"Holy shit."
I sat alone at a dirty blackjack table in some rundown casino where the lights barely flickered over my head.
The casino was obviously struggling and had not been maintained properly in God knows how long. But it was a casino I frequented and one I favored the most despite its dreary condition.
Dirty fumes and the stench of cigarettes coalesced in its air to assault my senses. The ventilation was broken, and the jackasses at a nearby table were smoking as if they were competing to see who'd get lung cancer first.
But none of that bothered me one bit. All my focus was spent fighting not to scream my head off as I stared at the four cards lying in front of me.
The dealer had a six of hearts and a ten of spades while I had a king of clubs and an ace of hearts.
A.. A natural blackjack. I have a natural blackjack...
I rubbed my eyes vigorously and checked again.
The cards were still there.
I pinched myself until blood was spilled on my fingertips.
The cards were still there.
I even smacked myself hard enough to leave a deep, red imprint on my cheek.
And the cards were still there.
"Oh my god. W-what the hell. I won... I won."
I bit my tongue and managed to speak in a reserved whisper. I didn't want any nosy criminals to steal the $100,000 I had just won. Thankfully, the dealer was thoughtful enough to stay quiet as well.
He pushed a stack of a hundred golden chips towards my direction, and I accepted them with trembling hands, making sure to throw one back at him as a tip.
The stack of chips shined brightly in my vision, leaving everything else obscured. Even under the dim lights of the shitty casino, it felt like it was glowing with a radiance of divinity. God must have blessed me tonight.
After a life of constant losses, God or fate or whoever or whatever it was finally decided to give me one damn win.
I took a moment to pray and thanked Him for the generous gift. I was never really religious, but tonight, I was.
As I prayed, I reflected back on my life…
I was born to a couple of dead broke immigrants. They raised me with loving care even when we lived in a one bedroom apartment living off of food stamps.
My mom had a bad leg, so my dad had to work two jobs just to keep the lights on. He never complained and always kept a cheerful expression, at least when he was around me.
Somehow, through all our hardships and his two jobs, he still made time to play catch with me or even occasionally take me to the movies.
Life was good, and I was happy. Even with nothing to eat, I felt full with their love.
That all changed when my dad was killed by a drunk driver just two days after my seventh birthday.
I could tell all my mother wanted to do was cry, but she never shed a single tear. She picked up her walking cane and got straight to work.
It wasn't long until she started working two jobs as well. She worked tirelessly, but just like my dad, she always kept a smile on her face when she was around me.
I had gotten older, though, and I could see through the facade of her forced smiles. I felt plagued by guilt, seeing her once-delicate hands callused and bruised. I wanted to help in any way that I could, but I was too stupid to do anything meaningful.
I knew I couldn't study or procure a scholarship, so I started boxing in hopes that it would bring my mom prosperity one day.
Before I knew it, I became a 4x national amateur champion. There were talks of me going to the Olympics, and life was looking good once again.
But life is a bitch, and I was a fool to forget it.
Just two days after my fifteenth birthday, rifts opened up everywhere around the world, releasing demonic spirits from what I could only speculate were the deepest depths of hell.
These spirits inhabited bodies of harrowing creatures and destroyed entire countries. They toppled skyscrapers, burned down cultural monuments, and killed tens of millions in just a few weeks.
My mom was injured during this time, and we lacked the resources to get her treated. The hospitals were packed, and only the rich elites were reserved hospital beds. As the years passed, she fell gravely ill from her untreated injuries and was finally admitted to a shabby community hospital down the street from us.
Luckily by then, humanity was able to adapt and evolve. Humans with strange abilities emerged within the chaos, exorcising the demonic creatures with their superpowers. People called them shamans and hailed them as heroes of the new age.
Yet, the appearance of these new heroes was nothing but unlucky for me. There was a global cultural shift, and the newly awakened humans stole the spotlight, killing all mundane sports like boxing for good.
It made sense, really. Nobody would want to watch normal people punch eachother when they could watch superhumans control lightning or shatter rocks with their bare hands.
But now, my only skill was deemed useless, and I was left with the same fate that haunted my mom and dad. I was broke, working two menial jobs at once. The only difference was that I never worse a smile on my rugged face.
My mother's condition continued to worsen, and I lacked the funds to get her treated. All I could do was helplessly sob in her hospital room, which already cost me a fortune, in front of her comatose body.
I was left with no other option and borrowed a large sum of money from a local loan shark. I paid for the forceful awakening procedure in hopes that I'd become a wealthy shaman, but it failed miserably. Life only got worse from there.
I collected debt after debt, attempting every possible method to pay off the previous ones.
Now, in the present day, as a 35 year old man, I finally found some reprieve with what seemed like a blessing from God Himself.
The $100,000 I won would be enough to pay off everything I owe, including the loan I took to gamble today.
But a voice in my head kept stabbing at my conscience.
What if I double it now? I'll be able to pay for mom's treatments. She'll finally get better.
I tried to quell the penetrating thoughts. I knew they were idiotic. Lightning doesn't strike twice, and if life taught me anything, it was to expect the worst outcome at all times.
But I couldn't help myself. I desperately wanted to see my mom get better. She's all I had left in this depressing life, and I wanted nothing more than to hear her voice again.
Before I even realized it, my body was moving on its own.
"All in."
My hands were already shoving the pile of chips towards the dealer before my mind could catch up with what I'd done.
The dealer smiled at me and pulled four cards out the top of the deck.
The dealer revealed a single 4 of hearts. I looked down at my hand and a wide grin filled my face.
Two queens stared up at me like a pair of angels ready to bless me once again.
I guess God has a plan for everybody. It's about damn time I turn my life around.
I anxiously waited for the dealer to reveal his second card. My eyes were locked in on his hands, dispelling the world around me. My breaths became short and hurried. My body began to shudder in anxious anticipation. My heart felt like it would jump out of my chest at a moments notice.
After what seemed like an eternity, he turned his card over, revealing an eight of diamonds. His cards combined didn't equal to sixteen or more, so he would have to draw another from the deck.
Shit, okay. It's fine. There's no way he gets a blackjack. I have a high twenty. I'll be fine…
I could feel pools of sweat forming under my shirt as I watched him flip the new card over, and that's when I saw it.
A nine of spades… A blackjack.
I had lost.
I felt the world stop and become silent. I was at a loss for words. I couldn't believe what just happened. No, I refused to believe it.
This…This can't be real.
Not knowing what to do next, I threw my head crashing into the table, sending some stray chips flying across the room. Blood leaked down my face, but I felt numb to the pain. Regret and deep emptiness enveloped me whole and overpowered all my senses.
It felt like I was drowning, suffocating from the weight of my actions. I struggled to breathe as a million words raced through my mind.
I.. I had it all, and I blew it. I fucking blew it. I FUCKING BLEW IT!
I slammed my head against the table once again and felt my vision blur as tears seeped out my eyes.
God, I'm such an idiot! What the hell is wrong with me? I had more money than I ever dreamed of! I could have paid off my debts… NO, FORGET THE FUCKING DEBTS! I could have paid for mom's treatment!
God… God damn it. I'm so pathetic.. utterly pathetic…
Security guards surrounded me as I continued bashing my head onto the table. They silently waited until I finally gave in and let my body lie limp across the table. They picked up my lifeless body and proceeded to carry me out the casino.
As I was dragged out, I weakly lifted my head and saw the dealer staring at me with a pitiful gaze. He threw one golden chip at me and exhaled a heavy sigh.
…
That night, I went straight to my mom's hospital room.
As I entered through the hospital doors with blood still spilling out my head, the nurses and receptionists huddled around me with panicked expressions. I ignored their worries and pushed past them towards my mom's room.
I eventusllt slipped into her room unnoticed. She lied in her bed, still as stone, and if not for the faint lift of her chest from her delicate breathing, I would have sworn that she was already dead.
I approached her closely and gripped onto her hand. I wanted to apologize to her for what I had just done, but the words refused to come out. I had nothing to say. I was a failure and had been a failure for all 35 years of my life.
I sat there silently and sobbed.
After I had regained my composure, I left without uttering a single word. What good would last words do for her anyways? She couldn't respond even if she heard them.
I left the hospital and found myself walking on a bridge, looking down at the horizon just past the edge of the ocean below me.
I stumbled upon a decrepit homeless man, who looked at me with a pained look in his eyes. He smiled weakly and asked me for some change.
His expression reminded me of my mom and dad, and with nothing left to live for, I gently handed him the gold chip I had caught earlier.
His cheeks creased upwards with a blinding smile. His teeth were all crooked and yellow, but his smile seemed beautiful none the less.
Feeling a moment of fleeting peace in his presence gave me the strength I needed for my next decision. I was glad to have given the last bit of my money to that man. He woud surely used it a lot better than I would.
I smiled back at him and swiftly moved past him, far enough to be out of his line of sight. I didn't want him to see what I would do next.
I looked down at the horizon once again.
Well, I can't say that I lived a good life.And I can't say I have no regrets. There's nobody left to miss me, and with no money for the treatment, I'm sure my mom will die soon too.
Don't worry mom. You'll get to see me soon. Well, maybe not. I'll probably end up in hell if there really is an afterlife.
Oh well.
Then, without a second of hesitation, I jumped.
As I fell, I closed my eyes and tried to embrace the last moment of peace and fresh air that I would ever witness. But a deafening screech filled my ears.
Damn, I didn't know falling would be this loud.
As I fell further, the screeching became increasingly louder. I had a sudden realization that a bird of some sort might have followed me down for whatever reason.
I opened my eyes, irritated that I wasn't able to find peace even in my final moments. What I saw made me reel back in terror as my body swung awkwardly in the air.
A pair of bright white eyes were staring back at me. I used all my strength to turn my body back around and saw the homeless man that I had donated to prior soaring down in front of me with an ecstatic grin. His body was shaking violently, emanating a loud shrieking sound.
A few seconds passed, and his shaking abruptly ended. Simultaneously, the world around me stopped as I was suspended in the air.
An eery voice echoed out the man's mouth.
"Damin Lee, you have passed my test with flying colors. A thousand dollars is a very generous donation, my child."
My eyes widened with dread. I wasn't sure what was happening, but I could instinctively tell it was dangerous. I was fine with dying but not like this.
"W-who are you?"
"I am the ruler and protector of this world. I believe you humans generally refer to me as an angel."
"What?! Don't.. Don't lie to me! That's impossible! What would an angel be doing here dressed like a damn homeless man for?"
"Oh, but I am an angel, my child. And I'm here to find a human, worthy of carrying on my mission. You were the first and most generous of all humans I have met so far, so I will impose on you a gift."
"What? What gift?"
"A second chance. A chance to relive your life and save the world."
"What the hell are you talking about? And how do I know you're not some devil trying to curse me? You should know those spirits are everywhere still!"
The man grinned even wider, contorting his face to indescribable proportions.
"Then, take this gamble, my child. Accept my hand and you may gain what you desire the most. Or maybe you'll face agony worse than you've ever known. It is your decision to make."
I groaned as I buried my face deep into my palms. I wanted so badly to reject his suspicious offer, but the image of my mom's smiling face persisted in my mind. I couldn't let go of this opportunity.
"Agh… Well, if you really are some divine being, you'd know that I can't turn down a gamble."
I pulled my hands off my face and gazed directly into the odd man's eyes. I furrowed my brows and smirked.
"Of course, I'll take it. Now, give me my second chance you damn angel!"
At that moment, the man disappeared and I suddenly continued my descent into the ocean.
"Wait! You're supposed to give me my second chance! What the hell! Don't tell me I got scammed!"
The wind tore past my ears, fighting against my body as it flew downwards at a terrifying speed. The ocean surged up to meet me, merciless to my circumstances and ignoring my cries to the angel that left me with a baseless sense of hope.
Then impact.
I didn't dive under the water's surface. No, I hit it like a layer of concrete.
Pain exploded through me. Reverberating through every inch of my bones, muscles, nerves, tendons, and even teeth. My spine jolted and my ribs shattered like glass. I didn't even get the chance to yell out cursed as the cold swallowed me whole, penetrating through my skin, puncturing my lungs, and flooding into every crevice of my body.
Everything seized to be, and everything became dark.
Then, in the corner of my vision, I caught a few words floating in the vast expanse of nothingness.
[You have died.]
[!!!]
[Notification received.]
…
[Congratulations lucky player, you have won the last gamble of your life! May you be blessed with many more in your next one.]
[Now beginning processing…]