"I graduated from college, is it too much to ask for the other person to have a degree?"
"Not at all."
"I have a car, is it too much to ask for the man to have a house?"
"Not at all."
"I have an annual salary of 300,000, is it too much to ask for the man to have a salary of 500,000?"
"That's not too much either."
At the blind dating corner in Jiang City, a man and woman sat facing each other. The woman spoke confidently, her face full of self-assurance, while the man responded perfunctorily.
Feeling offended, the woman asked, "Li Yang, what kind of attitude is this? You're 32 years old, haven't attended college, have only 200,000 in savings, your parents have no pension, and there's no sign of house or car, and I'm here giving you face."
Li Yang looked at this woman whose features couldn't even match his worldview and said helplessly, "Lady, you're already 42!"
The woman immediately yelled, "Who are you calling a lady? What's wrong with me being 42? I graduated from college, have an annual salary of 300,000, who do you think you are? Do you look down on me?"
"How dare I? Besides, I didn't even plan to chat with you, you insisted on coming over to me."
The woman angrily said, "Look around this market, how many girls have better conditions than I do? In my view, besides average looks, you're good for nothing! Don't think I fancy you, it's ridiculous! Do you think no one wants me?"
"Of course not, there's a 78-year-old girl in our village, a 20-year-old Arabian prince just proposed to her, offering 99 nuclear-powered aircraft carriers, 999 destroyers, 1999 fifth-generation fighters, a hundred big oil fields, and used gold for betrothal gifts, requiring 800 ox carts to haul them. The later you marry the better, the truly good men come later, the ones who genuinely like you won't care about your age."
As Li Yang said this, the woman's expression grew increasingly distorted.
After Li Yang finished speaking, she suddenly grabbed her head and screamed, "Ah... ah... Get lost! Get lost!"
"Damn it! This is my seat; I came here early in the morning..."
Before Li Yang could finish talking, he saw the woman glaring at him like she was going to eat him alive.
All the eyes around gathered here.
"Damn it! Just my bad luck!"
Saying that, he got up and left his seat.
It wasn't him who insisted on coming for a blind date, but his mother forced him to.
Moreover, soon his mother would come here to check if he was taking it seriously. If not, he'd get an earful when he got home.
But encountering a lunatic, what could he do?
Arriving in the corner of the blind-dating section, he was about to scout for another spot. His mom hadn't been in a good mood lately, so he might as well make an effort to save face.
Just as he lit a cigarette, his mom called.
Li Yang explained first thing, "Mom, there are too many people at the blind-dating corner, I came early but couldn't grab a spot, I'm still waiting. I promise I'll honestly go on a blind date, and next year I'll definitely give you a fat grandson."
His mom said over the phone, "I knew you wouldn't accomplish anything, Mrs. Wang introduced a girl, 28 years old, not bad looking, I gave you her WeChat, it's your last chance, do you hear me?"
Li Yang reluctantly agreed, "Alright, rest assured, I definitely will try my best to fawn over her!"
After hanging up, he opened WeChat and saw a number sent by his mom.
Friend request: Introduced by a mutual acquaintance.
If he didn't say this, there wouldn't be a topic to talk about, so he simply laid it out, since both were here for a blind date, as long as it's not too absurd, just agree.
Quickly, she agreed, and before he had time to check her Moments to see what she looked like, he received her reply.
"From Jiang City?"
"Yes!"
"Mutual acquaintance worth 800."
Li Yang: "????"
"Introduced by Mrs. Wang."
"Oh, then the dowry is 300,000."
"Damn it! Go fu..."
Li Yang hadn't finished typing.
His high school buddy, and for many years his only friend, Wu Tianqi suddenly called.
After answering, "Fellow Daoist Wu, what's up?"
"I've divorced again."
"What? You just got married four months ago? Damn it, you better compensate me for the wedding gift money!"
Li Yang immediately cursed loudly, Wu Tianqi, this bastard, had already been married three times.
Now divorced again? Given his family's status, there will definitely be a fourth marriage, meaning, he'll have to pay another wedding gift.
Wu Tianqi sighed on the other end, "I understand. When I set you up with Wang Manqi, you wasted ten years on that Witch, now karma has fallen on me."
Mentioning this, Li Yang took a deep breath, exhaled a cloud of smoke, and said, "It's not your fault; I just couldn't handle her."
Fourteen years ago, he pursued Wang Manqi throughout high school and she agreed to be his girlfriend. He missed the second-class university entry score by a few points, so he gave up studying further to focus on working and funding Wang Manqi, who only got into a third-class university, through college.
He wasted ten years of youth, spent 600,000, and four years ago, Wang Manqi used the excuse that he had no money and ability to dump him.
The next day, Wang Manqi announced her new relationship on WeChat.
During the pursuit of Wang Manqi, Wu Tianqi contributed the most effort.
Therefore, Wu Tianqi always felt guilty.
Wu Tianqi self-reproachfully said, "It's my fault; I knew she was a Witch long ago and still led you into the dark path."
Wu Tianqi was a die-hard fan of cultivation novels, and because Wang Manqi had an innate enchanting nature, he gave her the title Witch, always feeling Wang Manqi wasn't on the righteous path.
"So what was the reason for this divorce?"
Li Yang didn't want to dwell on this issue, his family situation was average, life had zero tolerance for errors.
But Wu Tianqi's family conditions were good, his dad was previously a dean of academic affairs, and his family even had some connections to Jiang City's richest. So his tolerance for errors should be high.
Yet his luck was truly bad.
The first wife had lupus, couldn't have kids, and hid it from his family for three years.
The second wife had two kids in six years, but none were his own.
The third wife, married for only four months, somehow they divorced again...
"She had a miscarriage, the doctor said she's had too many abortions..."
"What? Damn! That girl was only 22, right?"
Wu Tianqi sighed, "This is my karma really."
"Alright, alright, you've been saying this for years, aren't you tired of it yet? I'm really happy now, I led the charge in writing the company's quantitative program algorithm, it was super awesome, the boss made a hundred million, gave me fifty thousand, in a few months I'll have 200,000 in savings."
"Oh, I'm not giving you back the wedding money."
"Wait a second..."
At this moment, Li Yang was both on the call and deleting previous messages from the WeChat chat box.
He asked the woman, "Eight hundred, deal? Just for tonight!"
The woman hesitated for a few seconds before replying, "Okay."
After waiting for a while, Wu Tianqi sighed, "Are you free at noon? Let's grab a drink?"
"Can't get away, I'm at the matchmaking corner! By the way, did you just say you wouldn't return my wedding money?"
"Yeah, when you get married, I'll bundle three of them together and give them back."
The next second, Li Yang screenshotted the woman's response and sent it to Wu Tianqi.
"Check your WeChat, look at the picture I sent. I'm getting married tonight, hurry and return the wedding money."
On the other end of the phone, Wu Tianqi saw the chat record and exclaimed, "Are you even human? This counts as getting married?"
"Why not? Just getting married for one night, divorce tomorrow after waking up, just not getting a certificate... Didn't you do the same with your first wife?"
Wu Tianqi said helplessly, "Just for the wedding money? You're ruthless!"
"Cut the crap, three thousand bucks, not a penny less, send it over now!"
Wu Tianqi said gloomily, "If Lili was healthy, my kid would be ten years old now. If it was a girl, I'd plan on marrying her to you when she grows up."
Lili was his first wife, very beautiful.
Li Yang tossed away the cigarette butt and cursed, "Can you stop talking nonsense? I'm busy, hanging up!"
This guy didn't care about face just to not give the three thousand bucks in wedding money.
"Wait!"
"What's up now?"
"I've always wanted to ask you, did you and Wang Manqi ever double cultivate?"
"Beep..."
Li Yang directly hung up the phone.
Looks like things aren't that bad, but in reality, many things are already irreparable.
If I'd studied hard in high school, at least I could've gotten into a decent college, and my mom probably wouldn't have gotten hurt fourteen years ago, wouldn't have left a permanent condition.
If I'd been decisive when Wang Manqi started making excuses after graduating college, there would still be a turning point in life.
But now, at thirty-two, for the average person, it's basically a death sentence.
...
Waiting for an empty spot is boring, so he opened a low IQ forum he's frequented for a long time.
The people here are talented, and it temporarily keeps his brain from wandering off.
Soon, he found a post.
"I'm about to be reborn, but I can only bring one thing. Please help me decide what to bring."
This kind of post seems totally out of place in the low IQ forum.
After all, discussions here often revolve around profound topics like 'why can't you see outside with your eyes closed,' making the line between sanity and insanity clearer.
Li Yang clicked in, wanting to see which nutcase hasn't left the forum yet.
But after seeing the answers, he wasn't sure whether to be thankful for a new patient in the forum or annoyed at this guy's overly cautious dreaming.
A. Jay Chou's new song after 2014
B. A brand new Fruit 6S
C. Nationwide exam answers for 2014
Since the post is new, no one has replied yet.
Well, maybe people saw and thought he's a lost cause, couldn't be bothered to respond.
Someone replied, "Why the heck would you bring Jay Chou's new song? Can you even handle his songs after 2014?"
Soon, the person replied, "My goddess is a fan of Jay Chou. If she sees Jay's new song, and it's the first in the world, she'll be thrilled."
"What use is a Fruit 6S to you? If you were sneaking in some data, I wouldn't say anything. You insist on bringing a brand new one? What? Got a family connection with the phone?"
The person quickly replied again, "My goddess is a loyal user of Fruit phones. She can't afford one, so I want her to be the first in the world to use the new model."
"???"
Hmm, this fellow patient isn't ready to be discharged yet, and who knows where they've gone—turned into a simp.
Simp syndrome, pretty much incurable!
Except to rise from the ashes.
Don't ask, ask and someone's just looking in a mirror.
Li Yang found the answers to the 2014 nationwide exam on his phone, then sent them over, saying, "These make the most sense, I also took the 2014 exam, often regret it to death, I have these answers memorized."
Soon, the person replied, "Great, this way, my goddess can get into her desired college!"
"Your ancestors worked for hundreds of years in the underworld to get you a ticket to rebirth, just for you to go back to simping?"
"Otherwise? If I can please my goddess, they'll be happy too..."
Li Yang's blood pressure shot up.
Online as a keyboard warrior, he's never lost his cool.
As a keyboard warrior, there's an unspoken rule: if you use foul language, you lose.
"Damn! Idiot! Meeting someone like you, I've got eight generations of bad luck, don't let me meet you in reality, I'll hit you every time! Rebirth? You call that rebirth? And you deserve the rebirth ticket?"
After saying this, he angrily exited the program.
In this world, only this person can make him lose his cool!
Suddenly standing up, everything spun, and everything before his eyes got increasingly blurry.
"Damn, my body's never had issues!"
"The most crucial virtue of a simp is not getting sick, otherwise Wang Manqi would've kicked me out long ago!"
"Must be that bastard's fault."
"Damn..."