First pov
"Where… the fuck am I?"
I jolted upright, suddenly and fully awake. My eyes darted around, trying to make sense of my surroundings.
"The fuck is this?" I muttered.
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It was just… black. An endless, all-consuming void. The kind of perfect black where my friend Tyrone could probably stand buck naked and be completely invisible.
My last memory slammed into me: being chased by that double-wide cow of an auntie. How the hell did I end up he—
"Oh."
"Oh, no."
A realization bloomed in my mind, slow and then all at once. And with it, a surge of pure, unadulterated excitement. "I've seen this shit happen one too many times in those trashy harem anime!"
"I'm gonna be isekai'd!" I yelled into the void, beaming with glee. "I'm getting a new world!"
And if this was a new world… that meant a whole new population of women who had never heard of Kaito Kurogane or his reputation!
A wide, perverted grin split my face. Being the man I am, my very first thought wasn't of power, or glory, or survival.
It was, of course, of all the new places I could go peeping. The thought of gathering a harem never even crossed my brilliant mind.
Who needs a harem? That sounds like way too much responsibility. All that talking, remembering birthdays, pretending to care about their feelings... ugh, exhausting.
No, my ambitions are far purer.
I don't want to win the girls. I don't want to date the girls.
I just want to peep on the girls, catch a glimpse of the sacred panties, and then dash away like the wind, leaving nothing but confusion and a faint, lingering sense of violation in my wake.
It's not about possession. It's about the art. The thrill of the hunt. The perfect, fleeting glimpse of cotton and lace before making my glorious escape.
And just like that, another realization hit me. This one didn't dawn—it slapped me right across the face.
"Right before I died... I cursed God. Like, really went in on him."
A cold jolt of panic shot through my currently shimmering form.
"Okay, okay, don't freak out kaito", I tried to reassure myself, my non-existent heart hammering. "The god I just cursed... that was probably, like, the Earth God, right? The one in charge of trucks and aunts and KFC? Yeah. Totally."
"The guy who handles isekai transfers... that's a completely different department. A different deity. Probably doesn't even check the messages from the other side. We're cool. We're totally cool."
And hey, if I was wrong, I was fully prepared to get on my knees and beg for mercy. I don't care how pathetic it looks—I'm doing it. It's not like I had any pride or ego to begin with, so why start worrying about that nonexistent stuff now?
Just as I finished reassuring my brilliant, shameless self, the entire void was torn apart by a sudden, searing flash of pure white light.
"AHHHHHHHH MY FUCKING EYEEEEEES!!!! WHAT THEEEE FUUUUUCK!! OW FUCK, BIIITCH!!"
I screamed, throwing my translucent hands up in a futile attempt to shield senses I wasn't even sure I had anymore.
Finally, after what felt like a full two minutes, the searing light began to fucking subside. My vision swam with purple and green blotches, slowly granting my eyes a sliver of mercy.
And standing right there in front of me—the source of all that blinding, obnoxious bullshit—was this piece of shit.
'A floating, golden... ahhh guy. He looked like he was homeless. He had yellow hair, yellow skin, yellow teeth—yellow everything, man. Did this walking highlighter even own a toothbrush?'
As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I swear I saw a single, shimmering sweatdrop form at the corner of Yellow Dude's eye.
'Oh, shit. He's reading my thoughts.'
Without a single second of hesitation, my body moved on its own. I dropped into the deepest, most pathetic bow imaginable, all my nonexistent pride evaporating on the spot.
"OH, GREAT AND RADIANTLY GOLDEN ONE! PLEASE FORGIVE MY UNWORTHY AND FILTHY THOUGHTS! I MEANT NO DISRESPECT TO YOUR... UM... VIBRANT AND UNIFIED AESTHETIC!"
I stayed bowed, my face practically pressed against the floor of the void. When I dared to peek, Yellow Guy was staring down at me with an expression of pure, unadulterated bewilderment. He looked like he was witnessing the single most shameless creature in the entire multiverse.
Which, to be fair, he probably was. I'm kind of a legend like that.
After a few moments of profoundly awkward silence, the yellow highlighter finally cleared his throat.
"Ahem. Anyways," he began, a little awkwardly. "I am the All-Powerful Being who shall grant you three wishes, upon which you shall take them to a new world, randomly chosen by the Wheel of Fate."
I couldn't help but butt in. "Bro, can't you be a little more original? I've seen this exact script in, like, every isekai anime ever. You've even got the whole 'Wheel of Fate' cliché going on."
The highlighter's glow flickered with irritation. "SILENCE, FOOL!"
"Yes, sir!" I immediately complied, sitting up ramrod straight.
"Now," he intoned, his voice echoing with forced grandeur. "What shall your three wishes be?"
The Highligh—
"SILENCE! DO NOT CALL ME THAT!"
I flinched. Wait, how the fuck did he just read my first-person narrative? This guy's powers were on another level.
Putting the cosmic violation of my internal monologue aside, I started to think. The possibilities were endless.
But after a moment's thought, I made my choice. I spoke three wishes I would soon come to deeply, deeply regret.
"My first wish: I want a system!" Yes, a classic. Can't go wrong with a handy UI. Little did I know this would be the most stupid ass decision I've done ever made
"My second wish: I don't wanna die! No matter how impossible the situation, I want to survive!" A perfect failsafe. Absolute survivability. Genius.
"And my third! I wanna be the most intelligent guy in the entire cosmos!" Now we're talking. Brains and brawn... or at least, brains and the ability to not die.
The yellow high— I mean the golden being looked at me with an expression of profound pity, as if I'd just wished for a lifetime supply of mud.
"You are an absolute fool," he stated flatly. "You could have wished for the Gate of Babylon. You could have wished for the specific powers of any god or hero you can imagine. You could have wished for an ability that creates anything."
The moment he said it, my third wish instantly activated, my intellect expanding to encompass the cosmos.
And I understood.
"WHY?!!" I screamed, the sheer, catastrophic scope of my own idiocy crashing down on me. I had wished for a tutorial when I could have had the entire game's source code! Was I really that stupid before I wished to be the smartest!??
"You were an idiot before the third wish took effect," the being said, utterly unsympathetic. "Let's just get this over with, I have more mortals to attend to. Time to spin the wheel for your new world."
I was still reeling from my catastrophic wish choices when the Wheel of Fate spun as I could see various different anime names like Naruto, dragon ball, bleach, and on piece like literally every anime was in that wheel. It continued to spin and landed with a final, ominous click.
NASUVERSE
The fuck is that? I rifled through my mental archive of anime. Nothing. I'd never even heard of it.
The golden being looked at me, and this time, his pity was so deep it seemed to dim his glow. He was seeing a lamb being sent directly to the slaughterhouse—a world where Beasts roamed, where humanity was a flickering candle in the wind, and where the very planet and collective human will would see his existence as a virus to be purged.
'Must be some obscure, trashy isekai,' I thought, shrugging.
"That," the being said, his voice flat, "is what you would know as the 'Fate' universe."
Ohhhhh.
A wave of relief washed over me. I felt like an idiot for worrying. So it's just Fate/stay night. Ha! Of course it's "dangerous," but only if you're a loser stuck in Fuyuki City. If I'm nowhere near that place, I'm totally chilling!
Look, I'll be honest. I never really got into the whole Fate/Nasuverse thing. I was initially attracted by all the hot chicks in the ads, but when I saw the sheer mountain of content—anime, games, visual novels—I got, ahem, a little intimidated. Like, bruv, I'm not playing 50+ hours of FGO! I'm too lazy for that grind! So I just watched Fate/Zero because the animation was cool and then dipped out. I am not going through all that other shit.
I was in the middle of a perfectly peaceful internal rant about how I'm not learning the fate lore when the world began to fade. My thoughts turned to sludge, and consciousness slipped away. That golden asshole didn't even have the decency to give me a warning!
---
'Where the fuck am I now?'
My mind flickered back online. I opened my eyes to a stark, white ceiling. Something felt… off. I tried to raise a hand to rub my face, but the limb felt heavy, uncoordinated.
I looked.
A chubby, tiny, baby hand wiggled in the air.
'Da fuck!? Wait… I can't even talk!'
Only a pathetic gurgle escaped my lips. A wave of pure, indignant betrayal washed over me.
This is a scam! A total rip-off! I thought I'd be reborn fully grown, ready to peep! Not as this… this useless meat loaf! I cursed the golden bastard with every fiber of my being.
'I don't—'
My internal tirade screeched to a halt.
A single, glorious, perverted thought cut through the rage.
'Wait a second. If I'm a baby… that means…'
A wide, drooly grin spread across my face.
'I get breastfed!'
All my grievances vanished, magically replaced by a symphony of celestial praise for that all-mighty, all-powerful, radiantly golden being.
'He wasn't an asshole. He was a visionary. He was the GOAT!'
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So there you have it, he's now in the fate verse or nasuverse.
If chapter two is too ai for you I apologise my English is not good so I use ai to correct it. And I'm sorry if it's too fast paced I'll try to slow the pace down.
And I assure you this is an original idea not made by ai. Ai is only used to correct grammar.
Also the if you don't like the first PoV than just tell me bro. I'll make sure there's less first PoV in this fic.
Bye bye.