I stood in front of a shabby little house, the masonry chipped and ridden with moss. The Blue Pharmacy looked a bit more run-down than I expected, but anime had the tendency to airbrush pretty much everything.
For a Familia neck deep in debt, this place didn't look too bad, certainly better than a half collapsed, old church. As long as Miach had an indoor toilet, I wasn't going to complain.
There was a small sign above the door, reading 'Open', so I just walked inside, head held high and back straight, ready to meet my soon-to-be god.
A small, dim-lit room welcomed me, lined with large, wooden racks at the back, each shelf displaying small vials filled colored liquid. Different shades of blue, orange, and some green.
My gaze trailed to the young, brown haired woman sitting behind a counter that split the room at the center. A pair of dog ears poked out of her hair, flattened against her head. Her teal and yellow shirt clung to her frame in a way that had my eyes lingering on her chest, perhaps a moment too long before I caught myself.
Great marketing strategy.
I offered Naaza a polite smile. "Good day, miss."
Our eyes met, and, for a long, awkward moment, she just stared blankly at me before blinking."Welcome to Blue Pharmacy. What would you like to buy?" Her soft, sleepy voice sounded a little different from what I remembered of the anime, perhaps since she was speaking English.
Kinda wild how English existed in this world, but their alphabet mimicked it, and I could just chalk it up to the gods anyway. Not that I was going to complain. Language barriers sucked.
"For now, nothing. I'm interested in joining your Familia."
Her poker face showed little of her thoughts, but I could see a calculating glint in her amethyst eyes as she appraised me.
"You wish to join?"
"Yes," I nodded, still smiling. "Is Lord Miach here?"
Her brows furrowed ever so slightly, skeptical gaze searching my face for lies. Cute, but she should just bring her god instead of wasting time.
After deliberating for a while, she abruptly stood up from her chair and walked to the door between the wooden racks. My gaze dipped to her bushy tail, lingering on her skirt covered ass while she disappeared inside the backroom.
Nine out of ten, I'd let her bury my bone. Dog girls were good civilization, and Naaza looked cuter than I expected.
Too bad she had the hots for Miach. I could try, but I'd be barking at the wrong tree, and Orario wasn't lacking in options anyway. I needed to make a good impression here, too, and annoying the sole Familia member wouldn't be wise.
Glancing around the room idly, eyes skimming over the various jars and potions, I waited for my date with destiny.
Miach was the nicest god in Orario. He wouldn't refuse me, not when he had every reason to accept a new member.
He was also a dude.
I'd asked around, and Hestia had just descended this morning, a few hours before my arrival in the city. A huge pillar of light falling from the heavens was hard to miss, but I had no idea about the exact timeline until I found out about her.
I'd honestly considered Hestia as an option, but ultimately decided against it. Joining a Familia run by a goddess sounded awkward, especially if not intending to tap that ass. I would've tried Ganesha, but I doubted I qualified.
Alchemy was also pretty cool, which gave me another reason to throw my lot in with Miach. If I managed to get Mystery later on, I might be able to recreate some crazy shit I've seen in games.
That would be epi–
A tall, handsome man with dark blue hair and matching eyes stepped out of the backroom, my gaze flicking to his dark robe before shifting to his face–
–my brain trembled, thoughts grinding to a halt. I blinked, our eyes meeting, and, for a brief moment, I forgot to breathe. I couldn't put it into words. A nagging feeling at the back of my mind, telling a sole, undeniable truth.
A god stood before me.
I barely registered Naaza falling in step at his side as I took a slow, centering breath. I've always wondered how everyone in this world could tell apart a god at first glance. Now I knew.
Miach gave me a smile, pleasant and friendly as he stopped by the counter. "I am Miach. What's your name, young man?"
His voice was even more pleasant than I expected, smooth like honey, and with a breathy quality to it. This guy should stop making potions and start singing. He'd make more money for sure.
"Jacob. But most people call me Jack."
"I see." Miach nodded, his gaze taking my measure. "Naaza told me of your request."
"Is there a test I must pass?" I doubted it, but courtesy cost nothing and greased many doors.
Miach shook his head, lips quirking ever so slightly as his eyes searched my face for a moment. "My Familia currently bears a rather hefty debt. Are you certain that you wish to join?"
I couldn't help a smile at his straightforward honesty. This guy was my favorite god for a reason. By far.
Naaza didn't seem to appreciate the reminder, though, frowning as she glanced at her god from the corner of her eye. She blamed herself for the Familia's situation, from what I could remember, and she wasn't exactly wrong.
I nodded, my mind set and resolve unyielding. A pesky debt would not make me back down from this. "Yes, I don't mind. I think this is the most suitable Familia for me."
Miach smiled, opening his mouth to say something, but Naaza suddenly cut in, a note of suspicion in her soft voice.
"Why?"
I regarded her for a moment before my gaze flickered back to Miach, our eyes meeting as a small, assured smile crossed my lips.
Showtime.
"Something brought me here, Lord Miach. I'm not sure what, but it happened for a reason." My voice kept steady as I spoke, but conviction rose forth from deep within, filling my each and every word. "I am no trained warrior and I have no great talents, but I know one thing. I am burdened with glorious purpose." They say that eyes are windows to the soul. I made sure to show the god before me every fiber of my mettle. "I will brave the depths of the dungeon and rise to the greatest heights. I will become the strongest adventurer in history and fulfill my destiny. You are the best god that I know, so I came to you."
The way Naaza's brows climbed up her forehead while her eyes narrowed in pained confusion made it clear that she didn't believe much of what I said. Still struggling to comprehend my sheer amazing self, she turned to her god, as if expecting him to call me a liar.
Miach merely smiled, though. "He's telling the truth."
Naaza's lips pressed into a thin line. "That sounds a little beyond the scope of our Familia. Perhaps he should try somewhere more suitable?"
I blinked, a flash of irritation making my mouth twitch with the ghost of a frown.
I kinda expected her to be all for it, since, y'know, I'd make a lot more money going to the dungeon than she made selling potions. I could only wonder what went through this woman's head, because it was clearly some alien logic.
Miach shared a brief look with Naaza, an unspoken message bringing a frown to the dog girl's lips, before turning to me, a curious gleam in his eyes. "What do you believe to be your destiny?"
Straight to the million dollar question, eh? My smile widened. I had his interest.
"One day, I will travel to Telskyura, and defeat all the amazons in glorious combat, all of them at once." My lips peeled back into a grin. "Then I'll propose to Lady Kali and become the king of amazons."
A giddy feeling spread through my chest like a wildfire. I could almost see it. Sitting on a throne, next to that petite, chocolate goddess, surrounded on all sides by beautiful amazons.
I could hardly wait.
Ishtar would be my test run. The proof of concept to my grand plan. Aisha, Lena, Samira, and dozens of other amazons, all of them waiting for the only man who could truly understand them.
Pin-drop silence followed my words, my vow, but the small, assured smile never left my lips, despite the awkward as fuck atmosphere inside the room.
Miach's eyebrows climbed up all the way up to his forehead while Naaza stared at me like I was crazy.
I took it all in stride. I was not ashamed of my dream. People back home struggled to find meaning in their lives, but less than a week in this world, and I felt like I'd found mine. One day, I would have all the amazons, and it would be glorious.
"And then, we will train an army of amazons and conquer the Dungeon." But first, I'd have to kill that Black Dragon. I couldn't enjoy my amazons if the world ended.
My bold words brought another bout of silence, this one just as awkward. I didn't mind it. To pursue my goal, my heart's desire, I had to abandon shame.
Miach gave me a strange look, though his smile quickly returned. "That's certainly an ambitious goal." Gods were truly something else. I could only wonder what went through his head.
Naaza's poker face cracked a little as she stared at me, brow furrowed and jaw a little slack. She quickly caught herself, mouth closing before she turned to her god. "Lord Miach, I think he might be insane."
Her remark drew a chiding look from the resident deity, but my smile did not wane. Great visionaries had always been met with skepticism in the past. My actions would speak louder than any words ever could.
"That's a little harsh, Naaza. Many adventurers have a quirk or two to them. He's just peculiar in his own way."
Naaza shook her head with a sigh, and I could see it in her eyes that she'd completely given up on this discussion. That was fine. Not everyone could understand true passion.
"Do you accept me, Lord Miach?"
Miach's gaze warmed as it found my face, and the god nodded with a smile. "If that is your wish, I welcome you with open arms," he said, gesturing with a hand at the backroom. "Come with me."
He walked inside, and I followed suit, passing by Naaza as she kept giving me an odd look. I had no idea what her problem was, but I wasn't going to let that bother me.
I closed the door behind me with a smile, ready to get my divine tramp stamp.
This room was smaller than the main area, but it looked like a herbalist's workshop, only missing the standard bottles and flasks to be called a proper alchemy lab. A few cabinets lined the walls, each shelf full of various herb jars, and a wide table stood at the far end of the room, with more herbs and a vial rack lying atop it.
Miach stopped next to the worktable, turned around the chair, and gestured at it.
I took a seat, folding my arms atop the backrest as I felt a rush coursing through my veins in anticipation. This was it. The moment of truth. What would my soul reveal?
"I take it this is your first time receiving a blessing?"
"Yes," I nodded. "But I've heard about what to expect."
"I see. Take off your shirt, then."
Good thing that it seemed to be the end of summer in Orario, and thank fuck for the Mediterranean weather, because all I had on me was a plain white shirt and a pair of brown linen pants. At least I didn't look too out of place around here.
I took off my shirt, draping it over the backrest as I waited for Miach to do his thing.
Warm fingers traced their way up the small of my back as quiet whispers in a foreign tongue reached my ears. A shiver went up my spine in anticipation.
A drop of eternity fell on the small of my back, sinking deeply within me, and, for the briefest moment, I felt something more, an electrifying spark, immaterial, transcendental, as it took root within my being, pushing me beyond the limits of the mortal men.
I couldn't even begin to put it into words, but was feeling was gone as soon as it came to be, leaving behind a pleasant warmth that slowly settled into my back.
Miach began tracing strange symbols upon my back, only for his fingers to abruptly pause as a quiet, intrigued hum cut through my thoughts.
"This is odd."
Odd? Did I have soul cancer, or something?
I looked over my shoulder, meeting a pair of curious, dark blue eyes. "How so?"
"Your soul feels strange. Different to any that I've touched."
Oho? On one hand, this made me pretty special, just as I expected. On the other, the cat was pretty much out of the bag and scratching at my arm.
I pursed my lips. Eh. Keeping this sort of secret from my god would've been retarded anyway.
"Different how?"
Miach pondered for a moment, the spark of curiosity in his eyes growing a little brighter. "It's hard to put in words that would make sense to you." Try me, bro. "It has a different texture, I suppose."
My lips pursed, gaze drifting across the room. That was mildly concerning. Mostly because it might catch Freya's attention, and as hot as she was, I'd rather not deal with her crazy psycho bitch routine. That shit would be tiring.
I liked a yandere like any other weeb worth his salt, but this one came with a major problem. Simps who could fold me like a pretzel.
I held back a sigh. Whatever. I'd cross that bridge later.
Miach's voice pulled my attention back, the serious expression on his face giving me pause. "You were being literal back then, weren't you?" His gaze was so intense, it felt like he was staring into my soul.
A smile twitched on my lips. It seemed that all divines enjoyed a good mystery. That divine lie detection only judged the truth. It didn't account for context.
"Yes. I'm not from this world."
Miach blinked, his brow creasing a fraction. "How? Only the gods can travel between worlds and realms like that."
"No idea. I remember taking a nap back home, only to wake up lying on a grassy field in Melen." One out of ten, would not recommend. I almost got attacked by a goat.
The god hummed in thought, lips pressing into a thin line. "How long ago?"
"About a week. I spent a few days working in Melen to earn some coin before coming here." Manual labor sucked ass, but starving to death sucked more. Sleeping in a barn was still awful, though. "I asked around about the gods, and you appealed to me the most."
Kinda wished I'd read the actual light novels, instead of internet summaries and fan-fiction, but it was too late for that. I had no idea that Melen housed the Poseidon and Njord Familias, for example, or that the elves were even more racist than I thought.
"You seem well adjusted for someone who was ripped from their home so suddenly."
I shrugged, smiling wanly. "This is my life now. The faster I adapt, the easier it gets. Life waits for no man. It's up to me to make the most of it."
Thinking about the near future also helped. I blitzed through the five stages of grief in record time.
"Wise words, young man." Miach smiled before patting my shoulder. "Turn around. I haven't finished your falna yet."
I faced the backrest of the chair as the divine resumed his work, fingers working odd symbols onto my back. This tramp stamp better give me some good shit.
This place was like bootleg Skyrim, but without the Dragonborn to deal with Alduin. I had no idea what Omori was smoking, but I couldn't rely on canon to save the day. The amount of butterflies that could happen in six months… what if Aiz wouldn't get there in time to save Bell from the minotaur. I didn't even know the exact day when that was supposed to happen.
I couldn't rely on Bell to save the world. I had to do this shit myself. Somehow.
Miach traced a few more thin lines across the small of my back, and, suddenly, it felt like something clicked, somewhere deep within me, and everything became so much more.
The sound of a sharp inhale suddenly reached my ear, Miach's hands stilling on the small of my back. Oh?
A thrill sparked in my chest, building up into a giddy feeling. That sounded like I'd just hit the jackpot.
"Something wrong?" I looked over my shoulder, taking in all the ethereal letters and symbols floating above my back, before meeting the slightly widened eyes of Miach.
The god worked his jaw for a moment, his gaze fixated on a certain spot on my back. "You have a skill."
My lips quirked with a smile. Of course I had a skill. I came here for a reason. A grand purpose. It was only natural for this to crystallize into a skill. The question was what skill.
The giddy feeling in my chest grew even stronger as I caught the concerned look in Miach's eyes. Oh, it had to be a good skill. The kind of skill that we ought to keep secret or risk war games and shit.
"What does it say?"
Miach's hands traced a pattern on my back and the floating letters shifted. His brow creased a fraction. "How odd." He pushed at the light, and the numbers sunk into my back, bringing a strange sensation that made me feel fuller. Then he reached for something on the desk in front of me. A piece of paper. "I'll give you the status sheet to see for yourself."
He placed the paper on my back, tracing a finger across the surface, light searing into the parchment, before he handed it over. My gut twisted and churned in anticipation as I slowly read through the bizarro alphabet.
The first part was as expected, zeroes everywhere, but then my eyes reached the last section, Skills, and my thoughts just ground to a halt.
<>
Jacob Brewer
Lv. 1
STR: I0
END: I0
DEX: I0
AGI: I0
MAG: I0
"Magic"
"Skills"
[Rule of Cool]
Yours is an impossible existence. Inspire awe, and the world is willing to suspend its disbelief. Act to impress. Impress when you act. It Just Works.
<>
The words percolated inside my head for a moment before an amused exhale escaped me. I couldn't help it. Even as Miach looked in confusion, a grin stretched my lips. If this did what I thought it did… shit was crazy.
I couldn't wait to test it.
"I take it you have an idea about what it means?"
Turning around in my seat, I met Miach's inquisitive gaze with a brief nod. "I could be wrong, but I think it might let me perform unlikely feats, so long the results are impressive enough."
As for how it even quantified something like that… I had no idea. I'd have to test it the old fashioned way. Trial and error.
The god hummed quietly, his blue eyes studying my face. "I don't think I've heard of a skill like this before."
Which was funny, because it was the perfect skill for a place like DanMachi. The gods pursued entertainment, and watching crazy cool shit should tickle their pickle something fierce.
"I'd say that's the case with every unique skill."
Miach pursed his lips, pondering for a while. "The description is oddly vague. I'm not sure how useful this skill could be in the dungeon. It might be hard to leverage."
My mouth twitched in amusement. I had enough understanding of tropes and genre narratives to leverage the fuck out of this.
Just you wait, Miach. I'd show this world what it meant to be cool. Show these fickle gods the peak of entertainment.
"It could depend on public perception. Perhaps with more weight in the eyes of gods?"
His brows climbed up a fraction. "Similar to the acquisition of high quality excelia?"
"That's a good analogy."
Miach frowned. "That would make it a very fickle skill."
Just like the gods themselves.
A beat of silence passed between us as I put my shirt back on. "I suppose we should keep this a secret?"
The answer was obvious, but someone had to say it.
"I would advise so, yes. A child starting with a skill is quite rare, even more so with a unique one. Revealing something like this would bring you a lot of attention."
With asshole gods like Apollo around, I had to play it safe for now. Hell, even Loki might try to pull a fast one, if she ever heard about my skill.
And then there was Freya…
Would my skill be able to help against Charm? I had no idea, and I couldn't exactly try to test it.
"Most of it unwanted."
Miach only gave a solemn nod in return. It was a bit uncanny seeing the usually polite and friendly god with such a serious look on his face, but this was the kind of situation that would make most gods consider a lot of unpleasant scenarios.
"Do you wish to tell Naaza about it?"
Preferably no, but we could at least tell her something.
"She's the captain and seems to care a lot about our Familia. As long as she can keep it a secret, we can tell her that I have a skill."
This brought a small smile on Miach's face. Nothing got you brownie points with a god like an honest compliment about their children.
"I trust her to be discrete about it."
"Feel free to tell her then," I said, "I'll be a little busy for the rest of the day."
Miach sent me a curious look. "Heading off to the Guild to register?"
I nodded. "I was thinking about taking that loan for a weapon and basic armor."
A frown curled Miach's lips. "I have some money set aside. You don't have to get in debt with the Guild."
"Are you certain? I'd rather not worsen our situation." And piss off Naaza for real.
Miach shook his head with a smile. "You joined us, willing to help, fully aware of the hardships. It's the least I could do."
He just gave me superpowers and was still thinking like this... best god ever.
"I'll pay you back as soon as I can."
"Don't worry about it." Miach rested a hand on my shoulder, his warm eyes meeting my own. "As long as it keeps you safe, it was money well spent."
I stared at him, words failing me for a moment. This guy was too kind.
I was still going to pay that money back, though. A man always paid his debts.
"I was wondering, Lord Miach," I broke the brief silence, drawing a curious look from the god. "Would you mind if I watched as you prepare and mix the potions? I'd like to learn the craft."
Miach seemed to consider my request before smiling. "It's been a while since I've had a new apprentice. I usually work in the afternoon or late evening. You're free to join me whenever you have the time."
That lined up nicely with my dungeon schedule. I could take a lunch break and come learn some alchemy. Or just do it after I finished with the dungeon for the day.
A smile tugged at my mouth. "I'll make sure to live up to your expectations."
Miach chuckled. "Wait here. I'll go fetch you the money."
I watched as he left the room, my eyes drifting to the status sheet in my hand, before searching around for a match or something to burn it with.
__________________________________________
I gave Naaza a cheery wave as I left the pharmacy, getting a tired eye roll in return. A brown pouch hung fastened at my hip, holding my loan from Miach. He insisted that it was a welcome gift, but I hoped to pay these ten thousand valis by tomorrow or the next day, at least.
Making my way through the back alleys, I stepped into the Western Main Street, heading towards Babel. Seeing the cat-girls, midgets, and other fetish furries walking around like everyday's business was still kinda surreal, but I was getting used to it.
I had six months before the canon timeline was supposed to start, and I intended to make full use of them.
My eyes clung to the scantily clad, caramel backside of an amazon beauty as she passed by, heading in the direction of the dungeon, and it took great effort to tear my gaze away.
Living in a medieval fantasy wasn't as cool as the books made it out to be, but there was a silver lining to all of this. One thing that made getting ripped from my old life and flung across time and space worth it.
This world had amazons. Beautiful chocolate wonders. Such simple creatures that made my monkey brain happy in ways that no other women could.
I've fantasized about them for years, and now they were within my reach. Almost. They wouldn't spare a second glance to a weakling like me. To tap that booty, I needed strength. But that was fine. I was already aiming for power, just to prevent the apocalypse.
Two birds, one stone. It lined up perfectly. Killing that Black Dragon would turn me into amazon catnip.
I had nothing to lose, and everything to gain. I just had to become strong enough. A seemingly impossible task, without a cheat like Bell, but my skill turned the impossible into possible.
That looming mountain in my future didn't look too tall and insurmountable anymore.
I could do this. I could reach the summit. I had the drive to push me forward, and all I needed was to stoke the flames.
On the path to strength, only one thing mattered in this world. Impressing the gods. And it wasn't even that hard. All it took was a simple shift in mindset.
Sane people did not impress the gods. Sanity was boring, and the gods desired entertainment. A spectacle. They wished to see bold adventures.
I was in luck, though. Coming from a world that chased novelty and entertainment at every corner, I felt like having the cheat codes to the fucking Matrix.
This world was nothing like Earth, and I couldn't cling to my old way of thinking. That would get me nowhere. I wasn't going to suffer through medieval hell, just to wallow in mediocrity and die in the apocalypse. I wanted to leave a mark on this world, and thinking like a normal, sane person would not get me anywhere close.
Acting like a live-streamer chasing views, however? Chances were that shit would probably kill me, but if I survived long enough?
It would make me a legend.
A small, self assured smile curled my lips as I walked closer to the imposing tower in the distance.
The path was clear. All I had to do was become the Greatest Cool.
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