· · ────── ꒰ঌ·✦·໒꒱ ────── · ·
Translated by BiasNil
· · ────── ꒰ঌ·✦·໒꒱ ────── · ·
Slap.
"Ugh," the crocodile groaned as I smacked the back of his head.
"AAAAAAH!"
Reeling back, the guy tried to swing at me.
Of course, I had already teleported far away.
"You punk!!! Don't run away like a mosquito!!! Fight me like a man!!!!"
"Hey, it'd be unfair to fight a big guy like you with my bare hands, right? That's even less manly!"
"You!!!!!"
Hmm, he didn't listen in the first place.
Is he this hostile just because I got on his bad side?
Aren't villains supposed to have some camaraderie? We've never even met, but being enemies of heroes is our common ground—we should be working together… That's what I wanted. Why is he rushing me all of a sudden?
Honestly, I planned to stab him as soon as he came at me, so if he figured that out, isn't he the ignorant one?
Watching him charge like a bull again, I was sure: he's ignorant. I mean, does he lack the ability to learn?
I teleported out right before his next lunge. Sigh, sigh. Honestly, I'm hitting my limit. I've been blinking back and forth from here to home—it's exhausting. I'm already tired, and hop-scotching around is draining me bit by bit. I even have to lug a sack on my back like Santa Claus and hold a microphone in the other hand.
Still, a top guy never shows fatigue. I grinned like nothing was wrong.
"Are you gonna keep this up all day, my friend?"
"You!!!!! You despicable thing!!!!!!!!"
*
[Hahahahahaha. He called him a despicable thing! Hahaha]
[That crocodile guy looks mad. Hahahaha]
[Of course he's mad. Egostic keeps zipping around like a mosquito. Hahahahaha]
[Is that Mangostic a mosquito? Is that Mangostic a mosquito? Is that Mangostic a mosquito? Is that Mangostic a mosquito?]
[MosquiStic[1] Hahahahahahahaha]
[But seriously, he's strong. The cement floor hollows out when he charges.]
[He's strong, but still lacking wwwww]
[The more I look at that Crocodile guy… the cuter he seems.]
[Pull yourselves together. Those brats committed terrorism and people died.]
[Covering for a villain is crossing the line.]
[Are these kids mad? They're calling that brat cute while covering for him.]
[They're so hostile they're whitewashing Egostic. wwwwww]
[Gosh, Egostic caused zero casualties. Hahahahaha]
[Egostic is a villain.]
[Mangostic is the official A-class hero of the Association. It's even recorded in the SuBakDo.]
[This brat. Not SuBakDo, it has to be MangoDo.]
[But seriously, why did Egostic go there?]
*
The chat window was still chaotic.
One line caught my eye.
Why did Egostic come?
Yeah, I should explain that properly.
If I say it wrong, people will kick up a fuss and call me a hero again.
I yelled at Crocodile Man, who was bracing to charge me again.
"Wait!!!! Hear me out!!!!!!"
I grabbed the microphone and shouted, and the crocodile guy stopped.
He snorted and bellowed back.
"Alright!!!!! Speak!!!!!!!!"
"Yeah!!!!! Answer me first!!!!!! Why did you attack me all of a sudden?"
He answered my question with a sniffle.
"Isn't it obvious? I targeted Stardust! But you seem to be interested in Stardust, too! Then you're my enemy!!!!"
"...."
What kind of weird logic is that?
The chat reacted with gusto.
*
[That brat wwwww. That dumb villain knows Mangostic likes Stardust. wwwwww]
[Wait—how does he know Egostic likes Stardust but not his teleportation? Hahahahaha]
[Two men fighting over a woman]
[Isn't Egostic actually running here on behalf of Stardust?]
[He called for Stardust but Egostic came… They called it marital harmony… Are they really…?]
[What's going on between those two?]
[Feels like 'We Got Married[2]'—villain edition. Hahahaha]
[Seriously hahaha. Not 'We Got Married,' this is the real deal. Hahahaha]
[Well, so why did he come?]
*
"…You!!!"
I bawled into the mic.
My voice from the speakers felt like it was blowing out my own ears—maybe just me, right?
"For such a ridiculous reason!!!! You attacked me?!!!!!!"
"No!!! In the first place!!!!! Weren't YOU the one who told me to surrender first?!!!!!"
Did I say that?
I don't remember.
Make an excuse first.
"When did I do that?!!!!"
The crocodile guy's eyes wobbled at my denial, then he machine-gunned words at me.
"What did you say?!!!! You said, [Listen up, you crocodile. You are surrounded. Surrender now!] Didn't you say that?!!!!!"
Why is his brain suddenly sharp at times like this?
While I flapped my mouth at his sudden counter, the chat went wild again.
*
[Hahahaha. He got him—Mangostic's speechless. Hahahaha]
[That freaking crocodile—why's he talking so well all of a sudden? Hahahaha]
[It was all live. Why's he insisting otherwise? Hahahahahaha]
[Shameless Mangostic is cute, though!!!!!!!! Aweeee!!!!!]
*
Hmm, can't lose face now.
Thick skin is the only path to victory.
There was a line in a self-help book I read when I was young:
Life is like iron-plate fried rice.
Rice fried on an iron plate tastes amazing.
Honestly, anything tastes amazing off an iron plate.
Life's the same.
If you live with a thick face[3], everything works out.
Recalling that proverb, I put on my thick face and spoke up.
"So what?!!! I didn't ask!!!!!"
"…? You literally just asked me when you did that!"
"Enough!!!! Weren't YOU the one calling for Stardust and then asking if she was sucking and kissing me when she didn't show up?!!!!! Why are you whitewashing yourself?!!!! Apologize!!!! Apologize for insulting me!!!! If you apologize, I'll forgive you!!!!!"
That finally snapped him.
"You crazy brat!!!!! I'm a fool for listening to you!!!!! Go to hell!!!!!"
As he shouted, something swelled in his mouth.
An attack?
The instant he fired, I blinked to the other side. Crazy brat!
In my rush, I dropped the mic after teleporting. Ugh—I only used it a few times for karaoke at home. Guess it's smashed.
Where I'd just been, a blasting stream of water shredded the air.
That's Crocodile Man's lethal move: Extreme Water Spouting.
Well, that's what he called it in the original comic, but in reality it's just a water cannon. Still, take a hit and you're dead.
I don't get what crocodiles have to do with shooting water, but in the original, Stardust got caught off-guard by it and nearly died. Even knowing it's coming, I barely dodged.
"You rat!!!! I can't believe you avoided it!!!!"
He wiped his mouth and jeered.
An instantaneous attack, huh?
It really was a surprise shot—if I hadn't dodged, I'd be dead.
Anger flared.
Does he even care about safety? How dare he use that?
I can't let this slide.
I was only going to scare him off and take him down another day.
But let's just finish it today.
Tonight's dinner is crocodile.
I untied the sack I'd been hauling.
Then I started powering up my telekinesis. I've been charging it for a while—it should be full now.
I lifted myself with telekinesis.
At the same time, the things in my sack rose into the air one by one.
Guns. A whole bunch of guns.
They floated around me, countless barrels tilting into position.
"Hey, crocodile."
I racked the slides and chambered rounds with telekinesis.
Okay. Ready.
His eyes started to shake as the sky of gun barrels all took aim at him.
Right before I fired, I gave him one last line.
"See you in hell, you son of a—"
And I pulled the trigger.
Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang.
A storm of gunfire erupted at once, a tremendous roar ripping across the rooftop.
"Arggggggg!!!"
Crocodile Man ducked his head, arms crossed to cover up, as rounds hammered him.
There was so much fire that dust and debris swallowed him from view.
Landing back on the ground, I spoke casually.
"Are you done?"
*
[Oh… If you say that…]
[He's done. 100% he's not dead yet.]
[But how's he alive after that much lead? No way.]
[No way! He couldn't have survived.]
[(Breaking News) Another one was caught.]
*
The dust cleared.
Standing there, not a scratch on him, was Crocodile Man.
"Hahahaha!!!!! You thought such a poor physical attack could hurt me?"
Cackling, he looked forward.
An empty rooftop.
Then a voice came from above.
"I told you I'd see you in hell, baby crocodile."
Teleporting over his head, I dropped and smashed a glass bottle straight onto his skull.
Crash—glass exploded across him.
"Hmm?"
An eerie green mist billowed out of the bottle.
He sniffed, puzzled—then suddenly screamed in agony.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGG!"
You resist physical attacks?
Then I'll make it special.
Taste the poison gas, you fuck.
[1] TN: Mosquito + Mangostic.
[2] TN: Old Korean reality show pairing celebrities as “married.”
[3] TN: “철판” literally “iron plate/pan”; slang for shameless, thick-faced.