking about with Jumps, I might have warned you about her problems. I should have known that you... did not know what you were doing. But it is your life to live, and you are grown enough to make those decisions without needing my advice."
The idea of his sire giving him advice on what females to pursue or avoid was a very twisting one, but in this case it might have saved him much pain.
Then Far-Flight asked something strange.
"Will you let me tell you about me and your dam?"
Hearing about how his sire came to know Sky-Dancer was a very twisted offer, but he might learn a life-lesson from it. Plus, this was a very good opportunity to bond closer with his sire and understand him better.
"Please."
Far-Flight purred in agreement.
"I flew out of a hidden world under the ground. That hidden world is filled with plants that are not up here and also with rocks that make light. I flew that flight because there were no other dark wings who I could take as a mate. I could have chased the light wings, but I wanted a dark wing like me."
A hidden world under the ground? Interesting, I should ask about that later.
"I searched for winters and found some of these dark wings who are in the pack now. I gave myself this name to speak about how far I had flown on my search. Our kind liked to live on our own in pairs before we made this pack. But I could not find an unpaired female, and I would not break up a pair."
His sire gave a heavy sigh.
"Six winters I searched before I saw a lone dark shape flying very fast over an island. I chased after the shape until it saw me. We landed on the mountain in the middle of the island. Her name then was Hopeful-Wanderer."
Far-Flight purred very deeply.
"She had named herself that because she had been wandering also and looking for a life-mate. It was good chance that we found each other. Neither of us had any brothers or sisters or other kin we wanted to go back to."
That last part was said with a touch of sadness.
"Was your kinship not good with your sire and dam, sire?"
"No, it was not bad, but I... did not need to go back there under the ground. A dragon that has lived under the ground and then sees the open skies should not want to go back under the ground where the world is smaller, lesser, and more dangerous."
He entirely agreed with that. Every time he had been deep under the ground, most recently Erebor and the nearby caverns the pack used for shelter, there had been nothing to make him want to stay underground.
"Hopeful-Wanderer was then and is now very beautiful and soul-fire-warming. I very much wanted to join with her because of how long I had been alone. She would not accept me at first, for over a moon-cycle. We talked about what we wanted in life, I learned about her life-story, we hunted much together, and she wanted me to show her that I can provide for her and truly want her. She also showed me that she knew good plants to eat for health, that she was a fast and strong flier, that she could hunt well, that her thinking was sharp, and that she wanted cubs. We flew a sky dance until she was satisfied with me, and then we became one up in the last light above the clouds."
Far-Flight said nothing for a long time. His eyes were closed as he purred very deeply.
"I teased her much about how she liked to dance in the sky, both to make a cub and also just for the fun of flying, and she gave herself the name Sky-Dancer. We started wandering together. We had tried to stay away from humans all our lives, but the humans were ranging into more places and becoming harder to avoid. We had to fly to islands far out in the waters. Then we saw a big flight of dragons attacking a human nest."
Far-Flight winced and looked away.
"We saw the humans kill over a pawful of dragons in that attack, and we followed the dragons back to their nest after we helped them fight the humans. We saw the Monster and another dark wing in the nest."
That was news to him. He had not known that there was another Night Fury in that bad nest.
"You saw another dark wing in that nest?"
"Yes, but it was old. It had been defending the dragons of that nest for much of its life. That one died of age, and the Monster made us want to stay in that nest to take the place of the lost one. We went on many attack-flights for the Monster until your dam became too heavy with you to fly much on fights. Then you were born, and we kept you out of the mountain when we could. Other dragons were also interested in you since they knew that our kind helped much on the attacks. Having you also made it easier for us to think less of the Monster's wants."
His sire winced.
"You know what happened after that."
"Yes, sire. I know. I understand now."
The important points of the story were that his sire and dam took time to get to know each other first, and they let each other know what they wanted with no hiding from the truth. Both lessons confirmed what he had learned on his own.
Far-Flight then leaned closer and nudged him again.
"Hiccup wanted me to find you since you had been resting all day."
"Is he done playing with Breath-Of-Sky?"
"Yes, they are back with Sky-Dancer. You should come back with me."
The more he thought about it, the less lift his own actions had. He had regrets over what he had done and how he had not been strong enough to resist temptation at first. However, hiding himself away from Hiccup and his own blood-kin was not going to help him feel better and warmer.
"You speak well, sire. I will."
He groaned and got to his paws while his sire growled in approval.
"Good, I will not speak to anyone of what we talked about, not even to Hiccup or Sky-Dancer. You will tell them if there is need for them to know."
That was very reassuring. He did not want either of them to think less of him.
They probably would not, but still... they do not need to know. I learned my lesson and will live differently in the future.
"Thank you, sire."
"There he is. What have you been up to all day, mister lazy dragon?" Hiccup yawned.
Toothless just rolled his eyes and lay down next to him.
"Nothing much. More thinking about life, mostly."
"Is this about Jumps?"
Toothless paused for a long time while grumbling. His twitching tail gave away that he was anxious.
"I need to talk to you about her," Toothless then sighed.
"So yes, it was. What is it?"
"You know that she and I have been talking?"
"Yeah, I noticed eventually. I think it's good for you two. You get to know her better, and I get more time to meet everyone else in the pack."
Toothless blinked, remembering and appreciating again what Hiccup had been doing by getting to know more of the pack.
"How has that been going?"
Hiccup smiled, recalling the many good interactions that had happened over the last couple weeks.
"Very well. Almost everyone likes me and listened to the stories about the world down south; well, everyone except Dreamcatcher, Growls-At-His-Shadow, and Moonbeam. I'm not so sure about them."
Toothless rolled his eyes.
"Those three are not surprising. But about Jumps, I was thinking about her being my mate, but she does not want it because of... many reasons. I do not want her either. I wanted you to know that."
Hiccup started in surprise. It was almost a relief that nothing had worked out for Toothless and Jumps-At-Fire, though it was also a little disappointing.
"Bud, I'm sorry to hear that."
Toothless shrugged his wings and stepped closer to him.
"I learned a life-lesson, and that is good for me. Can you go get my starlight pendant now? I want to see it again."
Hiccup went over to the supplies and retrieved the pendant. He brought it back to Toothless and let him gaze at it. The small pearl had a very faint glow, only barely visible over the remaining daylight.
"What is that?" Far-Flight barked as he and Sky-Dancer bounded over to them.
Both of them stared down in awe at the pendant while Hiccup fondly remembered the sights and sounds of Lothlorien.
"It is... the light of a star. The Elf, someone like a human but different, who gave it to Burning-Star said that even the smallest people can change how the future will be," Hiccup explained.
Toothless purred and nudged the pendant.
"The light is warming to my soul-fire, and it helped me think fewer bad thoughts in the past."
Far-Flight also purred and touched the pendant with a paw.
"It reminds me of light-making rocks."
Hiccup wondered what Far-Flight meant by that, but then he remembered that he himself knew a Wizard, had seen cursed blades, had looked into a magical water-mirror, and had been in a massive Dwarven realm underground. Rocks that could make light would not be a surprise at all. Toothless's pendant was another example of a very strange thing which he could not explain, but which was real.
Sky-Dancer crouched at Far-Flight's side while also staring at the pendant.
"It is warming to me also. This is a good thing," she said.
Toothless crooned to his parents.
"My pendant has helped me when I felt lost before. It reminds me of a star flying freely until the last days."
"What?" "I do not understand."
Hiccup hit himself in the forehead.
"We haven't told you about Earendil, have we?"
"No, is this a story?" Far-Flight barked.
"Story time! I like stories!" Breath-Of-Sky bellowed as he hopped over to Toothless's side.
The three Furies who did not know the tale of Earendil the Mariner warmly hummed at Hiccup, eager for him to tell the story.
"It's a long story, you want it now?"
"Yes! I want to hear another human story!" Sky-Dancer exclaimed.
"This is not a human story, even though there is a human in it. First, I need to tell you the story of Beren and Luthien and how they snuck into a hidden world deep underground on a mission to get a Silmaril, a shining rock that burned with starlight."
"Like this one?" Sky-Dancer asked.
Hiccup smirked, knowing that she was not wrong at all. Toothless's pendant, if they understood Galadriel's words, did have some of the light from Earendil's Silmaril, which would make this something like a lesser Silmaril.
"Yeah, like this one, but much brighter..."
Toothless lay awake late at night. His sire, dam, and both brothers were piled around him for warmth-sharing. He was only awake right now because he had gotten into a routine of being awake and very busy at this time. His thoughts being confused might also have been keeping him awake.
His gaze wandered over all in the pack whom he could see in the moonlight. Then he stared off in the direction of the forest where Jumps-At-Fire was probably resting alone, slightly removed from the pack, since she was resting near the pack this night.
There was no temptation or pull to go to her for pleasure. As a fellow pack-member who truly cared for her and who understood the cause of her hurts, he did feel a weak pull to comfort her. Being excluded from the pack, even if her own fear was the main reason for that, was not good for her. At least she was resting near the pack tonight, whether because of the cold, free choice, or a whim from his parting words with her was unclear.
Hopefully she can grow and change. If she does then I might want her. But for now, I will not try to chase her or Moonbeam. I need to rest from that.
He sighed.
His thoughts turned toward the warmer ranges far away from here. There was no way to know what had happened to everyone in the Fellowship. His and Hiccup's original reason for flying into these ranges returned to mind as he considered the pack around him.
If Hiccup has not changed their soul-fires to be warmer toward humans by now, I will be very surprised. He changes the world without doing anything except being himself.
Then he closed his eyes, ruffled his wings, and lay his head on his paws. The constant purring of his family around him lulled him to sleep in peace.