Chapter 22: Departure
Two days later, I was at the airport with Brenda. She had all her luggage with her.
"So, that's it..." I looked melancholically at her.
"Mmmm," she nodded, her face buried against my chest.
"I'm gonna miss you, Bren," I whispered in her ear.
"Me too, I'm really gonna miss you, Jake," she gazed deeply into my eyes.
"And I'm sorry..." I apologized.
"For what exactly?"
"You know," I murmured again near her ear, "you might feel some discomfort sitting during the trip." I smirked.
She started slapping my arm a few times until I stopped her by hugging her again.
"I can't believe I let you do that," she muttered. "You are such a bad boy," she complained.
After a moment, she changed the subject.
"And the result?"
"It came back positive," I revealed to her. I had picked up the paternity test early this morning. As expected, Charlie is my biological father here.
"Good luck with him," Brenda forced a smile, holding back her tears but ultimately failing.
I wiped her teardrop. "Take care, Bren." I gave her a gentle kiss on the lips and motioned with my hand for her to go.
"You fed her, you cared for her, you gave her love... and all she remembers is the first pretty bad boy she dated," Brenda's dad complained, almost crying tears of blood.
"Oh, don't be a drama queen, Ben," his wife scolded him. "Now come on," she added, giving me a light nod.
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Later in Malibu, I was with Charlie and Alan at the kitchen table (I had asked Jay and Gloria to let me do this alone).
"So... what are the results??" Charlie asked anxiously, waving his hand to hurry me up.
"It is... negative," I looked at him. "Seems like we're just very similar," I joked.
"What???" he exclaimed. "It can't be!" he added, clearly disappointed.
"I'm sure I did your mother!" Charlie blurted, then quickly corrected himself after realizing what he had just said. "I mean... we had...humm... a kind of relationship."
"These tests have margins of error," Alan remarked.
"Ha, that's it!" Charlie pointed at Alan. "We'll do it in a better lab!"
"Charlie, why are you so frustrated?" I looked at him strangely. "I thought you didn't want a kid."
"I don't... I mean, I didn't," Charlie said, confused. "Yesterday I couldn't even get laid because I ended up blabbing out 'let's have a kid' before... you know" he revealed.
I winced - not exactly the kind of thing you say if you just want something casual.
"That's a lot coming from Charlie, Jake," Alan turned to me. "It's like a fat lady blurting out that she prefers broccoli in front of a chocolate cake," he continued with an analogy.
"Or you, not saying 'let's get married' after the first time," Charlie retorted
Before they could start bickering, I intervened, "Okay, you pass. I lied - the result came back positive, you are my father, Charlie," I finally revealed.
"What???" they shouted in unison.
"Hey, you lied to me? You make it like a test??!" Charlie screamed, outraged. "You are... you are grounded, young man."
"How can I be grounded? I don't even live here," I lightly mocked him.
Charlie thought for a moment. "You'll have a room here. I'll buy you all the nicest things that exist," he declared. "And then I'll ground you."
"Nice parenting, Charlie," Alan said dryly.
"Wow, you're gonna ground me on the day I broke up with my girlfriend?" I pulled a pitiful face.
"Oh," Charlie exclaimed with a frown, "I know how to take care of this, kid." He patted my back. "Let's go to a strip club," he smirked.
"Charlie!" Alan snapped.
"What, Alan?" Charlie looked at him as if Alan were the wrong one. "He's my kid, I need to take care of him."
I started laughing. It's hard to stay moody with these families I have. They are just too funny.
"Charlie," I paused for a moment, "I'll call you Charlie for now - 'dad' is still too soon," I continued. "About my breakup, I have a rule: I wait one week for every month of the relationship before moving on. But Brenda was special... I think two weeks is better."
"Two weeks??" He looked at me incredulously. "What kind of rule is that? Who taught you this crap?"
"Someone with way more moral ground than you, Charlie," Alan commented wryly.
"What about you, Alan, you were married for 12 years, that would be..." Charlie retorted.
"Three years," I helped him with the math, "but there's also a cap - six months. No more than six months."
"I think that's fair," Alan agreed.
"You two are insane," Charlie retorted again.
"Another thing, I still want to live with my uncle," I revealed. "I can stay here a couple of days a week, but I don't want to move in completely."
"I... understand," Charlie nodded, though without much firmness, not really knowing what to think.
"Oh, you can come at the same time as my son Jake, Jake," Alan suggested.
"Yeah, another thing, maybe I should be called Francis here, so there won't be any confusion," I pondered.
Then a heavyset woman appeared from the back kitchen door. She glanced at me and then turned to Charlie.
"I knew it was just a matter of time!" she said, laughing.
"Berta, this is my son, Jake - or Francis," he introduced me, "this is Berta, my housekeeper"
"My name is Francis Jacob. Everyone calls me Jake, but there's already one here," I clarified to Berta.
"Huh, I hope you're not a slob like little Jake, or a scumbag like your father here," Berta said sarcastically.
"Berta!" Charlie and Alan snapped.
"Wow, you paid two grand to do a DNA test?" Berta said incredulously, looking at the result and, more importantly, the price of the test.
"I really wanted to know," Charlie explained.
"Don't you have eyes and a mirror?" Berta scoffed. "You rich people really don't have better things to do," she added as she went off to tidy the house.
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Author Note: Hey guys, first week completed!
As for Charlie, he obviously won't be killed by Rose. And there won't be a daughter like in the show. If I ever decide to give him a daughter (it would have to be a really good idea), she definitely won't be that one.
Please leave a Review if you're enjoying it.
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