9
However, Haruno Yukinoshita spake thus.
Sticking a bookmark into the book I was reading, I tossed it down on
the table and lifted my head. From the sidewalk café near Chiba
Station, I had a good view of the people coming and going.
The month was coming to a close, the skies were cloudy, and the
temperature was low, so then why would they bother making this
café outdoors? I got my coat back on with a resentful glare. The
person I was looking at was the one I was waiting for, walking toward
me while waving. She quickly bought a coffee at the register, then
came over to the seat in front of me.
"Sorry to make you wait!" said Haruno Yukinoshita, just as cheerfully
as she had the night before when she'd suddenly called me on the
phone.
I don't answer unknown numbers on principle, but if someone calls
me over and over, don't be surprised if I break. Maybe it's some kind
of emergency, I'd thought and reconsidered. And then when I had
answered, she had told me only the time and place where we were
meeting and then hung up, and now here we were. When I'd tried to
call her back to refuse, she wouldn't Page | 277
"…Uh, how did you know my phone number?" I asked her.
"I got it from Hayato," Haruno said all cutesy wootsy with not a
shred of shyness.
Oh yeah, guess I did tell Hayama before, huh? Bastard… Just
handing it over to the number one person he shouldn't…
But now that she knew, there was nothing to be done about it.
Firmly swearing that from this point forth I would set her calls on
refuse, I decided to ask her what her business was in calling me there
that day. "Did you want something?"
Haruno seemed displeased by the way I cut straight to the point,
puffing up her cheeks in a pout as she glared at me with narrowed
eyes. "You're so cold! And when I finally got a date with you! Your
attitude is sooo different from that time with Gahama-chan."
"Da— Uh, that wasn't what that was, and this isn't that, either," I
replied, stuttering.
She chuckled smugly, unbothered, and pointed at herself. "You hate
pretty older girls like me, Hikigaya?"
"You might be pretty, but if you're saying that stuff yourself, it's no
wonder someone wouldn't like you," I answered.
Haruno nodded, hmm-hmmed, then, with upturned eyes, offered me
a stinging reply, "But you hate girls who won't admit they think of
themselves as pretty, even when they do."
"…True." Suddenly, she's convinced me… I really didn't think highly of
girls like that.
Well, if I'm to be honest… If anything, I love both pretty girls and
older girls!
However, when the subject was Haruno Yukinoshita, other feelings
won over. Page | 278
I'm scared of her. Of her perfect outer mask, and the intensity
underneath that she doesn't try to hide if you see through to it. And
also of those eyes, which seem like they have something hiding in
their depths. That's why I slid my gaze away and asked once again,
"So anyway, what is this about? Why'd you go to the trouble of
calling me out?"
"Ah, yeah, yeah. I wanted to check your answers. Did you ask Yukino-
chan about her course selection?"
"…I do know what it is, but it wouldn't be fair for me to say."
"Oh my, how dutiful of you. But she did actually tell you. Huh… She
trusts you quite a lot, huh?" Haruno smiled brightly as if to say, How
nice.
It was weirdly embarrassing to have her appraising me. And that
reminded me of that conversation in the health room, too. I found
myself fanning my face. "…Trust? That's not what that's about."
"Oh, so you do understand."
I was struck silent. Though I hadn't meant that answer as anything
serious at all, Haruno Yukinoshita replied without a smile, as if this
was so tedious to her.
She took a gulp of her coffee, then traced the rim of her cup with her
finger as she looked at me with dark eyes. "Yes, that's not at all
trust… It's something more cruel." Her soft-looking lips smiled
pleasantly but not her eyes. Her cold voice had a ring to it that made
her sound like an entirely different person. "Nothing's changed. And
she thinks that's fine, you know. Just one of her many cute traits,
but…I really don't like it myself." Her pretty face twisted callously.
Her eyes were looking at me, while in fact she wasn't actually seeing
me at all.
I wanted to withdraw, even though my thoughts had still not yet
come together. "If it's not trust, then…what is it?" "Who knows? But at the very least…" Haruno offered a dramatic
shrug, and for just a moment, her smile returned, and her eyes
focused on me. "I wouldn't call it something real… That's what you
said, wasn't it?"
It was true; I had said that. Even I couldn't grasp the meaning, the
significance, of those words. They had no solid concept behind
them—only faith.
Something real. Something to call truth or possibly honesty. Fidelity
even. I still don't understand what it is, exactly.
"Is there such a thing as something real…?" Haruno muttered,
looking up at the winter sky covered in a thick layer of clouds. Her
question had just the slightest lonely ring to it, and I wondered
where it was directed.
It made me think back. A certain person had called it a closed
happiness. Another person had asked me if I hadn't noticed. And
now before me, Haruno Yukinoshita doubted its existence in the first
place. If there was such a thing as truth or honesty at all.
My hand felt like it might tremble as I reached out to the paperback
I'd left on the table to touch it gently.
Having been blasted by the outside wind all this time, the book had
gone cold, and it made me hesitate to read the rest, to know the
conclusion.