"Holy shit."
I sat alone at a dirty blackjack table in some rundown casino where the lights barely flickered over my head.
The casino was obviously struggling and hadn't been maintained properly in God knows how long. But it was a casino I frequented and one I favored the most despite its dreary condition.
Dirty fumes and the stench of cigarettes coalesced in its air to assault my senses. The ventilation was broken, and the jackasses at a nearby table were smoking as if they were competing to see who'd get lung cancer first.
But none of that bothered me one bit. All my focus was spent fighting not to scream my head off as I stared at the four cards lying in front of me.
The dealer had a six of hearts and a ten of spades while I had a king of clubs and an ace of hearts.
A.. A natural blackjack. I have a natural blackjack...
I rubbed my eyes vigorously and checked again.
The cards were still there.
I pinched myself until blood was spilled on my fingertips.
The cards were still there.
I even smacked myself hard enough to leave a deep, red imprint on my cheek.
And the cards were still there.
"Oh my god. W-what the hell. I won... I won."
I bit my tongue and managed to speak in a reserved whisper. I didn't want any nosy criminals to steal the $100,000 I had just won. Thankfully, the dealer was thoughtful enough to stay quiet as well.
Well, maybe his silence had more to do with my previous actions than his thoughtfulness. From his perspective, I must have looked like a crazed man who started hurting himself in a moment reserved for celebration.
I chose to believe otherwise. To me, the man who had just dealt me a beautiful blackjack was like an angel sent from heaven.
He pushed a stack of a hundred golden chips towards my direction, and I accepted them with trembling hands, making sure to throw one back at him as a tip.
The stack of chips shined brightly in my vision, leaving everything else obscured. Even under the dim lights of the shitty casino, it felt like it was glowing with a radiance of divinity. God himself must have blessed me tonight.
It was about damn time. I was due for a blessing or two in my shitty life. After a series of constant losses, God or fate or whoever and whatever it was finally decided to give me one damn win.
I took a moment to pray and thanked Him for the generous gift. I was never really religious, but tonight, I was.
As I prayed, I reflected back on my pitiful past.
I was born to a couple of dead broke immigrants in Las Vegas. They raised me with loving care even when we lived in a one bedroom apartment living off of food stamps.
My mom had a bad leg, so she stayed home while my dad worked two jobs just to keep us afloat. Yet, he never complained and always kept a cheerful expression, at least when he was around me.
Somehow, through all our hardships and his two jobs, he still made time to play catch with me or even occasionally take me to the movies.
Life was good, and I was content. Even with nothing to eat, I felt full with their love.
But everything changed when my dad was killed by a drunk driver just two days after my seventh birthday.
The bastard that killed him fled to another country soon after, so my mom and I never received any closure or even a lick of settlement money.
My family was left broken, both financially and emotionally. I could tell that all my mother wanted to do was cry, but she never shed a single tear. Instead, she picked up her walking cane and got straight to work.
It wasn't long until she started working two jobs as well. She worked tirelessly, but just like my dad, she always kept a smile on her face.
I had gotten older, though, and I could see through the facade of her forced smiles. I was plagued by guilt, seeing her once-delicate hands calloused and bruised and her limp gradually worsening. I wanted to help in any way that I could, but my mom insisted I focus on my future instead.
Unfortunately, my head was like a bag of bricks. I couldn't study for the life of me, so my future looked pretty bleak. I was unskilled at nearly everything else as well. I couldn't sing, I couldn't dance, I couldn't draw, and I couldn't even talk to people without hurling curses at them.
I spent countless nights awake, stressing over my doomed future. How was I supposed to reward my mom with wealth when I was such an untalented failure? That's when I came up with my first and only good idea. I decided to become a boxer.
It turned out to be the best option for me. I was always a good fighter after all. Well, maybe good is an over exaggeration. I always got my ass handed to me when I fought with the neighborhood kids, but even when I lost, I made sure those punks never wanted to fight me again.
Before I knew it, I became a 4x national amateur champion, winning all my fights by knockout. My opponents could dance circles around me on pure skill alone, but I always had more heart and grit, taking three punches to deliver one devastating one of my own.
On my fifteenth birthday, I was accepted into the national team for the Junior Olympics, and life was looking good once again.
But just two days later, disaster struck. Rifts opened up everywhere around the world, releasing demonic spirits from what I could only speculate were the deepest depths of hell.
These spirits inhabited bodies of harrowing creatures and destroyed entire countries. They toppled skyscrapers, burned down cultural monuments, and killed tens of millions in just a couple of weeks.
My mom was injured during the disasters, and we lacked the resources to get her treated. The hospitals were packed, and only the fat, rich pigs were reserved hospital beds.
As the years passed, she fell gravely ill from her untreated injuries and was finally admitted to a shabby community hospital down the street from us.
Luckily by then, humanity was able to adapt and evolve. Humans with strange abilities emerged within the chaos, exorcising the demonic creatures with their superpowers. People called them shamans and hailed them as heroes of the new age.
But the appearance of these new heroes was nothing but unlucky for me. There was a global cultural shift, and the newly awakened humans stole the spotlight, killing all mundane sports like boxing for good.
It made sense, really. Nobody would want to watch mundane people punch eachother when they could watch superhumans control lightning or shatter rocks with their bare hands.
But now, my only skill was deemed useless, and I was left with the same fate that haunted my mom and dad. I was broke, working two menial jobs at once. The only difference was that I never wore a smile on my rugged face.
As if that wasn't enough, my mother's condition continued to worsen, and I lacked the funds to get her treated. All I could do was helplessly sob in her hospital room, which already cost me a fortune, in front of her comatose body.
I was left with no other option and borrowed a large sum of money from a local loan shark. I paid for a forceful awakening procedure to unlock my latent shamanic powers. I hoped to find better work as a shaman, but the procedure failed miserably.
Funny enough, they say only 5% of forceful awakenings fail. I guess I shouldn't have expected anything different with my luck. I couldn't even get the money back since those government cheapskates at the awakening center had a no refund policy.
I collected more debt as I attempted to pay off my initial loan. I tried every possible method to pay it off, but the amount was just too much. I eventually started gambling with borrowed money as my only way out.
Now, in the present day, as a 35 year old man, I finally found some reprieve with what seemed like a blessing from God.
The $100,000 I won would be enough to pay off everything I owe, including the loan I took to gamble today.
But a voice in my head kept stabbing at my conscience.
What if I double it now? I'll be able to pay for mom's treatments. She'll finally get better.
I tried to quell the penetrating thoughts. I knew they were idiotic. Lightning doesn't strike twice, and if life taught me anything, it was to expect the worst outcome at all times.
But I couldn't help myself. I desperately wanted to see my mom get better. She's all I had left in this depressing life, and I wanted nothing more than to hear her voice again.
Before I even realized it, my body was moving on its own.
"All in."
My hands were already shoving the pile of chips towards the dealer before my mind could catch up with what I'd done.
The dealer flashed a gentle smile and pulled four cards out the top of the deck.
He revealed a single 4 of hearts. I looked down at my hand, and a wide grin filled my face.
Two queens stared up at me like a pair of angels ready to bless me once again.
I guess God really does have a plan for everybody. It's about damn time I turn my life around.
I anxiously waited for the dealer to reveal his second card. My eyes were locked in on his hands, dispelling the rest of the world around me. My breaths became short and hurried as my body began to shudder in anxious anticipation. My heart felt like it would jump out of my chest at a moment's notice.
After what seemed like an eternity, he turned his other card over, revealing an eight of diamonds. His cards didn't equal to sixteen or higher, so he would have to draw another from the deck.
Shit, okay. It's fine. There's no way he gets a blackjack. I have a high twenty. I'll be fine…
I could feel pools of sweat forming under my shirt as I watched him flip the new card over, and that's when I saw it.
A nine of spades… A blackjack.
I had lost.
My heart sank into my stomach, and I sat there silently as my world came crashing down. I was at a loss for words. I couldn't believe what just happened. No, I refused to believe it.
This…This can't be real.
Not knowing what to do next, I threw my head crashing into the table, sending some stray chips flying across the room. Blood leaked down my face, but I felt numb to the pain. Regret and deep emptiness enveloped me whole and overpowered all my senses.
It felt like I was drowning, suffocating from the weight of my actions. I struggled to breathe as a million words raced through my mind.
I.. I had it all, and I blew it. I fucking blew it. I FUCKING BLEW IT!
I slammed my head against the table once again and felt my vision blur as tears seeped out my eyes.
God, I'm such an idiot! What the hell is wrong with me? I had more money than I ever dreamed of! I could have paid off my debts… NO, FORGET THE FUCKING DEBTS! I could have paid for mom's treatment!
God… God damn it. I'm so pathetic.. utterly pathetic…
Security guards surrounded me as I continued bashing my head onto the table. They silently waited until I grew weak, unable to lift my head from the blood stained table. They lifted my lifeless body off of my seat and proceeded to carry me out the casino.
As I was dragged out, I feebly lifted my head and met the dealer's eyes. He stared at me with a pitiful gaze. He threw a golden chip at me, the same one I had given to him earlier, and exhaled a heavy sigh.
…
Later that night, I went to the hospital my mom was staying in.
As I forced my way through its broken sliding doors with blood still spilling out of my head, the nurses and receptionists huddled around me with panicked expressions. I ignored their worries and pushed past them towards the elevator.
The elevator creaked its way up to the third floor, and I eventually slipped into my mom's room unnoticed.
As I walked through its entrance, I observed the pitiful scenery with tears in my eyes. The room was a mess.
There were wires scattered all throughout the ground, some connecting to a hospital monitor and others connecting to nowhere at all. The ceiling panels were either cracked or missing as dust spilled out its empty spaces. The walls were stained with a heavy yellowish-brown residue, and the floors squeeked with each step.
In the middle of the harrowing space, my mom lied in her bed, still as stone. If not for the faint lift of her chest from her delicate breathing, I would have sworn that she was already dead.
I approached her closely and gripped onto her hand. I wanted to apologize to her for what I had just done — no, for far more than that.
I wanted to apologize for being a useless son, for doing nothing but fuck up everything for the both of us. But the words refused to come out. I had nothing to say. I was a failure and had been a failure for all 35 years of my life.
I sat there silently and sobbed.
After an hour of drowning in a stream of pitiful tears, I left without uttering a single word. What good would words do for her anyways? It's not like she could hear them, and she couldn't respond even if she did.
I left the hospital in a daze and found myself walking on a bridge, looking out toward the horizon just past the edge of the ocean below me.
I stumbled upon a decrepit homeless man lying on the ground. The sidewalk was stained black under him with whatever foul liquids had expelled from his body beforehand. He looked at me with a pained look in his eyes and smiled weakly as he asked me for some change.
His smile, clearly concealing a life of struggle, reminded me of my mom and dad, and with nothing left to live for, I gently handed him the gold chip I had caught earlier.
His cheeks creased upwards with a serenely honest smile. His teeth were all crooked and yellow, but his new smile seemed beautiful none the less.
Feeling a moment of fleeting peace in his presence, I gained the strength I needed for my next decision. I was glad to have given the last bit of my money to that man. He'd surely use it a lot better than I would.
I smiled back at him and swiftly moved past him, far enough to be out of his line of sight. I didn't want him to witness what I would do next.
I stopped at a good distance and looked out toward the horizon once again.
Well, I can't say that I lived a good life, and I can't say I have no regrets either. There's nobody but my mom left to miss me, and she doesn't even have the ability to miss me right now. With no money for the treatment, I'm sure she'll die soon…
Don't worry mom. I'll be waiting for you when you do. Well, maybe not. I'll probably end up in hell if there really is an afterlife.
Oh well.
Then, without a second of hesitation, I jumped.
As I fell, I closed my eyes and embraced the last moment of fresh air and peace that I would witness. I let go of all my worries and felt a soothing sense of calmness, knowing that even hell would probably feel better than the life I had lived.
A deafening screech abruptly filled my ears and broke me out of my trance. As I dove further to my demise, the screeching only grew increasingly louder.
Damn it! What the fuck is that noise?
I opened my eyes, irritated that I wasn't able to find peace even in my final moments. What I saw next made me reel back in terror as my body swung around awkwardly in the air.
A pair of bright white eyes were staring back at me just inches away from my face.
I used all my strength to turn my body back around and saw the homeless man from earlier soaring down in front of me with an ecstatic grin. His body was shaking violently, emanating a loud shrieking sound.
A few seconds passed, and his shaking abruptly ended. At the same time, the world around me stopped as I was suspended in the air.
An eery voice echoed out the man's mouth.
"Damin Lee, you have passed my test with flying colors. A thousand dollars is a very generous donation, my child."
My eyes widened with dread. I wasn't sure what was happening, but I could instinctively tell it was dangerous. I was fine with dying but not like this.
"W-who are you?"
"I am one of the rulers and protectors of this world. I believe you humans generally refer to me as an angel."
What the hell?
"Hey, don't lie to me! What would an angel be here dressed like a dirty homeless man for?"
"Oh, but I am an angel, my child. And I'm here to find a human, worthy of carrying on my mission. You were the first and most generous of all humans I have met so far, so I will impose on you a gift."
"What? What gift?"
"A second chance. A chance to relive your life and save the world."
"What the hell are you talking about? And how do I know you're not some devil trying to curse me? You should know damn well those spirits are everywhere still!"
The man grinned even wider, contorting his face to indescribable proportions.
"Then, take this gamble, my child. Accept my hand and you may gain what you desire most. Or maybe you'll face agony worse than you have ever known. It is your decision to make."
I groaned as I buried my face deep into my palms. I wanted so badly to reject his suspicious offer, but the image of my mom's smiling face persisted in my mind. I couldn't let go of this opportunity.
"Agh… Well, if you really are some divine being, you'd know I can't turn down a gamble."
I pulled my hands off my face and gazed directly into the odd man's eyes. I furrowed my brows and smirked.
"Of course, I'll take it. Now, give me my second chance you damn angel or demon or whatever the hell you are!"
At that moment, the man disappeared and I suddenly continued my descent into the ocean.
"Wait! You're supposed to give me my second chance! What the hell! Don't tell me I was lied to!"
The wind tore past my ears, fighting against my body as I flew downward at a terrifying speed. The ocean surged up to meet me, merciless to my circumstances and ignoring my cries to the angel that left me with a baseless sense of hope.
Then, impact.
I didn't dive under the water's surface. No, I hit it like a layer of concrete.
Pain exploded through me. Reverberating through every inch of my bones, muscles, nerves, tendons, and even teeth. My spine jolted and my ribs shattered like glass.
I didn't even get the chance to yell out curses as the cold swallowed me whole, penetrating through my skin, puncturing my lungs, and flooding into every crevice of my body.
Everything seized to be, and everything became dark.
In the corner of my vision, I caught a few words floating in the vast expanse of nothingness.
[You have died.]
[!!!]
[Notification received.]
…
[Congratulations lucky player, you have won the last gamble of your life! May you be blessed with many more in your next one.]
[Now beginning processing…]