Detectives investigate crimes.Private detectives investigate… everything people are too embarrassed to file a mission request for.
Uchiha Tobika fell squarely into the second category.
Being an Uchiha, money was rarely his issue. Becoming a private eye had always been camouflage. A way to discreetly poke at Konoha's background characters, dig up gossip the manga would never document, and satisfy the very human curiosity he still carried after reincarnation.
Adultery, secret lovers, hidden treasure maps, missing pets…If it was humiliating, scandalous, unreportable, or downright stupid—Tobika was the guy villagers whispered to.
Over time, "Konoha's Detective King" became glued to his name.
Then the Third Shinobi War hit, and life stopped being funny.
"…Sorry," Tobika finally said, leaning back against the wall. "I'm teaching students now. Might need to take a break from detective work. I can recommend other, equally… nosy… professionals."
Yoshino and the other wives exchanged glances.
"Uchiha Tobika," Yoshino said evenly, "this commission… may be too challenging for others."
Tobika's eye twitched.
He hated "challenging".
Last time he accepted something "challenging," it was:
[Investigate why dozens of donkeys at a farm scream every night.]
His first instinct had been:Pervert. Definitely a pervert.
After investigation?
Still a pervert.
And that pervert was: Orochimaru, one of the Legendary Sannin.
Orochimaru had been hauling half-finished, half-rotten Edo Tensei prototypes through the farm at night like a necromancer walking corpses. The donkeys understandably panicked.
Tobika had eventually set a trap, caught one of the "humanoid shapes," and anonymously reported the incident straight to the Hokage's desk.
He still had nightmares.
Yoshino watched Tobika's silence stretch and felt discouraged. If he didn't accept, she truly had no backup. All sensory-type jōnin were deployed or busy with classified defense work.
Their plan fell apart—until Mikoto quietly signed:
"I've got this."
Mikoto stood, belly gently supported in both hands, and motioned Tobika into the courtyard.Her smile was polite… but her eyes were sharp enough to slit a boulder.
"Uchiha Tobika," she said softly, "didn't you argue at the clan meeting about forming alliances? About working with the remaining clans for our future?"
"…Yes."
"Then why ignore an opportunity handed directly to your door? Or is it that you know you can't complete this commission with your current ability? Planning to dump all external diplomacy onto Fugaku alone?"
Tobika gave her a flat look.
Lady, I didn't say I can't. I just don't want to. Normal Uchihas fall for provocation. I'm not normal. I'm a sensible coward.
Besides… negotiating with other clans was Fūgaku's job."Including offering his body for the clan's glory," Tobika muttered internally.
He waited for Mikoto to continue—but she just stared at him.Her eyes were dark, clear, unnervingly sincere.
He dropped his gaze to her belly.The unborn Itachi inside.The unborn Sasuke inside.
He disliked both children for very different reasons.
"Uchiha Tobika," Mikoto whispered, holding up her bandaged finger as if to lure his attention, "before becoming clan head, Fūgaku was far weaker than you. Not a genius. No medical skill. You're more promising than he ever was."
She stepped closer.
"The future of the Uchiha won't build itself. You want change? Then act. Start here. Accept this commission and form the bonds you boast about. If you're serious, this will help your proposal. If you're not…"
Her voice grew sweet—too sweet.
"…then your earlier idea was empty talk, wasn't it?Your marriage suggestion.That infamous 'divorce' plan.You didn't mean it, right?Right?My judgment of you wouldn't be so tragic, right?You wouldn't be the kind of man who—"
Tobika clapped a hand over her mouth before she cursed him into a crater.
This woman.This woman's tongue was a jutsu.A forbidden jutsu.
He turned away before she compared him to Fūgaku again.Some insults were unforgivable.
After the wives left, Tobika sat alone with Yoshino's envelope.He replayed her explanation:
She suspected her late brother's widow, Nara Ryoko, had a new man in her home.She wanted Tobika to identify him discreetly.
He tapped the envelope.
"…Time of night… location… behavior… everything lines up."
His eyes slowly widened.
That night.Ryoko's house.He had stayed there.
"…The man she wants me to find… is me?"
He covered his face with one hand.
"How the hell do I hand myself over...without destroying my own reputation?"