"Fantastic news, everyone! Over 85% of your population managed to open their game manual in time!" said Jessica. The giant head was smiling extra wide, and her eyes became more crazed-looking as she continued. "For those who didn't get your token out, we're sorry. If you are near one of those poor souls, we recommend you take a step back now!" Jessica then began looking around frantically, and out from her eyes came fast, jagged red beams. They made no sound, and I couldn't hear anyone screaming in the distance. Patti's ears, however, pricked up during this, and I wondered what she heard.
I looked at Jay and asked, "Is she, you know, actually melting people right now?"
"Yes," she replied with a shiver while looking in the same direction as Patti. We both just stood there while the light show went on above us. After a minute, the barrage of red, laser eyes finally ended, and Jessica resumed speaking.
"All done! If you find one of these melted HUMANS, please don't drink the aftermath. That is unsanitary, and it might lead to unintended consequences, like you yourself subsequently melting!" I looked at Jay and mouthed "What the fuck?" to her. She just shrugged, and we returned to looking up to the sky. "You will all need to get your token ready now, because it's time to choose your race! Your game manual will provide instructions on how to set everything up. You have fifteen minutes to select! If no selection is reached when the timer ends, you will immediately be melted!" Jessica's head disappeared, and in the sky, it now said, in big letters: FIRST FLIP: RACE.
"Okay, what the fuck is up with the melting?" I said out loud as I turned back to Jay.
The opaque wall next to us was filled with a timer again, this time counting down from fifteen minutes. I looked at Jay, and she nodded her long, laid back Octopus head towards my pocket, and her face tentacles pointed as well. I looked down at my jeans, reached into my pocket, and pulled out the yellow coin. I looked back at Jay. "So, what now, Ms. Manual?"
"We have to get your token seated first. You're going to hold your palm out flat and then lay the token in the center of your palm, smooth side down. Finally, you will close your hand and squeeze really hard for a few seconds."
I did as Jay said and set the yellow token in my palm. It felt cool and metallic, the way the wall had felt. I looked back at Jay before the next part, and she gave me a reassuring nod. I did as she said, and I began to squeeze. To my surprise, I felt nothing, like there wasn't anything in my hand. Did the token disappear?
"What now?" I finally asked.
She bobbed her head up and down a few times, counting to herself before she said, "That should be good. Now open your hand."
I released the tension and opened my hand. I brought my palm up close to my face, and I looked closely. The yellow token had shrunk in size a bit and was now embedded in my skin. What the hell?
"Good, it worked," Jay said. "You won't be able to lose your token now. It's now a part of your biomass, and it will always return to your palm. Now, to use it, press your thumb into the surface of the token until a screen pops up. It will take a moment to initialize the operating system at first, and then it will guide you through the race selection."
I did as she said and pressed my thumb against the token. I started to get scared again, panicky even. Why the hell am I going along with this? What am I doing? Is this real? I just couldn't shake that thought, that this was NOT real. How could it be? You're seriously telling me that an octopus-faced woman is guiding me through this while my neighbor Joey's face was just sliced off, feet away from me? No, this was insane. Maybe I had lost my mind? Is this an acid flashback? I only did that a few times. I tried DMT as well. That was pretty intense. No, that's not right. Tripping on hallucinogens wasn't like this. Okay, maybe I'm dead, or dying, and this is my mind going through some weird shit before the oxygen to it fully fades?
My little panic attack was interrupted as a floating screen appeared suddenly in front of my face. It was yellow and transparent enough for me to see through it. There were a bunch of numbers going by, like it was the Matrix, and wherever I moved my head, the screen followed and stayed in front.
"Let me know when the screen is up," Jay said.
"Yeah, it's up. Can't you see it? It's like a big ass TV in front of my face." I replied
"Only you can see your screen, and don't worry, we'll customize that at a later time for you. What does the screen say?" Jay took a few steps closer to me.
"It's just a bunch of numbers kind of being typed and, wait, hold on." The screen started to type out letters now instead of numbers. "It's typing something! It says, H-A-H-A-A-S-S-" I drifted off as the word finished.
"What does it say?" Jay pried.
"It says HAHA ASSHOLE in all caps," I said incredulously. "What the hell is this?"
"Okay, good! The operating system is connected. Now just follow the onscreen directions and we'll do our first flip."
I looked at Jay, and the screen followed. I could kind of see her through it, but the yellow on yellow made it hard. I was about to say something when the screen went blank and new words appeared on the screen. "Welcome, Max. Let's choose your race. Please get ready for your first flip." I read the text, and as I finished reading the last word, the screen changed as if it knew I was done. Replacing the text was a cartoon graphic of me holding my palm flat and quickly jerking my arm in an upward, vertical motion. I held my arm out as the cartoon showed, and as I fully opened my palm, the letters X and O appeared on my screen. Underneath the X, it said HUMAN, and underneath the O, it said NON-HUMAN. Holy shit, I thought. A 50/50 chance at becoming something else? My mind started to go into freakout mode again when the numbers on the wall ticked down to five minutes left and made a beeping noise. I looked at Jay, who just stood there impassively. The cartoon Max kept showing me how to do the flip, and I cleared my throat.
From up above, a yellow light shot out from Jessica's eyes and struck somewhere far away. It made a thunder crack as it did. Patti practically jumped out of her skin at the noise, and she ran to hide on the porch. It happened again. Another shot of yellow light, another loud crash of thunder. Jessica would just look somewhere, and it would repeat.
"What the hell is going on?" I finally asked.
"This is just part of race selection, and you're now running out of time. You really need to do the flip, Max. It's scary, but it's either you flip the token or you get melted. Your choice." That bit shook me, and I took a gulp.
"Okay, I'm going to do it," I said. My voice was shaking as I did. Jay just kept watching. I lowered my arm a bit and jerked it upwards quickly. The token popped out of my palm and began spinning in the air. Time seemed to move slowly as I watched it. Please, please, please, be X is all I thought as the flipping coin reached its peak. The token then shot back down towards my palm, and it landed in the middle of my palm with my fingers closing around it. I just stared at my closed hand and nothing happened. I was still human. That had to be good! I finally peeled my fingers back, only to reveal that it did not land on X. No, it landed on the smooth side. The non-human side. I just looked at Jay, eyes wide. She spoke before I could.
"It's going to be okay, Max. You need to choose two races quickly from your screen and assign them to either side of the token, and flip again. Don't think too much about this, okay? It's not permanent, just for the duration of Maze Twenty. But you have to choose now, because there are only a few minutes left." Jay's face tentacles pointed to the numbers on the wall. We were now under three minutes. My attention turned back to my screen, and it changed into a long list that went all the way down off the edge of the screen. It said "SELECTABLE RACES" at the top, and they all had weird names. I was expecting stuff like elf or ogre, but instead it said stuff like ANGER MAN or BLOOMIN ONION. My hand went up to touch the screen and scroll through the list. The list began to scroll with my swipes, and I felt pretty good. I figured that out on my own. My heart sank as the list of races kept scrolling and scrolling. I was just in the C's when I finally said something.
"Jay, there are way too many choices here." I turned my attention from the screen and looked at her. "There are like thousands of options! I don't know what any of this is! Look at this one, it says Fangly. What the fuck is a fangly?!" I threw my hands up at that.
"Okay, Max, I'm going to give it to you straight. This is what happens to everyone, and I think it's just to mess with us. You just have to choose any two." The number wall made another beep, and it was in the final sixty seconds. That made me freak out some more, and I scrolled faster. The list finally ended, and after the last Z race, which was called ZOOPOO, I saw the word RANDOM. Well, that's as good a choice as any, I thought, and I reached up to select it and I dragged it to under the X and again to under the O.
"Okay, I'm going full random!" I said.
Jay winced at that. "Well, it's not like you have a choice anymore. Flip it, Max!"
I looked over, and we were under fifteen seconds now. Well… shit, I thought. I held my hand out and flicked it upward. This time, nothing slowed down. The coin went up spinning and landed with a thud in my hand. It was on X. My screen flashed the word RANDOM before it faded into the words BONE RANGER.
"It says Bone Ranger, Jay! Is that good?" I shouted to her as I heard the final seconds tick away.
Jay's face tentacles let out a little flutter, and I heard her start to say, "Ehhhh…" right before the yellow light struck me.