Rian's POV
I don't talk about Marcus. Haven't in years. But Luca deserves to know. Deserves to understand why I'm so fucked up.
"I was twenty-three when I met him," I begin, staring at my hands. "Just became Alpha after my father died. Young, inexperienced, trying to prove myself to a pack that thought I was too soft to lead."
Luca settles beside me, close enough that our shoulders touch. The mate bond hums contentedly.
"Marcus was a warrior from the Eastern Pack. Strong, confident, beautiful. We met during a territorial negotiation. One look, and I knew. Fated mates." I smile bitterly. "He knew too. But unlike you, he was thrilled. Werewolf culture—finding your mate is the highest honor."
"What was he like?" Luca asks softly.
"Everything I wasn't. Bold where I was cautious. Fierce where I was diplomatic. He balanced me." The memories are painful but also sweet. "We bonded quickly. Traditional ceremony, the whole pack celebrating. For two years, we were happy. Genuinely happy."
"What happened?"
"Kaine happened." His name tastes like poison. "Alpha of the Bloodmoon Pack. He wanted our territory, our resources. Challenged me to single combat for leadership."
"Did you fight him?"
"I should have. But I tried diplomacy instead. Offered compromises, treaties, shared hunting grounds." I clench my fists. "Marcus said I was being weak. That Kaine would see negotiation as vulnerability. He was right."
"Rian—"
"Kaine rejected every offer. Then he found another way to hurt me. Another way to take what was mine." My voice cracks. "He kidnapped Marcus. Sent me his location with a simple message: Come alone, or I kill him slowly."
Luca's hand finds mine. I grip it like a lifeline.
"I went. Of course I went. But it was a trap. Kaine had dozens of wolves waiting. They held me down, made me watch as he—" I can't finish. Can't say the words.
"He killed Marcus," Luca whispers.
"Slowly. While I watched. While I felt every moment of his pain through our bond." Tears streak down my face. "The bond breaking—it's like having your soul ripped out. Physical pain so intense you wish for death. I felt Marcus die. Felt the exact moment he left this world."
"God, Rian."
"They left me alive. Kaine's final cruelty—knowing I'd have to live with it. With the memory. With the guilt." I turn to face Luca. "I wasn't strong enough to save him. I tried diplomacy when I should have fought. I walked into an obvious trap. Marcus died because I failed him."
"That wasn't your fault—"
"It WAS!" The words explode from me. "I was his Alpha, his mate, his protector! And I let him die!"
Silence falls between us. Heavy. Suffocating.
"After Marcus, I closed off," I continue quietly. "Became the Alpha everyone expected—ruthless, strategic, cold. No mercy. No negotiation. I swore I'd never be weak again. Never love again. Never give anyone the power to destroy me."
"But then you met me."
"Then I met you." I cup his face gently. "And my wolf knew. Despite everything, despite my vows, despite my fear—you're my second chance. My fated mate. Again."
"That's why you're so controlling."
"I can't lose you like I lost Marcus. I CAN'T." My voice breaks. "So yes, I claimed you without permission. Trapped you. Forced you into a bond you didn't choose. Because the alternative—leaving you vulnerable, free to be taken, killed—I can't survive that. Not again."
Understanding dawns in Luca's eyes. Not forgiveness. Not yet. But understanding.
"You're terrified," he says.
"Every moment of every day." I rest my forehead against his. "Terrified that Kaine will find out about you. Terrified that I'll fail to protect you. Terrified that you'll hate me so much you'd rather die than be mine. That fear makes me controlling. Possessive. Desperate."
"I don't want to die, Rian."
"Then don't run from me." I grip his hands. "I know I've done everything wrong. Taken your choice, your freedom, your autonomy. But I'm begging you—don't run. Stay. Let me keep you safe. Even if you hate me. Even if you never forgive me. Just stay alive."
Tears stream down Luca's face. "That's the saddest love confession I've ever heard."
A broken laugh escapes me. "I told you I'm fucked up."
"Yeah." He wipes his eyes. "You really are."
"I'm sorry." The words feel inadequate. "For all of it. For claiming you without consent. For trapping you. For forcing this bond. I'm sorry."
"Are you?" He meets my eyes. "Because you said you'd do it again. That you don't regret having me."
"I regret HOW I got you. Not that I have you." I stroke his cheek. "If I could go back, I'd do it differently. Court you properly. Let you choose me naturally. But I can't. So yes, I'm sorry for the method. But I'll never be sorry that you're mine."
"That's not really an apology."
"I know." I smile sadly. "I'm a terrible person. You deserve better."
"Probably." He leans into my touch. "But you're what I have."
Hope flares in my chest. "Does that mean—?"
"It means I understand now. Why you're so desperate." He pulls back slightly. "It doesn't excuse what you did, Rian. Forced claiming, kidnapping—that's not okay. Understanding your trauma doesn't erase mine."
"I know."
"But—" He takes a shaky breath. "But maybe we can figure this out. Find a way forward that doesn't involve cages and force."
"Anything. I'll do anything."
"Then treat me like a partner. Not a possession." His eyes are serious. "If we're going to make this work—this bond, this relationship—I need respect. Choices. Agency."
"Even if your choices risk your safety?"
"Even then." He grips my hands. "You can't protect me from everything, Rian. And controlling me will only make me fight harder. If you want me to stay willingly, you have to trust me."
Everything in me rebels against that. Trust means vulnerability. Risk. Potential loss.
But looking into Luca's eyes, I see the truth: controlling him is already losing him.
"Okay," I finally say. "I'll try. It'll be hard. I'll probably fail sometimes. But I'll try to trust you. Treat you as an equal."
"That's all I'm asking."
"And the ceremony? The bonding?"
He's quiet for a long moment. Then: "Ask me again. Properly. Not as an order. As a question."
My heart pounds. "Luca Carter. Will you bond with me? Become my mate, my husband, my partner? Not because I'm forcing you. Because you choose it."
His smile is small but genuine. "Ask me again in two days. After I've had time to think. Really think."
It's not a yes. But it's not a no either.
"Two days," I agree.
And for the first time since I claimed him, I feel hope.